titofp Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 My ex and I live together. Up until a week ago, I was under the impression that everything was ok. Not perfect, but ok. I have some guilt in me from about a year and a half ago when she felt neglected and insecurity arose in her because of my actions. I was doing nothing, except socializing with a couple of female co-workers. One of them married and was having problems at home. The other one had a significant other and was having problems as well. I had the occasional argument, but we seemed to put that behind us and decided to work it out. The occasional turned into a little more frequently. Before you know it, we could not talk to each other without starting an argument. Regardless, we stayed together. I realized what I was doing and stopped it. She still brings it up to this day, because apparently there was one night I was having a convo with a friend and the phone rang, I was in the middle of laughing when I answered. I tell you this was the shortest conversation I ever had. She said it seems like you're having a good time and hung up on me. This is something that always came up in any argument that we had. Earlier this month, I had surgery. I was going to be off for the next four weeks. I figured that while I was off, I would spend time with her watching movies, talking to her.....basically making it up to her. Anywho, right before the month of April ended, there was one day that she came and picked me up from work. She mentioned to me that her mom had run into her ex (not the child's father), told him all about her life how she now had a child and was engaged to me, and had given him her number and he had texted her just wanting to know how she was. This did not bother me at first. I just questioned why, as we were engaged and getting ready to move out of state. I was a little upset, but did not really let it bother me. I thought to myself, I have trusted her this long and she has not given me any doubts. Besides, she is home with me. A couple of days later, she tells me that he contacted her via myspace wanting to know I can't remember what. I asked her that if he knew that we were engaged, he continued to contact her? She said that they were friends after they broke off and he was just wanting to see how she was. I said fine, but if he bothers you too much, just let me know. I will call him and ask him to back off. Now, back to me and surgery. I had surgery almost 4 weeks ago. The first 2 weeks of recovery were hell. I could barely do anything without it hurting me. After I had the staples removed, I felt a lot better. I figured that now was the time to start doing the little things that I had neglected to do for my baby. I did not notice it right away, but she was drifting farther from me each day. I finally caught notice of it, last Thursday and decided to go ahead and search the old phone bill. To my surprise.....there is the number.....to her EX. I immediately went into the bedroom where she was on the computer and told her that I figured it all out. And proceeded to explain to her that there was a number in the phone bill that I did not recognize, which turned out to be her ex's. She screamed at me wanting to know why I went through her phone. I screamed back wanting to know why she was talking to the man more than me. She began telling me that they are just friends and that she was only talking to him about a stroke that he had a couple of years ago and how he only has 70 percent mobility in his right side. I did not want to hear it. She then said that the move to the other state was going to happen, but that we were no longer going to be together. She claimed that she needed some time. She told me it wasn't me. Reassured me that I am a good man, but that she had issues that she needed to take care of. To tell you the truth, I was and still am heartbroken. I told her that I was going to get HER the truck and that she could go move all alone. She asked me "what about you?" I told her that I am a grown man and can take care of myself. I have a job and I can find a place to live. Needless to say, there was a lot of crying that night. From her! I was so shocked....I could not do anything. How can we go from being engaged to nothing at the snap of a finger? So, the next day, I log on to my phone carrier's website and do a search of this man's number in my account. To my surprise, she was texting him just about everyday. April 23rd was the first text. Which SHE sent! They texted each other for the next 2 days, and then stopped. The next text was not for almost 2 weeks. But ever since then, it was almost nonstop, and the best part.....I was in the same room! I found out that this person that she was "not talking to about our relationship", was one of the firsts to know that she and I were no longer together. I feel betrayed and I want answers from her. The complicated part is, that although she wants me to give her her time and space.....we live in the same house! I have no family here and neither does she. Where can I go? I want to move out of this state and go back to the state we both came from to be close to our families....but at this point I feel that there is no point in me going. I feel bad. I want to see my son grow. I don't want to just disappear out of his life. If there is one thing that I forgot to mention, is that the man that I feel messed it all up for me, lives in the same city/state that we were moving to. Should I just give her the silent treatment? Pretend she's not here? I have tried to show her that I realized what I did wrong and won't let it happen again. I get no special reaction. Should I tell her that I do not feel that I should pay for all the moving expenses and that she needs to cover half? Should I care that she may be left with no money if she contributes to the move? I am extremely confused and don't know what to think or do. I am going to see a counselor and see what she has to say. Any advice and unbiased opinions will be truly appreciated.
NopeNah Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 If she left you why would you pay for her move? I can understand that you care for her so you don't want her to be broke. But, its of no concern of yours anymore.
Author titofp Posted May 31, 2009 Author Posted May 31, 2009 Well, this was something that we both had planned for the past 2 years. She has a son, whom I have raised with her, that I am very attached to. We were going to move to be closer to our families and have an extra layer of support that we did not have for the 3 years while living in the state that we are in. I want the best for her. But, I feel horrible that this child will not be in my life as much, if not at all, when we make the move to the other state.
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