unhappyaccident Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 I can't deal with it guys. I really feel like I can't live without him. Thoughts of suicide are even running through my head. I feel desperate, totally desperate. My life is so empty without him. He was literally my only local friend. I have no family or any other support where I live. I sit here alone in my room on a Saturday night feeling bleak and lost. The worst part is he was so much a part of my life, for 2 and a half years, and then he ended it suddenly in a really heartless, cold manner. He basically indicated he had been lying to me constantly about caring about me, literally responded with the word "dump" in a sarcastic voice when he read a long letter I wrote to him about how important he is to me, won't answer my calls. He also won't give me a real reason for why he wants to break it off, just vague things like "I just want to see other people." What kills me is I had been good to him, been there for him, made sacrifices. But he's treating me like somebody who wronged him. I feel like I could have handled it if he had just ended it in a decent manner, been supportive of me, and explained specifically why he wanted to end it. I promised myself I'd go no contact, and I was doing well all day, but then I got home to an empty house and started to feel that horrible loneliness, emptiness. I called him and after a minute or two he hung up on me. I just want to end it guys. I'm going to live the rest of my life alone, no real friends or companions, I just know it. I can feel it. I mean when somebody you've given everything to, your whole heart, done so much for, just dumps you heartlessly and feels nothing for you...what does that say? I must be incredibly unloveable.
wow123 Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 You aren't alone. Many of us have felt or are currently feeling just as you are now. If you are seriously contemplating suicide you need to go see a doctor immediately. Nobody is worth losing your life over. You will find someone that appreciates you. He sounds like a jerk to me.
Author unhappyaccident Posted May 31, 2009 Author Posted May 31, 2009 You aren't alone. Many of us have felt or are currently feeling just as you are now. If you are seriously contemplating suicide you need to go see a doctor immediately. Nobody is worth losing your life over. You will find someone that appreciates you. He sounds like a jerk to me. Thanks for your support, but I can't make myself believe this will ever get better. He was the only boyfriend I've ever truly loved by a long shot and he hurt me so ruthlessly. I don't get a lot of dates so I don't see myself ever being with anybody I love again. The worst is the loneliness. Most people have friends to at least support them through the breakup. I do not. I have no life. What am I supposed to do without people to go places with? I can't go to a bar alone, it just leaves me feeling depressed. I have literally nobody. I really just want to kill myself. I am so tired of this.
EmperorR Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Thanks for your support, but I can't make myself believe this will ever get better. He was the only boyfriend I've ever truly loved by a long shot and he hurt me so ruthlessly. I don't get a lot of dates so I don't see myself ever being with anybody I love again. The worst is the loneliness. Most people have friends to at least support them through the breakup. I do not. I have no life. What am I supposed to do without people to go places with? I can't go to a bar alone, it just leaves me feeling depressed. I have literally nobody. I really just want to kill myself. I am so tired of this. woah woah woah, no one is worth killing yourself over. Yes it sucks early on but trust me everyone on this forum is in the same spot or has been in the same spot you have. We know the pain, and how you think it will never get better but trust me it will. Look I had no friends after being cheated on and dumped by my fiance, I had to get through it on my own the hardest thing I ever did, 9 months later I'm happy content and moving on with my life, it takes time to heal now is the time to work on you. Yes loneliness sucks, so make it not suck do what you always wanted to do, go on a trip, sign up for a cooking class meet new friends, you will love again(if you want to). All the best.
BW007 Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 HeyUA, No guy is worth that. I am feeling really low and lonely and cut off today too and my relationship ended horribly almost 2 months ago and if I am honest about it there are many times I have wished I was dead. But remember this, There is an eternity to be dead and only a short window of opportunity to be alive so some stupid love affair aint worth it. I am as desperately lonely and betrayed as you are feeling and I bet if we lived in the same town you and I could try to comfort and heal each other, in other words, there are many many hurt lonely people out there (lotsa lonely fish in the sea)and that jerk you are getting mentally abused by and the woman who was such a cheater with me are not the end of our exsistence. Go NC ASAP. He is a dick.
twicebitten Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 ... listen (read) to EVERYTHING people are writing to you ... IT IS ALL TRUE!!!! WE KNOW how you feel ... You're NOT alone ... you have US!!!! And more importantly you have YOU!!!! It's ALWAYS DARKEST before the DAWN ... remember that & it DOES get BETTER ... MUCH better, in fact!! If you're away from family & freinds ... can you go visit!? Join some kind of group ... join something to meet people!?? Take care of YOU & one day this will make more sense & will be looked upon as a learning-experience that made you STRONGER!!! You WILL find love again ... REAL love w/someone that recipricates ALL of it!!! XO - TB -
Author unhappyaccident Posted May 31, 2009 Author Posted May 31, 2009 I hope you guys are right. I tried calling a friend from back home and my parents. None of them picked up. Then, I stupidly sent him a text message that said "I feel suicidal." His response: "Read a book."
BW007 Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Wow that was ultraharsh. But suicidal stuff is NOT going to fix anything. Read a book? wow...just wow.
twicebitten Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 WOW, he's AN ASSSSS!!! He's even worse (sounding) than my EXBF!!! Soooooooooo, PLEASE NO MORE CONTACT w/him!!!! Come HERE instead!!! He's a selfish, cowardly PIG!!! And YOU are a beautiful, worthy special woman ... remember that & believe that!!! XO - TB -
Thornton Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 OMG, he is such a prick! If someone texted me to say they were suicidal I would be straight round there to help them, even if they were my worst enemy. But I guess that's because I'm a decent human being who would want to help someone in trouble even if they're a complete stranger, never mind if they were someone I used to date. Your ex is very heartless and rude, and you are better off without him. Don't sit at home on a Saturday night, get out and do something. I used to go to dancing class, because you can go on your own and it's easy to meet people, and it kind of feels like a night out because you get dressed up and have a couple of drinks at the bar in between dancing. If all else fails, get a part-time bar job... yet another thing I used to do to stave off loneliness, because being in the bar and talking to people was better than being at home on a Saturday night, and I could have a drink there after I finished work too. I also used to log into Second Life and chat to people online - even an internet friend is better than no friend at all! Please DO NOT think of suicide or do anything silly. No man is worth killing yourself for, especially not this one. If you're really struggling with suicidal thoughts, see your doctor. You feel like crap now but it will get better with time, I promise you.
hoping2heal Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Okay here's the deal; First things first; as everyone else has said if you are feeling trully suicidal, please seek some outside help to teach you how to deal with the trauma you're experiencing. Now that we have that out of the way, You know, last year I went through a really devestating "break up". To make matters worse? EVERYONE around me was IN LOVE and SO HAPPY in relationships, and I was the oddball out. I felt like I would never be able to fall in love again, like I would never open my heart to another. I thought I would never stop thinking about, dreaming about, and missing this person so deeply. To say I was miserable is putting it lightly. I would go days on end without a bite to eat. I would go 24 hour periods without sleeping. I cried myself to sleep every night for months. Not days, not weeks, months. Oh hell, just writing about it scares me ****less, because I know my current partner would hurt me just as much, actually probably more (as we are closer and more open/honest than the previous guy). Damn, love is so scary. Alright sorry, anyhow as you can see I mention my current partner, know what that means? It means yeah, I was miserable, broken hearted and felt like crap for several months on end, but eventually I began to heal and I began to move on and then I finally let him go. A few months thereafter I met someone knew and now I am deeply in love once again, to the point it feels like I've never loved another before him (even though I know I have from memory). The thing is, this is some callous guy who doesn't really care about you and never really did. He is dime a dozen, you will find guys like that all over for the rest of your life. You WILL get past this. YOU WILL be okay. Now in closing, it's very important to stress to you that it is NOT okay behavior to text an ex talking about suicide. Yes, his response to it was asnine but that is highly manipulative and unfair behavior, and no matter how much of an ass bag this guy is, it's not ever okay to do that, ok? Alright, the best of luck to you with everything, you're going to be okay- you really will.
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Sweetie many of us have gone through what you currently are, and when you are in it, its like you cant see out of it. Its a bit like a fog that you cant see through and you aren't even aware of whats beyond it. But the point is there is SO MUCH beyond it, that once you get through this, you can seize. Once you do get through this, you will be much stronger. Sadly many of us give up friendships, family and much more besides for a loved one because they are our priority and then if it fails, we realise we have lost so much more besides them, and the feeling of loneliness only becomes more overwhelming. It will take time to rebuild what you've lost but it is very possible to do so. Just be patient, understanding, compassionate and tolerant of your own emotions. Yes they may be overwhelming and unbearable at times, but keep strong, you can do it. Life is so short anyway that even in the hardest times, it is not worth ending.
notalone Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 UA, Stop calling him, texting him, telling him how lonely and sad your are without him. Desperate behaviour is not going to bring him back. The harder you try to cling on to him, the harsher he will treat you.
gypsi Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 I feel you pain its the worst feeling in the world, i am going thru hell myself after the break up i moved to a foreign country i had no friend or family here and i spent most nights in my room depressed and crying and thought that being dead would be a relieve from this state of emotional hell! I pulled myself togheter started going out and i met loads of new people, the thing is if you kill yourself you will spend eternity feeling exactly the way you feel now, so not worth it where as it will only take you a few months or maybe a year to heal and get over this guy who is truly a SELFISH dickhead! You never know what the future has in store for you, your real truel love might just be around the corner and here you are thinking of ending it all not wise! You have lots of people who care for you on here, be strong x
LadyV Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 UA, PLEASE LISTEN TO EVERYONE HERE! Your life is too precious and valuable to let it all slip away because of him!!! You are worth so much more...this pain you are going through is intense, and I can relate because I have been there....On more than 1 occasion!!! As some have mentioned here, do NOT contact him. It is true what they say...he will not be the loving caring person, rather push you away even further. He will not want to hear that you are upset...it will only make him more angry. If anything, the minute you pick yourself up, and show him that in fact YOU DON'T need him, it is then, that it will hit him like a ton of bricks!!! He will see that you are a strong, independent woman who can handle this and move on without him. The pain you are feeling is natural. When my XH and I divorced almost 2 years ago, I felt like I lost a part of me. In a way I did, but at the same time, discovered so much about myself....You are grieving right now. That is normal too...Allow yourself to feel the pain, that is how you will get through it... I would suggest going to talk to someone as well....Talking to someone can help you deal with and process what it is that you are going through...Hang in there, UA! Again, your life is way to prescious and imporant to allow this jerk to destroy it!!!!
Lucky_One Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 How about check in, babe, so that we know you are ok? Remember, even attempting suicide in an attempt to prove to the other person that you really ARE serious about your misery isn't going to make this other person love you again or treat you any better. Please call 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433). They have people 24/7/365 to listen to you and to give you practical advice on how to cope with the current wave of despondency you find yourself in right now. Please call.
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