Thornton Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Surely if you can prove that your SS lived with you from a certain date, his mother would be ordered to pay back all child support money received after that date? Ho ho, what a lovely surprise for her!
Eve Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Our money situation sucks, though. S/O's exW refuses to sign the papers that say that SS now lives with us - so though we are now his primary caregivers, we still have to pay nearly $400/month to exW in child support. . Hubby and I experienced something simular. We had to write to the Child Support complaints department and they investigated our claims thoroughly to a successful end. There must be a way around this problem. Take care, Eve xx
Author blind_otter Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 S/O has a lawyer, but the wheels turn slowly. The child support enforcement office in our area is notoriously difficult. For example, there was only one employee assigned to handle issues like S/O's regarding custody switching, and she was out of the office for a month, and when she returned she said that he needed to fill out various forms and wait for a response. He did fill out forms, but apparently missed one line of the form (which his lawyer reviewed, so she sucks too) and they said he has to start all over again. While I try to remain confident that things will be put to rights, I know that in terms of child support - it can take years, and sometimes it never gets put to rights. It kind of seems like S/O's exW purposelly quit her job immediately after sending their son to move in with us, and is moving to Canada quickly, to avoid having to pay any child support. I'm just trying to accept each moment as if I had chosen it freely at this point. BUt that is very very hard. An extremely intense spiritual discipline, I'm starting to realize.
Eve Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Are the child support payments deducted directly from your partners wages? If so, that may be the link you need to concentrate on breaking. You need to trigger a re-assessment somehow. There must be a way for you to approach the Courts yourself, with appropriate evidence. I am sure that the School can confirm his attendance. Seriously, there MUST be a way. It is absolutely appalling what you are going through. Even though this is a difficult transition, it certainly sounds like it is for the best that the boy is with your family. His mother is despicable. Take care, Eve xx
sb129 Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Even if you don't receive any CS from your SSs mom, if you aren't paying it to her, that will make a big difference to you financially, right?
Sassy Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Until you and S/O are on the same page it will never work!! You know from my expierence all the crap i dealt with.. I am so glad I DO NOT HAVE TO DEAL with this situation anymore.. My heart goes out to you cause until your -S/O gives you respect stepson won't. You have to be on the same page with the parenting or it will reflect with Landen!! If you ever need someone to talk with you know where i am . Email me on here or myspace anytime ! Been there done that .. Being a step parent is so hard !! How is Landen adjusting with all this conflict ? I am sure he is noticing you being upset.. Good Luck!!
Sassy Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 So I just wanted to give an update to those who are interested. S/O and I started seeing that family therapist that was recommended to us and it has been really fantastic so far. The sessions are not pleasant, of course. I tend to roll up my sleeves and dive right in. At this point I do tend to use therapists as a sounding board more than anything else, because I do lots of reading and research on my own and am so committed to getting better. My S/O has been on board in this as well, he has been surprisingly open and candid in the sessions. I like the therapist, too. She isn't on anyone's side, which is great, and she has this really positive energy about her which I respond well to, as does S/O. We are seeing her for a while before introducing SS to the mix. But he's been pretty good lately. There have been a few tense moments, but I have been dialing down my developmental expectations in regard to his emotions, and he has been making an effort to come back after the fact and offer sincere apologies without making excuses. We are starting to get some regular chores sorted, and are looking into a few week long day camps here and there because he needs a reason to get up in the morning. I do need some advice about his bedtime - but that's for another thread. Anyways, things are progressing as well as can be expected. Our money situation sucks, though. S/O's exW refuses to sign the papers that say that SS now lives with us - so though we are now his primary caregivers, we still have to pay nearly $400/month to exW in child support. She went to Canada for a month to scout out where she's moving with her new BF and called her son ONE TIME the entire month, which makes me sick. She's having a grand vacation using the child support money now that she doesn't have to take care of her own son. She also quit her job, which pisses me off. I have a lot of anger and rage at this woman, but no way to work through it. I am just trying to accept every moment as if I had chosen this freely. Anger does no one any good. I am that you two deciding on couseling !! It worked for my h and I .. I am happy for you two!! This made us a stronger couple! One thing my h had to learn that we both had to be on the same page with his ss. I was a stay at home mom with him too. I dealt with him more than he did !! If you are his other primary caregiver then you have all rights to discipling him.. My h and I RAISED my stepson together and stepson to this day is regretting things he done. His mom didn't come in the picture till he was 14 and then wanted to be a mom!! He went with her cause he didn't like our rules at 16 and regretted it every since
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