crazyinlove9 Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 [sIZE=4]This is my second time trying to get some feedback online. I really thought this would be a great place to get advice. I didn’t get much feedback for my last questions/web site so I will try it again. I really need some advice. Please be as honest as possible. To start off my boyfriend and I have been together for more than a year now. There is a 13 years age gap. I’m in my early 20s and his in his mid 30s. That’s a big deal. I am a very mature person, all my friends are in their 30s because I don’t like dealing with immature, drama-loving people. [/sIZE] [sIZE=4] [/sIZE] [sIZE=4]Well, I used to be his priority when we first started dating. About two weeks ago, he told me that he was tired of putting me before his own dreams. He said that he was going to do what he wanted to do. He has a daughter who I love and I get that she should come before me in his priorities. Well, his ex-girlfriend asked him to be her son’s godfather about six months ago and he agreed. He believes this child to be his son because he can’t stop talking about him. He ignores his daughter when this boy is around him. I told him that he needed to set his priorities straight. He got mad when I said this and he said that he thinks that I don’t like "his child" and changed his whole attitude towards me. First of all, I don’t want to be part of this child’s life because every time I try to hold him and be kind to him he cries and tells my boyfriend I hit him (boy is 2 yrs). I would never, ever do that but my boyfriend does not know whom to believe. Yet, he puts this child before his own biological child and me. He says that I will always come after his daughter (of course) and godson (are you kidding me? I deserve better). I decided not deal with this child about three weeks ago when I found out that he was my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend’s son – not blood related to my boyfriend. My boyfriend had told me about her and how she sent him to jail as pay back. She screwed him over and he said he hated her and she was not around anymore. Well, apparently she is around more than he said. She and he have been talking about our relationship for the past six months, she knows every detail and argument we’ve had. He told me that there was nothing going on between she and he, that she had a boyfriend (like that’s gonna make me feel better). Once I learned that she was the ex-girlfriend, I was furious. He had mentioned that he was talking about us with one of his friends and that she was giving him advice on us. Now knowing that it was his ex, who wouldn’t be mad, right? Like she knows me. Well, that’s when I told him that I didn’t want her or her child in my life. So what did he do? He agreed and said it was fine with my decision. Well, I guess he wasn’t because we work together so we used to have lunch on a daily basis, now he just does his own thing at lunch and when we are spending time together it seems as he wants only one thing – sex. He was my first so I don’t mind having sex with him but, he used to be very passionate when we were together, now it’s like his in and out like I’m just there for that. I told him that but he acted as I was going crazy. I really love this guy but I feel as I am falling out of love with him. He is not the same guy I met a year ago. [/sIZE] [sIZE=4] [/sIZE] [sIZE=4]He used to tell me that he wanted to marry me and that he loved me. Now, he has not said I love you once and when I say it, he doesn’t respond. Last weekend, I spoke to him about my feelings (the whole falling out of love) and he told me that he loves me and wants to make things work. He has made me so confused. Last night he cooked dinner for us and we didn’t have sex. I made my move but he just pretended, as he didn’t know what I was doing. Then this morning he calls me all happy and says he can’t wait to see me at lunch. Heeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllooooooooooo. Am I making all this up? Or is he bipolar? Are there any 30 year old guys out there that can help me figure this out? Or anyone that can give me an insight into this guy? [/sIZE] [sIZE=4] [/sIZE] [sIZE=4][sIZE=4]This is what I think about her. His biological daughter’s mother screwed him over with child support for many years. He tells this story to all his girlfriends that he is a wonderful father and he will never turn his back on a child (which I love) and that’s why he paid child support even though he had custody of his child. I believe that his ex is being manipulative using his kindness. She always calls him asking him to pick up the Godson from the babysitters and that she doesn’t have any money for food (hello? She has a boyfriend, why does she have to call my man?). My stupid boyfriend picks the child anytime she calls, it’s like she says "your godson" and he jumps. [/sIZE] [sIZE=4][/sIZE][/sIZE]
Author crazyinlove9 Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 It is. DO you have any advice? I'm desperate
manugeorge Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 It is. DO you have any advice? I'm desperate I'll say the ex-girlfriend is not your problem, she shouldn't even be on your radar right now. Your so called boyfriend is the one you should zone in on because he's the one who needs a serious attitude adjustment. Honestly, I would reconsider the whole relationship. He is exhibiting such hostility towards you and you are tolerating it why????? let me guess, because you love him. What is there to love?
DarkestDreams Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 After reading your post, I couldn't help wonder..is there any chance that the godson could be his child? I find it very weird that he'd put him above his own daughter.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 I question why he said he would put you in front of his daughter. He has a few screws and his priorities are a mess. His daughter should always come first even if you are the gf. And then he needs to work on his feelings for you, as well as boot the ex gf from his life.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 I really think this is a lost cause. I asked my 30-year-old BF and he said it's time to move on. He said it sounds like your BF is realizing that you're about to leave him and he'll have to look around for somebody new to put up with all his garbage...hence him turning on the charm. IMO, I'd run like hell before you guys end up having a kid together and end up being stuck dealing with this guy for life.
Mahatma Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 I'd be willing to bet the godson is his. Ironic how you attempt to avoid drama, yet you're dealing with this.
Thornton Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 The problem is your boyfriend's behaviour. Yes, his ex is taking advantage of him... but he is the one who is allowing this to happen! Firstly I wouldn't be happy about my bf agreeing to be godfather to his ex's son, I would have put a stop to it right there. He needs to find out if he is the child's father -if he is then obviously he has to see him, if not then he needs to break contact with the ex and her son. He should NOT be seeing her, let alone discussing your relationship with her! Does his daughter live with him? If so then he definitely shouldn't be paying child support -he's basically giving cash to his ex for a child that she doesn't even look after! If I were dating him, that would have to STOP. Tbh it sounds like he's just falling out of love with you, not wanting sex and not being loving towards you...and how dare he say that you are less important than a child that isn't even his! I disagree that his daughter should come first before his girlfriend, I feel that if he loves you he should value you both equally. I will also say this: if you married him and had a child, you and your baby as his current family unit should come before his other daughter (unless she lives with you and all four of you are a family together). You are far too young to be putting up with this sort of crap, and you could do a lot better... if I were you I would ditch him... or at least give him an ultimatum that he has to completely stop seeing his ex and her son, pending the results of a paternity test if necessary.
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