hereandnow Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Been a while since I posted... I think my ex may be dating a friend of mine. Well, possibly soon to be former friend. I could just be paranoid. At this stage, my ex is still a person I care about, but if this is going on I'm going to write her off. I plan on texting her tomorrow to find out. I can't stand not knowing if she's that kind of person or not. All feedback much appreciated.
TaraMaiden Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 tough. That's not your problem. it may be insensitive, it may be tactless, but actually, there isn't anything you have a right to do about it. They can choose to go out with one another if they want. you, on the other hand, cannot impose conditions or regulations on anyone else but yourself. Friends and lovers come and go, but the only consistent thing you have in your life, is you. Go out, find new friendships and leave things alone. What do you want to do about it anyway? It's the way it is. Take it on the chin, accept it and move on. She's your ex-. Not your current. (that obviously, would be different....!) walk away and leave it alone - and get over it.....
Author hereandnow Posted May 31, 2009 Author Posted May 31, 2009 One of the reasons I need to know is that I would like to be able to get off a good "F*** you" if it is happening. I'm not gonna be the last person to know about people screwing me over. Something I failed to mention is that this guy was someone I confided in about the relationship when it ended.
TaraMaiden Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 No, you don't need to know. The *uck you could be said any time, any reason. In fact, you should have said it already. (well, maybe not in those words, but it's the kind of feisty attitude that lets you get over things.... so think it anyway, whether you 'know' or not..... It's over, what does it matter? All you want is a visible justification for being angry. Which is pointless. "Something you failed to mention" is also irrelevant. it little matters what he did, or why he did it. Things are the way they are. You really need to stop wrangling over this, and move on. It doesn't matter any more. Let it go, let her go, let him go, and drop it. Really. The more you agonise over it, the more stuck you remain. you can invent or put forward all the mitigating circumstances and justifications you want, for being mad at her, and him. They're all pointless. I'm right - and you know it. So no amount of protesting is going to change that.....
Author hereandnow Posted May 31, 2009 Author Posted May 31, 2009 You're absolutely right, I should have said the F*** you 6 months ago. Never too late though. I did text her. I was hoping she would just come out and say she was seeing my friend, but instead she called and left a message that went something like this: "Well, you have a lot of friends. But I'm actually not dating anyone right now. I've seen some people casually. I would like to come by and see your new place. Give me a call when you get the chance." She should go into politics. The only reason this s*** is in my head is because I saw her last night at a meeting for the first time in a while. She even told her friend how cute I looked right in front of me and that kind of shook me. Then I saw her talking to my male friend after. I had been doing really well. Finally willing to just let go of the whole dating thing and put it in God's hands, but this has shaken me up. Look, I know I'm to blame for putting myself in this silly position, but I'd like some support here. I really don't know whether to call or not. Sort of painted myself into an emotional corner. Thanks for any replies! Even if you take me behind the woodshed!
TaraMaiden Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Look, I know it is very difficult to believe, but actually, I really do feel for you. The cr*p we put ourselves through for the sake of what basically amount to some hormonal urges and an instinct to couple up, is really quite something. The thing is, when we're going through this, we find it hard to believe anyone else can have ever felt the way we do. Or even think that anyone else has.... I suppose I was fooled, in a way, by your forum-name. hereandnow. Which is basically, the only place we can be in, or live in. You can't transpose your emotional feelings backwards, put them into your past, and leave them there. And again, you can't take a gargantuan leap into the future, and plant your pain in september.... then come back here.... The only place you can inhabit - and feel in, and experience, is the here and now. Actually, a series of nows..... and even though it may not be easy to agree to, or even to perceive, the pain you felt this morning is different to the pain you feel now. But now moves on, to now. and now. and now.... So with every single now you can live in, you feel differently, and you move away from the principal initial 'now' of pain. Do you understand what I am telling you? Your thoughts are reviving your emotions, by hauling you into past moments of pain. Pain - emotions, feelings - are important, valid and should be honoured. but make sure they're pain you are feeling. Not pain from some past 'now'.... And so you heal..... stick with it. There are spiders behind the shed. big ones. I hate spiders......
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