David C. Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 It has been 9 days since I broke up with my girlfriend. I was an idiot for what I did and said a lot of things I shouldn't have. And above everything else, it was an e-mail I wrote that broke us up. I didn't want to break up with her, but now that I look at the e-mail I wrote, it seemed very clear that is what I wanted. We had been dating for over 3 1/2 years with very little arguments or problems in the past. I know what I did was wrong and desperately want to fix it. The last time I talked with her, she said she need some space and it will take a while for her to get over it and for us to be friends. I haven't directly talked to her since last week but we have said a few things over text messages. I need to know what you guys think I should do. Should I give her a couple of weeks with NC and attempt to talk to her then? Should I go over to her apt and try to see her now? I love her so much and I can't let our 3 1/2 year relationship end with a stupid e-mail. From what I have gathered though, she truly sounds like she wants to just move on. On a side note. I have been hanging out with a lot of friends, working out and just doing a bunch of things to keep me busy to try and keep her off my mind. None of these are working. Everything I see or do reminds me of her and all of our wonderful times together.
samfish Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Wait, so did you break up with her or did she break up with you? If you broke up with her, at least wait until your head is a little more clear and focused. If she broke up with you, give her at LEAST a month of no contact before you even consider trying to see her again.
Ingenue Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 I'll tell you from experience, that as the dumpee of a 5+ year relationship where the dumper broke up with me by email, I can only say that no words said afterwords erases the initial act of the email dumping. Regardless of what you say, the level of respect she once had for you, won't be comparable. The method of break up is cowardly and that is what she will remember. Whether you're reconsidering the relationship itself or regretting the choice of break up method but simply want to end the relationship on a better note, I'd respect her request for time and space. Undoubtedly, she's devastated over the recent turn of events and her need for emotional stability will only come from time and distance. I think you also need to give yourself some time as well. Think about what you truly want. The fact is that you did indeed write the break up email and at the time of writing, that is what you wanted. You may be experiencing pangs of guilt or remorse, but you need to give yourself time so that you can process the decision you made and assess whether it reflects your true desires.
Author David C. Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 I know what I did was cowardly and wrong. I was really upset and frustrated when I wrote the email and did not mean what I said at all. We have always talked through our problems in the past so I know I really hurt her this time. Not even a month ago we were talking about marriage and our future. Now all of that seems lost over my selfish and irrational decision.
robinincarolina Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 I say go to her. Sorry, but nothing ventured nothing gained. I am not sure what all you did, or if it was forgivable or not. If cheating is involved though, I would say forget it. If there was nothing unforgivable, then go to her, maybe not today, but soon. When my ex showed up on my doorstep, it made me very happy.
Author David C. Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 There wa no cheating or anything involved. Just me saying some things I didn't mean
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