missdependant Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 Well said and I'm sure he's reciprocating. Oh, he's reciprocating alright. ;-) I think a woman's perception of porn in the relationship is also likely to be influenced by her level of security with the guy in general. If the relationship is healthy and solid, she'll be much less likely to be threatened by porn. If there are shaky points, it can be another destabilizing factor. I like how you put that. I also believe that insecurity is something that needs to be dealt with. There is no reason that anyone should take their insecurity out on their partner. If you tell your man that he isn't allowed to watch porn because of your own personal insecurities, it isn't going to make the problems go away. In fact, it will probably make them worse. As for this... What's wrong with that? Have you seen Missdependant's display pic? I'd bend her over the sofa to mang. ...my boyfriend has tried. But it's nearly impossible when you're 6 months pregnant!
hazeleyez7 Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I'm sure all guys at some point in their lives have viewed some sort of porn. Unfortunatley, that's the world we live in. It's on tv, in magazines and everywhere else! I would not be happy if I was in a serious relationship or any relationship for that matter and found my boyfriend looking at porn. Just think if ya'll were to take it a step further and get married.. would you really feel right knowing he is becoming aroused by other naked women? To me, if they are then why wouldn't they cheat if they had the oppurtunity with a hot chick?? I think he is acting like its not a big deal because he may be addicted to viewing it or just simply not wanna stop. Even if he says he quits though because it causes conflict..can you really trust that he quit or will he just hide it better? You need to decide whether you can deal with this or not. You know you can accept the good he has to offer, but what of the bad? Hope you make the right decision! Good Luck : )
JerseyShortie Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Please. This whole issue boils down to insecurity on the part of the "offended" party. You worry that your SO watching porn means that he doesn't care about you, or that he doesn't really want you, or that he would, if he could, leave you for someone else. I never denied I don't have insecurities. Holy F***. You men have this whole fantasy world that you make it pretty well known is your "ideal". Gorgeous women, millions of them, then you wonder why women question themselves, their feminity and their bodies when the clear message is, we just aren't enough. I will also say that porn is not only about female insecurity but strongly about male insecurity. And that's the part people always seem to want to ignore. I don't completely agree to the exact way you broke it down. It's more of a matter of men wanting their cake and eating it too instead of really being dedicated and loyal to their partners. It's a matter of wanting it both ways and making the woman in the relationship be the strong one, while he gets to pander to his desires. It's a billion dollar industry folks. I am sorry but men today are not watching porn "once-in-awhile". And I think it's really weak and insecure on men's part to say put the preasure on their women to be sexually there every time he needs it, otherwise he is unable to use self control. If your relationship is genuine, porn is not a threat. If you are happy with your sex life, you don't need to look at porn. See how easy it is to make "if" statments? Your expectations about the nature of human behavior vis-a-vis our interaction with our sexuality is unrealistic... My expectations about the nature of human behavior is self control. If that's what you call "unrealistic", that's kind of sad. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- JS, most guys will decrease their porn consumption when they have a girlfriend - they might stop completely - it just depends on the guy and the kind of relationship the two have. Most men don't stop their porn use. Most men seem to use the woman they say the care for so much, and porn, interchangably, the second her back is turned and she can't be there to spread their legs. Then as a woman, we are told we are the ones that are suppose to have self control, while he is allowed to pander to every little whim of fancy. Sorry, but just because you have a sexual urge, doesn't mean you cater to it. Just because I have a feeling, doesn't mean I act on it. If your girlfriend is meeting your needs MOST of the time, I use to wish that men would make the leap the other part of the time. But most men don't. Most men settle for status que and flip their little computers on and turn into zombies infront of hte screen for some fake girl who he might be thinking about banging later hwile having sex with his girlfriend/wife. Sorry that you can't find a guy to meet your needs. Sorry that men can't be happy with women as they are. Sorry that women today don't meet the ideals men wished women were. In the reverse situation, women in relationships still fantasize and still use toys/porn and there's nothing wrong with that. I don't. And I know alot of other women that don't. I also think women are more likely to think about their partners then men are to think about theirs. Great for men. Sucky when your a woman .But I stopped expecting guys to care. Men can and do engage women in their real lives. Women accept us or reject us, that's your decision - but we will continue to engage. Sometimes men look at porn. If you want them to stop (and you seem to be against porn) be the reason for change - complaining about it will get you nowhere. How do you know I am NOT the reason for change. I think there's something more to this - why men aren't engaging you, but haven't decided what it is. The word "engaging" was used in a general sense. Men today spend more time engaging with their porn on their computers then they do real women in any point of history. This is a fact you can not deny. Or maybe just as much time. Or just about as much as time. Regardless, the boon of the internet has made men slaves their computers and has diminished something about real sex with real women who respond like real people and not porn ideal robot fantasies. ------------------------------------ Jay Hey JS, if your argument is men are lazy for using porn, then what about driving a car/ using public transit vs walking/ riding a bike? By your logic, if someone takes a shortcut like driving a car instead of walking, then they are lazy inconsiderate little sh*ts, aren't they? I completely fail to see the logic here. What the heck does walking have to do with porn in a relationship. I don't know why people like you have to constantly denigrate men for using it. I am not trying to denigrate men. I don't think men want to admit the level and amount that porn has affected themselves and women. ----------------------------------------------------- If you don't provide your man with all the sex he wants, how can you get so angry over porn? If a man can't control himself at least part of the time, why should a woman feel motivated to have sex with him in the first place? Her effort means little obviously. I really dislike this mentality that it's the woman's responsiblity, and the man is justified in acting out on any little feeling he has. He doesn't need to use self control. It's her fault. Ridiculous. However, I would be willing to bet if you gave your man all the sex he craved, the porn would likely stop. Again, your premise is that it's the woman's responsiblity to make the man happy. I am sorry but as a grown adult male, you are capable of self control. Resorting to awful "if you did this, then I wouldn't do that" tacits is manipulative and irrsponsible and is what children do. YOU, and other men are grown men. Your choices and needs are not the responsiblity of a woman. With that said, if a woman meets a man MOST of the time, why is he unable to meet her the other part of the time and use SELF CONTROL. I certainly use self control . How many men want their gf and wives to maintain their weights and use self control? How many women would be pleased if men did the same when it came to ponr use? Statistics don't lie. Liars use statistics. As internet has boomed, so has porn. Rape has gone down because of the social ramifications and values. You can't really use this as proof. The only way you could prove your point would be to look at all the rapists from 40 years ago and see what percentage of them watched/looked at porn. Then look at rapists of today and see what percentage of them watch porn. Then do it for every 5 years. Preferably only do it with the introduction of porn online. I would say the porn from 40 years ago was much more subtle. Now you can actually find porn that is borderline rape. Very well said. There is also a stastic that said that men that did violent crimes found to have a high porn use. Jeffery Dommer is the serial killer who told police that his porn use esculated and contributed to his feelings of aggression.
JerseyShortie Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 OP, did you come to a conclusion with your boyfriend about the porn?
pickleB Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 Jersey... you seem to be a manhater with your last posts - men are not the problem and neither are women, The primate male will use whatever outlet he can to find sex if it is not available in a relationship. I have never, not once, been in a relationship where I wanted to be screwing someone else or wasn't attracted to my partner but if my partner is continually unavailable (ie..."NO") then porn is going to happen - that is as far as I have ever taken it, but some guys take it further. In my opinion (and has been true for me), when that happens, the relationship is doomed. It is not a woman's duty to satisfy a man.... it is the duty of both people to satisfy each other and if the relationship is not right, it is not going to happen.
Jaytb Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 I completely fail to see the logic here. What the heck does walking have to do with porn in a relationship. Just an example. You view X activity as immoral. That's fine. I don't care if you have a problem with it. I have a little problem with you trying to tell others how they should think and feel about the subject. Maybe I view Y activity as immoral. In my example, maybe I believe no one should drive an automobile. Maybe I view it as lazy and inconsiderate of others (for instance, the pollution that results). Should I go around telling everyone that "women are so damn inconsiderate of us for driving cars, they are using cars as an easy way out of their transportation problems. Maybe they should use some self control and walk or ride a bike. After all, I do my best to pay for bus fare and train fare, and it's never enough for women!" I am not trying to denigrate men. I don't think men want to admit the level and amount that porn has affected themselves and women. I won't know how much it affects women because I am not a woman and I am not psychic! For myself, I don't know how much anything has affected me. Because I don't have a reference point to start from. Do you know how much car use has affected you? How about having a home? how about living where you are? Anyways, you didn't bother to respond to anything else I said. So please tell me the rest of your response to this: Look, I get that you have a problem with porn. SO STAY AWAY FROM IT. I don't have a problem with you having a problem with it, I have a problem with you telling other people how to live their lives and how they should think/feel about porn. Why can't you just live and let live? I think I won't bother to respond to you anymore anyways. Other people have made good points, to which your response has been deflection or ignore. And you constantly rail on and on about men holding women to different standards than themselves. Well guess what. I have no problem with my girlfriend watching porn, In fact, I'd like that to happen. I have NO PROBLEM whatsoever if she looks at good looking men. I wouldn't give a crap if she did. I wouldn't even care if she fantasized about them, although I DO NOT fantasize about people I have seen in person. As someone said, it is all about insecurity of the offended party. I feel secure in my relationship because she comes home to me and not anyone else. She feels the same way about me. Also I think you shouldn't spend your time here if all you're going to do is rail against porn and men. You should go to Ihateporn.com/mensuck, I'm sure you'll enjoy it better than here.
mental_traveller Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 My advice is to decide if you can accept your boyfriend watching porn to jerk off while you are away, and if that bothers you anymore than him jerking off to other women in his imagination while you are away. If you find it acceptable, then stay with him. If you don't, then break up with him and find a guy who doesn't use porn. The men who use porn casually do so mainly to make jerking off more fun. Unless you can be around him 24/7 then you cannot always satisfy his need to have regular orgasms, so he is going to be at least masturbating when you are not around. Do you feel threatened by him masturbating? After all, masturbating means that you aren't satisfying all his needs. No sane woman should be threatened by a woman masturbating, anymore than a guy should be threatened by a woman masturbating.
mental_traveller Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 If you are happy with your sex life, you don't need to look at porn. .... With that said, if a woman meets a man MOST of the time, why is he unable to meet her the other part of the time and use SELF CONTROL. I certainly use self control . How many men want their gf and wives to maintain their weights and use self control? How many women would be pleased if men did the same when it came to ponr use? Who said men *need* to look at porn if they have a happy sex life? Just because a guy might enjoy something (e.g. porn, beer, sports) does not mean he needs it. A guy is obviously *able* to meet halfway. But why should he? A man should no more feel compelled to compromise himself over something he wants than a woman should. I would want my gf to maintain her weight, as I do myself. She feels the same way. If either of us felt differently, we would be incompatible and would break up. Ditto with the porn issue - find a guy who feels as strongly against porn as you do. There must be some conservative or religious guys out there who are very anti-porn, or just guys who prefer the real thing instead of videos & pics - why not date some of them, instead of railing against regular guys for having their own preferences? No one is forcing you to date guys who watch porn. And no one is forcing porn-loving guys to date women like you who hate porn. Why can't you just find someone compatible for you and be happy with it, then live and let live, instead of constantly haranguing people whose personal preferences are different to your own?
GorillaTheater Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 I just noticed that there's a "Jersey Shortie" (1689 posts) and a "JerseyShortie" (287 posts). Obviously the same person, and not necessarily indicative of anything, but I find that somewhat curious.
Jersey Shortie Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 A long time ago I had signed up for this site and then stopped visiting it for a while. When I came back to it, I couldn't remember how I typed in my name "JerseyShortie" or "Jersey (space) Shortie" and I couldn't remember my password. So I just signed up again. It's not some big consipiracy secret. PickeleB: Jersey... you seem to be a manhater with your last posts - men are not the problem and neither are women. I think you seem like a womanhater. The primate male will use whatever outlet he can to find sex if it is not available in a relationship. I have never, not once, been in a relationship where I wanted to be screwing someone else or wasn't attracted to my partner but if my partner is continually unavailable (ie..."NO") then porn is going to happen - that is as far as I have ever taken it, but some guys take it further. I asked this question previously. If a woman is meeting her partners needs MOST of the time, why can't he meet her the other half of the way and use self control? I don't go out and look for every little whim of fancy that my partner isn't meeting exactly the minute I need it. It's riduculous to justfy your needs as being so extremely important that the second you feel an urge, you need to find a way to meet it. It is not a woman's duty to satisfy a man.... it is the duty of both people to satisfy each other and if the relationship is not right, it is not going to happen. I completely agree. But alot of guys here have said that the second their gf/wife isn't around, they will be off hunting new images of women to get off too. Real life is the fact that your partner can't and shouldn't be around 24/7 to meet your needs. It also means sometimes giving up things for the relationship. I don't eat cheese cake everytime I have the urge. I ask the same of men. But that's not what I see today. I see guys that say it's the fact that it's their gf or wife being around that makes him look at porn. That's not right. It's *him*. He is an adult. He can control himself. If a woman is meeting her partners needs MOSt of the time, why wouldn't he want to make the effort to meet her half way the other times? JayB I have NO PROBLEM whatsoever if she looks at good looking men. I wouldn't give a crap if she did. I wouldn't even care if she fantasized about them, although I DO NOT fantasize about people I have seen in person. As someone said, it is all about insecurity of the offended party. I feel secure in my relationship because she comes home to me and not anyone else. She feels the same way about me. Also I think you shouldn't spend your time here if all you're going to do is rail against porn and men. You should go to Ihateporn.com/mensuck, I'm sure you'll enjoy it better than here. You are free to post where you want, as am I. I do understand that most men are okay with a woman looking at porn. I think because it's a way that a guy is turned on. but when you start taking situations that are more likely to turn on women, and not men. The viewpoint can change. Most guys are okay with their women looking at porn, most guys would not be okay with their woman putting themselves on display for other men even if that's what got her off. MentalT: The men who use porn casually do so mainly to make jerking off more fun. Unless you can be around him 24/7 then you cannot always satisfy his need to have regular orgasms, so he is going to be at least masturbating when you are not around. That's the issue I have. Obviously no one can be around 24/7. Neither should someone be. A woman isn't there to provide *you* with 24/7 satisfication. But what happened to self control? The minute my man isn't around isn't a warrent to go out and get what I am looking for from something or someone else. I don't eat everything infront of my face because I practice self control. I know men greatly appreaciate a woman that uses self control. So do women. Who said men *need* to look at porn if they have a happy sex life? Just because a guy might enjoy something (e.g. porn, beer, sports) does not mean he needs it. Apparently men do need it if they can't go 24 hours without it and the second their partner turns her back he is off looking for something to satisfy him. A guy is obviously *able* to meet halfway. But why should he? A man should no more feel compelled to compromise himself over something he wants than a woman should. Umm, how is it compromising himself to meet a woman half way if she is providing him and meeting him MOSt of the time sexually?? - why not date some of them, instead of railing against regular guys for having their own preferences? I am just being honest and realistic about the state of affairs in today's world with porn use.
AAlike Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I asked this question previously. If a woman is meeting her partners needs MOST of the time, why can't he meet her the other half of the way and use self control? i'm sure that I could - I've never been asked to because...drumroll...most women aren't like you and don't particularly care! I don't go out and look for every little whim of fancy that my partner isn't meeting exactly the minute I need it. yep, me neither. sensationalize much? But alot of guys here have said that the second their gf/wife isn't around, they will be off hunting new images of women to get off too. hmmm...I don't seem to recall that quote from anyone. If a woman is meeting her partners needs MOSt of the time, why wouldn't he want to make the effort to meet her half way the other times? I'm sure that most men would - the fact that you are ignoring is that in MOST relationships this is not a problem, so therefore there is no "meeting" anyone anywhere. Most guys are okay with their women looking at porn, most guys would not be okay with their woman putting themselves on display for other men even if that's what got her off. agreed - and I will be the first to agree with you that a fair amount of guys are clueless, unrealistic and insecure about their dealings with and perception of women...however, that doesn't change the fact that you are clueless, unrealistic and insecure about your dealings with and perception of men. Apparently men do need it if they can't go 24 hours without it and the second their partner turns her back he is off looking for something to satisfy him. hey way to address someone's questioning of your point by simply restating your point! why not just use "because I said so?" I am just being honest and realistic about the state of affairs in today's world with porn use. yes, if there's one way to summarize statements like "the second their wives aren't around they're obsessively watching porn" it's realistic!!
sxyNYCcpl Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 It's more of a matter of men wanting their cake and eating it too instead of really being dedicated and loyal to their partners. Ah, but you see I have discovered that you can indeed have your cake and eat it too, and create mutual happiness that way. You want restraint for the sake of restraint, which is petty and pointless. It's a billion dollar industry folks. Actually, worldwide it's almost a HUNDRED billion dollar industry, so I guess it's much worse than you thought. It's bigger than Microsoft, Google, eBay, Amazon, Yahoo, Apple, Netflix, and Earthlink... COMBINED! Factor in the amount of free stuff readily available and the statistics become mind blowing. A study I read recently claimed that 86% of men claimed to be regular porn users. That shocked me because even if the reality is literally 100%, I wouldn't expect that many to actually admit it to a pollster. Women account for about 40% of online porn usage and that number continues to rise. You are fighting a losing battle. No, scratch that, you are fighting a battle that is already over. My expectations about the nature of human behavior is self control. If that's what you call "unrealistic", that's kind of sad. You may find it sad to your hearts content, that doesn't change the fact that your expectations fly in the face of reality. You finding that sad is about like me finding it sad that humans have 2 ears. It is what it is. I don't eat cheese cake everytime I have the urge. I ask the same of men. But that's not what I see today. You have used this analogy many times before, and it still doesn't apply. You are not asking "men" to refrain from eating cheesecake, you are asking them to refrain from looking at pictures and video. Too much cheesecake has a real world negative consequences, pictures and video do not. Most guys are okay with their women looking at porn, most guys would not be okay with their woman putting themselves on display for other men even if that's what got her off. I guess I'm not most guys. Search hard enough and you'll find the lovely Mrs. sxy's pics online in various states of undress. Some posted by me, some by her, some by friends of ours. You see, this is where the insecurity part comes in. I KNOW beyond a scintilla of a doubt that no matter what our relationship is secure, ergo her displaying herself, sharing herself, having lunch with coworkers, looking at pictures, you name it, is incapable of causing me angst. You seem to seek "meaning" where in many (most?) cases there is none. OMG, does it mean he doesn't love me? Does it mean I'm not good enough? Does it mean I'm not attractive enough? Is he going to leave me for an 18 year-old with fake boobs??? Probably not. Ergo, your concerns are invalid, ergo the behavior is irrelevant.
blasphimus Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 From a guys perspective I would also like to add some things to the discussion. First of all. It would pretty much be impossible to have sex as many times as some guys want. And porn or not, guys will masturbate whether they are thinking about women or not. I won't lie, I've masturbated while doing calculus and physics homework alone. I've actually spent more then 5 hours masturbating on one very boring turned interesting day. Long story short, I spent half that time looking at porn. Also I recommend that guys learn to be multi orgasmic, it gets real fun after the twentieth and the thirtieth orgasm is mind blowing . But then again, I'm only 20 so my sex drive is a little high. Secondly, masturbating with ejaculation, stops the desire for sex. Maybe not completely but to a seriously significant degree. For example, if a guy were to randomly be shown porn, he would most likely become aroused. After masturbation, the arousal is usually so low that he might not even get an erection. A guy could walk through a room of 100 porn stars and not feel the bit interested if he masturbated before hand. Though with so many porn stars, it would have to be a hell of a lot of masturbation. Maybe some ladies here don't understand the constant drive for sex guys have. If we were to actually act on our want for sex, hardly anything would get done. There would be random sex for 2-3 hours in the morning, 2-3 at night, and maybe a quickie at lunch. Men's sex drive is very powerful, and long lasting, even more so without masturbation. I have read stories about guys who didn't masturbate for about a week and he was so sexually frustrated that simply looking at a girl in a parka and seeing her face got him a full blown erection and sex crazed. Men have a horrendous potential for sex and we do indeed have a huge amount of self control. Well, most of us do anyways . Give some of us guys credit where credit is due.
Mahatma Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Jersey - Do you have a problem with a man masturbating to the thought of you? A picture of you? How about a home sex video? If so, would you be willing to allow your man to take pictures of you? Make a video? I personally think watching porn while in a relationship is a little pushing it. I do not regard it as cheating. If my girlfriend liked porn, it would not bother me. I just know how porn effects me. When I watch porn and then have sex later, the pornographic images enter my mind. If I close my eyes, I find that porn sometimes enters my mind. Since I stopped watching porn, I have almost forgotten about it. If I absolutely MUST masturbate (which I haven't needed to since I am not away from my girlfriend), I have pictures of my girlfriend that I can masturbate to, or just the thought of her. However, I think if you are to the point where you can provide your man with sex everyday, there is no reason for him to be viewing porn or masturbating. Everyone is different though. Some men want sex and orgasms many times in a day. If you are not willing to provide that, be willing to understand he will get it somewhere.
Mahatma Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I have read stories about guys who didn't masturbate for about a week and he was so sexually frustrated that simply looking at a girl in a parka and seeing her face got him a full blown erection and sex crazed. However, it can be controlled. I stopped masturbating and having any sort of orgasm for three weeks strait. I would sit in class and almost any female was "do able." All I could think about was sex and needing a release. However, I WAS able to control it. Over time, you learn to control yourself better. The guys who want to orgasm multiple times in a day are guys who trained themselves to do that. It is possible to train yourself to not want it so much. I do agree though that many women do not quite understand men's sex drives. It does not matter how crappy or how not horny I am at the moment, it can be changed almost instantly with a passionate kiss.
missdependant Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I've actually spent more then 5 hours masturbating on.. This must be one of those extreme cases...
AAlike Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I guess I'm not most guys. Search hard enough and you'll find the lovely Mrs. sxy's pics online in various states of undress. oh yeah? links plz k thx! (i'm kidding). You seem to seek "meaning" where in many (most?) cases there is none. OMG, does it mean he doesn't love me? Does it mean I'm not good enough? Does it mean I'm not attractive enough? Is he going to leave me for an 18 year-old with fake boobs??? Exactly.
Trojan John Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 These porn threads are hilarious. It's the same arguments every single time.
blasphimus Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 This must be one of those extreme cases... lol yeah I guess so. I thought I was normal . Mahatma I don't know about you but, not having sex for long periods of time including masturbation is a rather poor thing to do from a strictly physiological point of view. Regular sex or even masturbation lowers blood pressure, decreases the chance of prostate cancer, and staves off depression and stress as well is increases one's self worth. After all, how can you be depressed or worried about how you look when your wanking . But seeing as your name is Mahatma, you probably believe in some crazy notion of living a life as an eternal orgasm cloud, or chillin in a sofa watchin the game with Jesus. You probably wouldn't listen to reputable studies anyways
Jersey Shortie Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 AALike: I'm sure that I could - I've never been asked to because...drumroll...most women aren't like you and don't particularly care! Right, that’s why this website alone is riddled with women that deal with the issue of their man’s porn use and come here feeling hurt, frustrated and unable to understand why he can’t be happy with her. I talk to women in real life and I have talked to enough women to understand that they ARE hurt by their partner’s porn use. They question their bodies. Their ability to please him in the face of super over the top porn-star expectations that men LOVE. I am far from the only woman that feels this way. I know a lot of women who even though are so hurt by it, love their man. And I see a lot of men that don’t care how their partner really feels as long as he still gets to have his porn AND a real woman for HIMSELF. JS: But alot of guys here have said that the second their gf/wife isn't around, they will be off hunting new images of women to get off too. AALike: hmmm...I don't seem to recall that quote from anyone. I didn’t quote anything to begin with so I don’t know what quote you think you’re referencing. See comment below: Unless you can be around him 24/7 then you cannot always satisfy his need to have regular orgasms, so he is going to be at least masturbating when you are not around. We are just set up to fail. We can’t win with you men because if we aren’t there 24/7 then you are going to be off on your own hunting for something to satisfy yourself with. You can work hard to meet a guys needs most of the time but the second you arne't, that's all down the tubes apparently. We certainly don't get much loyatly. [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] SxyNYCcpl Ah, but you see I have discovered that you can indeed have your cake and eat it too, and create mutual happiness that way. You want restraint for the sake of restraint, which is petty and pointless. What is pointless is your statement because it holds no truth. You are fighting a losing battle. No, scratch that, you are fighting a battle that is already over. It’s a difficult battle but not a losing one. I have hope that there are men out there that rather live life and stand by the real woman in their lives then defend their right to internet porn. View and far between maybe but it always more difficult to find the gold then it is the coal You may find it sad to your hearts content, that doesn't change the fact that your expectations fly in the face of reality. You finding that sad is about like me finding it sad that humans have 2 ears. It is what it is. That’s the difference between you and me. I think self control and hard work are good things and not unrealistic expectations. You have used this analogy many times before, and it still doesn't apply. You are not asking "men" to refrain from eating cheesecake, you are asking them to refrain from looking at pictures and video. Too much cheesecake has a real world negative consequences, pictures and video do not. That’s an illogical statement. Just because looking at pictures and video doesn’t have a visible negative affect doesn’t mean it doesn’t have a negative affect. I would even say most men actually do think porn is harmful and degrading to women. Yet, what matters most to most guys is their ability to masturbate to the women then care about treating with respect. If porn was has healthy as you want to lay claim to, at a few billion dollars later, you would think we would be a more healthy country. Truth is. We couldn’t be further from healthy. And relationships between men and women today are not better then they were 30 years ago. In fact, there seems to be even more bitterness, distrust and hurt between the sexes more so then there was back in the day. I bet there are very few people that would disagree. You seem to seek "meaning" where in many (most?) cases there is none. OMG, does it mean he doesn't love me? Does it mean I'm not good enough? Does it mean I'm not attractive enough? Is he going to leave me for an 18 year-old with fake boobs??? Probably not. Ergo, your concerns are invalid, ergo the behavior is irrelevant. My concerns are not invalid. And frankly, that’s really the part of it that hurts alot. That obviously my needs as a woman aren’t worth 1/10th what a man’s are. It’s okay for men to defend porn because he is a *man*. It’s *biology*. But we NEVER talk about woman’s biology. We always end up shaming women for their own natural biologies. Just like porn is a simulation of sex for men that makes men react, it is also a very obvious in your face reflection of your mates desire for other women. That is a natural biological threat and no less “invalid” then your biological pulls. But as a woman, it seems we are expected to rise above it and be the strong ones while men sit there and pander to their worst common denominator and don't even have to bother trying. Who is the strong one and who is the weak one here. I certainly don't think men are advocating strength in themselves for turning to a product that's all about male insecurity itself. The truth is, men today aren’t happy with what a normal one woman offers him. Ergo, why he seeks out billions of different women on the internet. And when I finally hit 40, I like all the wives before me, I can watch my husband getting off to 18 year olds because what matters most to alot of men. The titilation of something new. It won't matter that I had his kids or took care of him when he was sick. The message is clear time and time again. Male sex drive > then any female desires or need. I come here and give point by point over and over again on this topic. And instead of looking at m yviews I get pesronally attacked. Guys come right back on and the end result is that it doesn't matter what a woman can think or feel about it. His male sex drive is the most important thing. You guys don’t know how easy you have it. It’s a guys world. And at the end of the day it’s clear men think their needs trump ANYTHING a woman could need. Male sexual desire = great and important. Female desires = not as important as male desires. That's really waht the basic message comes down to. And as a woman, I just feel liek women get pushed aside and have to tolerate so much more and we get no credit for any of it.
itgirlragdoll Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Jersey Shortie, with respect, I'd really like you to address the women who watch porn too. As someone else quoted, women make up about 40% of online porn browsing...that isn't THAT much less than half! I understand being against porn all together for moral reasons, or being for it all together because you just don't care. However, I am very confused as to why you seem to only link porn and the need for release to men. As I stated before, I can't see my boyfriend every day, and in his absence, I too use porn to get off! As many guys have stated, I need to have some sort of release on an almost daily basis, and of course sex with my partner would be my first choice, but that's not always possible. If your issue is with a lack of self control then okay, take it up with both genders. I promise you, coming from a woman, it is not just men.
AAlike Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Right, that’s why this website alone is riddled with women that deal with the issue of their man’s porn use and come here feeling hurt, frustrated and unable to understand why he can’t be happy with her. this thread alone is "riddled" with more women that are telling you that you're full of it (and who you continually ignore) than it is women that are backing you up. I talk to women in real life and I have talked to enough women to understand that they ARE hurt by their partner’s porn use. ah - so "I talk to women in real life" is a qualifier for you to speak for them as a whole, eh? JS: But alot of guys here have said that the second their gf/wife isn't around, they will be off hunting new images of women to get off too. AALike: hmmm...I don't seem to recall that quote from anyone. I didn’t quote anything to begin with so I don’t know what quote you think you’re referencing. sigh...we're going to play this game again. OK - where are the guys that have said "the second their gf/wife isn't around, they will be off hunting new images of women." I UNDERSTAND that this may not be a direct quote, but can you show me where this was even implied by anyone?
MeaganRaye Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I would never date a man who needed to look at porn all the time, or was the type that viewed porn wherever he traveled. i have no respect for those type of men. I see them all the time in the computer lab, looking at blowjobs, and anal sex in a public forum. Where is there integrity or self respect?
sxyNYCcpl Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 They question their bodies. Their ability to please him in the face of super over the top porn-star expectations that men LOVE. If their bodies and/or sexual skill sets are a problem, they are a problem whether or not their SO's view porn. Ditto if they are not. IF a problem exists, it exists whether or not porn is used by anyone. Porn is therefore, NOT the cause of any problems, real or perceived. And THAT is why I say that most problems with porn say nothing about porn, but are rather statements of negative self-esteem. What is pointless is your statement because it holds no truth. You don't like that my statement holds truth, but that does not change the facts. Myself and my wife get to have our cake and eat it too. We get to have a wonderful relationship, a fantastic sex life, and we get to do it drama free because neither of us is silly enough to be threatened by something as trivial as a picture. It’s a difficult battle but not a losing one. Not losing. Lost. 86% of men are willing to admit to an anonymous pollster they regularly watch porn. It is not becoming mainstream, it IS mainstream, and that horse is not going back in the barn. A few weeks ago we were having dinner with our neighbors and a couple of other couple. Turns out some friends of theirs were splitting up over porn. 100% of the people in the room were incredulous that someone would give it that much power. The culture war is over and you are on the losing side. I have hope that there are men out there that rather live life and stand by the real woman in their lives then defend their right to internet porn. Standing by your "real woman" neither requires nor is defined by eschewing porn use. There are much more important things on that list. I think self control and hard work are good things and not unrealistic expectations. I agree. I just see no value in having a porn-free life so the "self-control" required to do so seems like hard work for the sake of hard work. But we NEVER talk about woman’s biology. We always end up shaming women for their own natural biologies. OK, lets talk about women's biologies. Here is my theory: Men and Women are naturally more sexually compatible than our experience would tend to imply. The reason things appear so different is because we teach women to repress their sexuality because "good girls don't". As a result, they deny even to themselves what their true desires are. I maintain that our world would be a much better place if our message, instead of repression, was that it's a good thing to release your inner slut. That is a natural biological threat and no less “invalid” then your biological pulls. It's only a threat if it really is a threat, and that is not caused by, nor affected by, pictures that someone does or does not watch. Which means if your man is looking to leave you, it ain't because of porn. And when I finally hit 40, I like all the wives before me, I can watch my husband getting off to 18 year olds because what matters most to alot of men. Newsflash. I just hit 40 last weekend. My wife is 3 years my junior. Nobody will mistake either of us for underwear models, but we stay in shape and both routinely get carded when going into bars. A few months ago, we had sex with hot couple about 25 or so. Guess what? Neither one of us left to go chase the youngin'. I come here and give point by point over and over again on this topic. And you have. Sometimes you are so repetitive that I could probably write your posts and nobody would realize it.
sxyNYCcpl Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Where is there integrity or self respect? What you call integrity I call sexual repression. Slowly, but certainly, it is leaving our way of life. That is a good thing.
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