When you talk about the future... is it a "whoever you end up marrying" ? Opinions?

[lynnedays]

This is probably going to seem like a strange question.

 

But take this casual comment:

 

"When we get married one day... I hope Jessica won't be your maid of honor--she'll be drunk the whole time"

 

Now it seems as if some couples after 6 months make these kind of statements as a "we" with the assumption that they will be marrying each other if the subject comes up...

 

...where as some couples even after 2 years say:

 

"Well I hope whoever you end up marrying... you won't ask Jessica to be your maid of honor--cause she'll be drunk the whole time"

 

So I guess my question is.. which one is normal? My boyfriend and I of two years still fall into the latter category... but it seems like some of my friends with shorter relationships alrealdy talk to each other about marriage in the "we" sense. I don't want to get married now in any way sense or form--but I just wonder if we are strange because after two years we still say "whoever you end up marrying".

 

Any thoughts on this? How do you guys talk about it in your relationships?

[meanon]

Sorry both seem abnormal to me. Everyone I know has avoided talking about it until the point they realise they are both assuming they will be together forever.

[lynnedays]

Well I guess that's my point... when do people start assuming that? Only after one has proposed and otherwise it's abnormal to think so... and those people who have already decided and i guess made the assumption they will be together--are weird?

 

I'm just thinking about it because my boyfriend and I were watching "The wedding planner" with Jennifer Lopez and we were laughing at one of the guests... and thats when he made the comment.

 

It just struck me because I realized we both never ever make the assumption out loud that we will be marrying each other... whereas my friends who are in much younger relationships seem to.

 

Guess that's why I was asking for thoughts. Curiosity.

[meanon]

Sorry having difficult with the language thing. I don't think it's abnormal to think it but to say "when we get married" or "when you get married" seems odd to me. It pre-supposes an outcome to the relationship which you have not discussed with the other person.

 

How dod we talk about it? I think my husband made a drunken reference to something happening when we were 80. We assumed we would be together forever fairly early on but all was not smooth sailing thereafter. I guess it took around 7 years to be completely settled. We got married around 10 years after we met when we had kids.

[lynnedays]

So I guess in your case you guys assumed you would be together forever fairly early.

 

I was just curious if in most relationships that was the case or not.

 

Thanks for your thoughts

[Holly]

I dated a guy for years and years. Although I loved him, some part of me knew I didn't plan on ending up as his wife. He never said, "when we get married..." but if he ever alluded to a future together, I'd be like, "I don't know who I'm going to marry yet, but..." To me, that sounds like the kind of thing you and your boyfriend say to each other. It's hard to make a generalization about the meaning of such words, because it would vary from person to person. My current boyfriend always says, "when we get married blah blah blah" and I go along with it because entertaining the idea is sometimes interesting. However, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to marry this guy either!

 

Sorry if that just muddled things more for you...

[lynnedays]

haha. Thanks for your thoughts Holly.

 

I'm sure there is no set meaning for all people (aka if you say "we" it means you will...if you dont' say it... then it means you wont'). I just was curious if in most relationships people always do say "we"... and make the assumption that they will be marrying each other.

 

I thought perhaps my boyfriend and I were strange in that aspect because we didnt.

 

)