nocontact2 Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 My girlfriend thinks I should write a blog from the start of our relationship to the end/current status... post it on the net or utube and send him the link to it??? what the majority rule on this one??? If he cant be honest should OP do it for him so OP and their children together are no longer a secret????:rolleyes:
MichelleS1983 Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 You knew he wasn't honest when you got involved with him. You knew he wasn't honest when you actually chose to have children with him. How's that working for you? And now, you've chosen to be 'honest' for him? Sounds as though he's hidden you - and his kids with you - for a while now. What makes you think a liar like this wants to be honest? Good luck with that.
dobler33 Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 i totally advocate for the blog idea. i did it in the first few weeks. and of course, you're writing it to him, hoping he'll read it and hear how much pain he's caused you. it's very helpfull to let it bleed like that. make it totally anonymous, set up a tagless email account, keep out names and places, etc. write it cause it eases some of the unbearable weight on your heart. but get a ways into it before you send him the link, if you do at all. i predict that the longer you wait the less likely you'll be to want to send it. keep that fantasy a fantasy for a while, for a couple of reasons: 1) you need the space to say WHATEVER you want, regardless of whether or not it would hurt him or bring him back. it's a tough balance to strike, like writing to an imaginary him rather than the real him. 2) you may feel very differently after a few weeks or months and wish you had not given him an all access pass to your process of recovery. 3) you can't really predict the potential repercussions. sounds like things are pretty unstable as it is; i'd make caution the watchword. i'll tell you that i did send the MM the link to my blog. at the time it felt good - now i'm not so sure. i think i might regret it. i don't necessarily want him to have any more of me than he got already, and i kind of wish i'd kept those words, all those pained and impassioned words, for myself. i totally get the urge behind it: you feel there has been an injustice and you want witness. you feel you are owed witness. those were almost the exact words i wrote to MM when i sent him the link; he had cut off all communication and left me with all the mess and gore of trying to get over him. i felt he should at least have to see the carnage. but now i feel differently about "witness". he witnessed my weakness and my pain over losing him, and i'm not sure now that i want that. and the sad part is that he won't witness my strength and courage and badass resurrection; the last words he heard from me were about how i wanted to die without him. kinda wish that wasn't the case now. but i'm proud of my writing and i'm going to keep up with it. you might find a whole world of personal satisfaction in the ability to express yourself in that medium. here's mine: http://theshoutoutloud.blogspot.com
jj33 Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 Id say that is the worst idea i have EVER heard. So what if you write down what happens. You have 2 and are about to have a 3rd child with him. Why in the WORLD would you do it. Easier to go to court get your support rights legalized. And that gives you freedom from him. What in the world does an anonymous blog do other than show him you are hurting? Have you been to court to get things finalized? YOu said you had a private agreement. Is it worth the paper its printed on? Have you gotten independent legal advice? You need to be very smart about this. Dont listen to these girlfriends. You dont want to create the Jerry Springer show on the internet starring your children. You cant make him love his children but you can set the right example by being the best mother you can be. Hold your head high, show those children how much you love them. Paternity is only biology. It takes a lot more than sperm to be a father. And Dobler no more blogs sending him links - again a plea for attention. Not in your best interest.
jj33 Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 SOmeone else went through a somewhat similar situaition a few months ago. I cant remember her user name. but if you search the threads you will find it. She had a few children with someone who was in the military and he was not being responsible. The similarity is that you need to separate your outrage at the fact that you loved him enough to bear 3 of his children but he is not equally engaged in the relationship. That makes him a bad guy but you arent outing him for that for your children; you are doing that for you. Dont make that mistake. I know you are hurting but you need to be very smart about this. UTube is not smart. Its adolescent.
fooled once Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 Stop it Stop it Stop it YOU chose to continue procreating (having SEX WITH in case you didn't understand the word) with a MARRIED MAN. What did you expect? Now you want to blast him to the world? And that is good for your children how?????? So they can see that their dad was married to someone else? What do you think they will think of you? Quit these childish, immature, juvenille games. God, my 18 year old daughter is more mature than all this. And that is saying a LOT!
whichwayisup Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 I agree, this is a bad idea. It serves no purpose and in the future, will only hurt your children.
dobler33 Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 waitwaitwaitwaitwait. i'm advocating creative self-expression, and pointing out that my experience of sending that link was something i wouldn't repeat. to be clear: in my experience creative self-expression = yes. sending link = no. that's just my experience though and i try not to tell other people what to do. why does this sort of statement continually get interpreted so incorrectly????? is it because i'm not being bossy enough? i can't boss people around, i can only share my experience and let others reach their own conclusions.
boldjack Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 I am usually for disclosure, but not public soul-searching. Op made some very bad decisions with this MM, and now wishes to inflict pain on the MM in return. Will this erase those bad decisions, or help the innocent children involved? If the MM's wife knows, and the family, anything else would be selfserving. IMO
boldjack Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 Dobler, Do you have full disclosure with your SO, and does the MM have the same with his SO?
jj33 Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 Dobler I wasnt attacking you but am free to disagree with your advice, which yes I feel was wildly misguided in this case. Your situation is MUCH different than this woman's situation. I wouldnt recommend what you did, but we all do things when we are hurting. Ive embarrassed myself many times with stuff like. But this woman has children involved, this isnt an esoteric point of freedom of expression and I would expect you werent going on you tube. At the same time, I wouldnt suggest the OP post ANYTHING on the internet about her situation. At least not until she has gotten her situation reviewed by a lawyer. Its madness. Even then why put your children on the internet. The 2 are very different situations.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 What ever happened to an old fashioned diary with a lock and key? Or a password protected Word document? Why does it have to be public?
dobler33 Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 boldjack - i have full disclosure w my H about the affair, but i kept the blog for myself. i needed to be able to get it all out, and i didn't think it would have been fair to throw in my H's face how desperately i was grieving for the MM. you may remember that he was in fact my H's best friend. absolutely insane. so the blog is anonymous and written from my own computer. as for MM, he told me when he ended it that there would be full disclosure with the BS and this seems to be the case from the communications i've had with her.
NoIDidn't Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Not a good idea. If it comes across as if it were written by a lunatic, you could lose your children to MM and his family. And I am sure that you don't want that. If your girlfriend doesn't have a complete high school education, I wouldn't take her advice seriously. This is a very juvenile thing to do in the midst of a very complicated and adult situation.
Author nocontact2 Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 failed at no contact... he said i will never love another man or feel for another man the way i do for him... he is right...he knows i wont ever be with another man, if not with him, i will just be single mom. i told him i wanted to see a therapist if we are actually over and he doesnt love me or our children, he only cares for us, he said i dont need a therapist i only need him...he knows how to make me happy.... every time he has called he has been very loving and asking about the children and me...telling me to kiss them from daddy and to take care of myself (pregnancy)... be patient....
NoIDidn't Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 failed at no contact... he said i will never love another man or feel for another man the way i do for him... he is right...he knows i wont ever be with another man, if not with him, i will just be single mom. i told him i wanted to see a therapist if we are actually over and he doesnt love me or our children, he only cares for us, he said i dont need a therapist i only need him...he knows how to make me happy.... every time he has called he has been very loving and asking about the children and me...telling me to kiss them from daddy and to take care of myself (pregnancy)... be patient.... This guy is only taking advantage of your gullibility. No self-respecting woman would fall for those lines (no offense) EVER!!!! He will say (note the SAY) whatever it takes to keep you on his hook. He hasn't DONE anything different. He isn't going to. He doesn't need to if his saying "kiss from daddy" suddenly made all right in your world. He knows how to make you happy? Really? Then how does he do it?
onlymycowboy Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 I think if it helps you to write it out , then do so , but do not post publicly or send to him. I think it would give him power he does not deserve. It may be therapeutic for you to write it out tho...I do that in a private Journal as letters to my MMs wife , BUT I WILL NEVER SEND THEM ....they are for my benefit only to get things off my mind...clear my head , etc....they arent even emails , just journal entries on another support site I belong to....I dont know your whole story , but I sense your anger frustration and pain....Im so sorry for what you are going through....
theBrokenMuse Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 "he said i will never love another man or feel for another man the way i do for him.." That's a common sentence uttered by emotionally manipulative or outright abusive pieces of crap that want to crush you under their thumb. He doesn't want you to go to therapy because he's worried therapy might help you to rebuild your self-esteem enough that you wouldn't still settle for crumbs from a man who obviously doesn't respect you and strong enough to drop this giant p***k by the curb with the rest of the trash where he belongs. Get the therapy.
jj33 Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 With no disrespect but GREAT curiosity why in the world did you even ask him that question? You are obviously VERY beaten down emotionally. Therapy is a MUST. Lawyer and therapy ASAP. You need to get out from under this man's thumb then you will be able to get out from under the rest of him. Hes got you totally totally snowed. Unless hes like the head of the Gambini family or something (if they even still exist) theres nothing to stop you from getting your life back.
2sure Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 You are just going to have to take our word for it that you are putting yourself and your children in a very precarious circumstance. Quite frankly, you sound unstable. I am not saying you're a complete nutbag but it is kind of clear that you are more gullible than most people, and have been manipulated by this guy so long you have lost touch with what is real. And thats all ok, it happens. But just do your FUTURE self and your children a favor and SEE A LAWYER. You dont have to DO anything, MM doesnt need to even know. But you HAVE got to do this. For your kids.
Author nocontact2 Posted June 6, 2009 Author Posted June 6, 2009 im not unstable...nor am i uneducated...i have multiple college degrees. there is no need to go public... he will always spin the story to his benefit...and we are both to weak to stay away from one another... thats how i feel weak and pregnant! :confused:
NoIDidn't Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 im not unstable...nor am i uneducated...i have multiple college degrees. there is no need to go public... he will always spin the story to his benefit...and we are both to weak to stay away from one another... thats how i feel weak and pregnant! :confused: I'm sorry and not trying to be funny but you do not come across as if you have "multiple college degrees". I would expect the college educated to have dealt with at least one man like this before without bearing so many children for him. No offense. Most college educated "folk" have a degree of scepticism about things like this that you seem to lack. I'm not saying you sound ignorant. Just, too young to have possibly gathered "multiple college degrees". I have to ask: are you trolling?
Author nocontact2 Posted June 6, 2009 Author Posted June 6, 2009 i wasnt aware he was married until after our 1st child. i worked he worked so i never questioned. once i found out i was furious, but in love. i have been ever since. as misunderstood as this may be taken i would never ever be with a married man, not before him, not after him...i just cant get to the after him part. we have so much chemistry, magnetism, we have gone through a lot together... i dont know what or if it will ever end... whats trolling???
NoIDidn't Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 Have you already said how long you've been seeing him somewhere? I don't recall. I assume its been at least two to three years just counting the pregnancies without any other details, though. I know what trolling is, but have a hard time defining it. Someone else would do a much better job than I. Or you could Google it.
Author nocontact2 Posted June 6, 2009 Author Posted June 6, 2009 six years... being OW is only wonderful when you have that contact with MM...phone, text, email, meetings, etc. the lonely nights far outweigh the quantity of nights together... i dont know why anyone would ever purposefully desire to be OW??? ITS LIKE A SICKNESS...A DRUG YOU CANT ESCAPE...BUT THIS DRUG CALLS YOU, COMES TO SEE YOU, TALKS TO YOU, HAS A MIND OF HIS OWN AND KNOWS JUST WHAT BUTTONS TO PUSH... I DONT KNOW IF I WILL EVER FIND A CURE...ESPECIALLY NOW THAT WE HAVE BEEN IN THIS SO LONG AND OUR CHILDREN...
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