wow123 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 If you were dumped and go NC and after a week or two the dumper contacts you on a few occasions how do you know what their intention is? Missed calls with no voicemails. I don't want to relieve their guilt or be their friend I want to be in a relationship with them. So how do you know?
Charmaine_Champagne Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 this is what i am wondering too and i'm 100 days NC now. i've had very minimal contact from my ex also.. for example he's sent me a blank text msg, a private number calling me then hanging up an email that just says 'i miss you' and afew similar texts that don't give much away. based on what people have told me unless they really make a big effort and really put their heart on the line- call you declaring their undying love for you, say they've made the biggest mistake of their life etc, etc then nothing else is worth replying to. my ex has has made a minimum effort to contact me and people tell me that it may just be 'bait' to test the waters and gauge my reactive state. it could be they want to hear anything from you to ease their guilt, it could be they are having a crap weekend and miss you. but unless they actively say 'i want you back' then maintain NC. 'I miss you' and 'I want you back' are two very different things. or so every1 tells me but i'm 100 days NC now and really don't feel that much further on so while i still have my dignity, i still don't have closure and i still miss him. my heart wants to break NC, to answer his meaningless msgs but my head tells me i simply can't until he tries harder. i guess if it is really troubling them they will call again until we pick up, we've just gotta play the waiting game i guess until they give us more, damn isn't 100 days enough
Author wow123 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 That's what I was thinking. They need to make a HUGE effort to prove they want you back. Not just a few missed calls. I have been the dumper and realized I made a mistake and made a HUGE effort to get the other person back and even that didn't work because I was too late. She is obviously not worried about being "too late" as she has made minimal effort to contact me. I'm thinking they are guilt calls or ego boost calls.
Charmaine_Champagne Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 they may well be but you don't know that for sure. sometimes the dumpers don't want to swallow their pride and put themselves on the line. i feel that with my ex he knows he has messed up so badly that he doesn't know quite how to go about contacting me so he is making these minimal efforts to get a reaction from me. do not bite the bait. keep up the NC until you hear something more concrete.. if only i could take my own advice, i'm 100 days NC now and it's bloody hard but deep down i know i need more from my ex before i can actually respond to him. you just need to be careful with if and when you do respond as you don't want to appear to jump at the first sign of life from them. i know myself too that when i have been in the dumpers shoes if something was troubling me so much i would swallow my pride, i'd knock on their front door and do everything in my power to talk to the person i had dumped. the fact is these ppl were used to hearing from us everyday so they obviously feel it too when we are no longer around and it probably bothers them that they don't have a clue what we are up to. i would keep up the NC until they make a bigger effort. if they really want you back you will know about it, or so i'm told
Author wow123 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 I agree. They have been so used to knowing that we are sitting around waiting for them to come back. Now that we are not calling or responding they are wondering if they will ever hear from us again and what we are up to.
BCCA Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Here is all you need to know: if they wanted to work things out, they would come out and say that, or beat down your door. If you have to wonder what their intentions are, that means they were vague, and you can bet every penny you have that they were just bored or looking for some self validation. Im sure someone is going to say 'not always', but thats like saying you dont 'always' lose the lotto; someone wins it right? Best to ignore anything short of an all out apology and someone asking you back. Dont take breadcrumbs, theyre for birds.
robinincarolina Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 I agree, no crumbs, you want the whole loaf. We never know what the ex is thinking. Testing the waters or why they would test the waters. It will drive you crazy trying to figure it out. As hard as it is, you can't wonder what if and what are they thinking. If its not an all out effort, then don't even give it a second thought. I know easier said than done.
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