Author blind_otter Posted May 31, 2009 Author Posted May 31, 2009 I just can't do this. I tried to talk things out with S/O to make him understand but he really did not think that his son was disrespectful to me - he basically has the lowest possible expectations with regard to his older son's behavior, apparently - either that or he still thinks of his son as a 7 year old boy who can't understand or reason as much as an 11 year old. After talking with S/O this morning I realized that this can't work. He is not on the same page as I am regarding his older son, and no amount of talking on my part can communicate anything.
Land Shark Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 That sucks. Why does he feel the need to protect his kid from you? Even if he doesn't agree with you, at least he could back off and allow you and the kid to work things out on your own. It's not like you're going to do damage by just being yourself.
Author blind_otter Posted May 31, 2009 Author Posted May 31, 2009 I think he feels the need to protect his kid out of guilt. The boy's mother is the same way. Thus, I have seen the child progress from a normal size to being overweight - they coddle him, allow him to eat the crappiest most highly processed food, don't challenge him or force him to do anything beyond what he wants to do - play videogames, watch TV, play on the computer. It's just plain old guilt.
Sweetcheripie Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 I just can't do this. I tried to talk things out with S/O to make him understand but he really did not think that his son was disrespectful to me - he basically has the lowest possible expectations with regard to his older son's behavior, apparently - either that or he still thinks of his son as a 7 year old boy who can't understand or reason as much as an 11 year old. After talking with S/O this morning I realized that this can't work. He is not on the same page as I am regarding his older son, and no amount of talking on my part can communicate anything. So what are you going to do? As hard as it is - please have some empathy for the kid. His mother is abandoning him. He can't verbalize it but that just sucks! She may be a horrible mom and this is the best thing for him but no matter how bad she is - he is feeling abandoned. AND at a really hard age. 12/13 is a tough age for boys (not to be dramatic but we have had three suicides of boys that age in our area). He is testing you and his Dad. Your S/O is being wimpy and not showing you any respect because, well, he is wimpy. He wants his kid there but doesn't want to work at making it a good situation. The lying about the microwave - kids do that. Its stupid and as adults we think they are being disrespectful etc but it is not personal. They are stupid. I know it sounds weird but try to find humor in it. Don't clean it - but show him some cool ways to clean a mistake. (put a bowl of water with lemon in the microwave and boil it) the steam will take the gross crap off easier. He knows he lied - he knows you know he lied. Show him ways to get out of a bad situation without making it a big "you must respect me" type thing. He is also probably jealous of your little one. He sees your child having a very loving mommy. The tween cannot show you respect (although he probably has immense respect for you) because in his mind it would be disloyal to the mom. So the best thing you can do is love your little one - show that good example! And then treat the tween with humor. Getting upset gives him power - power he does not deserve. The very best middle school teachers teach with humor - they laugh with the kids. It is an awkward age. He will grow out of this. And you could be a very positive influence in his life. Give it some time. Have some fun with it! I know this is hard for you and you haven't been given a lot of choices or support so you are understandably resentful. But unless you leave with your little one you have to make this work.
Sweetcheripie Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 I think he feels the need to protect his kid out of guilt. The boy's mother is the same way. Thus, I have seen the child progress from a normal size to being overweight - they coddle him, allow him to eat the crappiest most highly processed food, don't challenge him or force him to do anything beyond what he wants to do - play videogames, watch TV, play on the computer. It's just plain old guilt. Does he have any interest in sports at all?
nittygritty Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 11 year olds typically don't think about cleaning out the microwave after they use it. Nor do they consider giving a response like "Nothing", when asked what happened, as being a direct lie. He may have been thinking "I didn't break it". Rather than asking him what happened, just tell him to clean up the mess he made in the microwave. If he doesn't know how to correctly clean the microwave the way you like it to be cleaned then teach him. Is this really about a perceived lie from an 11 year old, over him not cleaning the microwave after using it or are you resenting the whole situation of not only having your SO's son living with you full time but you having to take care of him during the day? I would be really angry at his mother and probably his father too for dumping the majority of their parenting responsibilities of their child, in your lap. Rather than nitpicking the kid with misplaced anger, you can either tell your SO that you resent the situation (again) or accept and work through the problems that go along with raising an 11 year old boy that's been abandoned by his mother. Also, the problems that you and your SO are having with the differences in parenting styles will likely continue and eventually will include the son the two of you have together. Which is a normal struggle that many parents experience. Learn how to agree to disagree on some things and let some of the small things go.
Author blind_otter Posted May 31, 2009 Author Posted May 31, 2009 Well after further reflection, and reading these well thought out responses - I spoke briefly with S/O and set the following boundaries - 1. We must all see a family therapist to help us all adjust to the new living situation, and to help S/O's older son work through his feelings of abandonment. 2. We will move the crib into my room and S/O will sleep on a futon in my son's room for a while, until I get to the point where I feel we can re-establish intimacy. That may take several months. 3. S/O's son must be either enrolled in some sort of educational enrichment camp or join a kiddie sports team (soccer, baseball, whatever). This way he will have some structure to his summer, a social outlet beyond his family, and a way to get energy out. I think half of the time he is irritable because he sits around all day eating bad food and he has all this extra energy that is not getting burned off - I know that if I don't exercise at least 5 hours a week I can be really bitchy. My son is the same way, if he doesn't get outside for a few hours a day he is very grumpy and hard to handle. I am very reluctant to kick S/O's older son out, I know that he would view it as abandonment again, though I was thinking about how his mother has moved in and out of a few boyfriend's houses after the boy got close to them and he always had lots of disciplinary issues and bad grades for a few months after each split he had to endure. It's so hard, on top of all of the other issues I have to deal with... I talked to a friend of mine, this morning, though. She listened with a sympathetic ear, but offered no advice. She just did my hair for me (she's a hairstylist) and it made me feel a bit better, even if that's a shallow thing. First time I've had my hair done in over a year - I haven't had time since my son was born. I am not optimistic, really. I am, however, prepared to work hard on the emotional and psychological aspects of this predicament. I've done the work on myself in the past, so I know I can do it. I've pulled out my Dr. David Burns CBT primer. Gah I wish life was easier.
Author blind_otter Posted May 31, 2009 Author Posted May 31, 2009 Is this really about a perceived lie from an 11 year old, over him not cleaning the microwave after using it or are you resenting the whole situation of not only having your SO's son living with you full time but you having to take care of him during the day? The microwave stuff isn't even the issue, to me. It's the fact that the boy respects me so little that he thinks it's OK to just ignore me, but demand that I clean his room for him, do his laundry, and cook his meals, and chauffer him around town. I'm not a maid or a nanny - God knows I don't get the compensation for that. Also, the problems that you and your SO are having with the differences in parenting styles will likely continue and eventually will include the son the two of you have together. Which is a normal struggle that many parents experience. Learn how to agree to disagree on some things and let some of the small things go. I think I mentioned this earlier, but SO has no problem with my parenting style in regard to our son, and in fact respects my efforts at being a solid parent. I research infant development a lot. I just have to refocus to include tween development as well. I think his over protectiveness of his older son stems from guilt. While I think that the boy's parents are pretty stupid and I am quite resentful of their behavior, it doesn't do me much good to dwell on that. I just have to deal with the reality of my sucky situation. It is what it is. I do what I can, and leave the rest to God. Someone has to be there for this boy in an authentic way. I can't wash my hands of him.
Touche Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 it'll be easier if you just face the fact that this kid will never respect you because you're not his mom. you will have little, if any, control or power over him. his dad will have to do most of the discipling. actually this kid probably resents you to all hell. thats the situation and you cannot change it. all you can change is your own behaviour Not true. I was in the exact same situation. Trust me, my stepson ended up respecting me. See my above post - I have been trying HARD, but he treats me like a maid, lies to me, then ignores me when I try to tell him it's not OK to lie to me.... It's hard to show him how much I care about him when he is acting like a disrespectful little jit. Welcome to motherhood...whether it's your own child or someone else's. No difference. Your own son will more than likely be the same way at one point or another, trust me on that one. This isn't personal. Showing that you don't care that he acts like a jerk, shows that you don't care about him enough to expect more. It also shows that you don't care about yourself to demand that people treat you right. Setting boundaries and enforcing them is a higher priority than touchy, feely stuff that he really could care less about. If he had the choice, he'd definitely prefer game night, but only with people he respects. You can do game night any time. You have your best chance to get his attention and develop a good relationship now. Totally agree. You'd make a good parent (step-parent too). What I was getting at before...sorry I was in the middle of a phone call...is that I think he needs to know he belongs. That's what the game night was all about. I know when my guys go to their dad's they like that it's like a family which they don't have with just me. There it is dad, step-mom and them. Most Saturdays it is just her with the kids. He works. She's very balanced though. She is tough and shows she cares about them by enforcing rules with them but she also hugs them a lot. I think it's possible my kids may think she loves them more than their dad does. Mostly she lets the kids be kids. Dad would want them to have grown up yesterday. And I really think that's a big reason why they love her. But she won't put up with any of their crap either. They hardly give her any because they know dad will kick their ass if they do. You need your SO on this. You need to be on the same page. The boy needs you two to be on the same page. His future depends on it. Yep..especially the last part. b_0...you MUST show him who is boss. if you don't do that right quick you'll be screwed. use "tough love". thats the only way in this situation. once he knows you won't take any **** then he'll mellow out and if his dad objects that just tell daddy that either he has to be the enforcer or you do. dad can be the "good cop" but you'll have to be the "bad cop" to get things straightened out here. That's what we ended up doing until we were FINALLY on the same page..took years though. I think he feels the need to protect his kid out of guilt. The boy's mother is the same way. Thus, I have seen the child progress from a normal size to being overweight - they coddle him, allow him to eat the crappiest most highly processed food, don't challenge him or force him to do anything beyond what he wants to do - play videogames, watch TV, play on the computer. It's just plain old guilt. Yep. I could have written this back in the day. And it all ended up working out beautifully, BO. But yeah, took years. I felt like leaving a few times. I even threatened to.
nittygritty Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 The microwave stuff isn't even the issue, to me. It's the fact that the boy respects me so little that he thinks it's OK to just ignore me, but demand that I clean his room for him, do his laundry, and cook his meals, and chauffer him around town. I'm not a maid or a nanny - God knows I don't get the compensation for that. I think I mentioned this earlier, but SO has no problem with my parenting style in regard to our son, and in fact respects my efforts at being a solid parent. I research infant development a lot. I just have to refocus to include tween development as well. I think his over protectiveness of his older son stems from guilt. If I was an eleven year old whose mother had abandoned me by taking off to Canada with her latest boyfriend, I probably wouldn't know how to handle my feelings about that. You have the opportunity as a stepparent to demonstrate to him that all women aren't like his mom. He doesn't know that yet about you. Difficult as it may be, don't prove him right by looking for the nearest exit when the struggle gets tough. Parenting duties include being a cook, maid, chauffer, nanny and financial backer. It sounds like his mother was negligent (still is), which could possibly explain why he had to learn how to demand her to do things for him. However, you already know the responsibilities that go along with job from taking care of your own son. The rewards or "compensation" is there, you just have to look for it or even create your own, in your mind. "Respect" has different meanings to different people so I don't really know what your interpretation of that is but I do know that eventually your stepson will learn that you don't abandon him (if you don't choose to leave) and he will later, love and respect you more than he's now capable of demonstrating and reciprocating to you. Your SO knows that your parenting style towards your own son is done out of love for your child. Normal toddler behaviors are different than normal 11 year old behaviors. It's difficult to predict whether or not you and your SO are going to disagree later about the differences in parenting styles but this could be an indication if your SO views your parenting style as overly strict or too picky about your expectations of a child's age appropriate behavior. If your son was the same age as your stepson and had done the same thing, would you feel and have handled the problem the same way? If so, you may be setting yourself up for constant dissapointment in your kids. If that's something negative that you learned from your own childhood experiences try to change that about yourself so that you don't pass it on to your kids.
nittygritty Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Well after further reflection, and reading these well thought out responses - I spoke briefly with S/O and set the following boundaries - 1. We must all see a family therapist to help us all adjust to the new living situation, and to help S/O's older son work through his feelings of abandonment. 2. We will move the crib into my room and S/O will sleep on a futon in my son's room for a while, until I get to the point where I feel we can re-establish intimacy. That may take several months. 3. S/O's son must be either enrolled in some sort of educational enrichment camp or join a kiddie sports team (soccer, baseball, whatever). This way he will have some structure to his summer, a social outlet beyond his family, and a way to get energy out. I think half of the time he is irritable because he sits around all day eating bad food and he has all this extra energy that is not getting burned off - I know that if I don't exercise at least 5 hours a week I can be really bitchy. My son is the same way, if he doesn't get outside for a few hours a day he is very grumpy and hard to handle. I am very reluctant to kick S/O's older son out, I know that he would view it as abandonment again, though I was thinking about how his mother has moved in and out of a few boyfriend's houses after the boy got close to them and he always had lots of disciplinary issues and bad grades for a few months after each split he had to endure. It's so hard, on top of all of the other issues I have to deal with... I talked to a friend of mine, this morning, though. She listened with a sympathetic ear, but offered no advice. She just did my hair for me (she's a hairstylist) and it made me feel a bit better, even if that's a shallow thing. First time I've had my hair done in over a year - I haven't had time since my son was born. I am not optimistic, really. I am, however, prepared to work hard on the emotional and psychological aspects of this predicament. I've done the work on myself in the past, so I know I can do it. I've pulled out my Dr. David Burns CBT primer. Gah I wish life was easier. Some of your boundaries may have negative results. 1. Be very, very careful when choosing a family therapist. I don't know what your expectations of "family therapy" is but you'll know after the first visit whether it's going to be beneficial to your family. 10 different therapists are likely going to view "the problems" and solutions very differently. Use common sense when listening to their opinions and advice. Remember that they do this to make a living and in a bad economy, their sales are down. Normal, little blended family problems may escalate into big problems that require lots of therapy sessions. If the "homework" given escalates the problem rather than helps solve problems then the therapist is probably a quack. Every family has their struggles. There wouldn't be much fun in living if everything in life was perfect. It's the "struggle" that makes life worth living. 2. Putting the crib in your room and moving your S/O into your son's room to sleep on the futon sounds like a really bad idea, IMO. Not only will you be giving lots of power to the tug-of-war that your having with your stepson but you will also be chipping away at your relationship with your S/O. Sleeping in separate bedrooms for the reasons you've described is usually what takes place right before couples permanently split-up, whether you realize it or not. It's definitely a step in the wrong direction if your wanting a positive outcome, with an intact family for your son. A couple's intimacy is tough enough during the baby/toddler years. The amount of time spent together always changes with kids in the mix. You will be doing more harm than good by the statement you will be making to your S/O and both of the kids, if you move your S/O to your son's room and moving your son into your room. If you are truly committed to your S/O and making this work, don't threaten separation or forms of abandonment. It's difficult to backpedal and fix relationship problems, after you establish bad relationship boundaries between you and your S/O. Which is what you would be doing by moving him out of "your" bedroom. It would be creating turmoil and uncertaintly for everyone in the household. Your S/O also may eventually get sick of it and either seek intimacy elsewhere and/or want to leave. Instead of punishing your S/O (which is how it would be perceived) why not accept the things that you can and can't change about the situation? Talk to your S/O about your feelings without expectations or placing blame. 3. Getting the 11 year old involved in sports and activities outside of the home is a great solution. Your S/O should do that with him and both boys as much as possible. In order to strengthen his relationship with his sons and also to give you a break from the kids. Find a sitter so that you and your S/O can start having "date nights" together, without the kids. Whatever you do, don't kick the 11 year old out and send him back to live with his mother. That shouldn't even be an option to contemplate. Even though he is not your son, he is your S/O's son and you should approach the commitment to raising his son with the same commitment that you have with raising your own son. It's doubtful that you would ever choose to have your son go live with someone else or choose to put him up for adoption. It's not fair to try to make your S/O try to choose who he loves the most or try to divide the household into a his kid and your kid thing because the kids are brothers, living in the same household with the same parents in charge there. Even though the living situations have changed, you knew that your S/O had a child from a previous relationship. Your parenting responsibilities and obligations towards your S/O's child changed and increased when the two of you made the commitment that goes along with having another child together. Believe it or not, an 11 year old can learn to help out in many ways. As long as you have the patience that's required and don't approach household chores as punishment, you can gradually teach him how to help do laundry, cook, clean and even sometimes help take care of his brother a little bit while your busy doing other needed household tasks. Regardless, your S/O should probably be helping take care of both kids more, in order to give you much needed breaks from taking care of the kids. If he can't do this at least several hours each week then find a sitter so that you can go do nice things for yourself and have some alone time doing some of the things you enjoy doing.
marlena Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 your only solution is to jettison S/O and his kid which would also mean getting rid of your kids father. you either do that or learn to live in the situation you've created. end of story. Again I have to agree with Alpha. The little boy is part of the package deal. He is your SO's son and that in itself means you have to accept him no matter how hard it is. BO, I was in your shoes EXACTLY many years ago. My stepdaughter came to live with us at the very difficult age of 14. She was rebellious, tough, street wise, a drug user and in trouble with the law. The mother couldn't deal with it and so she shipped her over here. My daughter was only two at the time. I can't even begin to tell you the torture I went through. But somehow I survived it all because I had to. I tried to get through to her in so many ways but at the time I seemed to be failing miserably. Many, many years later, I found out that she said the nicest things about me, telling people how much she respected and appreciated me. It's her father she had the major issues with. Anyway, hang in there. Do the best you can. Be as patient as you can, as understanding as it is humanly possible to be. You may impact his life in such a positive way that he will always remember you kindly.
Eve Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 There are some seriously insightful posts here. Sorry that I forgot that that in the US you have to pay for health care. Choose any therapist very wisely. I cant imagine having to pay for something as such. If I may I would like to offer you a massive hug. Hang in there.. Kids and families, who would have them? Take care, Eve xx
Author blind_otter Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 The reason I wanted some distance between SO and I is that one of our arguments escalated to a point where I started having flashbacks. Some of you may or may not know that I have PTSD related to rape trauma syndrome from molestation and two rapes that I experienced as a young child, tween, and older teen. He didn't really do anything violent, but happened to say something word for word that someone said to me in the past during a traumatic moment and it caused me some issues where I was associating my SO with the person who hurt me. I felt the need to put some distance between us in order to have some time to first deal with the flurry of flashbacks, and then to work through the emotions that have arisen due to the re-experience of the trauma. I've had nearly 10 years of CBT with regard to this issue so I have a massive toolkit at my disposal to deal with the blowback, but it does take some time and serious effort on my part. I dealt with them relatively quickly yesterday and was surprised at how quickly I bounced back, considering that in the past sometimes I was emotionally crippled for days or weeks after having a day of flashbacks. I have a recommendation for a good family therapist from a friend who experienced similar issues recently. Since I have quite a bit of experience in dealing with and choosing therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists and I also have a degree in psychology I am very aware that every practitioner has a different personal philosophy. I always demand a meeting prior to beginning any kind of therapeutic intervention just to discuss approaches and philosophies because I have a small amount of experience and education in this area and I have my own opinions. By the way, sending the boy to his mother was out of the question. My options were really - split up with SO, wherein he would move into his own place with his older son, or find help dealing with the difficulties of the situation. After researching and reading on my own, I decided I needed the help and advice from a professional. While I understand that all blended families experience these challenges, I am new to the territory and I don't trust my own judgment because of my lack of experience. What knowledge of child development I do have tells me that I must tread lightly because I could do serious damage with my little bit of knowledge, which is why I am resorting to professional intervention.
2sure Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 The microwave stuff isn't even the issue, to me. It's the fact that the boy respects me so little that he thinks it's OK to just ignore me, but demand that I clean his room for him, do his laundry, and cook his meals, and chauffer him around town. I'm not a maid or a nanny - God knows I don't get the compensation for that. Welcome to parenthood. I married my husband when my daughter was 9. He had no children. One of the biggest things I tried to convey to my husband was that he had to recognize that children are not grateful for anything a parent does until they have children of their own. Even good kids, like my daughter. I didnt want him to feel unappreciated or disrespected because he was the STEP parent...I wanted him to understand that he was unappreciated and disrespected simply because he was a parent. lol. I say this with a laugh, but its really true. It sounds like you will be able to get a handle on the child, and possibly the Dad as well. It also sounds as though maybe the issue is figuring out what your ultimate goal here is.
Eve Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Do whatever you must to always be able to start again. Every child needs to know that they are not stuck and can start again.. You do have a good foundation within your family, with time and a little direction the foundation will get stronger. Sorry to hear about the things that happened to you at such a young age. Bastards. Depraved bastards Just know that the points you have raised are valuable and I am glad that you are not ignoring these issues. That instinct will carry you through this. Praying you all find an authentic way of simply being together through the good times and the bad. Chin up girl and thank you for sharing. Take care, Eve xx
Mary3 Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I think he feels the need to protect his kid out of guilt. The boy's mother is the same way. Thus, I have seen the child progress from a normal size to being overweight - they coddle him, allow him to eat the crappiest most highly processed food, don't challenge him or force him to do anything beyond what he wants to do - play videogames, watch TV, play on the computer. It's just plain old guilt. Thats lazy and abusive behavior also bordering on neglect. Now on to the kid : He is 11 years old. You are the enemy right now. Don't you know most young kids want their mom and dad together ? Like it or not , thats what they want. Even if the parents are fighting mad . He scoffs at the exploding mess he left in the microwave turns and lies to you and walks away. Thats Disrespect. How do you earn it ? STOP trying ! Stop stop the favorite movies, toys , snacks , dinners out , treats , lake visits and ect ect. The kid does not appreciate ANY of it. As an adult you can appreciate it but he sees you as the wicked witch who is with his dad. Which by the way he ALSO sees your weak shakey relationship. He zones in on that and Dad backs the kid up. Sounds to ME like Dad is a child too and you have 2 kids + the other one... Treat this like a new date where the date brings flowers , candy and top theatre tickets but you are still not attracted to that person. No MATTER what the date does , you are still not clicking with him. Thats like the 11 year old. Its not ( you are not ) clicking with him and he could give a rats behind about ALL the neat stuff you are doing. Back off. Go Corporal , with the 11 year old and the boyfriend. Make rules . Stick to them. Punishments handed out. Nicey nice didnt work DID it ?
Ariadne Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I'm sure that he will if he's constantly surrounded by people who don't see it necessary to demand that he act like a decent human being. Well, If you told me this: What upsets me is that you lied to my face and thought it was OK to do that. Why did you think it was OK to lie to me? I was the kind of kid that would spit in your face.
marlena Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I was the kind of kid that would spit in your face. Ariadne, why in the world would you have done that? Just curious!
Ariadne Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Ariadne, why in the world would you have done that? Just curious! Because I'd hate her.
Land Shark Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Well, If you told me this: What upsets me is that you lied to my face and thought it was OK to do that. Why did you think it was OK to lie to me? I was the kind of kid that would spit in your face. But you would do that regardless. So that makes you somewhat off topic.
Ariadne Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 But you would do that regardless. So that makes you somewhat off topic. Nah, as a child you are more powerless, so I'd be very rebellious. I'd make her life impossible. As an adult you don't have to put up with this crap.
marlena Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Because I'd hate her. So I guess you would have hated her no matter what she said. OK, cool. I get it. I understand how a child might feel this way to a step parent. This is one of the reasons why I never re-married TBH. I didn't want to take the risk of marrying someone who might not treat my daughter kindly and respectfully. Still, spitting is a very violent reaction and so terribly disgusting. Good thing you didn't have a step parent, huh? Anyway, being a step parent ws oneof the hardest things I've ever done. Thank my lucky stars it only lasted a couple of years.
Land Shark Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 As an adult you don't have to put up with this crap. That was my point exactly.
Ariadne Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 So I guess you would have hated her no matter what she said. OK, cool. I get it. I understand how a child might feel this way to a step parent. Oh no... If she were nice and loving I'd be happy to be there. But if she were giving me the attitude she has with that child, forget it. I was very bad as a child, and if someone was an ass to me, I'd be an ass ten million times more.
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