I don't get men...

[WineCountry]

Precisely right, thanks.

 

I just don't buy the whole, "I'm too successful to date" whine that so many women project. It's just an excuse.

 

 

Star.. let me talk to you like you are a toddler. No one is making excuses. Some of us say those things because it happens to us.

 

What don't you GET about that? What Irish was trying to say..or what I took from what Irish said..is to turn that around when guys act like that towards me, and be thankful that I was able to quickly weed out insecure guys.

 

I'm telling you, I have met guys who seem interested in getting to know me, but when they found out what I did for a living, they backed off.

I have found out that guys have not approached me simply because of what i do for a living. I have had honest discussions with male friends who brutally told me yea, some guys will be put off because of what you do.

I will never forget one guy who was just tripping over himself to talk to me in an airport one day. When we chatted and he found out I was a cop, you should have seen the look on his face. And you tell me I'm making excuses??

 

Im not imagining this. This is crap I deal with. And yeah, I KNOW I have to deal with it, and I do. But, I come here so I can blow off some steam about it with others who experience the same things, NOT to be chastised by some chick who doesn't even know me.

 

Now, you can tell me I need to just be thankful i got to see those guys true colors, like Irish did. I will agree with you.

 

But dont EVER act like I am imagining this or making excuses!

 

That's just freaking insulting. Please go stand on your soapbox elsewhere.

[Star Gazer]

Wine, there's no need to talk to me as though I'm a toddler, I'm a grown successful woman (like you).

 

I'm not sure why you're so defensive? I've had guys be intimidated, or impressed, or insecure as a result of what I do for a living. However, I never used that as my emotional crutch to explain to myself or others why I was single.

 

Like Irish said, isn't saying so an excuse? Not every guy is going to be oh-so-intimidated by a successful woman. Like TBF said, why not just chalk it up to incompatibility? Because really, that's all it is. Using your success as a reason for why you're single just doesn't hold water. Rather, the reason you're single is simply because you haven't found anyone you're compatible with.

 

It's really not work arguing over, or getting so upset about.

[WineCountry]

Star..because im not saying that is the reason im single. Im not stupid. I KNOW it's about finding someone Im compatible with. I get all that. But, those are issues that I have had to deal with, and sometimes it frustrates me because i probably have to wade through a bit more male ego crap than a woman with a different job.

 

I am pretty strong emotionally, and have never been the type to come apart or break down.

 

I kind of looked at this site as a place I could just blow off steam because I NEVER blow it off anywhere else. I figured, who cares on here? This is a site where people discuss all their crap, so i can let stuff hang out and just blow off steam with other people who want to b--h about the same thing.

 

That doesnt mean that I dont GET that i have to be positive, find someone compatible, blah blah blah.

 

But, sheesh, Id still like to blow off steam here about stuff like everyone else seems to be able to do. I dont need the therapist couch. Fair enough?

[Star Gazer]

I am pretty strong emotionally, and have never been the type to come apart or break down.

 

Really? From your post above, I really thought you were about to.

 

As for the rest of your post, the purpose of LS is admittedly, in part, to "blow off steam," that's what the rants section is for. However, I think for the most part, people come to LS to seek advice and opinions in the hopes they'll find the solutions to the difficulties they experience. But if you're not looking for that, then I'll be sure not to comment on your posts/threads. Fair enough?

[TwinkletOes26]

I just don't get it. Ran into an acquaintance last night, one of those things where you never call each other, but if you see each other out, you talk or whatever. I always thought he was cute but I never really felt that from him in return. Last night we were at a gathering, and after all our friends left, just he and I sat and talked for a good hour or more, talked about relationships and dating and such, more than we've ever talked before...we talked about single parents because he is one, and I had been saying I don't mind dating men with kids, and at 1 point he mentioned I should meet his son sometime, which I'd think you'd only say to a person your interested in, but I guess I was wrong...

 

When it was time to go we walked near our cars and he hugged me, but didn't try to go in for a kiss or anything...we did find out we have a mutual friend that bartends, so we said we will go see that person sometime, otherwise I didn't feel interest on his part....this boggles me, because if I'm not attracted to someone, I'm sorry but I don't normally spend so much time talking to them, then. I have a few guy friends that I'm not interested in that way, so I talk with them obviously, but if I'm out as the single chick that I am, I dont' waste time talking to someone I don't feel attraction for, in some way or another.

 

He definitely seemed to enjoy talking with me but still, isn't attraction supposed to make it enjoyable to begin with? I'm so tired of guys not seeing me as more than friends, and I think it's obvious that I like you when I'm smiling and talking to you, touching your arm playfully, etc, I shouldn't have to be more forward than that, right? I get friend-zoned left and right and I seem to be the only person who thinks I'm attractive. I'm so tired of being very lonely this way. What am I doing wrong? I don't like to throw myself at guys, I like to be friends 1st. But it never goes beyond that. Help!!!!

 

 

This use to happen to me all the time and i asked a few guy friends what the deal was and a few of them said that i joked around a lot and flirted a lot so guys never knew if i was joking or being serious. So from them on if i was interested in a guy i would make it a point to only focus the flirting and joking his way.

 

Another thing you can do is ask guy friends what the issue is. Sometimes a man can tell you what another man thinks.

[LoveLace]

Thanks freshair...what you say is very logical. But as of now, C is still in a rut with trying to figure out if he and the Ex can actually just be "friends" or not. So far, he isn't liking it that way, but I just don't know if bringing up he and I is a good idea, knowing she's still in his head...it isn't me he's thinking about and debating over like crazy, it's her...spending all this time with me might possibly make him think of me like that for a minute, he may have tried a little flirting here and there to see what comes of it, but in the end it's all about her right now...maybe when or if I get that update from him that they finally broke the ties...maybe then would I feel more comfortable with being more open about it.

 

The other night, there was a text I got from him that I think was possibly actually for her...she has watched his cat for him on weekends, and the text was something about the cat...I responded as if to go along, then he never came back...I think he realized what he did...I haven't heard from him since, that was 2 nights ago, and he's away for work over the weekend...we generally hang out at the beginning of the week, like Monday or Tuesday, so I figure let him have the time to think, (he's indicated to me that he does a lot of his "thinking" while away for work)...and hopefully I hear from him when he's back. He could have just said, "sorry that was meant for ____", but he didn't so I don't know if he felt stupid or didn't want to tell me that he was texting her too, or what...which I think was the case because he and I had been texting and then I got the cat one...but if it was an accident you'd think he'd just say so...oh well doesn't matter!

 

Speaking for Wine, I don't believe she ever blamed her profession as being the one and only reason for being single, but from what she experiences, she obviously feels that it hurts her opportunities enough to put a good-sized dent in dating, but she does see the bright side that this at least weeds out dudes that are wrong for her. I think she's pretty aware that other reasons contribute to being single, too. I myself don't blame any 1 thing, or use 1 single excuse, I could list a lot of reasons and/or excuses, whatever they are, I'm still single in the end. Some of those things can be interpreted as things that I'm exaggerating, but others are concrete. Only we know which ones might just be in our heads, or are for-sure facts...

[cheatingheart]

I think the trick to not getting put into the friend zone is having confidence. Think about some of the most "popular" girls and women you've known, and they're not necessarily the prettiest, or the smartest, or the most successful in their careers - but they are probably all very confident. I realize you're not asking to be a man-magnet, you're only looking for that one special man, and we all know lots of happily married women who aren't confident or dynamic or magnetic in any way, but if it feels like every single person you meet overlooks you as a romantic partner then it's at least possible that you're giving out the wrong vibe, even if you don't realize it.

 

It's also possible you're focusing on the wrong kind of man. Maybe you tend to notice the ones who aren't a good fit for you, or maybe you're overlooking the quiet guy? Or maybe you're thinking too much about whether they like you, and not thinking enough about whether you like them - which is also about having confidence. If your interest is truly specific to one guy and it's sincere, he'll usually pick up on that and respond to it.

 

Without knowing you, it's hard to say what the "problem", but I do believe you have one because even if it's only your perception, that's a problem. But I think you can discount looks as a factor. Physical attractiveness is so subjective, and unless you're really below average and aiming for really above average it's not likely to play into things.

[LoveLace]

I think the trick to not getting put into the friend zone is having confidence. Think about some of the most "popular" girls and women you've known, and they're not necessarily the prettiest, or the smartest, or the most successful in their careers - but they are probably all very confident. I realize you're not asking to be a man-magnet, you're only looking for that one special man, and we all know lots of happily married women who aren't confident or dynamic or magnetic in any way, but if it feels like every single person you meet overlooks you as a romantic partner then it's at least possible that you're giving out the wrong vibe, even if you don't realize it.

 

It's also possible you're focusing on the wrong kind of man. Maybe you tend to notice the ones who aren't a good fit for you, or maybe you're overlooking the quiet guy? Or maybe you're thinking too much about whether they like you, and not thinking enough about whether you like them - which is also about having confidence. If your interest is truly specific to one guy and it's sincere, he'll usually pick up on that and respond to it.

 

Without knowing you, it's hard to say what the "problem", but I do believe you have one because even if it's only your perception, that's a problem. But I think you can discount looks as a factor. Physical attractiveness is so subjective, and unless you're really below average and aiming for really above average it's not likely to play into things.

 

I'd say I'm average, maybe a hint of above-average, at most...well that's okay. I do tend to be most attracted to what I consider above-average, but I've been known to fall crazy over just average as well. Sometimes I'll go for guys that I consider to be just as attractive as I am, but then learn it's not like that in their eyes....just like the guy I posted about here...he IS hot, and I consider myself just as hot, yet it became apparent he wasn't attracted, sooo....it just makes me wonder when this happens, if I'm just being too conceited about my looks or something. I seem to think there is no reason why I shouldn't be able to have sew-n-sew, but I always turn out to be wrong there. So confidence has it's way of turning on me just as much as low self-esteem can...oh well...what can ya do.

[z1850]

Can you cook?

 

You know what they say: the way to a man's heart is...

[sig556]

I would not read too much into it. Based on your first post, it does not mean he isn't into you; it just means maybe he goes slow and felt just as nervous about kissing you that soon.

 

From a good guys perspective, kissing too soon is saying the wrong thing. Keep talking to him, you will see his interest if it is there. Its pretty simple, a good guy knows moving too soon says the wrong thing.

 

The best bet is to let him know your interested; not too touchy..but to talk..and ill bet he comes around.

[LoveLace]

I would not read too much into it. Based on your first post, it does not mean he isn't into you; it just means maybe he goes slow and felt just as nervous about kissing you that soon.

 

From a good guys perspective, kissing too soon is saying the wrong thing. Keep talking to him, you will see his interest if it is there. Its pretty simple, a good guy knows moving too soon says the wrong thing.

 

The best bet is to let him know your interested; not too touchy..but to talk..and ill bet he comes around.

 

 

I haven't talked to this guy at all since that night. And he has my number, so I always figured if he ever wants to use it, then he will. I texted him once then he wrote back that he's not a big texter (which I already knew from a long time ago, he's not a computer guy, either); if he's really that shy, then he's not the guy for me anyway, but everything you said is good info, Sig, thanks.