jessica1190 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Hello to everyone. I'll be thankful for any serious answer, really. First of all, I'm 18, he's like 7-10 years later and he's our new teacher. (I know him for 2 months now.) I have to say, it's not like "oh he's so cute blah blah", it's not that way. At the first time he began teaching in our class I simply liked him because he's nice, funny and so on, but I didn't think more. Then we've had some little conversation and so on, our eyes met and it was something special, he once asked me a private question, we've had more and more and longer eye contact and it felt kinda strange because it seemed like both of us were speechless and so on - i dont know what happened but i nearly cant stop thinking about him, i tried but i cant. the first problem is that im not sure if he's for real with me (he's a nice, funny man, likes flirting a little with the girls..., but with me he's more like shy and serious which i think is kinda strange isnt it??) the second problem is that we're at SCHOOL. nobody should know it if a teacher has a relationship with a student! i dont know what to do, im so confused and i cant help it - it just happened! im thinking of writing a letter to him or whatever. there is almost no situation where we're really alone =/ what do you think about it? what do you think, how would he react??
prettybaby Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Do you know for a fact that he's single? You say you're 18: are you about to be finished with high school, or did you just start college? 2 important points: - Don't write a letter. - Don't pursue anything while he's still your teacher.
Author jessica1190 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 im about to finish high school. yes, he's single.
Jersey Shortie Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Are you still in high school????? Even if you are 18, I find this personally sceevy. Not to mention that you said he flirts with other girls. You might be thinking it's special but any grown man in his power of position that flirts with girls in high school, isn't the kind of man I could personally respect. If it is really that special, leave it be for now, go to college and in a few years come back and see if you still feel it for him. It doesn't bother me that he is older. What bothers me is you sound like you are still in high school and only 18. While legal, it's a little bleeped up for a man of about 28 to be flirting with you in school. And if he is flirting with you, don't be surprised if he is with other girls and making them feel the same way you feel right now.
bean1 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 You're right, it's a no-win situation. If he rejects you, he rejects you. If he goes for you, then he's an unprofessional person with no boundaries. That being said, is he actually "flirting"? Or is that an interpretation of giggling teen girls?
JLee26 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 totally agree with pretty baby. DONT do anything. You could ruin his life in an attempt to solidify something that probably isnt even there. Find a boy your own age and fill your teenage hormones that way. But DO NOT ruin this mans life and career simply because you have a itch in your pants. Have you learned nothing from watching the media??????? Sorry if i come off offensive or rude but what you are thinking of doing ruins lives. Think before you act. I must say though i am proud that you came to a website like this before reacting, it does show a level of maturity not often seen from teens.
Author jessica1190 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 it's more an interpretation of giggling teen girls. idk if i really can call that flirting - he just a little charming and sarcastic.
Bejita463 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 But DO NOT ruin this mans life and career simply because you have a itch in your pants. Have you learned nothing from watching the media??????? Her approaching him would not be news worthy. He would have to accept the advances for the outcome you've painted to be able to take place.
bean1 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 it's more an interpretation of giggling teen girls. idk if i really can call that flirting - he just a little charming and sarcastic. He's no doubt flattered at the attention (I think all men would be), but the truth is a man who is worthy of your time will not overstep the boundary of the student-teacher relationship. First, he could get fired (if your dad doesn't come to his door with a baseball bat). He will be treated with disdain by his coworkers if he doesn't get fired. Either way, it's a violation of ethics. I'm not saying that it's a crazy situation. My cousin married her teacher (same ages- 17 and 28/29) but that is Eastern Europe and things are a bit different over there. Here, it's a violation of ethics.
JLee26 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Her approaching him would not be news worthy. He would have to accept the advances for the outcome you've painted to be able to take place. Do you not think that if that note got into the wrong hands it could ruin his life? Its a realistic picture when written in black in white. There was a teacher my senior year who flirted with a girl and she tried to "quietly" get his attention. He killed himself after the media and his family found out. A simple note can lead to disaster. Sop yes her approaching him could ruin his life.
Author jessica1190 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 totally agree with pretty baby. DONT do anything. You could ruin his life in an attempt to solidify something that probably isnt even there. Find a boy your own age and fill your teenage hormones that way. But DO NOT ruin this mans life and career simply because you have a itch in your pants. Have you learned nothing from watching the media??????? Sorry if i come off offensive or rude but what you are thinking of doing ruins lives. Think before you act. I must say though i am proud that you came to a website like this before reacting, it does show a level of maturity not often seen from teens. sorry, but how old are you? your answer is absolutely disrespectful. its totally narrow-minded to compare a person you dont know with some stupid teens. did YOU ever learn that love is not about the age? i didnt even say that I love him or something like that. You're talking about me ruining his life while I havent even DONE ANYTHING. And no, I won't find a guy my age "to fill my teenage hormones that way" because even if "ive had to fill my teenage hormones" I wouldnt have posted a thread about FEELINGS I have.
Jersey Shortie Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Love is about age otherwise you wouldn't have posted. Age matters despite romantic statements that it doesn't.
JLee26 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 OK since its seems as though a few of you think this is a "innocent" situation then my advice is this. Talk to your parents about this and ask for their advice, or how about your school guidance counselor? If you cant talk to them about it then it is because you know it is wrong. This is a bad situation. The kind that causes major problems, you see this crap every day all over the media, and i personally will NOT condone this as a good situation. You asked for advice this is mine, if you do not like it, sorry. but when you post to a public forum this is what you get. So again i say, talk to your parents or counselors, see if they feel it is a good idea.
Author jessica1190 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 hmm but would he really go that far just because he's flattered?? i dont want to boast, im not saying that im super smart but im a really good student, so... would he really try to play with me if he knew im not that stupid? ive heard and read about similar situations too. for example, a teacher had a relationship with a student and he checked her out of that school, she went to another school so they could have a normal relationship. (of course she was 18) sorry for my bad english.
bean1 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 i dont want to boast, im not saying that im super smart but im a really good student, so... would he really try to play with me if he knew im not that stupid? . This is nothing against you as a person but this is where the age issue comes into play: as a grown adult man (who is obviously the bare minimum of 23-24 years old because of his undergrad/teacher's college), he will not look at an 18 year old girl as being "super smart", regardless of your grades. I'm not sure how to explain this, because you don't have any serious dating experience (I'm refering to being in a relationship where there are children or is leading to marriage/cohabitation) but all adult men (especially 25-30 years old) will look at a teenage high school girl as being very, very naive. That has nothing to do with grades.
Author jessica1190 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 This is nothing against you as a person but this is where the age issue comes into play: as a grown adult man (who is obviously the bare minimum of 23-24 years old because of his undergrad/teacher's college), he will not look at an 18 year old girl as being "super smart", regardless of your grades. I'm not sure how to explain this, because you don't have any serious dating experience (I'm refering to being in a relationship where there are children or is leading to marriage/cohabitation) but all adult men (especially 25-30 years old) will look at a teenage high school girl as being very, very naive. That has nothing to do with grades. I know what you mean and this is my worry. but i never really showed that i liked him. i dont even smile at him often. its just that we have really interesting conversations and deep eye contact. I'll have to add, that he's not a real teacher now, he's a teacher on probation (is that the right word??)
bean1 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I know what you mean and this is my worry. but i never really showed that i liked him. i dont even smile at him often. its just that we have really interesting conversations and deep eye contact. I'll have to add, that he's not a real teacher now, he's a teacher on probation (is that the right word??) It sounds like he is a student teacher (still doing his Bachelor of Education but doing the last practicum component before licensing). Let it go, chat with other boys, chalk it up to a crush and nothing more You've got a great summer ahead after grad, go have fun!
prettybaby Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Let's not get into dramatic media / suicide stories. That is a bit extreme, and although I'm very sorry that happened, a lot of teachers get hit on every day by their students (especially young men standing in front of a bunch of teenage girls) and they manage just fine. That being said, it's not okay to pursue anything right now, and I just wouldn't advise it for numerous reasons. I was in your shoes about 8 years ago, and he and I are a couple now. But between my senior year in high school and us dating in 2009, a whole lot happened. Did I want something to happen back then? Absolutely. Although I was more precisely aiming at something after graduation, not before. Do I regret that nothing came from it back then? No. I felt mature enough for my age and the age gap wasn't super extreme. It was a known fact that he was single. And I figured that anything after graduation wouldn't be a problem. After all, I was already 18 on top of it. But I must admit now that the situation perceived through my 18 year old eyes, doesn't quite look the same 8 years later. There's a whole lot of details and aspects you're just not aware of at that age, and that you shouldn't even have to worry about at such an early point in your life. I tried to stay in touch with him after I graduated, and the most I achieved was an occasional text message or phone call (90% initiated by me). He never rejected anything, but I could clearly see it wasn't going anywhere. Although I looked at myself in the mirror and couldn't figure out why he wouldn't want to -at least- go get a cup of coffee with me or something. Looking back at it now, I can totally see why. I was 18, my God. I was never a silly teeny bopper, but I must admit now that the maturity I thought I had back then had its limits. We just weren't on an equal level yet. He was a responsible adult, working full time, living in his own place, managing his budget, paying bills, doing adult things. I was 18 and had yet to figure out what I really wanted to do with my life, I had yet to move out on my own, make a living for myself, and learn to manage my life. It's just so obvious now that him dating me back then would have been the most ridiculous thing, even though we totally clicked on many levels. And to be honest, had he not rejected my moves then, I would have lost respect for him sooner or later. Let me also add that, physically speaking, the age difference is much more noticeable when you're 18 than after you've already matured into a responsible young woman. Then there was also his job issue. Dating a former 18 year old student past graduation may be 100% legal, but if it's too soon after graduation, people would know about it sooner rather than later. And you can be sure that gossips would fly from right to left, and before you know it, all his co-workers would assume you two were already an item while he was still your teacher. He would most probably get caught into a snow ball effect, and since he's still quite young, his position as a teacher there may not be a stable one just yet. So yes, career-wise, it would still be a high risk for him (now and in the near future). You can try and stay in touch with him after you're done with high school. But don't rush into anything and certainly don't expect anything to come from it. Because you've still got a long way to go before you can consider him as someone who's on an equal level as you. You've got studies to finish, a career to figure out, and a whole lot of life experience to get under your belt before this could potentially turn into healthy relationship material. I'm pretty sure you know deep down that those situations very hardly turn into anything positive. So live your life, and see where it takes you. Don't push yourself into messy situations.
Author jessica1190 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 Let's not get into dramatic media / suicide stories. That is a bit extreme, and although I'm very sorry that happened, a lot of teachers get hit on every day by their students (especially young men standing in front of a bunch of teenage girls) and they manage just fine. That being said, it's not okay to pursue anything right now, and I just wouldn't advise it for numerous reasons. I was in your shoes about 8 years ago, and he and I are a couple now. But between my senior year in high school and us dating in 2009, a whole lot happened. Did I want something to happen back then? Absolutely. Although I was more precisely aiming at something after graduation, not before. Do I regret that nothing came from it back then? No. I felt mature enough for my age and the age gap wasn't super extreme. It was a known fact that he was single. And I figured that anything after graduation wouldn't be a problem. After all, I was already 18 on top of it. But I must admit now that the situation perceived through my 18 year old eyes, doesn't quite look the same 8 years later. There's a whole lot of details and aspects you're just not aware of at that age, and that you shouldn't even have to worry about at such an early point in your life. I tried to stay in touch with him after I graduated, and the most I achieved was an occasional text message or phone call (90% initiated by me). He never rejected anything, but I could clearly see it wasn't going anywhere. Although I looked at myself in the mirror and couldn't figure out why he wouldn't want to -at least- go get a cup of coffee with me or something. Looking back at it now, I can totally see why. I was 18, my God. I was never a silly teeny bopper, but I must admit now that the maturity I thought I had back then had its limits. We just weren't on an equal level yet. He was a responsible adult, working full time, living in his own place, managing his budget, paying bills, doing adult things. I was 18 and had yet to figure out what I really wanted to do with my life, I had yet to move out on my own, make a living for myself, and learn to manage my life. It's just so obvious now that him dating me back then would have been the most ridiculous thing, even though we totally clicked on many levels. And to be honest, had he not rejected my moves then, I would have lost respect for him sooner or later. Let me also add that, physically speaking, the age difference is much more noticeable when you're 18 than after you've already matured into a responsible young woman. Then there was also his job issue. Dating a former 18 year old student past graduation may be 100% legal, but if it's too soon after graduation, people would know about it sooner rather than later. And you can be sure that gossips would fly from right to left, and before you know it, all his co-workers would assume you two were already an item while he was still your teacher. He would most probably get caught into a snow ball effect, and since he's still quite young, his position as a teacher there may not be a stable one just yet. So yes, career-wise, it would still be a high risk for him (now and in the near future). You can try and stay in touch with him after you're done with high school. But don't rush into anything and certainly don't expect anything to come from it. Because you've still got a long way to go before you can consider him as someone who's on an equal level as you. You've got studies to finish, a career to figure out, and a whole lot of life experience to get under your belt before this could potentially turn into healthy relationship material. I'm pretty sure you know deep down that those situations very hardly turn into anything positive. So live your life, and see where it takes you. Don't push yourself into messy situations. Thanks for your advice i heard the rumour that he might go to another school after this school year. so then it would be totally normal if we had contact. i know i sound naive but i cant help if i hardly if ever can get along with a guy my age.
Trialbyfire Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 These teacher threads, remind me of the Van Halen song, "Hot for Teacher".
GorillaTheater Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 These teacher threads, remind me of the Van Halen song, "Hot for Teacher". Been there. I remember taking more than one stupid-ass course for that very reason.
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Sweet Statutory!!! Trust me if this guy will sleep with a former student, there's no way the school board will trust him in the same capacity again. Let him be. leave him alone.
redfathom Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I am guessing you will be going to college. I would wait to date until then. You might meet other great young men who you can have meaningful conversations with. Honetsly you don't have to wait to long...Enjoy your last summer as a "kid"...life changes after high school!
start-fresh Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Excellent advice from prettybaby! OP, I know you feel like you're at the top of the world right now with your high school graduation and most likely heading off to college, but the fact is there's so much to learn after high school. I just graduated college and I'm sure the older posters will agree that I still have very much to learn at my age. You'll see in a couple years why a relationship with this guy just wouldn't really work right now. With that being said, go out and enjoy college. You'll have so many new experiences and learn so many things you can't even fathom it right now. You seem to have a great head on your shoulders to come here and look for advice and you seem to receptive to it as well. Good luck and congrats on graduating HS!
Chinook Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Jessica 1190 - I'm a Uni lecturer. I lecture 18+ year olds. Teachers get attention from their students all the time.... and I mean ALL the time. The worst thing you can do is actually do anything about it. From your point of view, it seems to me to be a crush. He may like you as a person and as a student, but if his professional ethics are anywhere they should be, he will be flattered, but that is all. Secondly, from his point of view... it will provide him with a conflict of interest which he will have to declare to the School governing bodies. He will not be able to grade any work for you, he will not even be able to advise you on work. If he switches schools, the 'conflict of interest' issue will follow him. A teacher who steps out of their boundaries as a teacher, is exploiting their position of power, no matter what the age of the student is (trust me, I've had 35 year old guys returning to school with crushes). It is inappropriate and wrong... for both of you and it can actually lead to things going awry. If you must do something, at least wait until you leave and until he has left. Until that time, things stay distant and cool. It's not worth jeopardising yours and his future.
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