wildsoul Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 HB, this blog article I just read, "Overthinking What Men Say & Do - Applying meaning where there is no meaning," made me think of you. The author explains in much better detail what I was trying to point out about projection of your feelings onto him.
wildsoul Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 WS oopsie! that link does not work Oops. Do-over. http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/overthinking-what-men-say-do-applying-meaning-where-there-is-no-meaning/
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 Yes. And emotional intelligence is also the ability to read others emotions and respond appropriately. HB has been projecting her own feelings onto xMM. She can't see that his behaviors are signs of abuse, neglect, and selfishness. Instead, she projects her positive regard onto him, giving him credit were none is due. Emotional intelligence helps to keep oneself safe when dealing with other people. If everyones theory about the MM is true - that he has deliberately done all this without even giving my feelings a second thought then then he has willingly hurt me to try and get what he wants. That is emotionally unintelligent and the type of behaviour that causes destruction all around him, not just me but his wife, kids and God knows who else. Although I have behaved emotionally machosistic in this situation I otherwise do consider myself to be emotionally intelligent. I am only hurting myself. I would never deliberately inflict suffering on anyone else. I have empathy. I am a loving girl with a big heart.
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 Oops. Do-over. http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/overthinking-what-men-say-do-applying-meaning-where-there-is-no-meaning/ Thank you so much for putting this link on here, the article looks fascinating and also the other topics mentioned on this website too - I will have a good read later.
jj33 Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Loving towards everyone but yourself. And hurting yourself which is not a high EI thing either. But it takes being alert to it to learn. And you are learning. I think its totally true they arent thinking of us they are only thinking of what feels good to them at the time.
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 Sorry guys my laptop is misbehaving again and wont even stay on long enough for me to reply to everyones posts properly - I will respond as soon as I can! Hope everyone has a good evening.
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted June 7, 2009 Author Posted June 7, 2009 Feeling really upset right now and just cannot stop crying. I am at my parents house as my Dad is back from hospital now but still very poorly and its really horrible seeing him like this. That has really got to me and I am constantly worried about him. Despite this I am feeling very depressed about MM. I just long for him so much and feel so sad that I do not have him to lean on for support when I need it unlike when he was a roommate and always there for me. I feel like something has been taken from me that I will never get back. And how irresponsible it was of him to offer me that trip out to see him then just leave me hanging...again. Does he not realize how damaging it is for me? I am having difficulty writing this as I can hardly see through the tears. Wish the pain would just disappear.
OldEurope Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Honey, Just stop it. Stop it for your own sake and for your father's, who himself will pick up on the negative air about you and that depression will affect him. This guy is gone. Out. Over. You cannot possibly long for a man who is this flakey Once again, the issue here is with yourself. Your self-esteem is in a terrible state. Go out and live, and meanwhile, take care of your Dad, bring him flowers, fluff his pillow, play his favorite music. Stop being so bloody morbid and forget this creep. oxOE
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted June 7, 2009 Author Posted June 7, 2009 Honey, Just stop it. Stop it for your own sake and for your father's, who himself will pick up on the negative air about you and that depression will affect him. This guy is gone. Out. Over. You cannot possibly long for a man who is this flakey Once again, the issue here is with yourself. Your self-esteem is in a terrible state. Go out and live, and meanwhile, take care of your Dad, bring him flowers, fluff his pillow, play his favorite music. Stop being so bloody morbid and forget this creep. oxOE I care about my father so much, I have been coming home every weekend although to be honest all he feels like doing is just sleeping at the moment really so I feel quite useless. I would be here all the time if I could but live and work in a town that is 3 hours drive from my parents house so I have just been going home at weekends. It is a mixture of feeling upset about my Dad and the loss of MM yet again so I have to grieve about it AGAIN. I really wish I could switch of my feelings for him but I just cant. Nothing feels enjoyable anymore. Just wish I could at least have his support like I used to, would really like someone to talk to about how Im feeling about my Dad. I just miss his friendship right now more than anything.
fooled once Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Honey, you haven't had that MM in your life (really in your life) in OVER A YEAR. How can you be missing something that you haven't had in that long? He hasn't been there for you in a YEAR. You have managed to live, albeit not truly LIVE, because you are allowing a few memories to keep you cemented in the past. CLOSE THAT DOOR. It is over. It isn't reality. The "trip" was a fantasy - I don't understand why you really thought after ALL the time that went by from when he abandoned you until a month or two ago, that you would really have any sort of life with him. Stop mourning something that never was alive. Get out and LIVE your life. Meet new people. Explore new areas. We have ONE shot at life; and yours is passing you by. You deserve a life of love, happiness, children if you wish. It isn't going to come knock on your door - you have to go out and find it. Enough with all this depression over a worthless human being. Stop allowing him to continue to use you and your emotions. Enough, okay??? (hug)
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