bobbyjohannah Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Do you think some people are just meant to be alone? to be single? I feel that way, I feel like I'm not girlfriend material for anyone and the way I am is not good enough.
TaraMaiden Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Then you have a problem, don't you? Why not tell us what you think it is, while we think of witty ways to shoot you down in flames.... This is what is known as a Pity-Party Post. It smacks of woe is me, feel sorry for me and say something consoling and constructive.... The harsh real truth is, that it is all generated in your head, with what you are telling yourself. If you keep thinking that you are not good enough - then you will begin to believe it, and start acting as if you are not. Which will in turn, convince others you are right. if you want to change others' perception of you - then change what they are perceiving. That is where you need to start. by stopping the lies floating in your head. After all, it's you who's telling them, my dear..... _/l\_
Sam Spade Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Most people feel this way at least some time during their life. You feel completely disconnected from the world around you, like the others are "in" on some secret that you're unaware of. Sucks; but the answer is to not focus on dating, just on your life. Single life is not that bad (once you get into a relationship you'd agree ). Also, expectations managemet is key; don't expect too much and you'll be pleasantly surprised.
LoveLace Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 I feel exactly the same nowadays. I wonder if it's meant to be this way weather I like it or not...it has it's perks and major disappointments, I guess like any relationship does. But I can't really give you advice because I'm in the same boat.
darby1 Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Lately I think that is totally possible.. but I'm not sad about it. I realize that it will take the perfect puzzle piece for me to commit the rest of my life to, and I'm not willing to bend over and invite bs into my life just to have a companion. I think that the idea that there is someone for everyone, or that something is wrong with you if you don't involve yourself in a relationship, is another method created by society to control us. Step out. If you are lonely and crave to have another half and think people just don't like you.. well, thats an issue you should deal with for yourself... if you simply are not interested in having a relationship and think there might be something wrong with you because everyone says you "should", well breathe easy. It's your life.. Your rules. No body knows what is best for you better than yourself. If you are able to be honest with yourself and who u r, then don't let anybody sell you a fairytale. Don't get me wrong, relationships that work out are great and the idea of together forever is beautiful.. but what works for one does not work for everyone. There is nothing wrong with you, there is something wrong with expecting everyone to want the same thing. I say .. never settle.
tigerstripes Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 I've felt that way before but I always end up back in a relationship at some point. I never envisioned myself growing old completely alone so I'm not going to give up on that dream. I suggest if you don't actually want to be alone you do that as well, not give up. You will heal and you will move on and you will date again. If you just want to have a pity party here, go nuts, I'm all for it. Sometimes I just want to whine about things even though I know its not going to do anything for me except get it off my chest. Also, I'd like to say that your statement "I feel like I'm not girlfriend material for anyone and the way I am is not good enough" is troubling. You need to work on yourself and feeling like you are awesome and any guy would be lucky to have you. You might want to consider counseling.
nobody's girl Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Salman Rushdie has a great passage in his book "The Ground Beneath Her Feet" Personally, I find it rather comforting to think that I'm not the only one like this: "For a long while I have believed...that in every generation there are a few souls, call them lucky or cursed, who are simply born not belonging, who come into the world semi-detached, if you like, without strong affiliation to family or location or nation or race; that there may even be millions, billions of such souls, as many non-belongers as belongers, perhaps; that, in sum, the phenomenon may be as "natural" a manifestation of human nature as its opposite, but one that has been mostly frustrated, throughout human history, by lack of opportunity. And not only by that: for those who value stability, who fear transience, uncertainty, change, have erected powerful system of stigmas and taboos against rootlessness, that disruptive, anti-social force, so that we mostly conform, we pretend to be motivated by loyalties and solidarities we do not really feel, we hide our secret identities beneath the false skins of those identities which bear the belongers' seal of approval. But the truth leaks out in our dreams...: alone in our beds (because we are alone at night, even if we do not sleep by ourselves), we soar, we fly, we flee. And in the waking dreams our societies permit, in our myths, our arts, our songs, we celebrate the non-belongers, the different ones, the outlaws, the freaks. What we forbid ourselves, we pay good money to watch, in a playhouse or movie theatre, or to read about between the secret covers of a book. Our libraries, our palaces of entertainment tell the truth. The tramp, the assassin, the rebel, the thief, the mutant, the outcast, the delinquent, the devil, the sinner, the traveller, the gangster, the runner, the mask: if we did not recognize in them our least-fulfilled needs, we would not invent them over and over again, in every place, in every language, in every time."
griffinchicken53 Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 i wonder this myself sometimes. and yea i throw myself alot of pity-parties. i always feel i'm a second choice, a backup plan, that there is always going to be a guy better than me. anytime i start talking to a woman, it never lasts. usually it is just on a friend basis, and then one day no more replies, and i don't know why. of course sometimes i've asked "have i said or done something wrong" and that probably has the cause to the problem. seems to be a recurring thing even if i've pretended to be the happiest person alive. there are times when being single sucks. everyone talks about how great sex is, how it makes you healthier and live longer....i guess i'm bound for a heart attack in the next year if that is the case. haven't even had a date in last 10 years. i have to be a hermit on friday and saturday nights, in most cases. all my friends are in relationships (well one or two that aren't, and i have an interest in one of them, long story) can't go out to a restaurant, hard to get a table for one when busy. and i've had halfway through a meal i went to the bathroom and come back to find that they cleared the table and already seated someone else. so i stand there like an idiot while they apologize and say they will try to get me another table while i stand there with everyone staring at me. TARAMaden wrote (The harsh real truth is, that it is all generated in your head, with what you are telling yourself. If you keep thinking that you are not good enough - then you will begin to believe it, and start acting as if you are not. Which will in turn, convince others you are right. if you want to change others' perception of you - then change what they are perceiving. That is where you need to start. by stopping the lies floating in your head. After all, it's you who's telling them, my dear so how do you stop the lies?
TaraMaiden Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 In precisely the same way you stop yourself from doing anything. You think the thought. You stop. you observe it. You examine it. you ask yourself - "How true is this?" and you analyse the thought, and tear it to pieces. Then, you say to yourself - "Well that was a bunch of cr*p! I'm not thinking that any more, it's ridiculous!" It takes time, it takes practice. Above all, it takes the understanding that we are doing it, and the belief that we can stop it. Because nobody else is going to.
WineCountry Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 I have also felt that way. Some times It seems like there is just no one out there for me. Then, some times i look at my friends relationships and what they are going through and I think sheesh, even if I get with someone he is going to cheat on me, lie to me, etc. And I feel, thank God im not going through THAT. Then, I go back to being lonely again. LOL I have had to struggle a lot with self esteem issues myself. I have come a good ways with over coming things like that. It can be all in your head, like Tara says, but knowing that and doing something about it are two different things. You can say all the good things in your head that you want, but when you are still going home by yourself, it doesn't mean much sometimes. And feel free to have all the pity party you want. I dont mind. It helps a bit to know other people feel the things i have felt.
LoveLace Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 I have also felt that way. Some times It seems like there is just no one out there for me. Then, some times i look at my friends relationships and what they are going through and I think sheesh, even if I get with someone he is going to cheat on me, lie to me, etc. And I feel, thank God im not going through THAT. Then, I go back to being lonely again. LOL I have had to struggle a lot with self esteem issues myself. I have come a good ways with over coming things like that. It can be all in your head, like Tara says, but knowing that and doing something about it are two different things. You can say all the good things in your head that you want, but when you are still going home by yourself, it doesn't mean much sometimes. And feel free to have all the pity party you want. I dont mind. It helps a bit to know other people feel the things i have felt. I couldn't have said that better...
tinklebell Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I've felt that way before but I always end up back in a relationship at some point. I never envisioned myself growing old completely alone so I'm not going to give up on that dream. I suggest if you don't actually want to be alone you do that as well, not give up. I agree. Never give up. While I sometimes feel like it's so difficult but I'm usually optimistic about it and I think guys are great. Don't feel you aren't good enough, OP. Nobody's perfect and nobody's totally worthless. There must be something you can offer. You have to believe it.
BobSacamento Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I kind of love being single. I never sit around and think "Man I wish I had a GF". I think it's because I hate being dependent on other people for anything. However, I do enjoy meeting new people and dating. The whole BF/GF thing at my age is such a joke to me. I mean I don't even have my career planned yet haha. There are exceptions to everything, if the girl is hot enough, I don't mind playing house for a few months LOL.
Habeas Corpse Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Do you think some people are just meant to be alone? to be single? I feel that way, I feel like I'm not girlfriend material for anyone and the way I am is not good enough. Posts like this distress me. As a strong atheist, I abhor all forms of mysticism including the toxic "it's meant to be" meme. Our species has an incredible ability to learn but some members of our species choose not to. Instead they prefer tradition, mysticism, and dogma. How these memes have survived into the 21st century is beyond me. Think of yourself as the independent variable in a social psychology exerpiment and the girl's behavior is the dependent variable. What you've been doing thus far obviously does not yield results. Thus can conclude that "there is no evidence to suggest that doing [ENTER YOUR BEHAVIOR HERE] results in any female sexual arousal." Of course, there are ways to learn how to turn a female on. Learn them and cut the crap.
kizik Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I have the opposite problem. I feel sorry for all the women in the world, because they're not dating me and they have noooo idea what a good man is.... yet....
Habeas Corpse Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I feel the same way. I've put a lot of time and effort to learn how to make women orgasm. I've asked a lot of friends, watched some videos and done some experimenting. My skills are pretty impressive. I may not be the best but I'm way above the norm when it comes to skill in making women orgasm.
kizik Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 That's great, HC... I meant that too, but was mostly talking about the non-sexual aspects that I bring to the table. You know, like I keep the pantry stocked in potato chips and whatnot.
kizik Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 But I'll agree with you that it's hilarious how few men actually know how to 'flick the bean,' if you will...
ruggy Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I think it is possible for people to be just single and loving it now a days. Women don't really need men anymore for much. So they have the pick of the litter. As for a man, I can attest that while I do try and date, its been futile at best. Everyone always tells me I have everything and I am always happy go lucking. Well, maybe I should had become an actor instead of a teacher. A good career, condo paid for, no car payment, physically fit, not significant other. Hey, when I say it is what it is, that is what it is. Of course tying for better and fixing that void is the goal, however, it has been an unsuccessful journey. Yea, many, of not all friends, have girlfriends and wives, not Ruggy, nope. Single and bearing it. Over the years I have gotten a custom to single solitude. I have dates every few weeks or so, but they never last. So I live my life the same way day in and day out. Nothing really else to do but try and find someone. But, like someone else said, I ain't going to run after a woman, call so many times it becomes mind numbing. That ain't me. I hear often don't hate the player, hate the game. Since the game is controlled overwhelmingly by one gender the game sucks and I ain't playing it on their rules. Just tied of the whole cat and mouse game and the idea that every man has to fit a woman's every desire. Smart, financially sound, sane, emotionally sound, and the one that I seem to fail on AMAZINGLY GREAT LOOKS. Oh well, just keep jugging along...
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