kappadisney Posted October 26, 2003 Posted October 26, 2003 How do you define virginity? My biggest problem is that I was a virgin for my boyfriend (specifically I had had oral sex but never penetration) while he wasn't (specifically he had penetrated girls before, but had only lasted 3-4 minutes and did not come because he felt uncomfortable) This is torturing me. We know we are best friends, soul mates, future spouses etc.) While my boyfriend is being incredibly loving and supportive. He doesn't get it. He doesn't think there's a big difference to our pasts. He thinks maybe my parents/religion made too big a deal out of "penetration= loss of virginity= evil) and i took it too literally. Do rape vitims lose their virginity? Is virginity 100 percent physical or emotional too? Do lesbians never have sex bc there's no penile-vaginal penetration? Isn't that a little puritanical/patriarchal? Gay guys say they have two virginities- when they first give and they firt receive. If they've redefined it, why can't we? He says that he feels like he really lost his virginity to me because there's a big difference between teenagers who like each other having sex for 3 minutes and getting nothing out of it and two adults who are committed to spending the rest of their lives together making love for the rest of their lives, 45 minutes, abn hour at a time. He says he's never done that with anyone before and it's entirely different. Logically I'm with him, but I am still tortured by the images. I can't orgasm because all I keep thinking is that he was inside another girl. He says technically other guys were inside me. (inside my mouth) and that he never considered sex a big deal, he wanted to do it. He thought that coming inside someone should be saved for your soul mate and he did save it for me. We talk about this a lot and we said that most people lose their virginity gradually, with more than one person, with every new touch and experience that leads up to a full sex life. That it's not really as simple and cut and dry as people would liek to think. Why is this such a big deal to me? What do you guys think? Can we rewrite/redefine virginity?
LadyX Posted October 26, 2003 Posted October 26, 2003 I think it's rare to find a virgin or even someone with limited experience. Be happy, and get over it. Any sex is SEX. How would you feel if he were constantly refusing to kiss you because you gave another guy oral sex?
moimeme Posted October 26, 2003 Posted October 26, 2003 Why is this such a big deal to me Because you are insecure and fear he preferred the others to you. This is your issue; you may need professional help to get over it if you can't do so on your own.
Dreamgirl03 Posted October 26, 2003 Posted October 26, 2003 Hmm...i guess it could depend on your definition on what losing your virginity really means..for me losing your virginity means actual penetration..being inside of a girls vagina or having a guys dick in your vagina..i used to be a relious person who didnt believe in sex before marriage, but then i lost my virginity anyway at 17(I`m now 20). But..as far as the definition of it really depends on your viewpoints on things.
Guidette82 Posted October 26, 2003 Posted October 26, 2003 To anser the most OBVIOUS question first...a rape victim is NOT a virgin according to medical exams...but SHE or he may believe they are because they have never shared that "love" experience. Too many people nowadays take sex too lightly..that's a BIG mistake. I think you need to hold out for someone you truly love and continue that rule even AFTER you have been with someone. As for all this "is my boyfriend a virgin if he was only in there 3 minutes"...TECHNICALLY he is NOT a virgin..even if it was a millisecond..but that doesn't mean he has ever shared that TRUE experience with anyone. You can't ponder on the past and bring this up all the time because it'll just cause problems for your relationship. Just know that he is not with anyone NOW and that YOU will be his first TRUE experience if you ever get to that point. KEEP your virginity as long as possible..it's worth it!!!
BlockHead Posted October 26, 2003 Posted October 26, 2003 I don’t believe the “virginity = purity” nonsense. I don’t think an oversexed person would be a very loyal partner.
Beatnik Posted October 26, 2003 Posted October 26, 2003 I would suggest watching the movie "Chasing Amy" in it a declared lesbian, Alyssa, and a straight guy, Holden, have discussion concerning what really constitutes losing your virginity.
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