SophieA Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 So I was feeling particularly nostalgic this morning- wrote and sent an email to dear med student bf. It's kind of strange how after 5 and 1/2 years sometimes I'm still kind of wary of being so vulnerable...don't you think? Let me know what you all think! "So...I think one of my quotes in your notebook states that "love isn't love until it's vulnerable". Okay...well here it goes. I'm going to be vulnerable and I hope it doesn't scare the piss out of you. LOL I woke up this morning and I thought...we only have one life to live. And I really don't want to live it without B. He's handsome. He's sexy. He's funny. Makes me laugh, makes me happy. Makes me feel good. He's my best friend. I thought, I don't want to be replaced and I don't want to replace him. The way I feel when I'm with you is the best feeling in the world to me. Yes, I have some pretty awesome friends, yes, I've been having some good times since you've left...but when it comes down to it- you're my favorite, hands down. I want to be there with you, having new experiences with you: meeting new people, trying new things, seeing new places. I want to be able to be there after you've had a hard day at school. To be able to be silly with you and be able to see your smile in person. To be able to hear you laugh. To wake up together in the morning and fall asleep at night knowing you're around. To be able to cook dinner or take a walk or have sex the moment we feel like it. To be able to have a glass of wine together. To be able to help you study, to work, and live on tropical island for a bit of time!! What an awesome story to pass on someday... I don't want to be with out you. We only have one life to live, yeah, I said it earlier. So what I'd really like to know is if you feel the same as what I said above. Because if you do, I'm going to try my DAMNDEST to move down there when I graduate next May. I don't want to waste more time. We're never really guaranteed tomorrow. And if you just think I'm crazy ...it's best that I know sooner rather than later. haha. Really. *sigh* I have let it all out. And it feels gooooooood!" That was it folks. How would you feel if your s/o sent you something like that?
sunflower89 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I think it's lovely And oh so true. We only get one life, why waste it with unspoken words and regrets! Let us know how he responds! Flower x
hoping2heal Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Sophie, I really believe the best thing you could do for your relationship at this point would be to start talking and sharing with your bf, instead of us. A lot of your posts seem to be about subjects you're looking for affirmation for; and the person you're really seeking answers and affirmation from is him and not us. And that's not a bad thing but learn to talk to HIM about it. We may all think your sentiments are sweet and lovely, that doesn't mean he will or won't. The point is, you're dating him and not us and you seem to rely heavily on posters opinions and affirmations of your relationship when you should be learning to rely on your boyfriend for that. I firmly believe that if you began to do that you wouldn't be having so many doubts and insecurities to begin with.
northstar1 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 So I was feeling particularly nostalgic this morning- wrote and sent an email to dear med student bf. It's kind of strange how after 5 and 1/2 years sometimes I'm still kind of wary of being so vulnerable...don't you think? Let me know what you all think! "So...I think one of my quotes in your notebook states that "love isn't love until it's vulnerable". Okay...well here it goes. I'm going to be vulnerable and I hope it doesn't scare the piss out of you. LOL I woke up this morning and I thought...we only have one life to live. And I really don't want to live it without B. He's handsome. He's sexy. He's funny. Makes me laugh, makes me happy. Makes me feel good. He's my best friend. I thought, I don't want to be replaced and I don't want to replace him. The way I feel when I'm with you is the best feeling in the world to me. Yes, I have some pretty awesome friends, yes, I've been having some good times since you've left...but when it comes down to it- you're my favorite, hands down. I want to be there with you, having new experiences with you: meeting new people, trying new things, seeing new places. I want to be able to be there after you've had a hard day at school. To be able to be silly with you and be able to see your smile in person. To be able to hear you laugh. To wake up together in the morning and fall asleep at night knowing you're around. To be able to cook dinner or take a walk or have sex the moment we feel like it. To be able to have a glass of wine together. To be able to help you study, to work, and live on tropical island for a bit of time!! What an awesome story to pass on someday... I don't want to be with out you. We only have one life to live, yeah, I said it earlier. So what I'd really like to know is if you feel the same as what I said above. Because if you do, I'm going to try my DAMNDEST to move down there when I graduate next May. I don't want to waste more time. We're never really guaranteed tomorrow. And if you just think I'm crazy ...it's best that I know sooner rather than later. haha. Really. *sigh* I have let it all out. And it feels gooooooood!" That was it folks. How would you feel if your s/o sent you something like that? While I understand the frustration and anxiety you feel over this fairly new LDR, you seem to be in panic mode and as such are acting in perhaps a desperate fashion. I think you need to talk to him, and explain your feelings, thoughts, and what his are, and the expecations you both have for this relationship based on the distance involved.
Author SophieA Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 That's sort of why I sent him the email...I find it's easier for me to get everything out in a letter/email because when I'm talking sometimes it doesn't always work..
LonelyTiger Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Sophie, I totally understand how you feel about things not always working when you talk and how it's easier to put things in writing. My hubby and I find that we can misunderstand each other when we talk on skype, especially when the b****y things cuts off all the time! I write a lot of emails to my husband. We only get a maximum of two hours a day to talk, sometimes a lot less and some days no time at all, which is hard. I'm a very emotional person (especially when he's away) and I like to express my feelings. I like to share them with him but I don't want to spend every conversation talking about the really deep stuff because it makes the whole relationship feel too 'heavy'. So I put everything in emails and then I know he'll get the message and he can think about what I've said in his own time. After living together for 13yrs I know that I can't rush him with these things. If one of us wants to talk about what I've written then we will do, otherwise we just enjoy chatting to each other about fun stuff - or sometimes boring stuff! Oh, and by the way, my hubby never reciprocates in this soul baring exercise - I know it's not how he does things and that's fine with me. I think your email is lovely and I'm sure your bf will appreciate the sentiments, but I don't know him, so my thoughts on the email are not important. What is important is how he feels and what he thinks about what you've said. It's good that you feel able to open up so much about your concerns on this forum and, if it helps, then I think you should continue to do that. I also think that you need to go and see your bf as soon as you can. If you find it difficult getting things across on the phone then you need to tell him face to face what you are feeling and you will be able to 'see' what his reaction is. The only way that you are likely to feel better about the way your LDR is progressing is to get the reassurance you need - from him!
Island Girl Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 I would never discourage you or anyone else from posting here. A lot of us have been where you are and know first hand how difficult the transition from close to distance can be. Your situation is a lot like mine. We were in close proximity and even living together before we went long distance. My husband and I just weren't together as long. He has no access to e-mail so I wrote lots and lots of letters. I wrote everything. How I felt about him, us, my day, other people and situations I went through, etc. He loved them and he got to know me -- the way my mind works and how I see or process things. There was a lot of push and pull when it came to breaking down and being absolutely vulnerable. The toughest thing for me was stating exactly what I needed. It puts you in a position that the other can refuse to give you that -- and that would hurt and totally suck. But it is the best thing we ever did. The best thing we ever learned how to do with and for each other. So this is a first step in that direction. I would think after 5 1/2 years he is just as committed to the relationship as you are. But he isn't used to the distance either and has to learn the ropes so to speak. The e-mail is a great step and perhaps you can talk about how you felt writing it and your fears about him getting it. That'd be a great jumping off point to be able to get deeper for each other. In the wording you chose and things you said it is apparent that you are uncomfortable being that open to him. Once he reads it and you get his feedback it should be easier to go that deep again and maybe deeper. The distance has been so hard but my husband and I have gained confidence in our commitment and a admiration for each other that we never would have otherwise. So a lot of good can come from all of this. Let us know what happens.
Bearandsue Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 That's sort of why I sent him the email...I find it's easier for me to get everything out in a letter/email because when I'm talking sometimes it doesn't always work.. I can really relate to this. Sometimes I start talking about how I am feeling about something and It will just come out all wrong so I have to stop and IM what I am trying to say. I think your email was really sweet and I am sure he will be happy when he reads it.
Author SophieA Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 Thank you IG. Very much. I was sort of feeling stupid for posting this after a few of the comments I got, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone when it comes to having a hard time over the phone. Bearandsue- Thank you too! I often do the same when we are skyping/IMing...I have to just type it out so I get across what I am trying to say. For those of you who wanted to know his response, here is part of his email: (and I am sorry if any of it is too much info! LOL ) Hi lover! Today was a long day. We had a two hour review for Anatomy and then Histo lab and after that Open Lab for Anatomy. I'm glad the school day is over to say the least! Tonight I will be here going over and reviewing our Powerpoints. I will be ready for blocks on Monday and Tuesday! Thanks for all your support honey, it really means a lot coming from my best friend in the whole world! I sure was hoping you'd get that passport in time for you to see me next weekend:( But there is no doubt that when you come visit me in July, we are going to have a great time together. It will be romantic when we go out for a nightly walk on the beach:) We are going to make love like never before come first week of July!! I agree whole-heartedly with you moving down! It would be something that we both would always remember. So I say absolutely. I think that if you were to come down and live with me that we would have to find a place for ourselves, because although M*** and K** are awesome, I would want us to be able to do whatever we wanted without having to be quiet or share our space. I never want to replace you, that would be like passing up the greatest thing on earth. I miss you like crazy and so wish that we weren't apart now. I know its been tough for the both of us not seeing at each other after going 5 years with seeing each other throughout the week. It sucks! But, I know that it is going to be worth all our time and that each of us are going to grow and mature in our love and see things differently than we did before. I can't tell you how happy I am that you are doing the Criminal Justice Program, because I know that you are so interested in it, and having a job that you love is really important. I miss that face so much, I wanna kiss it right now. I've been taking it day by day and already 2 months have passed! Its going to fly by, I know it. I cannot wait for your visit! That Bed in the Marriot might need to be replaced after we get one with it;) Email me later tonight when you get a chance. Love those buns!!!
Island Girl Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Now, isn't that fantastic?!! And you have those words written for you and there to read anytime you need a little boost! Awwwww. I bet you are just floating on air today. Love is a wonderful thing.
LonelyTiger Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 That's great Sophie! Now you know exactly how he feels, you've got absolutely nothing to worry about and you can bask in his obvious adoration. :love: Keep hold of that email - it will get you through the tough times.
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