LoveLace Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I have agreed to meet with someone who lives 2 hours away. He seems like a great guy and is pretty into me, even though we've only seen each other's pics and talked on the phone. I've only tried LDR's a couple times in my life, the 1st time didn't work just because I went away to college and I just fell out of love, the 2nd time was also 2 hrs. away, and trying to squeeze in every weekend and possible time together, became tiring to me...but I also had an extremely crazy schedule at that time. However when it comes to meeting someone, I try not to be close-minded to geography...the idea that Mr. Right has to be close by, is close-minded. And 2 hours doesn't sound that far away when you say it, but I know it makes dating someone harder than normal....I am excited to meet this guy, but I'm nervous about a possible LDR thing too. We haven't even met yet so I guess I'm jumping the gun, but when I think of LDR's I think of frustration because you miss someone and you can't be with them at that moment, and I think of just plain inconvenience in general...even though, I know any couple can miss eachother no matter where they live.... So for those of you who do this or have done this long-term, have you been truly happy? Is it worth it? What are the pros and cons? Is it harder to trust one another this way? What is to be expected when it comes to the difference between LDR and non-ldr?
Author LoveLace Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 You might want to try asking this in the LDR subforum. Shows ya how much I know! Didn't know there was one! hehe
paddington bear Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 what happened with C? Have you finally written him off as a possibility?
Els Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Hehe, not a problem. I would definitely do it if it was 2 hours. Mine is a 9 hour plane ride, so a 2 hour drive sounds like peanuts to me. It all depends on how strongly I feel for him, though. I'd at least give him a first try regardless -- then if I felt we got along superbly I'd do it. If it was a 'meh, but if he lived nearby it'd be fun to date him sometimes but I don't see this as having any long term potential', I wouldn't.
Kamille Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Hi Lovelace! good on you for being open-minded about your dating option. Here are some wise-words from my favorite man in the universe, my dad: "Why worry about something that hasn't even happened yet?" Seems to me like you're projecting too far in the future! Meet the guy, see if you like him and then evaluate if a LDR is desirable.< Have fun!
Author LoveLace Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 Thanks Kam. I think I'm just nervous because I swore off LDR for a long time after bad experiences with it before. But I realize they weren't necessarily bad because of LDR, perhaps they were just bad in general... Paddington I haven't "written off" C....we got together last night and he ended up paying for a $100 tab...we talked endlessly about relationships, life, etc, and agreed that we talk incredibly well together and basically realized the value of our friendship...he is just one helluva great guy and a friend I know that I can count on for just about anything anytime...we are so much in the friend zone now, that it just has to stay that way. I guess we never know what the future holds, though. He advised that I give the LD guy a shot, so I plan to...
Trialbyfire Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Lovelace, I honestly wouldn't view someone who's 2 hours drive away, as an LDR. There are quite a number of people in my city, who commute 2 hours or more daily, for work. Some even drive onto a ferry, as part of their commute. Relax, enjoy it and see where it goes.
Star Gazer Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 "Why worry about something that hasn't even happened yet?" Seems to me like you're projecting too far in the future! Agreed. You're putting the cart WAY before the horse! Relax, and just see what happens.
Author LoveLace Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 Agreed. You're putting the cart WAY before the horse! Relax, and just see what happens. That's my plan...and I know that some people somehow maintain dating much further than that... I learned more about his divorce last night though...he's got more baggage than an airport...but I guess I shouldn't discriminate against those with crazy ex-wives, lol... Sounds like a lot of trouble for him just make the 1st date happen...they share custody of the kid on weekends, and if she gets hint that he has a date, she will purposely say she's going out so that he gets the kid instead....sounds like fun!
Kamille Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 That's my plan...and I know that some people somehow maintain dating much further than that... I learned more about his divorce last night though...he's got more baggage than an airport...but I guess I shouldn't discriminate against those with crazy ex-wives, lol... Sounds like a lot of trouble for him just make the 1st date happen...they share custody of the kid on weekends, and if she gets hint that he has a date, she will purposely say she's going out so that he gets the kid instead....sounds like fun! Yikes we're in the same boat dating divorced/separated men LL. All I can say is: pledge to yourself that you will walk if things get overly complicated. Make your well-being your priority. Dating a divorcee who shares custody of the children isn't like dating a single guy at all. Realize that the ex-wife will never be out of the picture. (And don't buy into the 'crazy' discourse. I would have been out the door if my bf had refered to the mother of his children with so little respect.)
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 I've only been with my BF for 4 months, but I'm happy so far. We're two hours apart. We don't have serious problems with it. When he was able to travel, we'd alternate who traveled each week. Now that he can't leave (busy season), he pays my fuel and I go out to see him every week on my days off. I love it. It's nice to get away from my place - I actually feel like I'm on vacation when I go see him. But anyway - I don't worry about him. I trust him implicitly. But I'm a pretty trusting person in general. So I don't really distrust somebody until they give me a reason.
Author LoveLace Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 I've only been with my BF for 4 months, but I'm happy so far. We're two hours apart. We don't have serious problems with it. When he was able to travel, we'd alternate who traveled each week. Now that he can't leave (busy season), he pays my fuel and I go out to see him every week on my days off. I love it. It's nice to get away from my place - I actually feel like I'm on vacation when I go see him. But anyway - I don't worry about him. I trust him implicitly. But I'm a pretty trusting person in general. So I don't really distrust somebody until they give me a reason. Good to hear a story like that one Yea Kam, I don't mind if guys have kids at all...but it'd be hard enough to be 2 hours apart, plus he has the kid every other weekend (not that you can't hang out with a kid around, eventually)...but an ex-wife who's going to use the kid to keep him from dating? He said she begged him back recently, but she was a chronic cheater so he isnt into that at all...and she flat out told him that she'll just go out with more guys, then, knowing he will take the kid without hesitation. So she doesn't sound like the best mom, either. This makes me not want to him now...that's a shame because he sounds like a great guy, but I don't want to end up in a mess like that...
paddington bear Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 That's my plan...and I know that some people somehow maintain dating much further than that... I learned more about his divorce last night though...he's got more baggage than an airport...but I guess I shouldn't discriminate against those with crazy ex-wives, lol... Sounds like a lot of trouble for him just make the 1st date happen...they share custody of the kid on weekends, and if she gets hint that he has a date, she will purposely say she's going out so that he gets the kid instead....sounds like fun! Beware the crazy ex-wives...honestly...and the baggage man...been there, got burned. Just bear it in mind should you get to like this guy that his crazy ex wife will be in his life FOREVER driving you crazy too.
Author LoveLace Posted May 30, 2009 Author Posted May 30, 2009 Beware the crazy ex-wives...honestly...and the baggage man...been there, got burned. Just bear it in mind should you get to like this guy that his crazy ex wife will be in his life FOREVER driving you crazy too. That's what I keep thinking, yet it'd feel unfair to not give him a chance... He verified we can't meet this weekend, because the ex pulled the old I'm-going-out routine, on HER weekend with the kid. If dad doesn't take her, she gets left with an irresponsible, older step-brother...I don't blame him for just taking the kid instead. So that means it will be 2 weeks from now before we can meet...and I agreed we can talk and get to know each other more between now and then...but I"m starting to think I shouldn't even let it get that involved now...then again don't want to pass up what could possibly be great...minus the Ex factor...I love family men, but that doesn't mean there aren't more out there...
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