tfkizzle Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Hi everyone. I'm looking for some outside perspective on a guy I'm interested in. I recently started dating a guy, and of course we talked about our previous relationships. This is what he told me about his last relationship: He met this girl in a bar where she was bartending and they became "friends." I use bunny ears on that, because I very much doubt that that's all that was, plus everything I'm writing about happened in a span of about one year, from them meeting to breaking up. Eventually she mentioned that she was looking to move; he offered a room in his house because one of his roommates had just moved out. She took it (paying him rent). At this time he also got her a job where he worked so that she wouldn't have to bartend anymore. Fastforward a few months and they're hooking up, and then eventually bf/gf. He tells me that they were officially together for five or six months, but that it's something that "just happened" because she wanted it to happen, not because he was that interested in her. Eventually he broke up with her...but she's still living with him! (Obviously I haven't been over there yet.) He says that she has plans to move out at the end of the month, and that things between them are definitely over. Any thoughts on this? For me, I'm specifically wondering about the fact that they're still living together, and the fact that he hooked up with a "roommate," and the fact that he got into a relationship with someone that he supposedly wasn't interested in actually dating...I guess I just don't know what to think about this whole situation.
BCCA Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 I would just tell him you would love to date him and all, but he can give you a call when shes moved out, and theyve officially severed all ties. I dont buy for one second that he would have her live with him and get her a job out of the kindness of his heart, without any alterior motives (such as dating/sleeping with her). Until she moves out, I would just assume that theyre still sleeping together or could at any time. I went through this same thing before, and what eventually happened was that the guy never moved out, and she ended up going back to him. Like I said, as long as she lives with him, I wouldnt go out with him at all. Its asking for trouble.
lora22 Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Good advice from BCCA. I find it a little odd that he said he got into a relationship with a girl that he's not really interested in dating? How old is he? Old enough that he should be more mature about relationships, or young enough that a hot girl who he knows is totally wrong for him in other ways, but who is all over him would be hard to resist? Just seems stupid (at any age) to do that with a "roommate."
Lucky_One Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 (Obviously I haven't been over there yet.) Why "obviously"? I would ask him if you two couldn't hang out at his place, so you can see the interaction between them and check out sleeping arrangements. If he doesn't want you over there, then there could be something shadier going on.
Author tfkizzle Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 Until she moves out, I would just assume that theyre still sleeping together or could at any time. I went through this same thing before, and what eventually happened was that the guy never moved out, and she ended up going back to him. Like I said, as long as she lives with him, I wouldnt go out with him at all. Its asking for trouble. Wow that's really rough...she's supposed to be out in two days, so I guess I'll find out soon enough! As far as them still sleeping together, you're probably right, since it seemed like that was the only reason they were "dating" anyways...although I suppose I would hope he's more mature than that. I guess that's partly what's bugging me...if they are still sleeping together, and he knows that she's still into him...that's just so wrong, and not a situation or guy I would want to get involved in. Easier said than done though, since it's not like we've just met. Good advice from BCCA. I find it a little odd that he said he got into a relationship with a girl that he's not really interested in dating? How old is he? Old enough that he should be more mature about relationships, or young enough that a hot girl who he knows is totally wrong for him in other ways, but who is all over him would be hard to resist? Just seems stupid (at any age) to do that with a "roommate." He's in his early 30s. That worries me too. He said that she drove the entire thing, from them starting to hook up, to being bf/gf, and he loves her, but he knew she wasn't for him. Which I guess makes the roommie thing even more idiotic (on both their parts really) since now she has to find another place to live. Why "obviously"? I would ask him if you two couldn't hang out at his place, so you can see the interaction between them and check out sleeping arrangements. If he doesn't want you over there, then there could be something shadier going on. He says that he doesn't want to rub it in her face that he's already seeing other people, and he doesn't want to put any of the three of us in an uncomfortable situation, since she still has feelings for him. Maybe I'm too nice, but that makes sense to me. To be honest, I would love to see how they interact if I could be a fly on the wall, but otherwise don't want to put myself in her path. I've heard she's a little...we'll say "emotional."
dreamergrl Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Honestly, what does "I was with her because it's what she wanted, I wasn't really interested in her" say about this guy?
carhill Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Sounds like pillow guy attracts women pretty good with his schtick. I'd pass on this one. Fish with no spine.
Author tfkizzle Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 Honestly, what does "I was with her because it's what she wanted, I wasn't really interested in her" say about this guy? HA, so true. I guess that was more my take on it. What he actually said was more along the lines of she's a great girl, really fun, blah blah blah, but he knew it wasn't going anywhere more serious. Still basically the same thing?
dreamergrl Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 HA, so true. I guess that was more my take on it. What he actually said was more along the lines of she's a great girl, really fun, blah blah blah, but he knew it wasn't going anywhere more serious. Still basically the same thing? To me it says he's willing to be with someone, regardless of how he really feels, just to be with someone. If he wasn't interested in her, he shouldn't have been 'with' her. So either he was using her, or he really was interested and isn't being completely honest with you.
carhill Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Convenient receptacle theory. Don't be the next one... Again, perfect example of believing a man's negative words.... What he actually said was more along the lines of she's a great girl, really fun, blah blah blah, but he knew it wasn't going anywhere more serious. Interesting how he "knew" but still helped her move in and stuck his penis in her, isn't it?
stace79 Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 I think the dynamics of the actual relationship with the guy and this roomie are irrelevant. To protect your own heart, my advice is what BCCA said. Tell him you really like him and would love to get to know him better/date, but that when she moves out he can give you a call. Until then, definitely beware this guy. If you can see him just as a friend, maybe then continue to hang out with him. I wouldn't go any farther.
Author tfkizzle Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 Convenient receptacle theory. Don't be the next one... sorry, what's receptacle theory? I have an idea from your next sentence, but not sure exactly what it is?
carhill Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 It's the corollary to the emotional tampon theory, of which I am an expert. Simply, the guy keeps the ex around for company and a convenient receptacle for his penis. With little to no emotional involvement, if both parties are on the same page, it becomes a casual FWB-like arrangement. He can dress it up and put any kind of lipstick on it he likes, but it still smells and oinks like the pig it is IMO, of course
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