Stockholm Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 After a 14 months relationship my bf/ex decided that we no longer should be together. Claiming that this is not "right". He never really told me, just started ignoring my emails, not picking up the phone... Finally told me on the messenger that he doesn't think this is right and that I should meet someone else. The day after I wrote an email telling how I feel about this and a few days later I sent a message asking about out status. He replied "i need time, just give me time to move out and go away" right after another mess: "when i get back we can see how I feel but I still may need time." He's depressed & need someone that really cares for him. I do care about him! We spent all time together. I know he has a crazy roommate and is moving into a new apartment with new people. I know he needs a break from work and go on a vacation... But do I really need to be erased from his life too? Some days ago I got all my stuff, had a friend get all the stuff & we didn't see each other. I stood on the other side of the street while my friend got my stuff. I just felt so hurt that he couldn't even see me that I had to have my friend do the middle work. Something I arranged but I felt sad about it. I understand he doesn't want to be with me but can't we still be friends? Before he used to call me every day and now everything is just GONE. I still keep hoping he is going to come back. That message just keeps repeating in my head that their still might be a chance when he gets back from his trip. How do I get over that feeling? Obviously it looks like he is gone and the chance of him coming back in 3 weeks from his vacation (already been 3 weeks too) making this relationship works seems minor. I just feel completely empty. Keep looking at photos and saw that he had a house warming party at his new place, saw photos that I should had been in... It's so sad. I just keep hoping that this is temporarily, but I guess I know it's not. How do I get my head back again? And will he ever talk to me again? Is he really gone forever? I'm 27 and he's 26. This was a serious relationship. His family was basically my family as I don't have my family in America but in Europe. He knows that I stayed here on a new visa basically for him. I just feel so let down when he disappears on the messenger when I go online, ignore my emails etc. I mean do things like this really have to be that drastic?
boogieboy Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Its not drastic, its a blessing. He told you straight up what the problem is. He's doing you a favor by not contacting you when he doesnt want to be with you anymore. Him continuing to contact you will only annoy him, and prolong your suffering. Consider yourself lucky that he isnt the type to keep you hanging on. Have you ever broken up with a boyfriend by lying and telling him you needed a break for a while, while meaning that it was permanently over?
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Yes, it is over. It is unfortunate that he had to be such a d*ck about the way he ended things, but at the very least he isn't leading you on or giving you much false hope. "when i get back we can see how I feel but I still may need time." Please don't read too much into this. He is placating you, nothing more - nothing less. As an aside I should probably warn you that he is likely in the process of being with someone new, if he isn't already. 99 times out of a 100, that is where 'breaks' come from. The other 1 time is because they simply want out. Treat this like the end, and start thinking about a healing process. It will take a while, but it is vital you start that process now.
robinincarolina Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Yes it is probably over. If you persue it anymore it will definately be over. When a man says he wants his space, you have to believe him and act accordingly by accepting it. Some do come back, mine did, but I gave him all the space he needed and went on with my life like he was no longer a part of it. When he said "its not you, its me" and "i am not sure what I want", thats all I needed to hear. I walked away like it was nothing. In my case he followed.
Author Stockholm Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 So my ex got back to me today with a message saying: "We'll talk soon. I want to keep in touch. I guess I'm wondering what the right time would be. Hope you're doing well. Talk soon." Ok, so he hasn't initiated any contact with me since May 3rd. I got my stuff May 26th from his place. He told me early May that he needed space. I wrote him a message and explained that I care about him. He said that he wanted to talk when he moved out of his apartment and went on his vacation which is now. I feel so hurt though. I just hate his message though. It's not "Do you want to talk?" It's for sure that we are going to talk and that I would be OH SO HAPPY that he's letting me in his life again. What should I do?
boogieboy Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 He is obviously seeing someone else and he does not want you anywhere near the picture. He is kind of keeping you hanging on with this "I want to keep in touch. I guess I'm wondering what the right time would be." That pretty much is "I will call you just in case my new girl doesnt work out, but you cant be here an we cant hang around each other because it might cause conflict with my new girl. Just sit home and wait for me" STill wanna get back with that? Theres alot of threads on this board with the same thing, its very typical.
Author Stockholm Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 I'm pretty sure he is not seeing someone though. He's not that type of guy that just randomly finds someone. He's a pretty complicated person and for him to actually let someone in, it takes some efforts. Mostly I think this whole thing with not talking to me was because he is really, really bad with change. Him moving, having issues with his roommate etc just made him go crazy. Basically he was questioning everything in his life, including our relationship. I guess he feels better now when he has been on vacation and cleaned his head. I don't think it's right though to just back out of a relationship. I mean can I get 1 1/2 month of when I want that too?? "Hey, I just want to hang out and do my own thing, see ya!" I'm just ignoring his message. For me talking to him again there needs to be an earthquake, not just a lame text message. We had said we should talk this week though some weeks back but I don't feel like talking. It's just going top put this whole process back to square one.
Author Stockholm Posted June 23, 2009 Author Posted June 23, 2009 So I never answered my ex message. Today, Monday, I got anew message saying: "So do you want to talk?" I just wrote back that I have to much going on right now, which is true. Also that I need time and that I don't want to talk right now.
adamt Posted June 23, 2009 Posted June 23, 2009 So I never answered my ex message. Today, Monday, I got anew message saying: "So do you want to talk?" I just wrote back that I have to much going on right now, which is true. Also that I need time and that I don't want to talk right now. Dont respond to him and keep it that way. not until he tells you he wants to get back together and really means it. are you ready to talk to him without getting emotional. if you do end up talking to him keep it brief and tell him after a few minutes you have to go as you have plans. basically do you want to go back out with someone who could leave when things get tough?
Author Stockholm Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 So after messaging back and forth me & my ex finally talked today. He seems to believe that this can be fixed, meaning wanting to sort it out. He didn't say it straight out but it was in the air. I simply didn't get into details that I'm pissed at him. You CANNOT just walk out of a relationship when you want to but I just said: "I don't feel like talking about this. All I can say is that things could had been done differently. I never would had done that to you. You operate that way, and I just don't think it was the right way." "So you are pretty pissed......?" "Whatever, I don't feel like talking about this. Life goes on." Then we talked and I just acted really casual. I feel really great and happy right now. He said that he reads my blog often and said that I seem like a completely different person, so open and happy. True. I'm not with him anymore. I even told him that, haha, that he made me negative and less open. I really like him though. I would like to give this a chance but he IS NOT a reliable person at all. How do I get myself to snap out of this with liking him? He treated me like **** and he just claims that "he didn't know what to do" blah blah. What do you guys say?
Author Stockholm Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 He also added: "I really want to see you though." That's when I just went: "Ok, bye!" and hanged up. I guess for all you people out there waiting for your loved one to come back, even though they treated you like ****. If they do get back to you one day, you will realize when you do talk to them, that you might not want them back just like that even if you like them.
Beeotch Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 After a 14 months relationship my bf/ex decided that we no longer should be together. Claiming that this is not "right". He never really told me, just started ignoring my emails, not picking up the phone... Finally told me on the messenger that he doesn't think this is right and that I should meet someone else. The day after I wrote an email telling how I feel about this and a few days later I sent a message asking about out status. He replied "i need time, just give me time to move out and go away" right after another mess: "when i get back we can see how I feel but I still may need time." He's depressed & need someone that really cares for him. I do care about him! We spent all time together. I know he has a crazy roommate and is moving into a new apartment with new people. I know he needs a break from work and go on a vacation... But do I really need to be erased from his life too? Some days ago I got all my stuff, had a friend get all the stuff & we didn't see each other. I stood on the other side of the street while my friend got my stuff. I just felt so hurt that he couldn't even see me that I had to have my friend do the middle work. Something I arranged but I felt sad about it. I understand he doesn't want to be with me but can't we still be friends? Before he used to call me every day and now everything is just GONE. I still keep hoping he is going to come back. That message just keeps repeating in my head that their still might be a chance when he gets back from his trip. How do I get over that feeling? Obviously it looks like he is gone and the chance of him coming back in 3 weeks from his vacation (already been 3 weeks too) making this relationship works seems minor. I just feel completely empty. Keep looking at photos and saw that he had a house warming party at his new place, saw photos that I should had been in... It's so sad. I just keep hoping that this is temporarily, but I guess I know it's not. How do I get my head back again? And will he ever talk to me again? Is he really gone forever? I'm 27 and he's 26. This was a serious relationship. His family was basically my family as I don't have my family in America but in Europe. He knows that I stayed here on a new visa basically for him. I just feel so let down when he disappears on the messenger when I go online, ignore my emails etc. I mean do things like this really have to be that drastic? HE IS A COMPLETE AND UTTER COWARD AND A**HOLE! I am so sorry about what you are going through. You need to get yourself some support (friends, even this website) and try to move away from him. Yes..we all go through problems but it doesn't mean we get to stomp all over other people's feelings and throw them away like yesterday's newspaper. Perhaps you should go back to Europe to get away from him and be around your family. Can you do that? I can't imagine going through this and not having a close support system around...I would be on the next flight home.
Lou Kasandra Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Although it may seem like an impossible thing to do, you really do need to respect his decision and give him the space he needs. Crowding or pushing him could result in widening the distance he feels already. Let him make his decision, and whatever that may be, you need to accept his choice.If he chooses not to step back into this relationship, it will be very difficult for you. Please don't demean yourself by getting dramatic and playing games with him. His problems are his own. You need to hold your head up high, stay busy with positive activities, and know his decision is just that.
Author Stockholm Posted June 30, 2009 Author Posted June 30, 2009 But the problem is not anymore that he doesn't want me back! It's me! He now wants, after 7 weeks, try to solve this and I just don't trust him. I like him and my hearts says go for it and my head & my friends just say NOOOO!
MissViolet Posted June 30, 2009 Posted June 30, 2009 Stockholm, I think you handled yourself very well. It takes a lot of courage to be able to hold yourself up and be able to tell him what you did. I think that he's trying to get you to talk and "work it out" because you're not sure if you want it...perhaps it's getting him pissed off that you're not constantly contacting him and wanting to get back. You had said that you would never do what he did, and I don't think that anyone who had deep feelings, respect, care for you would ever do what he did. Yes, you like him, you put in time and effort, you invested in the relationship, and it probably seems like a waste to throw that away... but you didn't do that, he did. You said it yourself that you're happier now - without him, don't start second guessing yourself. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want someone like that, I'd want someone reliable, and dependable. You deserve happiness, and this guy sounds like a crummy flake.
Author Stockholm Posted July 1, 2009 Author Posted July 1, 2009 I'm pretty surprised by my behaviour too. I always though I would RUN back to him if he got back to me. Now when he really wants to make this work, I'm going reverse and is just "See ya!" Of course I still miss him, and maybe this can be worked out in many, many months but it's nothing I'm counting on. All I know is that if this ever is going to work, HE has to put in an effort to want me back. I'm really enjoying this though that I'm online on the messenger and I know that he is waiting for me to talk to him. He reads my blog 20 times a day, haha. Still ignore him. Never ever thought I would be able to do this, but I guess revenge is something pretty nice sometimes.
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