You'reasian Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Well I have personally come to a point where I am sick of giving, giving and giving and trying to meet a man's needs only to have it thrown in my face the second I am not there and him seeking out other women to pleasure himself too. Are men completely unable to practice selfcontrol? If I ate chocolate to the same degree most men viewed porn, I would be fat. All my effort obviously matters very little I have come to learn. Whether I do those kinky things with him and have a good time, whether I don't, he is still going to look at the porn. I have stoped trying so hard because obviously there is very little point in trying hard when a men don't seem to be happy or as eager to meet your needs in return and rather sit there and defend their porn use then really learn to live and engage in real life with their real woman. . JS, most guys will decrease their porn consumption when they have a girlfriend - they might stop completely - it just depends on the guy and the kind of relationship the two have. Sorry that you can't find a guy to meet your needs. I don't think men substitute porn for dating, unless they are so preoccupied as they don't have the time to do so. In the reverse situation, women in relationships still fantasize and still use toys/porn and there's nothing wrong with that. If the porn becomes a substitute for that other person, that's a problem. Men can and do engage women in their real lives. Women accept us or reject us, that's your decision - but we will continue to engage. Sometimes men look at porn. If you want them to stop (and you seem to be against porn) be the reason for change - complaining about it will get you nowhere. I think there's something more to this - why men aren't engaging you, but haven't decided what it is.
bean1 Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Sorry Jersey, I have a lot of respect for you, but everytime a girl posts a question like this, you turn it into your own agenda against porn. She just asked if this was normal or common.
Scottdmw Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 To answer the OP's question, yes there are some men who do not view porn at all. I stay away because I believe it negatively affects my ability to relate to women and is generally unhealthy. If anyone would like to see my reasons I posted about it extensively on a prior thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=186455&page=26 OP, I would say decide how important this issue is to you. If it is very important, then by all means you will be able to find a man who will stay away from porn. Certainly don't let anyone tell you that "all men use porn". Scott
c-riouz Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 women in relationships still fantasize and still use toys/porn I don't. And I only fantasize about my partner.
girl68 Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 I don't. And I only fantasize about my partner. WE KNOW! Good for freaking you, are you a better partner because of that? I sure hope you don't think that you are.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 I don't. And I only fantasize about my partner. I am the same way. When I am in a loving relationship, I want all my sexual energy to go to my man. I don't look at other men, think about other men, or want to watch other people having sex. I just want him, all the time, and my desire only grows the better I get to know him. Over time, though, I have realized that I am very much in the minority on this. I think it's really a small fraction of people who feel this way. Maybe I will meet a guy like that someday, but I count it as a slim possibility.
carhill Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 When I am in a loving relationship, I want all my sexual energy to go to my man. I don't look at other men, think about other men, or want to watch other people having sex. I just want him, all the time, and my desire only grows the better I get to know him. Yes, this happens for men too, though perhaps not as often. To me, it signals emotional availability and investment. A good signal
mr.dream merchant Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 No, it means you need him to bend you over the back of the sofa so you don't have an obstructed view of your TV. What's wrong with that? Have you seen Missdependant's display pic? I'd bend her over the sofa to mang.
AAlike Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 To answer the OP's question, yes there are some men who do not view porn at all. I stay away because I believe it negatively affects my ability to relate to women and is generally unhealthy. If anyone would like to see my reasons I posted about it extensively on a prior thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=186455&page=26 OP, I would say decide how important this issue is to you. If it is very important, then by all means you will be able to find a man who will stay away from porn. Certainly don't let anyone tell you that "all men use porn". Scott ok so you don't use porn - do you think/fantastize about women at all?
Jaytb Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Hey JS, if your argument is men are lazy for using porn, then what about driving a car/ using public transit vs walking/ riding a bike? By your logic, if someone takes a shortcut like driving a car instead of walking, then they are lazy inconsiderate little sh*ts, aren't they? Look, I get that you have a problem with porn. SO STAY AWAY FROM IT. I don't have a problem with you having a problem with it, I have a problem with you telling other people how to live their lives and how they should think/feel about porn. Why can't you just live and let live? Also it sounds like you gave up on men, so I presume you shouldn't be posting on LOVEshack.org then right? You should probably spend your time on Ihateporn.com. Ok so some women get upset by their partner using porn. For them, their options are: accept it or move on and try to find one of those people that don't use it. It's really that simple. I don't know why people like you have to constantly denigrate men for using it. It'd be like if I said I hate women who drive cars cuz it's the easy way out. And I'm upset about it because cars pollute and destroy the Earth. Well guess what, as long as what is being done is legal, then you and I both have no say in what someone else is doing. Sheesh. That's all I want to say.
clv0116 Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 What's wrong with that? Have you seen Missdependant's display pic? I'd bend her over the sofa to mang. Nothing wrong at all, in fact what you quoted was my proposed solution to the 'conundrum'.
pickleB Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 I am a MAN and in my experiences, the only time in past relatioships that I have watched pr0n have been times when I was not sexually satisfied. I had one very intense 4 month relationship where I did not watch ANY, not even once.. had no need to. I was also married once and hid watching it with her which was a huge mistake. Now, I am in a relationship where I am not satisfied at all either so I watch it every day and am very open about it - we have watched it together at times even...just very rarely. So for me, when I was truly satisfied sexually, I had no desire to watch it...but thats just me.
AAlike Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 I am a MAN and in my experiences, the only time in past relatioships that I have watched pr0n have been times when I was not sexually satisfied. I had one very intense 4 month relationship where I did not watch ANY, not even once.. had no need to. I was also married once and hid watching it with her which was a huge mistake. Now, I am in a relationship where I am not satisfied at all either so I watch it every day and am very open about it - we have watched it together at times even...just very rarely. So for me, when I was truly satisfied sexually, I had no desire to watch it...but thats just me. I don't really think that is the issue (although I am certainly surprised that you can maintain a relationship in which you are "not satisfied at all"). I think that the issue is if, for whatever reason, sex with their partner is unavailable or not feasible, that men will turn to stimulating themselves with porn or some other "fresh" fantasy image instead of either waiting until sex is feasible, or stimulating themselves with images of their partner - thus implying that women are "interchangeable" since the man is getting the same "payoff" from the other woman. correct? it seems to me that this thought process objectifies women way more than men or porn does.
pickleB Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 I don't really think that is the issue (although I am certainly surprised that you can maintain a relationship in which you are "not satisfied at all"). I think that the issue is if, for whatever reason, sex with their partner is unavailable or not feasible, that men will turn to stimulating themselves with porn or some other "fresh" fantasy image instead of either waiting until sex is feasible, or stimulating themselves with images of their partner - thus implying that women are "interchangeable" since the man is getting the same "payoff" from the other woman. correct? it seems to me that this thought process objectifies women way more than men or porn does. I disagree in full with what you have said - none of what I wrote or thought has to do with objectifying women. The main goal here is finding someone to be with who has the same goals, views, outlooks and sexual drive you do. The relationship that I had the most sex in was the closest one I have ever had so it comes down to those things plus communication and compatibility in the end... if there are any resentments or unresolved issues in the relationship AND if the man has a higher sex drive (which most do), then the "NO" is going to be as frequent on one side as the pr0n is on the other side. Personally, I dont watch it to fantasize about other women - I watch it to fantasize about having sex, shallow as that is. I don't want another woman and would be quite happy having daily sex with my partner in any relationship I have had, trying new things, experimenting, having FUN.. anything. But when I am starved in that area, I turn to the dark side..At that point, I should be focusing more on the relationship than on sex but it is hard after you get your first "NO" followed by many more. From this "guy's" mind that is hard to keep hearing while in a committed relationship. So no.. women are not interchangeable by me, maybe by some but not by me. I am in my relationship now trying to make it work which it is not, so am a bit frustrated and possibly biased writing this.
Mahatma Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 Porn and sex drive are two things that are extremely tempting. It is my personal opinion that when in a relationship that is able to satisfy all your needs, you should stay away from porn. However, everyone has different needs. I personally think that a perfect relationship consists of two people who meet each other's sexual needs, even if one has more needs than the other. If your partner is watching porn, it is likely that they are horny and would rather be having sex anyways. For those who are against porn, are you against masturbation too? I specifically asked my girlfriend to give me some nude pics for that purpose. I still feel, however, that if I am horny and will see my girlfriend within 24 hours or so, that it is best to just wait for her. We will be living together starting mid-august, and I would actually like to cease masturbation all together at this point. My girlfriend is always willing to tend to my needs, even if it is just a quick 5 minute blow job, or a nice lubed hand job. She is aware of the fact that I am always horny. Every time I see her when I haven't for a while, I want to get down with her. She did not innately know this. I had to communicate this to her. Because of that, I don't look at porn. If you don't provide your man with all the sex he wants, how can you get so angry over porn? Porn is just a way to orgasm, it is nothing more. The same goes for women. I would feel somewhat bad is I found out my girlfriend was masturbating habitually. I would feel like I wasn't getting the job done. If I was busy with work and just not able to satisfy her needs though, I would completely understand (I would also realize that I was not meeting her needs and something would need to change.) If you do happen to be there every time for your man, and he still watches porn, maybe he's just not into you. Or maybe there is another underlying issue. However, I would be willing to bet if you gave your man all the sex he craved, the porn would likely stop.
Sam Spade Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 I watch porn when I'm bored and too lazy to occypy myself with anything more constructive, which is not very often. Sometimes, might as well rub one out while at that. That's while in relationship. When there's no relationship, that's a pretty decent temporary satisfaction. Better than hookers for sure. By the way, as porn consumption increases, rape incidence decreases. Look it up. Sorry, but ****ting on porn use (except in cases it is addictive/destructive - and ANYTHING can be) reveals nothing but insecurity, or very poor understanding of how people operate. There is a difference between real life and porn - I get it , jeez.
Scottdmw Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 ok so you don't use porn - do you think/fantastize about women at all? Yes, mostly about real women where a real relationship is a possibility. One might perhaps argue that here the fantasy is like a signpost leading towards a potential reality rather than away. When in a relationship I try to keep the fantasies about my partner. Scott
Scottdmw Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 By the way, as porn consumption increases, rape incidence decreases. Look it up. Interesting stat. It is also true that as the contraceptive birth control pill came into wide use in the 60's, the rate of divorce doubled. You are willing to offer your correlation as evidence that porn decreases rape, are you willing to accept mine as well that using birth control increases divorce? Scott
Mahatma Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 By the way, as porn consumption increases, rape incidence decreases. Look it up. Statistics don't lie. Liars use statistics. As internet has boomed, so has porn. Rape has gone down because of the social ramifications and values. You can't really use this as proof. The only way you could prove your point would be to look at all the rapists from 40 years ago and see what percentage of them watched/looked at porn. Then look at rapists of today and see what percentage of them watch porn. Then do it for every 5 years. Preferably only do it with the introduction of porn online. I would say the porn from 40 years ago was much more subtle. Now you can actually find porn that is borderline rape.
missdependant Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 Shouldn't you be saying that statement to your boyfriend or the other men who actually spend their time looking for shallow quailties. This makes no sense applied to me while engaging in a through provoking discussion. Causing drama over something as shallow as porn... even more shallow than watching it, I'd say. So what? He still takes time out of his day to look and search for other girls in a video, despite all the things you do for him. You're right, he's so terrible... even though he probably spends 80% of his time trying to please me. He spends 20% of his time trying to keep himself happy (which includes porn). Wow, he's such an awful human being. lol, but I NEVER said you didn't mean alot to him. The fact remains that obviously blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Then what's the problem? I mean a lot to him, and that is more important in my relationship than what he does with his free time. As long as he's not cheating or forming romantic relationships with other chicks, I could give a rat's ass what he's doing. My job is to make him happy and care for him.
mr.dream merchant Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 Causing drama over something as shallow as porn... even more shallow than watching it, I'd say. You're right, he's so terrible... even though he probably spends 80% of his time trying to please me. He spends 20% of his time trying to keep himself happy (which includes porn). Wow, he's such an awful human being. Then what's the problem? I mean a lot to him, and that is more important in my relationship than what he does with his free time. As long as he's not cheating or forming romantic relationships with other chicks, I could give a rat's ass what he's doing. My job is to make him happy and care for him. Rofl, OH NO SHE DIDNNNNNT!
You'reasian Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 I don't. And I only fantasize about my partner. Nice. Kudos for you.
You'reasian Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 Then what's the problem? I mean a lot to him, and that is more important in my relationship than what he does with his free time. As long as he's not cheating or forming romantic relationships with other chicks, I could give a rat's ass what he's doing. My job is to make him happy and care for him. Well said and I'm sure he's reciprocating.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 I think a woman's perception of porn in the relationship is also likely to be influenced by her level of security with the guy in general. If the relationship is healthy and solid, she'll be much less likely to be threatened by porn. If there are shaky points, it can be another destabilizing factor.
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