lovelorcet Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 The speediness you had sex with him is inconsequential and not a cause of his jerkiness. When you're just getting to know someone, it's inevitable that you'll swing and miss on a lot of them. You shouldn't time things, stick to rules and play games. Just go with the flow and bail when you can tell it's not working out. This guy is a pansy and just doesn't have the guts to tell you it's over. This is good advice from a male! All this stuff with rules is a bit pointless. Clingy controlling chicks suck, as a man this is about the worst aspect I could imagine in a woman. One of the best ways to bring out a clinger is to sleep with her and see how she acts. If she can stay cool then maybe there is room more more. But on the other hand, as a woman you have to know when a guys is genuinely just trying to get to know you and when you are just being played. There is a very simple way to tell... Dont believe anything he says... His ACTIONS will show you exactly where you stand.
stillafool Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Shygirl, I don't think 4 weeks was too soon if you wanted it to. Who knows what's on his mind but if he wants space I would give him space the size of Texas. Make him think you have dropped off the face of the earth and he'll come a calling (if that's what you still want).
C-i-C-u Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 I'll be honest. If you gave me sex after four weeks and I was literally begging for you to be my exclusive gf on the second date. Back to the sex thing after four weeks. If you gave me sex on the fourth week, I would be most thankful and show that you are appreciated from that day on. And I would have very much difficulty keeping it calm. What is wrong is that the guy you are dating could do better and he is just keeping you around till he finds another one just as good or if not better. btw, what is your age?
torranceshipman Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Woah C-i-C-u - unnecessarily harsh. If he's too much of a little pansy to tell her its over, and goes for the 'ignore on MSN' approach, then clearly SHE is the one that could be doing better.
C-i-C-u Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Woah C-i-C-u - unnecessarily harsh. If he's too much of a little pansy to tell her its over, and goes for the 'ignore on MSN' approach, then clearly SHE is the one that could be doing better. Where was the bad thing that I said? All i said, was that if she were the girl I really liked and made it apparent by the second date. I would be really appreciative of her for having sex with me on the fourth week. So much so that I would continue to have sex with her from then on and show her how much I cared for her. And the second thing, was the truth. He is playing with her. He already had sex with her which was all he wanted. And he is now sticking around to get the booty-which was all he waned-until he finds another girl to have sex with who looks just as good or better. That is the truth, coming from a male.
Trialbyfire Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 He was not lukewarm at all in the beginning. He was the aggressive one. Way too aggressive, infact. But after sex, like LovieDovie pointed out, I fell in love and became the aggressive one. He's very conservative so probably me doing the chasing turned him off. We have been dating since February. He was the one who asked (practically begging) me to go exclusive after the 2nd date. This is telling. Why did you need to "become" the aggressive one and in what way did you become aggressive? As for the begging to go exclusive on the second date, that's a red flag. No one knows anyone very well, after the second date. It's all physical.
MusicChick24 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Sex too soon definitley ruins everything, and unfortunately your boyfriend has a magnificant point. Women "giving it out" too early does make men lose interest because they have nothing more to wait for. This also happens in gay relationships as well because one of my male friends experienced it. He would do things with guys and they wouldn't call anymore. But I digress... This is the reason I made the personal choice to wait until I atleast have a ring on my finger to have sex with any man. The reason being if a man loves me enough to wait, he's the right man. I know alot of men won't comply to these kinds of demands...luckily there are men that do. My boyfriend likes the idea of waiting even more than I do. He says it makes us "special". In summary though if you want a men to stay in a relationship give him something to stay for. You don't have to wait until engagement or marriage...maybe just 10 dates or a couple of months.
Author Shygirl15 Posted June 14, 2009 Author Posted June 14, 2009 Shygirl, I don't think 4 weeks was too soon if you wanted it to. Who knows what's on his mind but if he wants space I would give him space the size of Texas. Make him think you have dropped off the face of the earth and he'll come a calling (if that's what you still want). I tried doing that by going NC for 10 days but today I just couldn't go on so I ended up calling him. Guess what, he didn't answer! I still love him very much. I have his clothes and other stuff in my house. I don't know, should I just trash those?? Well, he's coming back on Monday and he usually comes straight to see me. If he doesn't do that this Monday, I'll know it's over.
pandagirl Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I've known people who've had sex on the first date and are now married, and people who waited a long time, and didn't last past a few months. Sure, it's better to wait a bit to get to know the person better -- that is a given. But people's true colors eventually show whether you give it up "quick" or not. A person who bails because of having sex too soon was never into you in the first place, or was not suitable relationship material for you.
stillafool Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 I tried doing that by going NC for 10 days but today I just couldn't go on so I ended up calling him. Guess what, he didn't answer! I still love him very much. I have his clothes and other stuff in my house. I don't know, should I just trash those?? Well, he's coming back on Monday and he usually comes straight to see me. If he doesn't do that this Monday, I'll know it's over. :lmao:Funny thing is mny sister in law's bf id that to her 10 years ago and she gave his clothes away. Well they are married today with 3 kids. But, I wouldn' do that if I were you. I would just be busy as heck and let him know if he's not around you do still have a life.
lovelorcet Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 Sex too soon definitley ruins everything, and unfortunately your boyfriend has a magnificant point. Women "giving it out" too early does make men lose interest because they have nothing more to wait for. This also happens in gay relationships as well because one of my male friends experienced it. He would do things with guys and they wouldn't call anymore. But I digress... This is the reason I made the personal choice to wait until I atleast have a ring on my finger to have sex with any man. The reason being if a man loves me enough to wait, he's the right man. I know alot of men won't comply to these kinds of demands...luckily there are men that do. My boyfriend likes the idea of waiting even more than I do. He says it makes us "special". In summary though if you want a men to stay in a relationship give him something to stay for. You don't have to wait until engagement or marriage...maybe just 10 dates or a couple of months. This is the advice of a child... sorry but it is so... In the real world, with real men... If they are interested in you then they will be interested regardless how soon you jump into bed with them. If they are just after sex then you will figure it out as well. It boils down to experience and a bit of luck. What you have to learn as a women is to not fall head over heels for a guy just because he sleeps with you. Judge a man on his actions and how he treats you.
Trialbyfire Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 This is the advice of a child... sorry but it is so... In the real world, with real men... If they are interested in you then they will be interested regardless how soon you jump into bed with them. If they are just after sex then you will figure it out as well. It boils down to experience and a bit of luck. What you have to learn as a women is to not fall head over heels for a guy just because he sleeps with you. Judge a man on his actions and how he treats you.For a lot of women, sex bonds. That's why women wait. Why bond with someone who's not going to stick around?
C-i-C-u Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 For a lot of women, sex bonds. That's why women wait. Why bond with someone who's not going to stick around? b/c women enjoy sex just as much as men and many times men are afraid of approaching women. So they have sex with what is available and that is normally players or men who can have their pick of women.
Trialbyfire Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 b/c women enjoy sex just as much as men and many times men are afraid of approaching women. So they have sex with what is available and that is normally players or men who can have their pick of women.Well it's silly to have sex, when you're not ready. For that matter, why have sex if you're going to regret it? Once you're ready and decide to indulge, it should be with no regrets. I don't have sex with anyone I'm not certain is all in emotionally. This doesn't mean it has to last forever or end in a supposedly forever scenario like marriage. I have no regrets.
MusicChick24 Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 This is the advice of a child... sorry but it is so... In the real world, with real men... If they are interested in you then they will be interested regardless how soon you jump into bed with them. If they are just after sex then you will figure it out as well. It boils down to experience and a bit of luck. What you have to learn as a women is to not fall head over heels for a guy just because he sleeps with you. Judge a man on his actions and how he treats you. Well you are free to believe what you believe and that's the end of it. I won't argue with you like a child. Clearly you have seen different things than I. Regardless of how a man treats me I don't jump in bed unless we are committed.
carhill Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 IDK. I always look for long term prospects and am never in a hurry to be sexual, even though that runs counter to conventional wisdom in order to get a woman to bond through brain chemistry (oxytocin). I prefer to get to know her prior to the relationship becoming about sex. Perhaps men who separate sex from intimacy can have it right away and not have that interfere with their bonding (or not) process. I'm not wired that way. I've tried sex quickly and it felt 'artificial' and detached and the relationship never went anywhere, IMO because sex brought on premature bonding without adequate basis in shared experience and emotional connection. YMMV, of course
Asami Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 This is the advice of a child... sorry but it is so... In the real world, with real men... If they are interested in you then they will be interested regardless how soon you jump into bed with them. If they are just after sex then you will figure it out as well. It boils down to experience and a bit of luck. What you have to learn as a women is to not fall head over heels for a guy just because he sleeps with you. Judge a man on his actions and how he treats you. I agree, and also try to control your emotions especially when sex comes into the mix. A task i'm sure isn't easy, I know for me it wasn't..
Author Shygirl15 Posted June 16, 2009 Author Posted June 16, 2009 I agree, and also try to control your emotions especially when sex comes into the mix. A task i'm sure isn't easy, I know for me it wasn't.. Easier said than done.
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