DinoFace Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 so my boyfriend and i are madly in love, and are planning on getting married some day well anyways in the beginning of our relationship, i wanted to be clear with him i wasn't exactly "clean" sexual wise.. so i said like 'ive done sexual things, but not sex' or something like that. he did too. then later i told him what i did.. i was drinking and i gave a guy a blowjob and made out with a girl. at the guys house. okay fair enough. that was all that happened. my body was a temple. i told him i wasn't willing at the blowjob either. he never told me what he did except 'had an orgy in a car with.. 'sue' and 'tom'.' also he had talked to the guy i gave a blowjob too before.. idk what they said.. i was hoping the guy would tell him the truth so i wouldnt have to.. ): so later, i finally decided i had to tell him the truth. he knew i was molested when i was younger, just clothes ripped off and attempts to be touched and kissing on me and stuff, but i never kissed anyone or had my parts touched. :/ so i told him.. when i gave that guy a blowjob.. i was molested. he forced me too.. we were half drunk.. and i was scared. and it wasn't at his house, it was at summer camp. and it was a truth and dare to kiss the girl, but we didnt really kiss, we bumped noses and were laughing the whole time.. it was just easier to say i made out with her. :/ i didnt want part of it at all.. it ruined my life.. we've gotten into so many fights about this.. and if he thinks about it he treats me weird and we fight and he says its hard to believe me.. he says he does but its hard too.. he says in the beginning i "glorified it" and was like "oh yeah i give great head lala ask him" when i honestly do not remember ever saying anything like that and have no idea why i would.. i dont know why i didnt just tell him the truth in the first place too :/ and he knows that.. ive told him that.. it was against my will and i constantly fear getting raped now and stuff.. im always so scared.. and idk.. i just want him to know the truth. i told him everything.. we went out.. he brought beer (he snuck it in) i decided to go for it.. and then we played truth or dare and we just did stupid things like lick a rock or eat a leaf and then the kiss one... but that wasn't even a kiss. (btw other than that "kiss" with that girl and my boyfriend now, ive never kissed anyone) and idk.. i just want him to believe me and be okay with it.. its been almost 8 months since ive told him that.. also, he finally told me the truth about his sex life.. he fingered a chick twice and made out with her multiple times while drinking.. he'd never recieved from anyone until me.. he told me this like a month after we first did.. "things". and idk.. its just weird that he waited so long to tell me. i mean i believe him, i know hes telling the truth.. but it bugs me to this day that he did things with her.. (shes really slutty and a really bad person and really ugly and really mean) and idk its just awful.. ughhh but idk if that would be hypocritical? someone help me if anyone can. sorry it was so long.. im depserate though.. ive been crying every night about this for the past month or so.. please help me.. i dont think ill say anything unless it gets brought up again but idk... ):
BobSacamento Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Sounds like you have some issues you have to straighten out. Perhaps being in a relationship with someone as unaccepting as this dude isn't the healthiest route.
dreamergrl Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 I think you could benefit from getting some emotional and mental help. This sounds like something that is affecting you quite a bit, and you can't fix it on your own.
Author DinoFace Posted May 31, 2009 Author Posted May 31, 2009 its not that the molesting thing is bothering me, i mean it is but i only get scared alone at night, which isn't too bad..and i think about it and it makes me sad sometimes.. but its not that.. its the fact that he doesnt know what to believe.. and its not that he's unaccepting.. again he just doesn't know what to believe.. i think.. right?
BobSacamento Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 What do you mean - "Doesn't know what to believe" ? He has the facts.
Author DinoFace Posted May 31, 2009 Author Posted May 31, 2009 but since it was different in the beginning? idk.. he just says he has a hard time believing it since it was different in the beginning.. but i never lie to him.. i just.. idk.. what do i do?
dreamergrl Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 What do you mean - "Doesn't know what to believe" ? He has the facts. Because she didn't give him the correct story right off the bat. And OP - if you're still scared, you still have issues to work on.
Author DinoFace Posted May 31, 2009 Author Posted May 31, 2009 well it's only at night and when i'm alone. its not even that big of a deal. a lot of people get scared when they're alone at night. :/ my main thing is if this comes up again, i just want to fix it once and for all..
dreamergrl Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 well it's only at night and when i'm alone. its not even that big of a deal. a lot of people get scared when they're alone at night. :/ my main thing is if this comes up again, i just want to fix it once and for all.. You'll remain that way if you don't admit that it's still an issue.
Author DinoFace Posted May 31, 2009 Author Posted May 31, 2009 obviously its an issue! but really not a big one. i dont need counseling or anything. honestly. my SO is a lot more important. and i want and need to fix it ):
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 obviously its an issue! but really not a big one. i dont need counseling or anything. honestly. my SO is a lot more important. and i want and need to fix it ): But it will be hard to focus on the relationship until you get 100% okay with your past. You have to love yourself before you can give yourself to a relationship like they deserve. I don't understand why people look at counseling like it's a negative thing. But your SO doesn't sound like he's being entirely supportive. You didn't give him the correct story in the beginning because it's quite common for a woman that has been raped/molested to feel shame at what happened. It's normal. It's time for the both of you to deal with the fact that both of you have pasts and they are just that - PAST. Time to let go. But I do have a question - how do you expect him to let go of your past if you are even slightly upset about his (which you clearly are, based on your description of the girl)?
boogieboy Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 No more discussing sexual pasts! its always trouble if you dont know someone well enough. I dont know if this guy will believe anything you say now, but you can work on him. But if your gonna tell him any more stories about you, get it right the first time. if you cant trust that he'll be able to handle the truth, dont say it.
Author DinoFace Posted May 31, 2009 Author Posted May 31, 2009 im only slighty upset about it in my mind. i mean i think about it sometimes and it bugs me, but i dont talk to him about it or anything, because i know i should just let it go. now to mention, mine happened in july, before the our relationship which started in october. as did his. i just thought i'd throw that bit of information in there.
Author DinoFace Posted May 31, 2009 Author Posted May 31, 2009 the problem still is not fixed.. i need to know what to say if it comes up again.. im not sure if it will.. he wants to get over it and let it go.. but yeah.. i need to know what to say if it comes up again
Author DinoFace Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 17 going on 18 note: i'm sorry that all my posts are typed like crap.. i've been kind of lazy when i type lately.. i'm very sick.. ):
Author DinoFace Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 you guys please i still need help. i have this gut feeling im going to need to know what to do soon.. and my gut feelings aren't usually wrong. ):
dreamergrl Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I'll say it one more time, you need to deal with the issue before you can work on anything with your bf.
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