Nikki Sahagin Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I was just wondering if anyone could enlighten me on the psychology behind people that need to fix others, and those that supposedly need to be fixed. Initially I think I started out as one of those girls that 'needed to be fixed'. I wasn't perfect at all...my ex put up with a lot (but so did I) but I felt he was always trying to take care of me, reassure me, make me better etc. Then our roles reversed and I became the 'fixer' so to speak. I was there as his rock, his support...I felt there were things that needed straightening out with him, not that I ever imposed anything on him, but it was definately my motivation. As I ruminate on this, I think that for whatever reason, I can only understand a relationship in terms of 1 person having to fix the other. Whether its me fixing them, or them fixing me. Now i'm not sure WHY I think this, where it comes from...I need to look into that...but i've noticed in my relationship though we were on equal footing in terms of humour etc, one of us always had to be 'the vulnerable one'. Neither of us were ever both 100% self-sufficient. He needed me or I needed him. Now I know true relationships aren't about need....but I think a lot of my relationship, though there was DEFINATELY love and I was DEFINATELY in love with him, had a large componanant of addiction, obsession and co-dependence ("you're the only one that understands me" etc). For some reason I seem drawn to the drama, the trauma even - I think it bonds people closer when they go through bad times. Sometimes I wonder if its too many movies or stories brainwashing me to thinking love is only worth it if you go through hell to get it....and definately when I ended up with my ex (after the hell we went through) I treasured him SO much because it had been so hard to get him. But I kind of need that challenge, need that long-haul, need that suffering almost - to appreciate who I get - otherwise I don't think its worth it. I mean, can anyone make sense of this? If not i'll bring it up with my therapist! lol Thanks for reading
EmperorR Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Just my two cents I think certain people love the drama, love being able to mold that person into what they want them be. If not it becomes stale to them aka not a challenge and then they move on.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 Just my two cents I think certain people love the drama, love being able to mold that person into what they want them be. If not it becomes stale to them aka not a challenge and then they move on. Interesting thoughts. God maybe I am a bigger drama queen than I thought.
LadyV Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 For some reason I seem drawn to the drama, the trauma even - I think it bonds people closer when they go through bad times. Sometimes I wonder if its too many movies or stories brainwashing me to thinking love is only worth it if you go through hell to get it....and definately when I ended up with my ex (after the hell we went through) I treasured him SO much because it had been so hard to get him. But I kind of need that challenge, need that long-haul, need that suffering almost - to appreciate who I get - otherwise I don't think its worth it. I mean, can anyone make sense of this? If not i'll bring it up with my therapist! lol Thanks for reading I can totally understand what you mean. I seem to be the type of person who thinks I can fix things...if I did this or that certain thing, then my partner would see, and want to change...WRONG... My therapist seems to think that I consume myself with drama...not my own, but others. I have always been the go-to person...when my friends have problems, or issues, I seem to always want to be right there to help. This drove XBF crazy. It isn't that I wanted to be in the drama, I guess it was because I wanted to help where I could, and it kinda reminded me that I'm not the only one who has issues...in a weird kind of way. Crazy how the tables turn...My XBF kept telling me that with me, all things were possible. I make him want to be a better person...blah blah blah....How he doesn't want to screw "this up" But in the end, he is NO GOOD for me, yet I yearn for him to be in my life....I hate it....I just can't wait till a few more months down the road, when I can look back and think..."Wow, I went through all that and it made me that much stronger.!"
Recommended Posts