princess4ever Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Hi all! i'm kinda new here but in need of serious help. We've been in a LDR for 6mos. and not met yet but we always talk about our plans for when we would be together like moving in together, where we would travel, etc. Lately, things r getting confusing b/c I don't have a set timeline for when i will move to his country and it is causing problems b/c we want to be together asap but can't due to some things that r out of my control. I'm a citizen in the country he lives in and had plans to go back before i even met him. It's like we don't discuss the future anymore and our conversations r just kinda blah. like i don't feel loved anymore and it is affecting me so much. he says he can't talk about the future b/c it hurts him since he doesn't know when all our dreams will come true but for me, talking about the future helps me carry on with things otherwise i begin feeling detached from him. If i talk about it to him, it brings up the topic of when i am moving and that creates more problems. b/c he wants me there by the end of this year and i just can't promise that is possible. I am so lost and confused and this ldr is killing me inside b/c i know he is perfect for me but i think the distance is tearing us apart before we even got to fully have a proper realtionship. At this point i don't know what i am asking u all or if my post makes sense but just needed to get things outta my mind.
northstar1 Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Hi all! i'm kinda new here but in need of serious help. We've been in a LDR for 6mos. and not met yet but we always talk about our plans for when we would be together like moving in together, where we would travel, etc. Lately, things r getting confusing b/c I don't have a set timeline for when i will move to his country and it is causing problems b/c we want to be together asap but can't due to some things that r out of my control. I'm a citizen in the country he lives in and had plans to go back before i even met him. It's like we don't discuss the future anymore and our conversations r just kinda blah. like i don't feel loved anymore and it is affecting me so much. he says he can't talk about the future b/c it hurts him since he doesn't know when all our dreams will come true but for me, talking about the future helps me carry on with things otherwise i begin feeling detached from him. If i talk about it to him, it brings up the topic of when i am moving and that creates more problems. b/c he wants me there by the end of this year and i just can't promise that is possible. I am so lost and confused and this ldr is killing me inside b/c i know he is perfect for me but i think the distance is tearing us apart before we even got to fully have a proper realtionship. At this point i don't know what i am asking u all or if my post makes sense but just needed to get things outta my mind. I see the frustration, however it seems as if you are putting the cart before the horse. You haven't actually met each other yet, and you are already discussing living together? I would suggest slowing down planning that far ahead, and plan to meet each other first and see how it goes. While I am not doubting you have something great going on, there is not always a guarantee that the chemistry will be there in person. Why not work first on meeting up and see how that goes before you plan the future? Just a thought.
hoping2heal Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 Princess; what are the circumstances out of your control preventing you?
KikiW Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 I definitely know what's you're feeling, but you guys are driving yourselves insane and getting depressed by wanting it all to happen RIGHT NOW and it isn't happening fast enough. You guys need to step back and create a gameplan. The very first thing you need to do is make plans to see each other. Don't talk about the future and who's moving where or anything like that. Focus on your first meeting. Nail down dates, save for the flights, whatever, but that's what you need to do. Then you can talk about how excited you are to see each other, what you will do on the trip together, who you might meet, where you might go, etc. TRUST ME. There were times when I would swear my heart was cracking open it hurt so much to be apart from my honey. We would both spin off into talks of future plans, a house, children, holidays... but too much of that became too painful because I wanted it so badly right then and there. So we had to stop a lot of that kind of talk and just work on the next step. The thing that was within reach. You both know where you'd like it to go, and maybe it will go there, but unless you win the lottery and can afford to do whatever you want whenever you want, you need to work on a realistic, short-term goal. It WILL help.
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