Guitar and Performing Does NOT Get You Women

[xpaperxcutx]

I've considered a hooker, but I don't have that kind of money at the moment. There's always craigslist though.

 

I've known that I'm ugly for a while now. I notice I'm ugly, other people notice I'm ugly, and even my parents and relatives notice I'm ugly. Why am I ugly? I don't know what you want as an answer? My nose is huge, eyes are creepy/plain, I've had some acne problems in the past...just a few physical traits. There are some people in this world that are beautiful and others that aren't. I'm the latter and I accept that. I'd rather have bad genes in attractiveness than in intelligence, though, which is how I like to look at it.

 

I just want to find a way to work around that with girls, which isn't easy at a young age.

 

Well okay you're facially deformed. One of my girlfriends is jewish and she has a big nose, but she plans on getting it fixed. So surgery is an option.

 

Are you lanky? Most girls hate lanky guys because they're too skinny, pale, and look too geeky. IF you are lanky, I suggest getting a membership and start buffing up.

 

You can do alot of things to fix yourself. And resorting to prostitution or craigslist should not be long term thing. Come on, if you can put so much energy into music, then you can make an effort to get buff and muscular.

[carhill]

Ew, hell no. =p

 

I actually go for a sound a lot like Mark Knopfler from Dire Straits with my solo songs...lots of guitar fills, very tone-conscious, and that weathered and low kind of vocals. He's like one of my idols in music. He was like a beacon of talent surrounded by a flood of synth.

Whoa, man, thanks. Nice to hear this from a young person. You chose a helluva picker to emulate. Stick with that and focus on your music and connecting and you'll be fine. Women can be transitory but a lifelong passion is God's gift to you.

[LakesideDream]

aotc, I can tell you from long hard earned experiance.... you are doing something very wrong!

 

 

 

If any of you remember me from a post I made a bit ago, you'd know that I'm into music a lot and play in a band. To sum it up, I was a bit discouraged because at shows we'd get very good reactions from people in general, including girls, but the girls paid no attention to me while smothering my bandmates with attention. They'd always get laid after shows and I'd be alone.

 

Well, 2 weeks ago we broke up after over 2 years for a number of reasons. I'm on my own now, and I actually feel like I've been freed. I've written a lot of solo songs over the past two years that some of the other guys thought were stupid, but now I can finally perform them on my own, and I did! At a show last night. I was pretty happy and got a good reaction.

 

Anyway, I know I'm droning on, but essentially, I figure this is finally an opportunity for me to meet some girls from my playing and not be outshined by my handsome ex-bandmates. Like my shows with my band, I got a lot of compliments from people in the crowd...but all from guys! Not one girl! There were plenty of girls there too. I even did a song I wrote about a girl and a mushy love song cover.

 

I really don't get it. Like, I don't do this for the girls...hell no, but it would be a nice bonus, you know? And it annoys me to constantly hear people acting like guitar is an automatic chick magnet. Hell, a friend just sent me this

earlier today and it only pissed me off!

 

Meh, I just don't get it. This is mostly to rant, and also to dispel this annoying myth. I actually just saw someone mention this in another post, which made me post this.

[aotc]

Well okay you're facially deformed. One of my girlfriends is jewish and she has a big nose, but she plans on getting it fixed. So surgery is an option.

 

Are you lanky? Most girls hate lanky guys because they're too skinny, pale, and look too geeky. IF you are lanky, I suggest getting a membership and start buffing up.

 

You can do alot of things to fix yourself. And resorting to prostitution or craigslist should not be long term thing. Come on, if you can put so much energy into music, then you can make an effort to get buff and muscular.

 

I was lanky not too long ago. Now I'm 6' 1" and ~190 lbs, so that's not the problem. And I'm not crazy about surgery. First of all, I don't have that kind of money, but even if I did I don't think I should have to drop a ton of money on changing my face to attract women. That doesn't seem right.

 

And glad I made you happy carhill, but Knopfler isn't a picker, he's a finger-er!

[carhill]

Yes, I know. Lends an ambiance to the strings that no pick could ever approach.... I've always enjoyed when he and Eric Clapton got together. I could listen for hours.

 

aotc, I can tell you from long hard earned experiance.... you are doing something very wrong!

 

Well, LsD, don't leave us in suspense!

[xpaperxcutx]

I was lanky not too long ago. Now I'm 6' 1" and ~190 lbs, so that's not the problem. And I'm not crazy about surgery. First of all, I don't have that kind of money, but even if I did I don't think I should have to drop a ton of money on changing my face to attract women. That doesn't seem right.

 

And glad I made you happy carhill, but Knopfler isn't a picker, he's a finger-er!

 

 

Well I'm not telling you to go get surgery, but it's an option if you feel like you can't live with yourself ( no offence).

 

But you know there are other things you can do, get a new haircut, go for a facial ( yes men do get facials), maybe grow a beard? You can even trim your brows. Seriously us women go through this stuff all the time, and it doesn't require surgery. I can look a mess in the morning, but once I wash my face, do a mask, I look good as new.

[aotc]

Well I'm not telling you to go get surgery, but it's an option if you feel like you can't live with yourself ( no offence).

 

But you know there are other things you can do, get a new haircut, go for a facial ( yes men do get facials), maybe grow a beard? You can even trim your brows. Seriously us women go through this stuff all the time, and it doesn't require surgery. I can look a mess in the morning, but once I wash my face, do a mask, I look good as new.

 

Yeah but I'm not a woman. =p Look, I appreciate your help but doing these dainty things isn't going to do much for me. As I mentioned, I don't have any kind of money to drop on appearance stuff, but even if I did I wouldn't be caught dead getting a facial...whatever a facial is. And I haven't cut my hair for over a year and plan to keep going.

[carhill]

facial = deposit of semen upon face of sexual partner

 

facial = exfoliation, stimulation, and treatment of facial skin

 

I've had microdermabrasion (a form of facial) and recommend it highly. Very relaxing. Skin looked and felt years younger. I understand how women get addicted to that stuff.

[xpaperxcutx]

Yeah but I'm not a woman. =p Look, I appreciate your help but doing these dainty things isn't going to do much for me. As I mentioned, I don't have any kind of money to drop on appearance stuff, but even if I did I wouldn't be caught dead getting a facial...whatever a facial is. And I haven't cut my hair for over a year and plan to keep going.

 

 

Ewww... long hair went out with michael bolton. What is it with men growing out their hair? I prefer a guy who's clean cut.

 

And you don't know what a facial is? Well now's the time to start. Even a guy needs to a minty mask done now and then to keep the face fresh and the pores clean.

[carhill]

Hey, OP, there's a thought. Shave your head

[aotc]

Ewww... long hair went out with michael bolton. What is it with men growing out their hair? I prefer a guy who's clean cut.

 

And you don't know what a facial is? Well now's the time to start. Even a guy needs to a minty mask done now and then to keep the face fresh and the pores clean.

 

Nope. No one needs that done.

 

And I really don't care what you prefer, I like my longer hair. Hell, if there's one thing people actually DO find attractive about my head-area, it's my hair. People like its browness and waviness, but more importantly I like it. Headbanging is more interesting with longer hair. Not to mention, almost every guy you see has the typical short gelled hair that looks hard as a rock. How about some variety?

[xpaperxcutx]

Nope. No one needs that done.

 

And I really don't care what you prefer, I like my longer hair. Hell, if there's one thing people actually DO find attractive about my head-area, it's my hair. People like its browness and waviness, but more importantly I like it. Headbanging is more interesting with longer hair. Not to mention, almost every guy you see has the typical short gelled hair that looks hard as a rock. How about some variety?

 

And you're on here asking why you can't get girls to sleep with you.

 

Seriously, I used to be a rocker chick, but after a while the whole headbanger thing gets old. You can be a rocker and still look clean, fresh and inviting. The long hair and the whole I don't give a **** about what others think is just a facade.

 

Do you want to attract girls that are willing to start relationships with you or do you just want to settle with the next drunken girl that's willing to spread her legs? If you want the former, be clean cut. If you want the latter, stick with the tshirt wearing torn jeans outlook.

[aotc]

And you're on here asking why you can't get girls to sleep with you.

 

Seriously, I used to be a rocker chick, but after a while the whole headbanger thing gets old. You can be a rocker and still look clean, fresh and inviting. The long hair and the whole I don't give a **** about what others think is just a facade.

 

Do you want to attract girls that are willing to start relationships with you or do you just want to settle with the next drunken girl that's willing to spread her legs? If you want the former, be clean cut. If you want the latter, stick with the tshirt wearing torn jeans outlook.

 

Well, I think you're exaggerating the image of me being a "headbanger." I only have been growing my hair for a year, so it isn't long like a girl's hair. I have a few band t-shirts, but I mostly wear regular ol' t-shirts or sportsy type shirts and long sleeves from ems or something with jeans. No tatoos, chains, piercings, cigarettes, or pot. I like music, but that doesn't mean I look like a headbanger stereotype.

 

I'm not sure what you're suggesting I do. If every guy had to have gelled hair, wear abercrombie shirts, and get facials to get a girl, then the pool of guys would be pretty plain I'd imagine.

[xpaperxcutx]

Well, I think you're exaggerating the image of me being a "headbanger." I only have been growing my hair for a year, so it isn't long like a girl's hair. I have a few band t-shirts, but I mostly wear regular ol' t-shirts or sportsy type shirts and long sleeves from ems or something with jeans. No tatoos, chains, piercings, cigarettes, or pot. I like music, but that doesn't mean I look like a headbanger stereotype.

 

I'm not sure what you're suggesting I do. If every guy had to have gelled hair, wear abercrombie shirts, and get facials to get a girl, then the pool of guys would be pretty plain I'd imagine.

 

I'm not telling you to gel your hair or wear abercrombie shirts. I'm telling you to do things differently from your norm. You want to know why girls aren't attracted to you, so you have to deviate from you normally look like to trying a new look and see how it would be any different than from what you're going through now.

 

Like myself for example, I went through 3 changes this year, and they were all for the better. I went through my first change at the end of last year, when I started wearing dresses as opposed to always wearing jeans and sneakers. Then I changed my hair to bangs and curls and started dressing up. Now my current hairstyle is short ( like a pixie haircut) dyed dark brown as opposed to my normal hair style of plain black. Each times these changes occurred, I became a different person entirely ( lookwise) but people tell me and compliment me on how nice I look, and I attract alot of different guys to me.

 

So you see, it's up to you whether you want to change or not. You can't sit in front of a computer and write about how " ugly" you supposedly are and expect the universe to change suddenly for you. If there are things that you don't like about yourself, you can work on them. Like your hair for example, you don't need to cut it off completely, but at least go for a trim. And your wardrobe options could be broadened a bit. Even if you mainly wear band shirts, or tshirts and jeans, how about occasionally switching them up with other laid back options? I'm not very familiar with male styles, but I'm certain there more than enough options at the department store for you to choose as opposed to buying from Hot Topics.

[xpaperxcutx]

Basically the point I'm trying to get across is that you attract certain people solely on the way you look. Yes, personality can do that as well, but being the visual creatures that we are, visualization comes before intelluectual stimulation.

 

It's similar to wearing makeup. There are different colors that when mixed and applied on the face creates different results. If you look in magazines, a girl can have more than 10 different looks solely because her makeup is mixed with different colors and applied differently to create surrealistic looks. That's what you want to do right now to test out how you can attract different girls to you. You can look preppy one day, and rocker the next. Casual one week, and business like the next.

 

I'm not telling you to change your person entirely. But you can't always stay the same.

[aotc]

Well I don't have that kind of money to spend on clothes. The ONLY clothes I have are my shirts and my jeans. Every bit of money I make goes towards school.

 

"Changing your look" costs money, and I don't have that.

[xpaperxcutx]

Well I don't have that kind of money to spend on clothes. The ONLY clothes I have are my shirts and my jeans. Every bit of money I make goes towards school.

 

"Changing your look" costs money, and I don't have that.

 

And dating costs money.

 

Basically you're telling me you want chicks to bang you but you're not willing to make the sort of efforts associated with dating.

 

mm how do you want me to help you then? you can always do a garage sell and make some money off the stuff you don't want. Honestly it doesn't really take alot of money to change yourself. Forget the clothes if you can't afford it, I bet you can still afford a hair cut tho right?

[tanbark813]

Another example of a post where a person asks for advice and then shoots down everything offered.

[aotc]

Another example of a post where a person asks for advice and then shoots down everything offered.

 

I haven't seen you say much except be critical, so don't call ME out.

 

I'm shooting stuff down because it either doesn't suit me or I've thought these things through prior to posting. For example, getting cosmetic stuff done on me does NOT suit me at all. I can't see myself doing that, nor do I see how it would help.

 

I HAVE thought about getting new clothes though and that is a good suggestion, but money is an issue.

 

From what I've seen, college dating doesn't cost much, if anything at all, unless the girl is really material. Most likely a girl is gonna be as broke as I am. I'm very willing to make an effort, but effort does not equate to dropping lots of money.

[fishtaco]

Simple, play Coldplay covers. Just kidding.

 

atoc, you can't get girls because you're down on yourself.

 

First and most important, to get it out of the way, although you already know this... Anyone that play music to get chicks is dumb. There are MANY much easier ways to get chicks than to play music. But you're just trying to kill two birds with one stone, that's a smart way to go. Music is a time consuming activity. So is chasing women. Always a good move if you can combine the two, since there's never enough time in the world.

 

However, from the perspective of getting chicks, performing music a tool - it gets you out there. By itself it doesn't guarantee success, it just creates opportunities. Most guys have to somehow get a woman's attention. If she feels the guy is "trying to score", the defense wall automatically comes up, even if she thinks he's kind cute and he would have had a chance otherwise, the wall will shut him out. Performing puts you in their attention span, but without triggering the alarm that will raise the defensive wall. So does any hobby or activity that lets you interact with women on a regular basis. School being the most common example. Then you have the opportunity to sneak pass that defensive wall and work your magic.

 

The only things that will get you chicks automatically without you doing anything are fame and money. Just sit there and let your cash or celebrity-hood do the talking. Anything else is only an opportunity creator. Then you still have to seize the opportunity and do your thing.

 

So I think if you change your perspective so that you see your gigs as simple opportunities as opposed to something automatic, and work on your game, you'll do much better. You have to be able to play the game as an average guy, not as a musician. Then you take that game and combine with your performances. And it'll feel like you're fighting in a lighter weight class i.e. still no guarantees, but you have the advantage.

[tanbark813]

I haven't seen you say much except be critical, so don't call ME out.

 

Where the hell was I being critical? As someone who plays music regularly, I was pointing out what I thought might be the problem. And I wasn't just talking about what I posted, I was talking about the advice others in this thread have given.

 

Damn, Sally, don't get your panties in a twist. Maybe that's why you can't get a girl: you're more sensitive than they are.

[aotc]

Simple, play Coldplay covers. Just kidding.

 

atoc, you can't get girls because you're down on yourself.

 

First and most important, to get it out of the way, although you already know this... Anyone that play music to get chicks is dumb. There are MANY much easier ways to get chicks than to play music. But you're just trying to kill two birds with one stone, that's a smart way to go. Music is a time consuming activity. So is chasing women. Always a good move if you can combine the two, since there's never enough time in the world.

 

However, from the perspective of getting chicks, performing music a tool - it gets you out there. By itself it doesn't guarantee success, it just creates opportunities. Most guys have to somehow get a woman's attention. If she feels the guy is "trying to score", the defense wall automatically comes up, even if she thinks he's kind cute and he would have had a chance otherwise, the wall will shut him out. Performing puts you in their attention span, but without triggering the alarm that will raise the defensive wall. So does any hobby or activity that lets you interact with women on a regular basis. School being the most common example. Then you have the opportunity to sneak pass that defensive wall and work your magic.

 

The only things that will get you chicks automatically without you doing anything are fame and money. Just sit there and let your cash or celebrity-hood do the talking. Anything else is only an opportunity creator. Then you still have to seize the opportunity and do your thing.

 

So I think if you change your perspective so that you see your gigs as simple opportunities as opposed to something automatic, and work on your game, you'll do much better. You have to be able to play the game as an average guy, not as a musician. Then you take that game and combine with your performances. And it'll feel like you're fighting in a lighter weight class i.e. still no guarantees, but you have the advantage.

 

Thank you fishtaco, especially the bold part.

 

This isn't about playing music just to get girls to throw themselves at me. I don't expect that.

 

Instead, exactly as you said, I'd like to use a passion and talent I have to expose myself. I mentioned that I'm not the best at socializing and am not going to turn any heads with my looks, hence I figured, "Why not put myself out there through my playing?"

 

If you think about it there's a lot of advantages to that. I don't need to get that good at "game" as they call it or approaching girls. Right off the bat a girl can see me and know that I do something somewhat interesting with my life instead of just partying and going to bars. People on here say that interests/passions/activities are attractive, so there you go - something that's visibly attractive about me.

[aotc]

Where the hell was I being critical? As someone who plays music regularly, I was pointing out what I thought might be the problem. And I wasn't just talking about what I posted, I was talking about the advice others in this thread have given.

 

Damn, Sally, don't get your panties in a twist. Maybe that's why you can't get a girl: you're more sensitive than they are.

 

I apologize if I misinterpreted your tone in other posts. Whenever I read text, I tend to interpret it as more critical towards me than it really could be. For example, with your first post:

 

My thoughts exactly. The irony is that if you're doing it solely to pick up women it will be less effective for that. If you're playing for the sheer joy of playing it will come through in your performance and that is what is attractive.

 

 

 

Playing to the audience is important but it still has to be stuff you really love and really want to play. If you're only playing it because you think people will like it then you may be coming across as ingenuine.

 

The bolded statements jumped out at me and gave me an overall negative impression. I read it over and realized that you weren't accusing me of anything, but rather just offering a possibility.

 

Same with your last post. I saw:

 

that's why you can't get a girl: you're more sensitive than they are.

And immediately thought, "He's calling me a pussy, well screw him!" Then I realized it was just a joke.

 

An example of how I suck at picking up social cues.

[tanbark813]

It's cool, man. And yeah, I was saying if you're doing that. I've never seen you play (obviously) so I don't know.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Maybe you throw off gaydar.

OMG! lmao....... gaydar... :laugh::laugh: