Author tinklebell Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 LOL, solitude will do that to you... For me, it's simple - I've been fortunate enough to feel that elemental connection and understand how it affects my psyche and projects outward, because others have commented on it. So, I separate the feelings from their impetus (the other person) and project them globally, like all within the field are potentials for that elemental love. Those who discern that energy become potentials. Then, it's just a matter of whether they are available and attracted and, ultimately, compatible. So far, it appears to work best with MW's Think about a performer who can, while on stage, look at you and make you feel like you're the only person in the room. How do they do that? Is it 'superficial'? Some would say yes, but it is part of who they are and part of the reason they are good at that profession/passion. Something about them, beyond physicality, captures you. Find that within yourself and see what comes your way Carhill, did you mean here the same as what you said earlier in this thread about not calculating or analyzing people? Carhill, are all 50-year-old men like you, so full of self-awareness and insightful?
loser101 Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 There are many players in our circle so I've decided to be discerning and not waste time on them. For the non-players that I'd like to date, perhaps my body language isn't up to skills. I think it's hard to date people from within your circle, that perhaps puts pressure on as well?
carhill Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Internal psychology is sometimes difficult to explain, at least for me. Within the scope of this thread, meeting new people and potentially dating, I always try to firstly project the essence of who I am, to the point of actively feeling that essence (you pick your most positive aspects) and not concern myself with analyzing or evaluating this person's importance to me or what they can or cannot do for me. The first expressions are those of generous spirit because that is my essential personality. I actually learned this technique many years ago to get over my painful shyness with strangers. Yes, I think you'll find, once you get beyond the surfaces, many/most men my age are full of life experience and awareness. You see examples of it from the other older male posters on LS all the time. You also may find us to be more emotionally expressive than we were at a younger age. I've seen this develop in my long-time male friends as they've aged. I just like to talk more
Author tinklebell Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 I think it's hard to date people from within your circle, that perhaps puts pressure on as well? It does and I don't like it. But my friend seems to not have a problem with it. To each their own. But it's not easy meeting A LOT of people randomly. I need to work on my body language. I get people chatting me up but I just find it difficult to sustain the flirting. It's actually easier when a guy asks me out on a real date and I usually get more than the first date. You mentioned flings and ONS. So it doesn't seem that your way is that extreme. (I don't mean it in a bad way).
Author tinklebell Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 Internal psychology is sometimes difficult to explain, at least for me. Within the scope of this thread, meeting new people and potentially dating, I always try to firstly project the essence of who I am, to the point of actively feeling that essence (you pick your most positive aspects) and not concern myself with analyzing or evaluating this person's importance to me or what they can or cannot do for me. The first expressions are those of generous spirit because that is my essential personality. I actually learned this technique many years ago to get over my painful shyness with strangers. Yes, I think you'll find, once you get beyond the surfaces, many/most men my age are full of life experience and awareness. You see examples of it from the other older male posters on LS all the time. You also may find us to be more emotionally expressive than we were at a younger age. I've seen this develop in my long-time male friends as they've aged. I just like to talk more I'm not particularly shy so I'm not exactly sure why. I could only think of my aloofness (which I have tried to consciously curb) and body language that comes across like I'm not looking for a guy. I wish people in real life are as frank, candid and expressive as on LS!
carhill Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I wish people in real life are as frank, candid and expressive as on LS!LOL, if I could drag my female friend in here she'd tell you exactly how candid and expressive I am IRL, but she's killing herself in nursing school right now. She'd also likely smack me around for talking about her business with strangers and she would also tell you I often talk in riddles, just like some LS'ers have observed A key here, and one I follow is, when you do meet someone IRL who is open and candid and you feel that symbiosis of thought and experience, value it, be it platonic or romantic. It doesn't come around that often, IME. Another thing you might find is friendships and romance can come from the oddest of places and circumstances; not at all like you were planning for or expecting. An open mind is essential. Be open to the potentials
Author tinklebell Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 LOL, if I could drag my female friend in here she'd tell you exactly how candid and expressive I am IRL, but she's killing herself in nursing school right now. She'd also likely smack me around for talking about her business with strangers and she would also tell you I often talk in riddles, just like some LS'ers have observed A key here, and one I follow is, when you do meet someone IRL who is open and candid and you feel that symbiosis of thought and experience, value it, be it platonic or romantic. It doesn't come around that often, IME. Another thing you might find is friendships and romance can come from the oddest of places and circumstances; not at all like you were planning for or expecting. An open mind is essential. Be open to the potentials Thanks for the advise. I think as we age, many of us on LS would wonder why we ever posted the questions. Younger people take ourselves too seriously. Aging isn't all that bad, right? But I seriously also wish people in real life would be more real and kinder. There would probably be less confusion and heartaches. But that probably wouldn't be a "real world" then.
Kamille Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I think I'm somewhere in the middle now. I don't put up with bad behaviour and don't generally sleep with a man until we're exclusive. I date. The thing is, I used to be a lot more guarded - and, oddly, guys didn't ask me out as much. Now I approach dating more as a fun way to get to know someone. So, I will go on one or two dates with guys who I might not immediately fancy (as long as they don't impige on any of my deal breakers). If I'm not interested, I move on. Generally, when there's no sparks, both my date and I have agreed. Where there were sparks, I just kept the option open. Lately, I've found myself telling former dates I now have a boyfriend (see below). Surprisingly, men have responded really well to this. They tended to take me out, stick to plans and treat me well while we were out on dates. Only one of them has ever propositioned me with a FWB arrangement, I said no and, two months later, he's asked me to be his gf .
Author tinklebell Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 I think I'm somewhere in the middle now. I don't put up with bad behaviour and don't generally sleep with a man until we're exclusive. I date. The thing is, I used to be a lot more guarded - and, oddly, guys didn't ask me out as much. Now I approach dating more as a fun way to get to know someone. So, I will go on one or two dates with guys who I might not immediately fancy (as long as they don't impige on any of my deal breakers). If I'm not interested, I move on. Generally, when there's no sparks, both my date and I have agreed. Where there were sparks, I just kept the option open. Lately, I've found myself telling former dates I now have a boyfriend (see below). Surprisingly, men have responded really well to this. They tended to take me out, stick to plans and treat me well while we were out on dates. Only one of them has ever propositioned me with a FWB arrangement, I said no and, two months later, he's asked me to be his gf . I see it as a case of people treat you the way you let them. Maybe I'm too guarded and come across as not fun? It's probably "easier" if I'm not interested. If I'm interested and developing a relationship, there are times that I get neurotic. But my drought is the biggest problem of all, getting more random people asking me out.
Kamille Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I think you've received good advice on how to meet men (get involved in activities, etc...) My question would be this: how good are you at flirting? And who do you generally flirt with? You say you can be aloof. How does that translate if you're out at a party? My being asked out ratio improved when my attitude about myself changed. I used to be somewhat awkward in public, and would stick to talking to the people that I knew. I've since moved around a lot, gained confidence, invested in a career that involves networking and am much better at working a room. I talk to everyone, flirt with a select few (smiling, leaning foward, touching forearms) and just generally make sure I have a good time and look like I am having a good time when I'm out in public. I think, in turn, this makes me seem approachable to potential friends and dates alike.
Author tinklebell Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 I think you've received good advice on how to meet men (get involved in activities, etc...) My question would be this: how good are you at flirting? And who do you generally flirt with? You say you can be aloof. How does that translate if you're out at a party? My being asked out ratio improved when my attitude about myself changed. I used to be somewhat awkward in public, and would stick to talking to the people that I knew. I've since moved around a lot, gained confidence, invested in a career that involves networking and am much better at working a room. I talk to everyone, flirt with a select few (smiling, leaning foward, touching forearms) and just generally make sure I have a good time and look like I am having a good time when I'm out in public. I think, in turn, this makes me seem approachable to potential friends and dates alike. I'm not surprised your approach worked. I must say I'm more sociable as I age. As for flirting, I'm learning. I use my eyes more and trying to work up more smiles. I tend to be more successful when I'm feeling happy or good about myself. I usually flirt with people at parties or clubs. Aloof as in not smiling much (friends have commented that I look a little fierce without smiling) and not paying attention to people (friends have said I don't look out for potentials). I'm generally a friendly person though.
loser101 Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 You mentioned flings and ONS. So it doesn't seem that your way is that extreme. (I don't mean it in a bad way). Sure, I don't mind people judging me for my lifestyle anyway. I find it relatively easy to meet men when I make the effort but I have trouble maintaining relationships. I'm dismissive and usually lose interest / stop taking them seriously. My latest ex-squeeze is not enjoying the attention from me as I'm trying to figure out why I dumped him My exes don't usually enjoy my social experiments - funny that. So my situation is a little different from yours but the end result appears to be the same.
Author tinklebell Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 Sure, I don't mind people judging me for my lifestyle anyway. I find it relatively easy to meet men when I make the effort but I have trouble maintaining relationships. I'm dismissive and usually lose interest / stop taking them seriously. My latest ex-squeeze is not enjoying the attention from me as I'm trying to figure out why I dumped him My exes don't usually enjoy my social experiments - funny that. So my situation is a little different from yours but the end result appears to be the same. What social experiments? You're right. Our situations are quite different. I attract men and then when we get to interact, sometimes I think I give off weird vibes or show body language to make them think I'm not interested. But when I go on dates and get to interact with them one-on-one, I usually do okay. I think I do better when I already know the guy's smitten than when I have to gauge their interest level.
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