Bells Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 ....they'll meet you at a public function. When I went to some church gatherings, singles gatherings actually....where they would have a party at someone's house or a BBQ, I'd meet some women. If I happened to like one that would strike my fancy, I'd get their number. Later at home, I'd call them to ask them out. I had this one girl say, "Well, there's another <insert church singles function in the future here> coming up, how about we get to know each other there?" I go, "Well, we COULD do that, but I'd prefer to go out to dinner, just you and I" And she said, "Well, I'm one of those girls that prefers to get to know a guy in a group environment." She also mentioned that other girls do this as well....they just prefer to get to know a guy they are interested in....in a group environment. I was like "okay" but after I got off the phone wasn't all that enthusiastic about it, and I wouldn't show up....and they'd say, "Hey, where were you?" It's not like I stood her up or anything, I just didn't buy into it. Anyone ever heard of this new excuse? lol
MineThatBird Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 Difficult people WILL ALWAYS be difficult. Group environments are generally not a good deal because friends will pass judgment and perhaps find fault to justify their being their/ presence. It's similar to taking a friend along to go car/ house shopping, you know?
Trialbyfire Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 It means they're not certain they want to date you or they don't trust you yet. I think it's a generally smart move for women. I also wouldn't take it personally.
Kaybear Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 It could be that the person said, has a difficult time in one on one settings. Personal shyness, or common fears of being alone with someone. I've seen it happen before. One of my friends use to really like this guy. He was a bit older then her. I believe two years a bit more, actually. The intimidating thing was that she felt she could not impress him enough one on one, that she would only accept invites to group functions where she did not have to be the center of attention, but she felt comfortable others were around her. It's not a new excuse, trust me. And it's not technically being difficult either. Men can be anything one on one, besides themselves. IF your in a group function, where people know you and you talk to them. It tells a lot about a guy in general, or a girl if they're in a public setting. Anyways, just my personal opinion. Hope it helps. =) -Kaybear
Author Bells Posted May 30, 2009 Author Posted May 30, 2009 It could be that the person said, has a difficult time in one on one settings. Personal shyness, or common fears of being alone with someone. I've seen it happen before. One of my friends use to really like this guy. He was a bit older then her. I believe two years a bit more, actually. The intimidating thing was that she felt she could not impress him enough one on one, that she would only accept invites to group functions where she did not have to be the center of attention, but she felt comfortable others were around her. It's not a new excuse, trust me. And it's not technically being difficult either. Men can be anything one on one, besides themselves. IF your in a group function, where people know you and you talk to them. It tells a lot about a guy in general, or a girl if they're in a public setting. Anyways, just my personal opinion. Hope it helps. =) -Kaybear Just to inform women....this is generally a bad idea, and men don't like it. I had a guy that had to end something with a woman, apparently they met in a group function. He started to date her, and even still....when he wanted to go out, she was STILL wanting to hang out with these same group of friends at these functions. He said, "Listen, when you and I go out, I want it to be just you and me" He said he didn't mind going to these functions as a couple occasionally, however, she started to do it a little TOO much. I guess she got so used to the "group" functions while she was unattached, when she finally found someone to date....it was hard for her to detach. Even people and other male friends say don't even ask a girl to a group function on a first date either. Apparently it's a distraction, some guys say people will have a hard time trying to figure out you're even with her (esp if the group consists of nothing but unattached people) This one guy finally quit (and she actually concurred it was a meat market) because even if a fire broke out in the bar, you couldn't get these guys away from said woman....need a crow bar.....monopolizing your time with the girl you're trying to date. Some women, after experiencing this, actually stopped going to said events, and just went one on one with the person of interest.
monkey00 Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 Just to inform women....this is generally a bad idea, and men don't like it. I had a guy that had to end something with a woman, apparently they met in a group function. He started to date her, and even still....when he wanted to go out, she was STILL wanting to hang out with these same group of friends at these functions. He said, "Listen, when you and I go out, I want it to be just you and me" He said he didn't mind going to these functions as a couple occasionally, however, she started to do it a little TOO much. I guess she got so used to the "group" functions while she was unattached, when she finally found someone to date....it was hard for her to detach. Even people and other male friends say don't even ask a girl to a group function on a first date either. Apparently it's a distraction, some guys say people will have a hard time trying to figure out you're even with her (esp if the group consists of nothing but unattached people) This one guy finally quit (and she actually concurred it was a meat market) because even if a fire broke out in the bar, you couldn't get these guys away from said woman....need a crow bar.....monopolizing your time with the girl you're trying to date. Some women, after experiencing this, actually stopped going to said events, and just went one on one with the person of interest. I had an ex that was a religious church goer and she would get together in these gatherings with church peers for activities/events often at their houses. I'm not religious and that wasn't where I met her but she told me these gatherings would be where she meets friends and guys (that she would go out with). Every now and then she would try and go to different churches as a means meeting new people. But if she liked a guy she would turn it into something 1on1. For your case, the 1on1 thing seems to be more her issue. Sounds like she's just trying to feel it out and see what her options are before jumping 1on1.
Left in a Lurch Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 I had this once with a girl that was a friend of a friend. She actually had her friend ask if I was interested, and I definitely was. I talked with her a bit at the bar one night and got her number. When I called to ask her out she said, "Let's do the group thing." To me it told me I wasn't interesting enough for her when I talked to her. In a group, she'll talk to her friends and you'll talk to your friends and not talk to each other very much. If you have guy friends there and you try to talk to her they will usually c-block and rip on you in front of her, or make fun of things you say to her. It's just what guys do. If you have female friends there they will bombard you with bad advice about what to say and what to do and if she is talking with someone else they'll shove you in to her and say, "Talk to her", making you look weak. On top of that, if she is good looking, there will be at least one guy married or not that tries to horn in and he'll end up occupying all of her time if he is interested, and in order to talk to her you'll have to be aggressively inserting yourself into their conversation and come off looking desperate. Very bad idea to ever do the group thing. You're trying to get to know someone on a personal level and in a group it's pretty superficial. There is no harm for a woman to meet for a free dinner and get to know you if she wants, and what quicker way to get to know someone than private conversations? Meeting for dinner is just as public and safe as meeting in a group. I'd be interested in getting to know her if I want to date her, not getting to know her friends. If she was really interested, she would not mind spending time alone with you. I'd have done the same thing as you.
BobSacamento Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 I think it's more of the fear of being stood up on the 1 on 1 date. If you said yes to the group thing and blow it off consider your chance blown I'd say.
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