sadcase Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Hello, I am new here and Im in need of help Girls ignore me, I can't seem to get a girl to like me romantically, or even just generally like me and it is killing my confidence. I can feel myself becoming bitter about life and I am only 22! I am shy and that could be a big issue BUT Ive seen guys just as shy or even more so with girlfriends; of the times that I have stepped up to the plate and gotten a girls number they don't answer when I call later. Furthermore, girls don't try to talk to me or approach me. I have the traits that girls apparently find attractive tall, fit, intelligent and funny. Maybe its because I don't have a scene, do girls like an outsider? Don't get me wrong, I have friends but I'm not the sports guy, or the hipster guy or the music dude or something. I am just some guy who exists. I don't know why I am finding it so hard, I've never had a girlfriend or even been on a date As of late I'm starting to lose interest and in a bad way; I think I am getting depression. I guess the upside of that is I am funnier when depressed (working to become a stand-up) can anyone offer my loser arse some advice?
girl68 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Expand your social circle, and not just to guys. Get some girls as friends. Go out more and often keep trying with the numbers. Hopefully you don't give the creeper vibe.
prettybaby Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 of the times that I have stepped up to the plate and gotten a girls number they don't answer when I call later. Did you leave a voice mail and clearly stated your number? Did you try and call a second time? Furthermore, girls don't try to talk to me or approach me. I'd say that's quite normal since you're the guy. I personally don't mind walking up to a guy and making a move, but from what I see around me and read on this forum every day: most girls will just wait for the guy to make all the moves. I have the traits that girls apparently find attractive tall, fit, intelligent and funny. Good so there's hope! Maybe its because I don't have a scene, do girls like an outsider? Don't get me wrong, I have friends but I'm not the sports guy, or the hipster guy or the music dude or something. Uhm no. Look around, all kinds of girls date all kinds of guys. I am just some guy who exists. That sounds borderline like a self esteem issue. can anyone offer my loser arse some advice? Oh wait, it IS a self esteem issue! You cannot view yourself as some boring average loser and expect a girl to notice you. People only treat us the way we project ourselves, and that's the case for all situations in life, including romance.
2sure Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Its my understanding that many successful comedians have come up with their best material during low points in their lives and that it is a profession in which depression is common. Go figure. Is it possible that you ARE funny? Very funny, intelligent and funny? Probably you are. And thats great, all women like a sense of humor...but when its dry, clever, and intelligent (in other words everything you need to be for success)...it can be intimidating. We fear being mocked. We fear you will mock us and we wont even know it. We fear you will find us good "material".
zhsoj Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I was 25 before I even tried dating. I wouldn't worry about it so much. First off ya got plenty of time as you know, and second... Look around you. You really think the grass is greener? Surely it has more to do with self-esteem then it does most anything else. At least that's how it is for me. I think that if you actually tried you could get a date pretty easy; you just have to have the right timing (read: numbers) and the gall to put yourself out there. Of course once you do you'll have to accept that people are judgmental. Do you really want to open yourself up for non-constructive criticism? Of course I'm told the fairy tale actually exists once you meet the "right" person.
Yamaha Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 If you just want dates you can change yourself so women will find you sexually interesting. Just fake confidence and don't treat them nice and women will find you intriguing and a challenge. If you are looking for a gal that fits your personality and someone you like then be yourself but show interest and some gal will respond ( but not as many as in the other example ).
lora22 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 If you just want dates you can change yourself so women will find you sexually interesting. Just fake confidence and don't treat them nice and women will find you intriguing and a challenge. Read The Game by Neil Strauss. It's entertaining, gives insight, plus has a nice little lesson at the end (that would lead more toward Yamaha's second point).
BCCA Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 First, dont feel so down in the dumps about it. I like to think Im a pretty awesome guy, and Ive been dumped countless times, and had TONS of chicks give me their number and never answer or call back (and yes, I left me number and called a second time, still - nothing) Next, consider your strategy. If youre waiting for any girl to make a move, I would bet less than 5% of women are ever going to do that. Furthermore, a lot of women initially act disinterested, or play hard to get, because theyve read too many stupid books and think thats what keeps guys interested. You need to see a girl, and move. If she sees you checking her out, and you take 20 minutes to come talk to her, shes going to think youre a chicken, and not be interested. Women want guys who are confident, and dont care if theyre rejected. Afterall, if a guy was truly self assured, he wouldnt care if one girl shrugged him off, there are plenty more out there. Lastly, just be yourself, but dont be affraid to let people see who you are. Like you said, you have a lot of good qualities, remember that. And keep trying. I always say this, but Ted Williams was the greatest hitter of all time, and he failed 65% of the time.
Author sadcase Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 hey thanks everyone for the replies. thinking about it, my depression is not a result of my lack of lovelife but rather could be the other way around. i dont walk around with a woe is me cloud above my head though. I generally act happy and friendly around people I know. Most people when they first meet me see me as being rather aloof. It could be possible that I intimidate some people, even though on the inside I'm a sensitive little baby I definitely have self esteem issues, but it seems like pretty much everyone my age does. I think if you saw me on the street or spoke to me briefly I wouldn't come across as having low self esteem or confidence, or maybe I do. @prettybaby i generally send an sms and if they dont reply I delete the number. i dont ask them out in the sms though @2sure I don't mock or tease anyone unless it is in a playful and in an obvious way. I know, from experience, that even the slightest and harmlessly intended insult can affect someone for years. @BCCA cheers for your words of wisdom. Girls acting disinterested for the sake of it annoy me. I mean attractive girls would be used to being approached by many guys and so maybe a guy will have to act a little disinterested to pique her interest. But guys though; I could walk around all day and if I chose to not speak to anyone that would be it, no one would speak to me. If I speak to someone and they act all disinterested its going to read as a rejection to me.
Bejita463 Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 If I speak to someone and they act all disinterested its going to read as a rejection to me. You don't HAVE to play those stupid games to enjoy success. It probably helps to just play along, but it is not a necessity.
zhsoj Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 But guys though; I could walk around all day and if I chose to not speak to anyone that would be it, no one would speak to me. If I speak to someone and they act all disinterested its going to read as a rejection to me. Not having anyone speak to you seems pretty normal to me. Not desirable, but unfortunately normal. I think a lot of people mask this by carrying constant distractions with them (e.g. phone). If you want this to change I think you need to realize that you will need to be the stronger more outgoing one and initiate it yourself. Smiling goes a long way to disarming people as well. I know how difficult that can be though as I often fail to do it myself. I try every now-and-then to push myself to be more engaging with strangers. Most days I make a little headway and then there are a lot of days where I regress back. 1 step forward, 2 steps back. What really helps is to have something with you that piques their interest and helps start a conversation. Dogs can be great in that respect. I also find that when I have my camera (a big SLR) out people take more notice. Every once in awhile I meet someone on a trail that wants to know what kind it is and if I'm a pro... I'm not but it does help start conversations. Don't disregard this feeling. We are social creatures even if some of us, like myself, are less social than others. We all need human interaction. A serious lack of it can be very painful.
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