aronf13 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I've been dating this girl for about 2 - 3 months, and it's been pretty good. I've been very happy with her and i get the impression that she has been pretty happy too. just this past weekend we had a very wonderful weekend together, resting up from a mutual sickness and enjoying eachother's company. But yesterday all hell broke loose because of something i did...i kinda screwed up. She is extremely messy and getting a new roommate in the next couple of weeks so i agreed to help her clean and organize her house, especially her room. We started 3 days previous together off to a good start. The next day i did some stuff while she was at work and she came home impressed and very appreciative. Yesterday though, i did some work while she was gone and went into a couple of drawers for cleaning. Apparently this was a big no-no, because she was taken aback. Upon rethinking this, i realized it's true, i did invade a bit of her privacy, and even though they were drawers we had opened together previously, she felt i should've waited till she got back to go back in. She said she felt very uncomfortable because no one had ever "Seen her room like you have now" and said that she felt a little violated. I apologized extensively and she said not to worry, that we wouldn't break up over this and she just felt really weird about it. But later that day when she arrived home, after we were both hanging out with our mutual friends and she started looking at the room for like 10 - 20 minutes she blew up. She yelled "where's my stamps" and yelled at me for something completely unrelated i said earlier to friends we had over about being a little homesick (I had been at her house for 4 or 5 days), eventually she stomped off, slammed her door and told me to leave. she didn't even really say bye to our friends. later i signed online and this is how convo went... me: hey. just wanted to let you know i'm home and to say goodnight. and that i'm really really sorry and won't ever impose upon your room or organization again and hope you feel better soon, like about everything - work too. and that yeah i miss sf sometimes - it's my home, but when i'm here i miss berkely more. it's natural to get homesick, try not to take that the wrong way her: ARON GO AWAY. IF YOU THINK IT'S ALL OK YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THINK COMING. YOU TELL ME YOU HATE YOUR HOME. DONT EVER COME OVER HERE AGAIN. OK?! me: sonya... her: SHUT THE f*** UP and she signed off. all sorts of things are happening now. she posted a blog entry saying her friend who recently broke up with her boyfriend "might have had the right idea" and "is the grass is always greener on the other side?" I also heard she's going "blues" dancing tomorrow which is extremely uncharacteristic of her because she's always said that she didn't do blues dancing because it was too "sensual" this isn't the first time i've screwed up. but in the past our short rough spots were always just me making a mistake. hitting her accidentally while wrestling, or making a joke that she'd take seriously. They have never evolved into arguments because I've always admitted i was wrong, apologized excessively and showered her with stuff in the aftermath; flowers, presents, etc. I've never treated a girl as good as i treat her. even the sex is more loving and mutual than any other relationship i've been in. And we have a ton of things planned in the near future that we already have tickets for: concerts (one in two days!), a vacation across the country and a wedding to attend. But from the sound of things, i feel like she may be breaking up with me within the next couple days... what's more, part of me is wondering if she really is worth it? the way she snapped at me was kinda scary. i've treated her so well - the only problems were accidents and i never once argued back with her, but all of a sudden she seemed to pounce on me like i was an enemy. I feel a little scared of her now... she's admitted that she has trust issues, and has been known to have quite a temper with mutual friends (and even with me, back when we were friends) I'm going out of my mind, can't even really sleep, and don't know what to do. I've recorded myself playing a "sorry" song and sent it to her, and bought her flowers and candies earlier today but none of that seems to matter (even though it usually does; this is a girl who admits that buying her things makes her get over issues), so what can i do to keep her? should I be trying at all if i'm a little scared by how ruthlessly she turned on me? how much space should i give her? we have a concert to attend together on friday. Any or all comments or advice anyone could give would be sooo very appreciated...
bean1 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 2-3 months? Let this one go. Clearly, this isn't a match made in heaven. What short rough spots? Every week? It's been 8-12 weeks!
Jilly Bean Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Either she was looking for a reason to break up with you, OR, she is a certifiable nut bag. Her reaction is so over the top, and so out of line with what happened, that I would take that as a VERY red flag, hon. I know you have feelings for her, but you also seem to have the good judgment to know that her behavior is not warranted for the situation. 3 months is generally when the honeymoon phase ends, and people start showing their real personalities. What you have seen will certainly continue. It's up to you if you want to be in a relationship with someone like this.
Author aronf13 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 What short rough spots? the two ones i mentioned. the first wasn't quite wrestling. I playfully hit her with a little paper object and she turned and i ended up bruising her eye, which could have been a problem because she's had eye surgery. luckilly it wasn't but she was pretty pissed at me for that the other thing is that i made a joke about her thighs and she interperted it as meaning i was calling her fat. she was pretty pissed about that for a couple days. but overall that's been it, and like i said, i've never argued with her or anything. that said, i do see both of your points...
paddington bear Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I bet she had something embarrassing in those drawers...a diary or whatever, a picture of another guy and while you obviously didn't find the embarrassing thing, you looking through all her stuff set her off thinking about how you could have found it, she's now turning her embarrassment back on you in the old attack is the best form of defense method. However...her reaction does seem waaaay over the top. I mean it's a total over-reaction IF YOU THINK IT'S ALL OK YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THING COMING. You did say you apologised to her, you sound like a rational, normal human being. Her reaction is abnormal considering the circumstances, including the snapping at you about unrelated issues. If she can't accept an honest apology for basically doing something without thinking too much, well then...well I don't know what to say. How can you have a relationship with someone who can't or won't resolve issues normally? And to answer your question, no I don't think she's really worth it. You know the way when you first meet someone you like and you're on your best behaviour...that time before all your human faults and frailties are hidden from the other person? Well you are both in this period. If she's acting like this now, what will it escalate to in 6 months is what I'm wondering?!
itgirlragdoll Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 She's insane. Ditch her quick. It's only been 2-3 months? Jesus christ.
girl68 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Um I'm sorry but that is crazy talk coming from her. Sure we all argue but telling you to shut the eff up, and flipping out on you is not how "grown ups" fight. And if you say something that's harsh (as she did) you apologize. It seems like the fights are always only you being the wrong one and always only you doing the apologizing and making up. How's that fair? By the sounds of it you're far too nice to her. She needs to grow up and see that you can't treat people like that. More over she doesn't even talk to you about your problems she blabs it all over the internet for you to find. I'd say cut your losses, there are girls who won't treat you so poorly and will apprciate you for being such a good guy. This post is so much more than your fight over invading her privacy. Let me guess... she's young?
Author aronf13 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 Let me guess... she's young? actually, i'm 19 (almost 20) and she's 25
GorillaTheater Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I've got to echo the ladies, particularly the point that it seems that your relationship prior to the latest round seems to be one where you're her emotional and verbal punching bag. I'm guessing that she's never apologized to you for anything. The "drawer" drama would be the last straw for me. Time to move on.
girl68 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 That's still young enough to think you're little miss prissy princess. Dump her and quote her too: "if you think I'm going to put up with this attitude you've got another thing coming... we're done."
Author aronf13 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 yeah, everyone's right in that this is a probably a sign that it won't work out. but especially because we've got this long week long vacation paid for already coming up and a bunch of concerts we're both attending, i feel like breaking up isn't an option. it'll be way too awkward then, and to be perfectly honest, even if it's clearly not gonna be a long-term thing, i feel like we still have some shelf life...i at least want to stretch it past these upcoming events and see how it is after that. so i've already apologized a ton, but your responses have helped me realize that, yes, she has acted a little crazy. if she decides to not break up with me though because i have already sorta begged her to stay in some ways, how should i bring up this without sounding like i'm attacking her? i want us to last a little longer but her temper is clearly an issue...
GorillaTheater Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 yeah, everyone's right in that this is a probably a sign that it won't work out. but especially because we've got this long week long vacation paid for already coming up and a bunch of concerts we're both attending, i feel like breaking up isn't an option. it'll be way too awkward then, and to be perfectly honest, even if it's clearly not gonna be a long-term thing, i feel like we still have some shelf life...i at least want to stretch it past these upcoming events and see how it is after that. Do what you want, but this is a mistake. Time to back off and let her decide (in your absence) whether she wants to work it out. Though frankly it sounds to me that she's done. And you should be too. Even on the off chance you patch it up, she's going to go on like this, you'll keep on apologizing, and she'll dump you for being a doormat (like I said, if she hasn't already). Time to man up.
paddington bear Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 yeah, everyone's right in that this is a probably a sign that it won't work out. but especially because we've got this long week long vacation paid for already coming up and a bunch of concerts we're both attending, i feel like breaking up isn't an option. it'll be way too awkward then, and to be perfectly honest, even if it's clearly not gonna be a long-term thing, i feel like we still have some shelf life...i at least want to stretch it past these upcoming events and see how it is after that. so i've already apologized a ton, but your responses have helped me realize that, yes, she has acted a little crazy. if she decides to not break up with me though because i have already sorta begged her to stay in some ways, how should i bring up this without sounding like i'm attacking her? i want us to last a little longer but her temper is clearly an issue... If you're going to hang on in there a little longer - that is if she doesn't break up with you first, just say nothing until she loses it again (and believe you me, she will). Remain calm in the face of her anger, try to let it wash over you. Simply get up tell her (as you've said here). I'm finding your temper an issue, let's talk when you've calmed down a bit and walk away, let her scream and rant after you and slam the door and throw shoes at your head. By staying and engaging and trying to reason with her in the middle of a tantrum you're basically showing her that you find this kind of behaviour acceptable. By calmly leaving she doesn't get the attention she wants, which is, you begging her not to leave you, apologising and so on.
girl68 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 No matter how you bring it up she will take it as an attack. Basically I don't think you can. Live on a "yellow light" meaning, don't do anything "bad". Leave as soon as possible.
JustLooking123 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Agree with everything that's been said already. She sounds like an oversensitive pain in the ass. No mature, stable adult would react like that. And it will only get worse. Dump her first.
Author aronf13 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 yeah...thanks everyone for the advice. this forum seems to be way more receptive than most of the other love/relationship forums out there! *bookmarks* i'm just done grovelling and am gonna keep my zen for now until she blows up again...
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