music_mech Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Well, this is a long story! I will try to tell it without writing a novel. My 3rd wife and I met while I was stationed in Oklahoma and began dating in Oct 07. By Christmas I moved in with her and her two young sons. Things were going very well. (I was,age 35, she's 25, I'm her 1st husband) I am in the military, and all the while, I knew I would be transferring to California the following July. I have two sons from a previous marriage, they lived in California, so I was certain I wanted to come to California to be closer to them. She knew all this, and still we dated and grew closer. In March of 08, I broke up with her out of fear of taking her and her sons with me to California. Soon I regretted that and begged her back. Within a week or so reconciled, only to break up again 3 months later right before I was finished with my assignment in Oklahoma in July 08. She quickly moved in with her baby-daddy family in Michigan. (He is currently in prison so there is no physical contact with her) I went to Arkansas for 3 weeks vacation with my 2 sons. While I was in Arkansas, I began to miss her terribly. Incredibly she missed me too, and we began talking about getting back together, after begging enough. Within 3 weeks, leaving her sons with their grandparents, she drove all night from Michigan to meet me in Arkansas. (They usually visit their during summers anyway) We were in love again. I decided to marry her. I never really proposed but just told her we would get married in Vegas on our way out to Cailifornia. Late July 08, we drove from Arkansas, and took a road trip out west, heading for California. We made it to Vegas, where I had a distant cousin I hadnt seen in many years. We all met and hung out, catching up and what not. We got up the next morning, on Aug 2nd, 08, and rushed around to find a chapel on the Strip, got the marriage licenses, and then she went with my cousin to find a dress, I went to pawn shops and got the ring. Later that evening, after everything was planned, we met at the RV park we were staying in. I quickly popped the question, gave her the ring. The limo from the chapel came to pick us up. So it was me, my fiance and my 2 sons and a cousin. We got to the chapel. The chapel and actual ceremony and vows were suprisingly sweet and romantic. It was over very quickly, and afterwards the photographer took pictures. We left the next morning, heading for California. We dropped my sons off at their moms, and then just the two of us continued on to our final stop. Since we had the motorhome, we had a place to stay while we went househunting while I worked at my new assignment. We found a little house about 25 miles away from base. My oldest son came to live with us permanently. We began furnishing our home with free items we found online that folks were giving away. Soon, my wife's mother came from Michigan with my stepsons, and wound up moving nearby. The 1st few months, things went well. We got along. But soon the money got tight, electric bills went up. By November she got depressed, couldnt communicate with me, and I didnt know what to do. She had mood swings, and lost interest in me, or so I felt. Her depression meds were not working. I did not understand what was happening. She wanted to work in web design since she went to school for that. Her new computer was broken so she couldnt practice. She could not find work in that field, and after an exhaustive job search, she got a menial job at a gas station. Christmas came, she was working nights. She hated her job, and I just didnt know what to do. This is where I avoided the problems and shouldnt have. We should have gotten help, but didnt. By new years, she was ready to go back to Oklahoma, and live with her grandmother. She told me I was leaving, and I didnt ask her to stay. I should have then. She and her mom packed up their things, and my wife and two sons and her mom all went back to Oklahoma. My oldest son and I were left with the house, which we quickly emptied to avoid paying more rent. We moved into my motorhome full time to save money. Within a few weeks, she missed me again, and we talked again. She wanted to continue with a long distance relationship. I was reluctant to accept, but did so, half heartedly. Late March 09, I went for a weekend visit with her. My thoughts clouded by focusing on the negative instead of the positives. We got along, but I still wasnt sure. I came back to California thinking I wanted to go ahead with a divorce. We talked about it, she initially reacted with denial. Then after the 2nd time I mentioned it, she was through. She made plans to move back to Michigan. Soon, after I began to realize what a mistake I had made, and begged her not to go. I became fraught with regret and went into panic mode. She started packing her things. Just before she left for Michigan, I flew to Oklahoma to see her in person to try to convince her to stay in a long distance relationship with me, and hoped she would go back to her plan of just visiting Michigan then moving back to Cali with me. Nothing worked. We spent time together and got along, but she still moved there. I became even more depressed, and made all the wrong moves. Constant calling and begging and pleading, serving only to strengthen her resolve to stay in Michigan, be single, and seems that she is ok with being married, but apparently only to keep her military dependent benefits (i.e. health and dental insurance) None of her profiles say she is married, and she is probably on dating sites, or looking up old boyfriends already. I fear the worst, of course, and my jealousy has only made her angry enough to not contact me anymore. I have resolved not to contact her anymore, and try very hard to give her time to see if she misses me, or is she wants to move on. I want her back, to save our marriage. She doesnt seem to want the same. So, this is currently the situation. I know its long. I am seeking advice. Please offer some to me! Thanks
hopesndreams Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 It's over. All the chances of being together have all been used up. There aren't any left. She's moved on. You must do the same. Sorry.
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