contax Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 I feel so overwhelmed. My mind races at night. Can't sleep. Wake up think of my ex. 5 years with her, and now shes with a new guy. A little after when she was talking to me she was saying how her body is sexier now and he is better in bed then me. I don't know if she said this to make me jealous or what. After our break up I did it with a emale friend, and I would never do that sort of thing. She found out and was very angry at me. I haven't been with anyone since and don't want to be. I feel so sick. I look at all these girls on my way to work and don't like any of them. I hear all these guys brag about how much sex they're having, and cheating and meeting girls online and I should do the same. But it's not me. All I needed was her. I'm scared shes gonna be in my mind for life and I don't want her to be. Anyways it's all on me. All this pain I'm giving myself. I do go to work daily, walk alot on the weekends and will hangout with frineds more again. I haven't drunken alchochol or smoked cigarettes for a week and plan to keep it that way. When the time comes I will find a beautiful and trustworthy girl. I've never cheated on a girl in my life. They always left me, went with other guys,begged to come back and I said no. I will make it. I am commited to healing. I am commited to No contact. I will be strong and will not depend on another for my happiness. I will also be off this board for a while in a bit. No ones story can fully compare to mine and I get scared sometimes comparing things. I hope everyone here stays strong.
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 I can fully sympathise. After 5 years, it will take longer than a month to get your ex out of your system, especially after the harsh way you ended. I believe after a relationship ends, you can experience post traumatic stress disorder - especially if its a traumatic end. Just be kind to yourself as you are being. Allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel.
andy2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Hi Contax, yes for you it is 5 years and for me it is 4 years. But we guys here can understand your situation. We were loyal and have not hurt their feelings. But who did wrong things. it is not us !! Then why are you punishing yourself ? Heal is the only way. Time will wash all memories away. Busy yourself. Come here to LS. And try to get new girl.. take care
Author contax Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 Niki, and Andy Thanks so much. I appreciate it. I learned talking helps alot too. I will try to stop punishing myself, and keep busy. I have the weekend planned. I will try to stay positive. Thanks again guys.
Author contax Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 Niki, we've been broken up now for a little over 5 months. It has officially been NC for one month. I feel that any contact basically resets it though. It's probably less than a month because she stalked me and waited by a bus stop I passed through....and I told her a month ago to stop this as I'm healing. The bus stop thing was last week. That's probably why I felt the way I did.
Nuala83 Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Hi Contax, Well done on the 1 month of no contact. I can't believe she would tell you the other guy was better in bed than you! Nothing quite like the person who broke your heart twisting the knife. I'll never understand how people can suddenly switch off their love for you and then go out of their way to inflict more emotional pain. I guess it's true what they say about nice guys finishing last. I think that rule also applies to girls though.
Author contax Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 Nice guys finishing last? That's not making me feel any better! lol. My friend just wanted to see how she looked like, but I didn't show her myspace. I didn't want to get triggered and haven't seen it in over 3 months. It kills me though cause she was really beautiful, to me at least. But she had only grade 10 education, no job, went to clubs and slept all day. Nothing good could have come out of that. That nice guy **** kills me. And people recommending books where being an ******* is more effective kills me too. I don't get it. I do have confidence, but not that grimey debauchery attitude..but I feel like going that way sometimes. Also I believe she said that he was better to make me jealous. It's ridiculous, this is the type of stuff that brings me really, really down.... I need to stop torturing my self.
andy2009 Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 you should be more careful on weekends. That I felt for me too. But when any feeling start happening then I start thinking about her negative qualities and what she did with me.
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