bluewolf17 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Ah..so, I have been avoiding it, and trying not to think of it...but I honestly think I am taking this break up much harder than I should. We broke up at the end of Feb. Now I am on day 13 of NC. I think I cry almost everyday. It never leaves my thoughts. When I do something that makes me happy, it's only temporary. The depression and lonlieness is much more prominant. I feel lost-like I have no direction. But I do have direction. I have a 9-5 job. I have classes after that. I go to the gym 4 days a week. I have lots of friends, and I live with two of them. I am surrounded by positive things-but I just feel like I am sad, and everyone around me is happy. The last few days I have thought of making a Dr's appointment to discuss possible depression. But I am honestly afraid of taking medication. Or what if this is just what a break up feels like? How do I know if I am any diffrent, from any other painful breakup? Others have survived without medication-can't I?
Ariadne Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Well, I think NC is pretty dumb and the cause of a lot of suffering. (The reason people do it is fear) And of course you are supposed to feel sad after something like this, there's no need to get on Prozac for that. It's normal. Just have to deal with it the best you can, suffer a bit, what can you do.
LadyV Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Well, I think NC is pretty dumb and the cause of a lot of suffering. (The reason people do it is fear) And of course you are supposed to feel sad after something like this, there's no need to get on Prozac for that. It's normal. Just have to deal with it the best you can, suffer a bit, what can you do. I have to disagree here...NC is not dumb in my opinion. Blue, you are doing okay, it took me about 2 1/2 weeks to finally start feeling better. You have to keep moving forward and you will get there...I promise... There is NOTHING WRONG with going to speak to someone of you feel the need. I would encourage it. I did it when I was going through my divorce 2 years ago, and am now back in counceling again. I too hit depression and suffer from it, and some days are better than others, but keep doing what you are doing...It takes time. 13 days is just 2 weeks...in 2 months, you will be in a better place. You are doing NC to heal, not to get back at anyone or make someone want you back. This is your time to get to know the new you...the one who is starting over again, this time, living life for you!! I had to force myself to go out and do things. I graduated this weekend, and to be honest, I wasn't even excited until 2 days before. I thought, "What the heck is wrong with me???" If you want to talk to someone, do it. There is nothing wrong with that, after all, this is about YOU and not him...You will be doing it to better you...in my case, there are underlying issues I am trying to address. I am talking to someone to build myself back up and get to know the new me...the one who is single, independent and worth something.... Hang in there. You are doing great, you really are. 13 days is a big accomplishment. I am on 23, and as the numbers go up, I am feeling better each day....You will get through this, just keep your head up...and if that includes talking to someone? Go for it...and, keep it up with the NC....
LadyV Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I forgot to add, I am on meds...I have been for awhile now...It does help me...It took me 3 years of fighting with depression to finally get on something. I don' think it is for everyone...and I don't want to push anyone into it either. It was my choice, and something I had to to to help me.....But I do know some who have opt out of taking meds, and they too are doing just fine....What you are feeling is very normal...It really is...
Ariadne Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I am on meds...I have been for awhile now...It does help me...It took me 3 years of fighting with depression to finally get on something. People that are depressed, no matter what medicine they take, they'll continue to be depressed.
LadyV Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 People that are depressed, no matter what medicine they take, they'll continue to be depressed. And you are are entitled to your own opinion....Everyone is different. In my case, it was MY choice...It did help me....Depression is a medical condition...and if treated properly, can be well managed...
Author bluewolf17 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 Thanks LadyV. I guess I just didn't know what to expect. And Adriane, I did ask for advice, and I guess I got it. NC (for me) wasn't about fear. Fear would have been not trying, for fear of rejection. But I did try-many times. I only went NC because he doesn't want me back. He made that clear. Seeing him was hurting me, and only amusing to him. I think my NC is brave of me. I respect myself enough to know when it's time to let go. And that is what I have done. But I appreciate your advice. I guess I will just hang in there a bit longer, and hope things gets better. I mean, for WHEN things get better
LadyV Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I guess I will just hang in there a bit longer, and hope things gets better. I mean, for WHEN things get better There you go.... They will!!
PinkToes Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 People that are depressed, no matter what medicine they take, they'll continue to be depressed. For depression that isn't based on brain chemistry issues, perhaps this is true. But if your brain needs the medication in order to function normally, this theory is not true. Without insulin, most diabetics would get sicker. Without blood thinners, people with clotting issues could die. And without viagra, men who need viagra would still need viagra. Sorry, someone apparently put sarcasm drugs in my water supply today. Bluewolf, what you're feeling is absolutely normal. I wish this weren't the case! But it is early, and the days will get easier. One day soon, you'll notice that you're not crying so much, and not thinking of him as often. If you think it would help, you might try keeping a journal -- not only to help you process what you're going through, but so that you can look back and realize that you are making progress. You'll get there.
entityzero Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 bluewolf everything you're going through is completely normal. its been over 6 months since my ex tore my heart out and smashed it into a million pieces. I've suffered for that whole time, not a day goes by I dont think about her and miss her, even though she screwed me over so bad. I have a great job, great friends and keep myself busy as I can but whenever theres downtime and im bored, my mind wonders back to her. So I went to the doctors and was prescribed some anti-depressants and seriously, it was the best decision i've made in a long time! Theres no shame or problem with admitting you need an extra push and even though they haven't completely cured my heartache, they do take the weight of the situation off my shoulders! It's early stages for you and if you're anything like me you have a long way to go, im sorry to break it to you like that but you're not a freak, go and see your doctor, it could be the best thing you do for yourself this year! Good luck!
Nuala83 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Ah..so, I have been avoiding it, and trying not to think of it...but I honestly think I am taking this break up much harder than I should. We broke up at the end of Feb. Now I am on day 13 of NC. I think I cry almost everyday. It never leaves my thoughts. When I do something that makes me happy, it's only temporary. The depression and lonlieness is much more prominant. I feel lost-like I have no direction. I don't think you're taking it harder than you should. If it makes you feel any better, I too feel sad every single day and have done since it happened (middle of March roughly). I don't cry every day anymore but I constantly feel lost and lonely wether I'm at work, the gym, surrounded by friends or whatever. None of these things fill the gap. Yesterday I got a phone call from a friends who I've not heard from in a while and rather than being excited to hear from her, I was upset that it wasn't him calling. It's crazy cos he hasn't called in weeks! I don't know what to say about the depression but I understand your concern about going on meds. I don't know if this would help but I recently bought a book about CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). It teaches you to change your thinking patterns and some people like to use it in conjunction with seeing a councilor/therapist. I'm not seeing a councilor but the book on it's own is helping quite a bit. You have to complete short written exercises and keep a log of your thoughts/feelings and stuff. The book's called 'Teach yourself cognitive behavioural therapy'. It's not really about break ups but it deals with emotions such as anxiety, depression and loneliness and teaches you how to change your mistaken beliefs so you don't feel that way anymore. Anyhow, it's worth a thought.
notalone Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Blue, My break-up also happened in late February...and I have been on complete NC since then. He didn't leave me with a choice. It was bad the first few weeks and I went on Xanax. Then slowly stopped for fear of getting addicted. I still feel all the things you are feeling now...he is always at the back of my mind. But it's not as bad as the first month. It gets better...wait a bit. If you are still feeling horrible after a couple of months, give counselling a shot. There's no shame in asking for help. Everyone is unique and each one takes traumatic things like break-ups, divorce etc differently. What is bearable to another might be killing you. But reading your posts and considering that both of us broke up around the same time, I would say what you are feeling is pretty normal.
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Blue - it is completely normal. Its a reflection of how much you loved and cared for the person. You know many people that go through breakups see bereavement and grief counsellors because breakups are a kind of death. And it is. Its the death of a person being present and productive in your own life. Even if you maintain contact; often the connection, the support, the conversations, have changed. Its a complete loss in SO many ways; physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Its a loss of how you spent your time, your money, where you get your support, your happiness. You have to fill all of this endless voids with something else, and even when you do, for a long while it feels insufficient and not good enough. I think when people feel this void after a VERY long time though, the breakup was filling a void to begin with. For example when people go into relationships needy, dependent, insecure - not 'full' - then they mistake the void they feel to be because of the relationship, when that is not so.
Author bluewolf17 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 Thanks everyone, for your kind words. I think I will hold off on the Dr. Appointment for now, and re-evaluate at 5 weeks. Your right, 2 weeks (today-go me!) is a little soon. My boss tried to talk me into getting on anti-depreesion meds like 4 days after the break up-even I thought that was extreme. I don't beleive in pills for everything. I do beleive time will heal me. Hell, I know I have gone through a break up before. I just don't remmber feeling SO sad before. I do keep a journal. I have since 5th grade. It does help. But sometimes I get tired of writing the same damn thing. What I did that day, and it always ends with "but I still miss him". Ahhhh!!!
LadyV Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Thanks everyone, for your kind words. I think I will hold off on the Dr. Appointment for now, and re-evaluate at 5 weeks. Your right, 2 weeks (today-go me!) is a little soon. My boss tried to talk me into getting on anti-depreesion meds like 4 days after the break up-even I thought that was extreme. I don't beleive in pills for everything. I do beleive time will heal me. Hell, I know I have gone through a break up before. I just don't remmber feeling SO sad before. I do keep a journal. I have since 5th grade. It does help. But sometimes I get tired of writing the same damn thing. What I did that day, and it always ends with "but I still miss him". Ahhhh!!! Hang in there....You are doing everything right...Keep your head up!!
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