Bells Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 There's this woman I know, that apparently met a guy on the FAR west coast (she's on the east) at some sort of convention for a 4-day stay. One of those "Summer Romances"-like-ish. But you can get the idea. Thing is, both have "roots" where they reside, which would make for an unrealistic situation. Thing is though, she's a single mother with two young children here, and his situation is similar. She's in her late 30's, and he's probably in his mid 40's. (she made a comment about..."if persuaded, she'd date someone locally".) But...she's still with that guy. Both are well rooted and of story, and of course being on opposite coasts, they probably see each other.....rarely....maybe once every few months (if even that) Now, I think THIS one would qualify as one of those LDR's that don't work out.....probably the ONLY one that I know of (and probably the common variety.) The other LDR's that could very well work out, usually when situations in environments are temporary. Boy goes to college, boy meets girl at college, they date exclusively for 3 years....one graduates probably a year sooner than the other and goes back home or wherever. They decide to continue to see each other exclusively. Until the other also graduates. They finally get together geographically and be happily ever after Another situation. Boy goes off to college a good dist. away....old girlfriend from home town decides to stay home and just work for a living. They continue to see each other...she visits him at campus, he comes down to see her..he graduates. They're back together geographically again. Wash rinse repeat with sig. others in the military. We wait for "terms" or "semesters" or "graduation" or "discharges"...wait them out...and finally unite! The FIRST one I listed...not so much...they're too established, too rooted and chances are, would be not a favorable situation.......Agreed? At least with the others...there's time limits. Right? What was kinda funny was, I'm on her facebook friends list....and she posts some hot pics of herself in some hot Vampire outfits. And I posted a comment on her facebook (comment on the photo) and said something playfully flirty in regards to the photo....nothing raunchy, but you would consider it flirtaceous. She sends me a private message saying not to "hit on her" because it makes her boyfriend jealous. LOL! I'm like tell him to lighten up..it's Facebook what do you expect??
Admiral Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 None of them do. Any high quality, self respecting man will not get into one. Any man attractive to women will not get into one, because he has other options, other women to date, and won't go voluntarily celibate like that.
KikiW Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Admiral, stop making blanket statements peppered with insults. You are being a rude and condescending jerk to all the men and women who are with men on this part of the board who work hard to maintain their relationships. You have made your views about LDRs perfectly plain in other posts and I think you need to stay out of this board because you are not adding anything helpful to these discussions. Bells - do either of the coast-to-coast people expect or want the relationship to progress into something other than what it is? From your post, it sounds like the current situation is working for them. Yes, if they are both rather rooted on their coasts and neither is willing to leave, then the relationship will not be able to progress past where it is. This woman is with this guy for a reason - he fulfills her needs. She could be "persuaded" to date someone locally, but why? She seems to get everything she wants from this one. Plus she gets a little vacation every couple of months. Yes, if they decide they want to be together full-time but neither is willing to leave their area, then they will of course have a problem. One would need to decide to take that leap. But like I said, it sounds like things are working for them - seems like it's quite a successful LDR to me.
Author Bells Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 Admiral, stop making blanket statements peppered with insults. You are being a rude and condescending jerk to all the men and women who are with men on this part of the board who work hard to maintain their relationships. You have made your views about LDRs perfectly plain in other posts and I think you need to stay out of this board because you are not adding anything helpful to these discussions. Bells - do either of the coast-to-coast people expect or want the relationship to progress into something other than what it is? From your post, it sounds like the current situation is working for them. Yes, if they are both rather rooted on their coasts and neither is willing to leave, then the relationship will not be able to progress past where it is. This woman is with this guy for a reason - he fulfills her needs. She could be "persuaded" to date someone locally, but why? She seems to get everything she wants from this one. Plus she gets a little vacation every couple of months. Yes, if they decide they want to be together full-time but neither is willing to leave their area, then they will of course have a problem. One would need to decide to take that leap. But like I said, it sounds like things are working for them - seems like it's quite a successful LDR to me. Not sure sure though....any boyfriend that gets jealous over a harmless comment on a Facebook status....well, getting worked up over a Facebook comment is just a red flag there.
KikiW Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Her telling you not to be flirty on FB doesn't have much to do with you as much as it has to do with their relationship and how much information he has about her friends. If she is posting those kinds of photos then he might expect some responses like that, but perhaps he thought your response was a little too personal or familiar and he doesn't know much about your friendship. It's also possible that SHE didn't like what you said and is using "my boyfriend will get jealous" as an excuse to get you to not post that kind of thing in the future. I've used that one myself to deflect unwanted attention.
Els Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 None of them do. Any high quality, self respecting man will not get into one. Any man attractive to women will not get into one, because he has other options, other women to date, and won't go voluntarily celibate like that. I see the troll is making it's weekly rounds. Hi Mr. Troll!
SophieA Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Don't waste your time reading ANYTHING Admiral posts.
sunflower89 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Don't waste your time reading ANYTHING Admiral posts. I think they need a day job Far too much time on their hands if they have to troll internet forums!
SophieA Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Oh, and to answer the OP question. I believe any type of LDR can work as long as both parties are on the same page and willing to fight for it.
LonelyTiger Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Admiral - for heavens sake! Don't you have anything better to do? To answer the OP - in many respects LDRs are very similar to other relationships. Whether ANY relationship 'works out' or not depends on the people in the relationship and what their definition of 'works out' is. All relationships are different, all people are different. We all want, need and expect different things from all our relationships, whether they involve family, friends or romantic partnerships. I would imagine that the two people you mention, in the situation you believe 'can't work', are conducting their relationship in a way that works for them - for now. What they choose to do in the future is their business and anybody's guess - they'll do whatever is right for them. Maybe these two people don't want to be physically together. Most of us in LDRs would find that a bit strange because we can't wait until the distance is over but some people might choose to live that way - just as some people choose to be 'the other man' or 'the other woman' because they don't want the responsbility of a full time relationship. In most people's eyes (including mine) that way of life is 'wrong', but we all have different ideas about how to live. All relationships are different, all LDRs are different. Each to their own I say.
Island Girl Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Don't waste your time reading ANYTHING Admiral posts. And don't bother replying -- it's feeding the Troll.
Island Girl Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 I can say that if my husband had internet access and saw flirty comments from guys to me it would fan the flames of jealousy pretty easily. He is 5600 miles away and has only my voice to rely on. And there is plenty of time in between conversations for his mind to go crazy. I would feel the same if I saw flirty posts to him from someone that is closer to him. We have a very strong relationship and have a whole lot of trust but we take precautions to not test that trust as well. As to the relationship where they are each of them are entrenched on each coast, well, things can change. It may not always be that way and they are doing what works for now. I knew a woman who was married which was an LDR. They were a few hours away and saw each other on weekends. It was orchestrated that way and worked for them. Most of us in LDRs would much rather be together though as LonelyTiger pointed out. But there are always exceptions right?
Admiral Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 Don't waste your time reading ANYTHING Admiral posts. It's a well known fact that men should not take advice from women about relationships. I see the troll is making it's weekly rounds. Just because you think I am wrong, it doens't mean I am a troll. Oh, and to answer the OP question. I believe any type of LDR can work as long as both parties are on the same page and willing to fight for it. True, but you really shouldn't have to "fight" for a relationship over something simple like this. any boyfriend that gets jealous over a harmless comment on a Facebook status....well, getting worked up over a Facebook comment is just a red flag there. True.
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