***i'm 100 days no contact today.. I should be happy at this milestone but i'm not

[Charmaine_Champagne]

i'm 100 days NC today and while many of you here will probably say that's amazing as some people here are struggling to even reach 1 week NC, i really don't think i'm any further on. and yes, i'm that sad that i've actually counted the number of days and make a note of the (few) times he contacts me in my diary! i'm not a complete nervous wreck like i was when we first split up, when i was left in limbo and didn't have a clue what was going on but i'm not really a lot better either.

 

you can read my previous posts if u want more info (be warned they're long) we were together 6 years since we were 17, first loves and i'm his first and only proper gf. we have been broken up once before tho when he thought the grass was greener, wanted to be single then came crawling back and I eventually gave him another chance. so this time i can't really give his a THIRD chance, can i? obviously I don't expect to be over him in 3 and a half months but i really miss him.

 

i've been going out a lot with friends but never seem to have really amazing, fun nights out with them as many of my girlfriends are preoccupied with their own boyfriends (long story) and aren't so crazy when we go out these days. i think of all the fun places and great times i had with my ex and it upsets me. also lately i've been keeping busy finishing up college work and exams etc but my God i miss him! probably also because the summer is here and i'm finishing college and this time last year we would have been going on little adventures together and i've lots of fond memories of summers we shared.

 

he broke up with me (or rather acted distant for a week and then cruelly ignored me until i left him alone, he didn't have the balls to end it and tell me to my face- see original threads for more info) and since then his efforts to contact me have been minimal, the odd text saying 'i miss u' or an email.. very short. but then he isn't exactly william shakespeare and i do feel he is struggling with what to say and how to go about contacting me so this prob is his way of reaching out to me. friends and ppl on here have said he hasn't done enough to justify a response from me at this stage so i've kept up NC.

 

BUT i need closure (i know ppl will say i need to make my own closure) it's just that the weird way it ended wasn't final for me- he never said 'ur dumped, i never wanna see you again' even though his actions told me that he didn't want me around. I believe he didn't want totally rid of me, i feel he wanted afew weeks of freedom and thought i would have 'ran' after him and then he could have picked me up again when he felt like it. but i wisely went NC so now he doesn't know how to go about getting in touch with me because he knows i will ask what the hell he was playing at back in February. and i feel he doesn't want to say sorry because he doesn't want to admit he did wrong, as he took the cowardly way out and so technically didn't actually dump me, if that makes sense

 

to this day i still don't know what was wrong with him back in Feb when it ended- had he made a drunken mistake? was he cheating? did he want me out of the way so he could get with someone else? was he in debt or some kind of trouble with the law and couldn't tell me? watever it was, something was definately up and he was very sly with his behavior towards me.

 

i need closure, though i may not get my answers from him as he prob wouldn't admit to anything if we did talk. like i say he has made small attempts to contact me and i haven't 'bitten the bait' and i know i can't be the one to contact him. but i do want to talk to him, i want to have my say. so do i just wait this out until he contacts me? i also found out his house is up for sale (the internet is a wonderful thing) and i can't bare the thought of him just moving away without telling me and never hearing from him again.

 

he has made small attempts to contact me but i really just wish he could have the balls to PHONE me rather than type afew words in an email or through a text. my family/friends say he has treated me badly (again) and that i can't contact him & that i should just move on and forget him but i need to talk to him, i'd even like to be friends further down the line.

 

what do i do? do i wait this out? surely if he truly cares he will eventually give me a proper phone call? however so much time has passed he may just give up. I miss him, I need to talk to him, I can't go on like this but he needs to give me more, to try harder, to at least say sorry.. do you guys think he will be in touch again? will he give me more than just a one line text?

 

the last time we broke up (over a year ago) he literally begged me to have him back. i've taken every one else's advice and done NC now for 100 bloody days but my heart is telling me it's been long enough and it's time to contact him and open the doors to conversation.. i think my head is telling me not to tho. my friends say i should make him sweat but i've ignored his last 5 texts (even though they didn't really say anything) but hasn't he sweated enough now for the last 100 days?!

 

any thoughts???

 

(be as brutally honest as you want guys and sorry this is so long I just wanted to try to get it all in here to give u a broad picture of the situation so thanks it you've read this far)

 

please help me!

 

thanks in anticipation,

 

charmaine.

[Charmaine_Champagne]