Author nocontact2 Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 he wont push me on trying to see them, because I will tell him to take me to court and get visitation, he doesnt want to go anywhere near court. neither does he want wife to find out he lied to her again and now we are having baby #3.... so, im in U.S. but he wont go for visitation. Besides, why would he want anything to do with children he doesnt love??? I think him having anything to do with them is poison and that keeping them a dirty secret is even more poison. his name stays on birth certificates and he has lost all rights to them, in my eyes, if he wants to challenge that, then he can take me to court. beginning NC day #2 wish me strength and luck....
Author nocontact2 Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 God give me the strength NOT TO CONTACT a man who doesnt love his children please... can make it another day... i can do it??? i hope....
Owl Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Take ACTIVE measures to PREVENT contact. Block his number/emails/texts/IM's. Get an answering machine and start pre-screening incoming calls. Don't rely on HIM to stop contacting you...make it impossible for him to do so.
Author nocontact2 Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 he just calls me from numbers i dont know or blocked numbers... he didnt call yesterday, so thats positive... if he does as soon as he says hello im going to tell him why are you calling me, you are not to speak with me...go call your wife....click!
Owl Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 he just calls me from numbers i dont know or blocked numbers... he didnt call yesterday, so thats positive... if he does as soon as he says hello im going to tell him why are you calling me, you are not to speak with me...go call your wife....click! Then stop answering (for the time being at least) numbers you don't know or are blocked. It's that simple.
NoIDidn't Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Umm... I assume you are in a different country to me but where I come from a mother cannot simply deny a father access to his children. It is irrelevant whether he loves them or not or whether he doesn't love them in the way that the mother would like him to (whatever that means). I'm assuming there is no child abuse acknowledged by a court with a restraining order of any sort. Unless the rules are significantly different where you are, aiming for complete NC is unrealistic. At the very minimum arrangements should probably be made for him to have contact with his children if that's what he wants. You can probably get someone to do it on your behalf if you genuinely don't want to even have the minimal contact that would be required. However my understanding is that children of parents who are apart do best when they can see their parents having a degree of cooperation in regards to parenting. I'm sorry if I've got this completely wrong and the laws are different where you are. S I take it as her goal is to hurt him or emotional blackmail of some type. If I read him correctly, he doesn't care and NC actually will benefit him. Its so sad to see these situations. My family has enough issues because of this very situation. Its not fair to the kids. Especially to the hidden kids.
Author nocontact2 Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 I wont hide the kids... they have his last name, he is on their birth certificate and they will know exactly who their father is... when this comes back to bite him in the a** then oh well, maybe we should love all our children!!!
NoIDidn't Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 I wont hide the kids... they have his last name, he is on their birth certificate and they will know exactly who their father is... when this comes back to bite him in the a** then oh well, maybe we should love all our children!!! But considering that your children were born into an affair, this is so much more than a situation of just "loving all our children". Don't hide the kids, in fact, announce them. By going NC and not doing anything else - like seeing a lawyer - you are essentially hiding the children waiting for him to make a move. Make your own moves. Waiting for a MM to love the children he fathered outside of his marriage isn't wise in most cases. In some, you do have a man that sincerely wants to take care of all of his children (I know some of these, but they are rare). In most cases though, the mistress having children is no different than the W having children except they don't have to do anything with them in their minds as they are part of the affair lie/secret. NC is about your feelings on his actions, but getting a lawyer is about your kids. That's where I think your focus should be. This situation is really close to home for me. I didn't live through it but I live with the effects of it everyday. Its really not fair to the kids and any children they one day will have to not do more than just have his name on the Birth Certificate.
jj33 Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Block contact? Dont you want child support? Go to court. Get the childs support legalized. He could stop paying on a whim and then where would you be? And what about child number 3? Is he adding child support for him or her? Once you have the court involved, you can block contact and tell him to deal with your lawyer. Until then, you would be foolish to block contact.
Author nocontact2 Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 I failed NC....I caved. Ended up texting him. IM SO STUPID... UGH!!! At least they were not nice text messages....
MichelleS1983 Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 You ask, "what now?" Here's a thought - how about having your tubes tied? Stop breeding kid after kid after kid with this JACKASS who doesn't want them and doesn't love them. What is WRONG with you?
fooled once Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 I feel so bad for these children. Their mother doesn't seem emotionally stable because of her actions. She kept having kids with a married man. After kid number 1, if he wasn't estatic about having a child with a girl on the side, she should have taken steps to prevent any more children. And since he didn't love #1 like she felt he should, then once again, steps should have been taken by the MOTHER to stop any more children being born into this mess. Now there will be 3 children who have a mother set on revenge against their father. She plans to block his access to them and then post some silly blog announcing how mean he was to her and mistreated her, but obviously not mistreated her enough to where she stopped having sex with him. These 3 children are being stuck in a situation where their parents are so f'ed up, they will end up being screwed up for life. If the parents really cared about these children, they would stop the childish bullsh*t games and focus on them. QUIT THE GAMES. QUIT using these children as pawns. QUIT IT. God, this is so dang sad. These children ......... what a wonderful life they have in store for them
Author nocontact2 Posted May 30, 2009 Author Posted May 30, 2009 How about this... 'instead leaving birth control up to the woman completely...how about these lying men who tell you they are not married, never beeb married, have no children and want a long term relationship with you to get a vasectomy!!!!! Quick and easy... They want to lie, they dont like condoms, then let them get fixed...im too young to get my tubes tied. What if i find an actual decent man out there that isnt married, a liar or gay and i get married and he wants us to have a child??? I am totally against you who have posted that its all the womans respobsibility for protection,.,
fooled once Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 It IS your responsibility -- it is YOUR body. It is YOUR choice. For heaven's sake, why would you risk YOURSELF? Seriously. Ever heard of STD's? I cannot believe you think someone else should be responsible for YOUR body. There are many more ways of birth control besides having a tubal ligation. You can stop having sex with men you obviously don't know. Once you find out they are a liar, you can once again stop having sex with them. I mean seriously, how well did you know him before you obviously had unprotected sex with him? And how old are you? You sound very young.
whichwayisup Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 'instead leaving birth control up to the woman completely...how about these lying men who tell you they are not married, never beeb married, have no children and want a long term relationship with you to get a vasectomy!!!!! Sadly, it IS a woman's responsibility at the end of the day. One question, and I mean no offense by this, but why do you keep having more children with him? One OK, but two and now three? And, you know he's married now, but still having kids with him..
whichwayisup Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 I am totally against you who have posted that its all the womans respobsibility for protection,., But it's OUR body! You need, as well as any other woman, married or not, to take responsibility for your choices, protect yourself. It's just the way life is. Like it or not!
me003 Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 How about this... 'instead leaving birth control up to the woman completely...how about these lying men who tell you they are not married, never beeb married, have no children and want a long term relationship with you to get a vasectomy!!!!! Quick and easy... They want to lie, they dont like condoms, then let them get fixed...im too young to get my tubes tied. What if i find an actual decent man out there that isnt married, a liar or gay and i get married and he wants us to have a child??? I am totally against you who have posted that its all the womans respobsibility for protection,., I am lost here. Did he show that he didn't love your children after you got pregnant with child #3 or before? If you knew this before then it is your fault that you are in this situation where the father is being like he is. as a former OW, you should know your place in all of this and your childrens place. Not saying its fair but it is what it is. There is nothing written where it says that a sperm donor has to love their children, just like their is nothing written that says that a mother has to love their children. Regardless, if he was M or not, you are doing this to yourself. He is obviously this way and will not change, so it is your choice to. Do you want to live this way? or do you want a better life for you and your kids? Remember that your children's self esteem and views of man, relationship and love are formed in their young years.
me003 Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 I am totally against you who have posted that its all the womans respobsibility for protection,., It is everyones responsibility to use protections. As far as future pregnancies you can tie your tubes and have it be reversed when you find the right person. STDs are a major thing. You cannot look at someone and see if they are infected. Most people don't even know. Lets say that you are not the only OW in his life, what OOW has something, then you are exposing yourself. Sometimes you have to think about yourself and your health.
Lucky_One Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 How about this... 'instead leaving birth control up to the woman completely...how about these lying men who tell you they are not married, never beeb married, have no children and want a long term relationship with you to get a vasectomy!!!!! How about a novel concet when dating someone who lies and tells you that they want a long term relationship with you? Do THAT first. Have a long term relationship with this man BEFORE you have unprotected sex with him. You meet some guy, he tells you he's single and has no kids, and you think that makes it ok to get pregnant off the bat?? im too young to get my tubes tied. No you're not. You're carrying Baby #3. Three children in an over-populated and under funded world born to a single parent is PLENTY. If you meet a man who ever wants to marry you, then having biological children of your own isn't a necesssity to having a happy marriage. And the sad fact is that many men don't really want to take on the additional stress and expense of caring for another man's THREE children; single moms are more of a hassle to date than single women with no children. And let's face it. You sound like you are 20 or so, and type like you have a bare minimum of education. Your MM has children your age. You post as though he is very wealthy (trust funds for your children, several properties, constant entertaining), and wealth typically implies education . Do you really believe that he sees you as an appropriate life partner or wife for him and his lifestyle, or does he see you as a sex partner?
me003 Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 And the sad fact is that many men don't really want to take on the additional stress and expense of caring for another man's THREE children; single moms are more of a hassle to date than single women with no children. I have to agree with this. Even if child support is given, a step parent or possible, has to raise that child. Sometimes its hard enough raising your own children who are disrespectful, but raising children who are not your and are disrespectful is horrible. Before I had children I would have never dated a guy with children, now I'm not sure and I only have 1. Not sure I would want the added stress that comes with the biological mother.
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 GAWD THIS WOMAN IS PREGNANT AGAIN? WTF? I thought she only had two kids. She said specifically she didnt know he was married until she had the first kid. From then it was her sole duty to protect herself. She's no victim here. Why don't she this leave him alone. get child support from him and wash her hands of this man. I mean what did she expect from this guy anyways. Women are so naive... I'm sorry but she makes her own decisions and now she must live with them.
jj33 Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 No Contact - even if the guy were single wouldnt you be concerned? You cant possibly be happy to accidently have a baby with any guy you happen to sleep with can you? Yes it should be both people's responsibility but in the end its the woman who gets pregnant. No its not your SOLE responsibility but not to use birth control? Its just not smart from any perspective. Do you have any support? A counselor? Someone you can speak to about all these things? You really someone to help you sort everything out and make a plan for hte future. MM may be paying for the children at the moment, but once they get older hes not going to be supporting you. You need to think long term. Maybe you could take some courses or go to school while you have MMs money coming in. But please go to a lawyer and find out what the story is with that agreement. You dont want to find that he stops paying for some reason and you and the children are in a bind.
babydreamer Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 I would get court's order for his money. Then, I would inform his wife about his "other" kids. That would be mean but he deserves it. That man is a pieces of SH**! You should not put up with his bullcr*** anymore. He's no more than a sperm donor.. give you money to raise his kids?? That's not a father! I feel very bad for this kids. You have two choices to choose from. 1. Treat their father as if he had died. NC completely. This you need to get child support legally. 2. Raise your kids the way you know what's best for them. Most kids now-a-day don't have both parents raising them; they turned out just fine. He can choose to be a part or not; that's his choice. Welcome him when he does and don't be sad when he's not. You shouldn't blame him now since everything is said and done. Blaming is not going to help anyone. The more hatre you have for him, the farther you will push him away. Most guys looking for affair is that they are lacking that in a relationship; why have one when it's not serving its purpose. Bottom line. It is still your choice on how to live. Which ever makes you happy but since you are a mother of 3 (well will be); your kids must be happy and stay psychologically healthy as well. Don't think too much on how to stay NC, this makes it harder because you are constantly thinking about him. What comes will come, take good care of your children; THAT, you owe them.
NoIDidn't Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Man, some of you guys are vicious. I agree with the points made, while not necessarily with the tone. NC2, you are definitely not a victim in this when you continued the relationship and continue to have children by a man who doesn't seem to want the relationship or the children at the moment. But you haven't been back and I hope you don't feel like you can't post here anymore. Believe me, the posters here are direct, but they certainly care about what you are going through. Has he responded to your contact? Are you considering the lawyer? You definitely need one. No one is going to keep voluntarily paying secret support. You have no idea if what he has done so far is even going to stay in place if something happens to him. You need a lawyer. Your kids don't deserved to get screwed in the end. And they will, like my family was, if you don't lawyer up soon.
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