crackerjax9 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 can someone help me with this? i hateee my cell phone i wish i could just throw it out for the next 6 months or just be able to delete his number from my memory so i cant call or text him... im good for a couple of days and then all of a sudden im texting him stupid stuff or answering his dumb texts...it seems like at night i get worse..i can ignore him all day and then night comes and im a crying wreck! i feel like a pathetic girl bc i just texted him 3 or 4 times and got no answer and called him 2wice ( which he picked up and said he had texted me back ) and i still get no texts! either his phone service or hes a liar! someone help me or give me hints on how to avoid looking like the pathetic ex who cant live without her dirtbag ex bf! i hate feeling like this!
bluewolf17 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Well, Once you come to the realization that talking to him, only hurts you further, it will be easier to avoid contact. NC means he doesn't get to know ANYTHING about you. He gets to sit and wonder. The cell is the enemy. Just imagine, every call you make, every text, will be unreturned and ignored. Think before you contact him.."do I REALLY want to make this call/text?".
LadyV Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Blue is so right...I went to the extreme and called my cell phone company and had XBF's number blocked...I can't text him and he can't call or text me. I can call him, but as Blue said it perfectly. Talking to/contacting him will only make things worse in the long run. I do have XBF's number memorized, but NC is NC. I am NOT going to open that door again...Good luck!
Jdw_Icequeen Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I am in the same boat. It is very hard for me. He was calling me everyday or every other day. Just checking in he says. I am his soon to be ex wife. There is no need for him to check in. EVERYTIME he calls, a brick would form in my stomach. I would somtimes even be physically ill. I asked him so many times to stop calling. But "yes", I would find excuses to call him every so often. Then he would call me and I get so upset and end up calling him back. Emailing over and over. Somedays I would feel good until he called. Yesterday, I changed my phone number and all the information was switched into my name. I was very happy. Today I feel a bit miserable again. The realization that its over seems to hit over and over. I thought it was only suppose to attack once? I do realize a stable everyday life knowing when that phone rings I don't have to jump out a window is going to help alot. I have burried all my excuses for calling him. No matter how upset I get. So if you need to cry do it! My favorite place to cry is my shower. It sounds like your nights are the hardest and mine go on and off all day. So its great that you get atleast a little releif during the day. Perhaps find somthing more to do at night to keep u occupied. Rent a good movie. NOT A LOVE STORY!! Soak in the bath. Give yourself a Mani/Peti. Spend time with friends. Whatever it takes. Somtimes you ave to push yourself and it feels like your trying to hurl yourself over the edge of somthing. JUST TRY TO JUMP!
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 thanks guys... i feel like blocking his numer is a little extreme.. i like to know hes miserable without me sometimes...he texted me at 5 am saying he cant stop thinking about me and i havent texted him back.. it hink if he actually cared hed pick up the phone and try to talk to me instead of being immature and texting me
twicebitten Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 ... listen to everyone here & go totally NC ... block him, delete him, 4GET him!!! I know it sounds/seems HARSH, but listen ... I went through this rollercoaster-chaos-NC-contact-NC again-heartbreaking-sitch for MONTHS & it tore-me-up!!!! I literally felt addicted to him ... hearing from him .. then his 'games' would start again!! My sitch ended terribly ... with visits to the PD & a nC order, to boot, BUT I am soooo thankful 7 weeks later that I am FINALLY FREE of his grip on me & that AWFUL pit-in-my-stomache feeling!! I actually feel calm & peaceful again in my life!! Sooo, please ... let this toxic-relationship go, girl & get back to YOURSELF!!! XOXO - TB -
LadyV Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 ... listen to everyone here & go totally NC ... block him, delete him, 4GET him!!! I know it sounds/seems HARSH, but listen ... I went through this rollercoaster-chaos-NC-contact-NC again-heartbreaking-sitch for MONTHS & it tore-me-up!!!! I literally felt addicted to him ... hearing from him .. then his 'games' would start again!! My sitch ended terribly ... with visits to the PD & a nC order, to boot, BUT I am soooo thankful 7 weeks later that I am FINALLY FREE of his grip on me & that AWFUL pit-in-my-stomache feeling!! I actually feel calm & peaceful again in my life!! Sooo, please ... let this toxic-relationship go, girl & get back to YOURSELF!!! XOXO - TB - I totally agree!!! Blocking may seem extreme, but it gave me a sense of peace and control!!! No more worring if the text message that just came was from him. No more wondering if that phone call is him. No more starting at my phone thinking..."Wow, I haven't heard from him...." I feel like I am the one in control with this. He has no way of contacting me via phone, or email. It's a good thing...26 days NC! I feel great. The only thing I have gotten, was a card he shoved in my door for my graduation from college....Was I happy to hear from him? Heck no! I actually got pissed. I thought about sending a thank you card, but honestly? He doesn't deserve anymore of my time....
twicebitten Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 ... on 26 days NC!!! I'm @ 7 WEEKS, but having a NC order by PD on him is probably why I've lasted so long!! LOL!! Not funny ... Anyway, YES the constant fear-ish-feelings of wheather or not he's texted ... called ... emailed or NOT is hell-ish!!! I'm soooo thankful to NOT have to lug that feeling around any longer!! It's ... liberating, really!!!! Crackerjax ... I KNOW that it feels like you have the upper-hand ..IE: HE texts something sweet, etc., & YOU don't answer ... but believe me, it WILL hurt even more when he cont. 2 play with your heart/head!! I know this because my ex sounds A LOT like yours & he totally messed-me-up with his up-&down-roller-coaster-ride!!! Please TAKE CARE! XO - TB -
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 thanks guys...he was texting me yesterday and i answered he was being nice and then started accusing me of making up fake sns and harassing him ( whichnever happened) so i told him to stop playing mind games with me and to stop texting, if he wants me he can call otherwise he can lose me forever...gave my number out to 2 guys last night...got an ego boost but i cant even think abotu datting yet :*(
twicebitten Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 soooooo much like my ex!!!!!! Mine would start texting/calling telling me he was still-always-in-love-with-me, missed me, blah, blah... I'd fall for it ... he'd then go hot-cold & accuse me of harrassing him, too!!? WTH!?? It was like he was bi-polar or something!!? It turned out to become almost like his "love" was when it was convienent for him & when he need to get his "fix"!!? Then when I FINALLY went total NC (this can't/won't happen to you) he turned mean/vicious & emailed important BIZ associates liablous stuff bout me ... WTH AGAIN!?? I "think" they may just like/love getting to us ... having some kind of control ... big EGO BOOST 4 them!!? It's just SICK though!!!! It will end (all the games ... heartache ...) as soon as you go total NC!! XO - TB -
twicebitten Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 ... Curious ... how old is your ex!?? Mine is 35 (8 years younger than I) but I THOUGHT he was mature ... NOT! ANY udult man shouldn't be acting this way!! But wondered if your ex was younger (in early 20's, etc)!? XO - TB -
LadyV Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 soooooo much like my ex!!!!!! Mine would start texting/calling telling me he was still-always-in-love-with-me, missed me, blah, blah... I'd fall for it ... he'd then go hot-cold & accuse me of harrassing him, too!!? WTH!?? It was like he was bi-polar or something!!? It turned out to become almost like his "love" was when it was convienent for him & when he need to get his "fix"!!? Then when I FINALLY went total NC (this can't/won't happen to you) he turned mean/vicious & emailed important BIZ associates liablous stuff bout me ... WTH AGAIN!?? I "think" they may just like/love getting to us ... having some kind of control ... big EGO BOOST 4 them!!? It's just SICK though!!!! It will end (all the games ... heartache ...) as soon as you go total NC!! XO - TB - I almost contacted my XBF today, I almost sent him an email to thank him for the Graduation card he gave me...BLAH!!!!! I almost attached a picture too, I posted another thread, and got the support and reminder that I don't want to go there!!!! My NC is extreme...Blocked cell numbers/emails...I had to. Because EVERY TIME he would walk away, he would come back 3 weeks later. This is the longest we have gone without having contact, although he did give me that card and left it on my door, but I haven't replied and won't. Every time I tried to write the email, or even fill out a thank you card, I would have an anxiety attack! What does that tell me? DON'T DO IT!!!! TB, YES, HOT AND COLD!!!! What is up with that? I wonder if he is doing that with his new girl? Poor thing...I don't care. Not my problem anymore. I'm just glad that the NC has been this long! Thanks, 26 days is a long time!!! Quoting your other reply, My XBF is 37. I am 36. I too thought that the older, the more mature, but he is just as moody as my 13 year old son!!! Hormones raging maybe? No, he just has issues and needs help!!! LOL Crackerjack, WOW!!! Yes, my XBF started to get annoyed when I would text him....then if I ignored him, it would shift! WTF???? He wanted me only part time...he wanted me only when he was alone. I don't want someone like that...I want someone to WANT to be with me whenever I want to be with them.... Hang in there guys!!! We all will get through this!!! It will take time, but we will get through it! NC is the best thing I could have done for my sanity. Not as a way for him to "wonder" or "feel horrible" for dumping me....I'm a true treasure...that he decided to leave behind instead of enjoy!!!
twicebitten Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 I almost contacted my XBF today, I almost sent him an email to thank him for the Graduation card he gave me...BLAH!!!!! I almost attached a picture too, I posted another thread, and got the support and reminder that I don't want to go there!!!! My NC is extreme...Blocked cell numbers/emails...I had to. Because EVERY TIME he would walk away, he would come back 3 weeks later. This is the longest we have gone without having contact, although he did give me that card and left it on my door, but I haven't replied and won't. Every time I tried to write the email, or even fill out a thank you card, I would have an anxiety attack! What does that tell me? DON'T DO IT!!!! TB, YES, HOT AND COLD!!!! What is up with that? I wonder if he is doing that with his new girl? Poor thing...I don't care. Not my problem anymore. I'm just glad that the NC has been this long! Thanks, 26 days is a long time!!! Quoting your other reply, My XBF is 37. I am 36. I too thought that the older, the more mature, but he is just as moody as my 13 year old son!!! Hormones raging maybe? No, he just has issues and needs help!!! LOL Crackerjack, WOW!!! Yes, my XBF started to get annoyed when I would text him....then if I ignored him, it would shift! WTF???? He wanted me only part time...he wanted me only when he was alone. I don't want someone like that...I want someone to WANT to be with me whenever I want to be with them.... Hang in there guys!!! We all will get through this!!! It will take time, but we will get through it! NC is the best thing I could have done for my sanity. Not as a way for him to "wonder" or "feel horrible" for dumping me....I'm a true treasure...that he decided to leave behind instead of enjoy!!! I'm SOOOOOO gLAD you did NOT email him!!! ALL 3 of our exes sound sooo similair!!! MINE would be back in like 2 weeks EVERYTIME .. it's like a cycle-thing!!?? Does anyone elese ex bodybuild!? Curious because mine did .. so started thinking maybe "ROID-RAGE" or roids messing with hormones (mine DENIED doing those though)!!? And YES, I have an 11 YO daughter with BAD mood-swings, but come on ... 30-somthing-men!!?? What's their deal do they have PMS, too ... Pyscho-Man-Syndrome!!?? LOL!! I DO NOT know what's up with that hot-cold-thing .. WTF!!? And LadyV ... YES, he IS doing it to his new 'girl' ... I found out (after the fact) that my ex was plyin' with THREE women's heads (one being his ex-wife) what an ASS ... NEVER being able to completely commit (although we were engaged for a short-time) becoming 'confused' by how much "in-love" he was with ME, yet not wanting to HURT anyone ... yeah, right!! I say now .. "Get over yourself you over-inflated-bicep-boy!" I'm a beautiful woman, inside & out & (quating the song) ... YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS!!!" LOL! GOOD FOR you for seeing how truly WORTHY you are & he can't handle, or deserve a woman like YOU!!!! XO - TB -
LadyV Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 And LadyV ... YES, he IS doing it to his new 'girl' ... I found out (after the fact) that my ex was plyin' with THREE women's heads (one being his ex-wife) what an ASS ... NEVER being able to completely commit (although we were engaged for a short-time) becoming 'confused' by how much "in-love" he was with ME, yet not wanting to HURT anyone ... yeah, right!! XO - TB - Well, looking at my XBF's track record...Married his HS sweetheart, he met her when they were in 7th grade, produced 1 child... Divorced her for another woman, then produced another child...THEN, left his 2nd wife for a woman that was married. He paid for her divorce, her house payment, her kids activities, only to get dumped in the end, she left him and went back to her X-H. He claims it was devastating, but for him, I think it's the chase that he loved. He told me "I will only hurt you in the end." He told his sister that he loves me so much, it scares me, and he is afraid he will just hurt me in the end...that he did. Oh well...cutting my losses. He has A LOT of baggage. I didn't think anything of it, but I read this book called. "Men who can't love" about commitment phobes and it describes him to a T!!!! No joke!!! When we first broke up, I wanted to understand him. We have been broken up for 2 months now, but NC for 26 days... I wonder if it is seriously a man thing...I also read somewhere that some men just don't have it in them to commit. They feel that they must "spread their seed" all over the dang place!!! Huh..funny that!!! No kidding, because XBF did that, and continues to. He shared his history with me right away. I thought it was him opening up and telling me he has changed. He told me time after time that things are differnet with me, he doesn't want to mess things up, but in the end, he bailed..couldn't handle someone who was willing to love him for him... BLAH! See, this is why I don't belong with him..I have to take it as a learning lesson. What NOT to do the next time...I am in no way looking for anyone right now...I want to just worry about me and get myself straight...there are still issues within me that have to do with my divorce that I am still trying to get past.... Yes, You're Hot then your cold, You're yes then your no...That is the perfect song for our X's. Ladies. Hang in there! We will all get through this!!!!
twicebitten Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 LadyV ... we SHARE this 'past' of theirs as well!! My Ex had opened-up ... quickly ... fell 4 me ... quickly ... CHASED me (thought that was just Because he was a 'hunter' ... literally hunted deer .. I HATED that)!! In the beginning he was so SWEET ... I got sick & HE went to HIS Dr.(faked it) & got ME medicine ... he was there in a heart-beat to pay-off my divorce-attorney so I wouldn't be sued ... he paid for my dog's burial, etc., but then quickly changed once he asked me to marry him!!!? Mine too had RED FLAGS ... married TWICE in 5 years ... of course, it was his exes FAULT(he said) ... went on & on to let me know (in the beginning months) that I was the ONLY woman he's met that he truly wanted to marry & be with FOREVER .. & I (stupidly) believed him!!! UGH!! But he was soooo damn convincing ... always 'talking' of forever ... 'talking' of his love for me ... merging our families into one ... all bull-****!! DITTO on the 'spreading the seed thing' too ... my ex professed (when I found I was PG ... at my age) that he INTENDED that to happen & was HAPPY!!! BUT he was there for me when I miscarried ...??! WTH!?? I'm going to get that book you mention!! I was divorced 3 years ago, although 'over' that/him, coupled with this ex-from-hell I think that book may do some good!!? WE WILL all BE FINE though!!! XO - TB -
LadyV Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 LadyV ... we SHARE this 'past' of theirs as well!! My Ex had opened-up ... quickly ... fell 4 me ... quickly ... CHASED me (thought that was just Because he was a 'hunter' ... literally hunted deer .. I HATED that)!! In the beginning he was so SWEET ... I got sick & HE went to HIS Dr.(faked it) & got ME medicine ... he was there in a heart-beat to pay-off my divorce-attorney so I wouldn't be sued ... he paid for my dog's burial, etc., but then quickly changed once he asked me to marry him!!!? Mine too had RED FLAGS ... married TWICE in 5 years ... of course, it was his exes FAULT(he said) ... went on & on to let me know (in the beginning months) that I was the ONLY woman he's met that he truly wanted to marry & be with FOREVER .. & I (stupidly) believed him!!! UGH!! But he was soooo damn convincing ... always 'talking' of forever ... 'talking' of his love for me ... merging our families into one ... all bull-****!! DITTO on the 'spreading the seed thing' too ... my ex professed (when I found I was PG ... at my age) that he INTENDED that to happen & was HAPPY!!! BUT he was there for me when I miscarried ...??! WTH!?? I'm going to get that book you mention!! I was divorced 3 years ago, although 'over' that/him, coupled with this ex-from-hell I think that book may do some good!!? WE WILL all BE FINE though!!! XO - TB - It is so crazy how similar our stories are. Yes, my XBF was all talk...talked about the future and it kind of worried me because I was NOT there yet. He would throw things out there like.."When we move in together, how will we handle rooms for the kids???" (Blending families). Or, he would say that he wanted to be there for my kids. Yes, the RED FLAGS. I am so new to all this dating stuff. It scares the hell out of me to think that I could fall for someone like this again...I really hope not though, after going through what I did, I will steer clear of those who want to tell me their whole past in a matter of a few days!!! I worry that I may not trust again either. I don't want to be like that, but the walls are definately up around my heart and I will be guarding it like crazy.... It's crazy how someone can go from one extreme to the other. I've never been able to do that. When it comes to relationships though, I tend to give it my all because I guess that is what I think you are supposed to do..isn't that what we're supposed to do? Give it our all?? All I know is that when I am ready to date again, I will be watching for all the Red Flags. That book is a great book. I'm the type of person who reads stuff like that...just to get a better understanding... Hang in there, yes, you are right TB, we WILL get through this...I'm glad I didn't contact him at all today...that would have been bad. I feel better knowing that I made it through yet another day of NC!!!
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