KD123 Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 A week ago my boyfriend (of almost a year) broke up with me at a party (while we were both drinking). I asked him if he was happy (to which he said no) and then I asked him if he wanted to break-up (he said yes) I don't remember the entire conversation. I was just so shocked. I have been depressed for a while, though not because of him and I'm starting to see a counsellor next week. But I'm not ready to move on at all, I just feel like it's meant to be and that I'm just going through a really hard time right now. Anyways, I told him how I felt and I just don't know where to go from here. He said he didn't want to give me hope or drag me through the mud, but that he needed time and space (which I will give him). On the same hand though, he says he wants to keep open lines of communication? I love everything about him, even his friends and family, and I just don't know how to get over this, it's not like we had been on really bad terms either. We had still been seeing each other, laughing, making love - I'm just so confused. I've been told time heals, but I'm wondering if anyone else has any advice? I know you don't know the whole situation but, I'd appreciate anything. Thanks.
robinincarolina Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 It is devasting. I recently went through a break up too. We did get back together though, but I did not contact him, except once and like you I was drinking and don't remember much about the conversation. You just have to take one day at a time. I read a great book that brought it all into perspective for me. Above all give him his space. It takes men a while to sort it out and in the meantime, I assure you that you will come to so revolutions of your own. I know I did in our time apart. It takes time and its so hard. I am sorry, I know how you feel.
tigerstripes Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 You need to find a way to move on. I'm not saying you should get a new boyfriend tomorrow, but you need to let this guy go. Honestly, it really sucks to hear, but he's not interested in you anymore. You may love everything about him but you're short changing yourself if you try to make things work with someone who isn't happy with you. I'm sure there's someone out there who, when you're ready again, will be very happy to have you in his life.
cabarc1 Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 You make sure u give him that time and space and show him u can live without him and that ur not desperate. I know it hurts terribly but by no mean should u keep communication with him!!! What if he starts seeing a new girl???? Do u honestly think you can handle that???? Ignorance is bliss, go ahead and do everything u can to move on. He didn't say he is done with you, he said he wants time and space. Put anything that reminds you of him away and do what you need to do to heal! If he said he wants space, you give it to him. You shouldn't keep talking to him and letting him have both worlds, let him see what it's really like without u. Whatever u do, don't sit around and wait on him. He might come back, he might not. He is not happy right now and might want to see what else is out there. Train urself to be happy alone. It does take a really long time to heal, i'm not gonna lie. I was in a 5 year relationship and wanted to die. But i got back on my feet and did things to add worth to myself. I bought my own home, went back to school and start teaching in the fall, went to the gym. I have a few guys on my tail and to be honest, i don't know if i'd even want to share the new me with that negative nelly!! Hope you feel better!
Author KD123 Posted May 30, 2009 Author Posted May 30, 2009 Robinincarolina, what book(s) did you read? Cabarc, no, I couldn't handle him with someone else. The hardest part with no contact is that I met so many people through him and now the're out of my life too. I still have his passport from March break and need to give it back to him. We talked after the break-up (when I told him how I felt) and he said he had been expecting me to freak out at him. Well, now I'm feeling that anger. That I gave him almost a year of my life and he couldn't even extend me the decency of explaining his feelings to me when I wasn't in a diminished mental state, breaking it off in a mature manner. I'm just so angry now. But it makes me think that he got scared or that it's not me, but that he doens't know if he wants to be in a relationship. He told me he needed time to just do whatever he wanted, no responsibilities, no one to answer to. This tells me that he punked out. God, I know if someone else was in my position I'd be telling them so much, but when it's me, I just feel like it doesn't apply. Keep it coming, I'm going to try to avoid contact and move on, but again, that's much easier said than done.
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