Ruby Slippers Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I mean sure, he can have a little fantasy in his life, in his mind, on his screen- that give me the green light that I can do the same. This is another important point. I think that a lot of women would like a certain degree of loyalty in a relationship that porn slightly violates. Accept that your idealistic vision of only having eyes for each other is unrealistic, and enjoy that green light to indulge in your own healthy fantasy life in whatever way is pleasurable for you.
girl68 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 This is another important point. I think that a lot of women would like a certain degree of loyalty in a relationship that porn slightly violates. Accept that your idealistic vision of only having eyes for each other is unrealistic, and enjoy that green light to indulge in your own healthy fantasy life in whatever way is pleasurable for you. Yupp, that's me! Ideally! But I know how silly it sounds, wouldn't have to preach that to me! So I do enjoy my green light, and continue my internal battle with myself on my very own hypocrizy.
AlektraClementine Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 OP - if porn bothers you, then it bothers you and you're not wrong for feeling that way. Not all women do. My boyfriend watches a lot of porn. A LOT. I make fun of him for it. I watch porn too. And not just with him. Hell, very rarely do we watch it together. I watched porn before he came along and I still watch it. Same for him. It has nothing to do with our level of attraction for one another. We just both happen to be perverts. Which is another thing that makes us a good match. Some girls don't like it and think it's an evil poison in THEIR relationship. In your case, it really only matters how YOU feel. Don't let anyone tell you it's evil or it's not. It's about personal preferences. To answer your question though, yes most if not all guys watch porn. Whether their SOs are privy to that information or not. To caveat it, there are a few men who don't watch it at all.
missdependant Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 The girls I date live up to what I want. I think you've jumped the rails here. Originally Posted by Jersey Shortie .... Because lets be honest, real women don't live up to the ideal men really want. So, if I'm a GIRL and I date MEN.. and watch porn, does that mean I don't feel that my man is living up to what I really want? DON'T THINK SO!
carhill Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 No one's ever given a satisfying answer to this: Why don't you masturbate WITHOUT porn? Hmm, as someone who can and does, the imagery, or lack thereof, can be a double-edged sword. With the imagery, it's fairly obvious what the man is thinking about, but, without, one would have to wonder where his erotic thoughts are coming from; what are the images in his mind and/or feelings which arouse him to orgasm? You see where I'm going? Would you rather define the known or ponder the unknown?
clv0116 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 So, if I'm a GIRL and I date MEN.. and watch porn, does that mean I don't feel that my man is living up to what I really want? DON'T THINK SO! No, it means you need him to bend you over the back of the sofa so you don't have an obstructed view of your TV.
You'reasian Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Because lets be honest, real women don't live up to the ideal men really want. And then they tell women they are being silly for naturally being concerned or having feelings of wondering why we even are trying to please him if he is just going to turn to porn the second you aren't there.. JS, you're giving off a defeatist attitude! What I've really wanted from women, I've been fortunate enough to receive and its had nothing to do with porn. If you are distressed about it, you are distressed about. It doesn't matter if other women or men agree with it or don't. Talk with your boyfriend about it. Tell him your feelings. His desire to view porn is no more important then your desire to not have it be part of the relationship. Ask him how he would feel in yoru spot if you were looking at other goregous men and pleasuring yourself. Ask him if he would feel like he was meeting your needs. I know alot of people will say porn is okay as long as it doesn't affect your relationship but I think it's a navie statement to make. Porn has already influnced alot of people more then they would like to even believe of themselves. Men might not expect you to look like a porn star but I doubt they would complain if we all did... Well the reverse is true, I doubt women would complain if we all looked like male porn stars - except Ron Jeremy, maybe. I'd imagine that our girlfriends probably fantasize from time to time, but its harmless. All in all, as a woman, this topic hurts me personally alot and I am sick of seeing so many men sell out their woman and relationships so that they can sit infront of their computers giving acolades to girls that don't give a crap about them. I don't think it's being very loyal, strong or caring to your partner. We don't live in a world where a guy is looking at Playboy or National Geographic "Once-in-awhile" anymore. The millions of options for a man to view on the internet plus the easy access has up'ed the pot and I think leaves more and more people less statisfied with themselves, life and their partners. That's why people have to keep turning back to porn. But don't expect most men to really care. What they ultimately care about is still having porn in their lives PLUS having a girlfriend. Most men seem to need both to be happy. Most men can't be happy with what their girlfriend/wife offers them. Which pretty much means any one woman really isn't woman enough for a guy. He needs a super imposed ideal fantasy about 18 year old twins with breast implants to feel good. You as the woman are suppose to be the strong one and rise above his porn use and accept it and he as the man is allowed to cater to his whims and fancies through porn and not be strong is learning to enjoy what he has, not all the things he doesn't. That's really the message at the end of the day. Women should rise above/accept the porn. Men are defended and justified in catering to their whims and fancies. One woman is enough for this guy. she just has to be able to keep up
Author lilrascall Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 I wasn't quite expecting this kind of a response! I knew I would get mixed comments, but this was beyond my initial thoughts. To explain things a little more I think a bit of our history may help. I can't say I'm completely naive and innocent and have never looked at porn or expect guys to never watch it or whatever, but i do have a hard time wrapping my mind around what possesses a guy/girl to watch porn or even masturbate when they have a sig other and an intimate relationship with them. That may be a naive thought but that's just strange to me! I have no problem admitting that I have masturbated but never during our relationship! We have had some trust issues throughout our relationship, I have several very close male friends and he got furious with me for going to dinner with one of them (who happens to be gay) and told me that that's completely unacceptable and it's a date and it's basically cheating. I told him I can respect that and won't let it happen. That's all fine, I don't feel like I'm depriving myself of anything. Right around this same time I saw naked pics of his ex-gf on his phone and e-mail and several flirty texts to another girl while I was out of town. I told him that that's incredibly unacceptable for me and I won't put up with it and since then it hasn't happened and all is well! It kind of just feels like a double standard, he can watch porn and get off to the image of another girl but I can't go to dinner with a friend?!?! Mostly I think I'm just having a hard time understanding why? And yes I did ask him about how much and why and if it's because there is something I'm not giving him. His answers were short, but part of that is due to our very different schedules, I work at 5:30 in the morning and he works till midnight. Needless to say it is something we need to discuss but I was just curious about why people watch porn when they're in a relationship.
c-riouz Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Well, then I put my question another way: why don't men just masturbate to thoughts of fantasies of their PARTNER? Why does it have to be other women? And men wonder why women feel like they are not enough for him when he clearly shows that he desires other women?
clv0116 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Well, then I put my question another way: why don't men just masturbate to thoughts of fantasies of their PARTNER? There was a time once when I would put up with and try to accommodate a partner who would say 'no' to sex. How can you fantasize about someone who you were just with and turned you down? What is the fantasy exactly? I might be the exception but for me, the draw of porn is 100% availablility. When I'm with a girl who never says no I don't even think about porn.
AlektraClementine Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 To explain things a little more I think a bit of our history may help. I can't say I'm completely naive and innocent and have never looked at porn or expect guys to never watch it or whatever, but i do have a hard time wrapping my mind around what possesses a guy/girl to watch porn or even masturbate when they have a sig other and an intimate relationship with them. That may be a naive thought but that's just strange to me! I have no problem admitting that I have masturbated but never during our relationship! Well then there is a big difference. I masturbate all the time. Multiple times per week. Always have and continue to do so in the relationship. Sometimes even during sex. As does the boyfriend. I do it because I enjoy it immensely. I have no problems with my boyfriend doing it. Porn, to me, is just a fantasy that you can see without looking inside your mind. It emulates some of my own perversions. It does not effect our relationship whatsoever and as I said before, my bf watches porn a lot. Daily. I think the reason porn can effect a relationship doesn't lie in the amount or lack thereof of porn watching. I think that if it effects your relationship in a negative way, it is purely a symptom of a bigger problem or issue. What that is exactly, is for you to determine. You said he had been texting other girls????? Jeeeez there's your problem right there. You don't trust him because he's not trustworthy. Men who are committed to their women don't flirt via text and exchange personal pics. His watching porn is just a reminder to you that he does NOT have eyes only for you. That's just my opinion. Take it for what it's worth. I'm just a chick on the internet.
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Well, then I put my question another way: why don't men just masturbate to thoughts of fantasies of their PARTNER? Why does it have to be other women? And men wonder why women feel like they are not enough for him when he clearly shows that he desires other women? Because variety is a turn on physiologically and biologically. Sorry, that is just how the brain works. There is a difference between spank bank/porn and desire for a woman. I'm not sure why so many women refuse to see that.
girl68 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 but i do have a hard time wrapping my mind around what possesses a guy/girl to watch porn or even masturbate when they have a sig other and an intimate relationship with them. That may be a naive thought but that's just strange to me! I have no problem admitting that I have masturbated but never during our relationship! It kind of just feels like a double standard, he can watch porn and get off to the image of another girl but I can't go to dinner with a friend?!?! Yeah kid, that's an extremely naive thought. I'm in a relationship and I get off. Just because you never have doesn't mean we all never have. Sometimes I just do it myself because I'm good at it, and I'm fast at it. Sometimes I know he's not in the mood. Sometimes we just has sex but I didn't cum so I do it myself. There, lots of reasons why we do it. And they're probably the same for guys. By the way you not going out with males alone is not even close to the same as him watching porn. Let me explain a double standard: he's allowed to watch porn, but you're not. That's a double standard. Well, then I put my question another way: why don't men just masturbate to thoughts of fantasies of their PARTNER? Why does it have to be other women? And men wonder why women feel like they are not enough for him when he clearly shows that he desires other women? Another naive thought right here... why because that gets OLD, and fast! Think about it, you live with him/ her... you love him/ her... you kiss/ hug and cuddle him/ her... you have sex with him/ her... you'd never cheat on him/ her... but do you really have to think/ dream/ fantisize about her all the freaking time too? C'mon. And it's not just women, I'm a women and I fantisize guess what about... a mystery man taking me passionately... Guess what... he's not my bf.
AAlike Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Well, then I put my question another way: why don't men just masturbate to thoughts of fantasies of their PARTNER? Why does it have to be other women? And men wonder why women feel like they are not enough for him when he clearly shows that he desires other women? this is the real crux of the issue, not "porn" or its various incantations. Although I understand what drives you to this reasoning, it is completely and utterly futile. getting upset at a man for this is like a man getting upset at a woman for having her period. I only masturbate about 10% of the amount that I did while I was single, never as a substitute for sex, and a fair amount of the time it actually is thoughts of my partner, especially the day following a particularly awesome sexual experience. when men masturbate, we seek out a "fresh" image - even if we had no porn, we'd do it subconsciously. it's not even about being "visual" as is the word-du-jour on these threads - it's just what turns men on.
lora22 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Well, then I put my question another way: why don't men just masturbate to thoughts of fantasies of their PARTNER? Why does it have to be other women? And men wonder why women feel like they are not enough for him when he clearly shows that he desires other women? I can count on one hand the number of times I've masturbated to fantasies involving my partner. The 3 times I ever did it was because the sex had been beyond words amazing, and porn was not available. And I'm a girl. I have never cheated in a relationship. I was still incredibly attracted to my partner (whoever it happened to be at the time). As a side note, I very much doubt that any guy sincerely wishes he could bang a stretched out porn star who's boned tons of guys, no matter how good looking she is...trust me, when I watch porn, I'm not thinking "damn, I wanna get with ....". It's just an image.
c-riouz Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 this is the real crux of the issue, not "porn" or its various incantations. Although I understand what drives you to this reasoning, it is completely and utterly futile. getting upset at a man for this is like a man getting upset at a woman for having her period. I only masturbate about 10% of the amount that I did while I was single, never as a substitute for sex, and a fair amount of the time it actually is thoughts of my partner, especially the day following a particularly awesome sexual experience. when men masturbate, we seek out a "fresh" image - even if we had no porn, we'd do it subconsciously. it's not even about being "visual" as is the word-du-jour on these threads - it's just what turns men on. I still don't understand it. Could you (and any other men) elaborate, please? So basically you're saying your partner will never be enough, because the desire for something "fresh" will always be there? Or how is it supposed to be understood? And I don't understand how many here try to convince me how completely "normal" that is by telling me how they don't fantasize about their partner. That's nice for you and your partner. I, however, do ONLY fantasize about my partner and nothing turns me on like him. I pretty much become "blind" to other men because NO ONE compares to my king of hearts. So maybe that's why I don't understand the need for "constant supply of new women" via porn or subconscious fantasies about the hot cashier. I guess I really just would love to be the only one in return, but I guess I'll never be enough for one man.
lora22 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 but I guess I'll never be enough for one man. You're making it personal, and it's not.
missdependant Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Maybe it's just me, but it greatly disturbs me that a man or woman easily CAN view a woman in porn as just an object.. Who cares? He doesn't view ME as an object.. so why should I care how he feels about other women, if he's not cheating (becoming physically or emotionally involved) with other women? HOW he masturbates, when he masturbates and with what tools is HIS business. Masturbation should be private, and if he's going to watch porn then good for him. I'm not his mom, I'm not here to censor what he watches.. I'm not in his life to control him. I'm in his life to provide him with companionship. I am able to give him things that no porn star will EVER be able to give him. I can have his children, cook for him, love him; not only that, but I can satisfy the majority of his sexual needs. Does he still want to masturbate sometimes? Yes.. so does everyone. Do I care how he gets the job done? No, I really don't. I'm NOT in his life to serve as nothing but a sexual object. To him, I mean much more than that.
c-riouz Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Who cares? He doesn't view ME as an object.. so why should I care how he feels about other women This is the most compassionless and selfish post I've read. Who cares as long as it doesn't affect you? Are you really that self-centered? Judging by your post, I'm sure you won't mind your daughter being viewed as merely a sex object later in life then.
missdependant Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 This is the most compassionless and selfish post I've read. Who cares as long as it doesn't affect you? Are you really that self-centered? Judging by your post, I'm sure you won't mind your daughter being viewed as merely a sex object later in life then. LOL... you know me so well. But no.. I'm just enough of an adult to know where my priorities are. And fighting over things as trivial as porn and naked women isn't one of them!
normal Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Why is it that in all of these posts, people are always attacking MEN for watching porn? Does it not occur to anyone that women watch porn too? Or that women enjoy reading erotica? Women use vibrators? I haven't seen a single dude come on here and start talking about how he's so insecure because his girlfriend likes to use a vibe or watches porn or reads erotica.. WHY IS THAT?? And please don't say that it's because men aren't insecure. Men are insecure just as women are. PS. For those who don't know me, I am a female. And yes. I watch and enjoy porn. So does my boyfriend.
start-fresh Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 As a side note, I very much doubt that any guy sincerely wishes he could bang a stretched out porn star who's boned tons of guys, no matter how good looking she is...trust me, when I watch porn, I'm not thinking "damn, I wanna get with ....". It's just an image. Amen! Most porn stars look like skanky, damaged goods. It just doesn't appeal to me. Also the fact that the women in most porn movies are treated as objects is off putting as well. She's merely there for an orifice for some guido dude to stick his member into. Likewise, he's there to have oversized equipment that is trained to last until the director is done shooting that scene. Theres no substitute for the depth of emotion and companionship that a real woman provides. I just don't understand how women can feel so threatened by these phonies.
DarkestDreams Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 The women in porn are objects This is an incredibly disturbing statement, especially coming from a woman. Those women in porn might not have the most glamorous job in the world, but they provide a source of entertainment and for that they deserve the same amount of respect as anyone else. Referring to another human being as an "object", regardless of the context, speaks volumes about you as a person.
OverThinker Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 We watch porn for the same reason we watch any other Movie....to escape from reallity I mean is it really any differant? Do the two people in that love story really love each other, NO. But we forget about the way things really are and live in the movie for a short time. It's the same with porn except your getting a pay off in the end and then back to real life. Mind you if I could do my GF everytime I felt the urge I would not watch porn but thats not the real world. Sometimes shes not in the mood and sometimes I'm not, She's got her toys and does her thing when I can't be there for her, does that bother me, NO. Now if someone would Rather have there toys or porn then there is an issue but having the release keeps both happy.
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