NopeNah Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Ok..my girl of 5 years has broken NC as of last night. Its only been about a week since we last spoke. She's been seeing another for the past month or so. Now she's calling saying she misses me and she's not over me. I told her this isn't fair to me or her new guy and she cryingly agreed. Now she wants to go out with me to dinner this week. I weakingly said sat. Evening would be best for me..she wants to do it sooner..is this her trying to get closure or what? She was crying on the phone all night saying she loves and misses me..I'm confused! Should have never broken my NC! Thanks and take care of YOURSELVES!!!
Davey McG Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Let me give you my vision of the future if you go ahead and meet her: <wavy lines> You'll arrive at the restaurant and enjoy a meal with her. She will use the time to gauge how you're getting on without her and conclude that she's really confused right now and isn't sure how she feels. You may get a kiss or more, but ultimately you will be where you were before. She'll stay with the other guy and keep coming to you because you're stable and reliable. All the time, she'll be f***ing the other guy too. <wavy lines> What you should have done is made her work for it. If you decide to go ahead and meet her on Saturday, be polite and try not to get to close. Keep it light and don't talk about your feelings. And if she's already with someone else then it was a bad move even talking to her.
mark982 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 if it was me, she'd have to be broke up w/ the other guy first! i wouldn't appreciate my woman having dinner with a ex.
CaliGuy Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Ok..my girl of 5 years has broken NC as of last night. Its only been about a week since we last spoke. She's been seeing another for the past month or so. Now she's calling saying she misses me and she's not over me. I told her this isn't fair to me or her new guy and she cryingly agreed. Now she wants to go out with me to dinner this week. I weakingly said sat. Evening would be best for me..she wants to do it sooner..is this her trying to get closure or what? She was crying on the phone all night saying she loves and misses me..I'm confused! Should have never broken my NC! Thanks and take care of YOURSELVES!!! Wait, she's already seeing someone else? Are they an official couple? Honestly if I were in your shoes I would cancel dinner plans and tell her that you're not comfortable with this. That's it tells you something about her character that she'd dump you so fast, start dating someone new and then cheat on him emotionally with you. Let me guess. She's 17, maybe 18 years old?
Author NopeNah Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 haha.. she's 36. Anyways..she made a surprise stop at my flat last night. She "seems" sincere in trying to work things out.. I just dont know if i can get past the cheating thing, been down that road before. I didnt bother asking what was going on with her new relationship because it's of no concern to me.. "it is what it is" if you will. I understand i cant control what she does, only what I do.. Shes now back to texting like nothing ever changed,no breakup occured type thing. Must be nice to party and chill for the past 2 months and then think things are the same. Not that i havent been dating and partyin on my own..blah
Author NopeNah Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 and also we have been broken up for 2 months as of TODAY! I just realized this..haha Guess its like Kanya's song Heartless "wait 2 months and you will see,never find nobody better than me" ;-) thanks for the thoughts!! keep'em coming please
girl68 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I just dont know if i can get past the cheating thing, been down that road before. I didnt bother asking what was going on with her new relationship because it's of no concern to me.. I understand i cant control what she does, only what I do.. You know how people ream on the OW/OM for knowing he did wrong and should have not been such a homewrecker, same applies to you. BTW do you see how you contradict yourself there? You don't know if you can deal with the cheating thing... yet you don't want to know because it's not your problem? Hate to break it to ya... but when her bf comes knocking on your door for an "explanation" you'll be concerned. He might not come knocking but the idea still exsists. You're the other guy your 1/3 of the problem- grow up. And sure you're right you can't control her... but you can control what you do... and you do that by deciding if you'd like to be in a relationship with a cheater. Anyway... if you're a fool the first response is most likely to happen. In which case we'll await your thread as the OM.
Author NopeNah Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 I know exactly what you're saying.. guess it's easier to get it through to myself when it comes from an outsiders view point. I am no fool, and will not be the other man. Guess its time to man up and decide what I truley want for myself. whether it be her(if it's only me shes with) or fly solo for a bit..it's really not that bad of a thing. Do what I want when I want who I want ;-) cheers everyone and thanks for your insight!
trueblue72ny Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 so she left you to become initimate with another man, and now she wants to see you -while she is still seeing the other guy? sounds like a familiar story. my ex gf at work said she wants to be friends too. at first i was all for it because of the broken heart thing. then i started thinking about it... would i feel comfortable hanging out with her while she is interested in being with another man. hmmm.... NOPE! i would feel like a tool. and i respect myself more than that. do yourself a favor. move on. unless the other dude is history. than you have to deal with trust issues. will she do it again? hmm... better yet, just move on. find another woman. she obviously lost interest. and you will just be a tool in a tool box until she is happy with someone else. just my two cents.
Author NopeNah Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 Well...she showed up at my normal pub last night. She had heard I'd be there to watch the game from some mutual friends. It was almost funny how she acts like nothing has changed between us. I get the feeling something has happened with the OM and i'm now her fallback. That or she's not happy with her decision and again I'm her fallback! haha I'm actually starting to see some comedy in this. Time to find a new sports spot!
Soul Bear Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 She cheated on you. She is with someone else and is still in contact with you. Her current partner probably doesnt have clue either that she is trying to win you back. So technicaly she is STILL cheating...your just on the other end of it now. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Glad you see the comedy
Author NopeNah Posted May 31, 2009 Author Posted May 31, 2009 Yes sir,SB! It has became comedy to me. Again lastnight she shows up "since I'm not returning her calls". Last we spoke I told her I would never be the OM. That I have more selfrespect and morals than that. She told me last night she broke it off with him and "says" she was 100% honest when doing so. Told him "she's not over me, and its not fair to him" blah,blah.. I excused myself to the restroom and LEFT!! ;-)
fastnfurious Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Yes sir,SB! It has became comedy to me. Again lastnight she shows up "since I'm not returning her calls". Last we spoke I told her I would never be the OM. That I have more selfrespect and morals than that. She told me last night she broke it off with him and "says" she was 100% honest when doing so. Told him "she's not over me, and its not fair to him" blah,blah.. I excused myself to the restroom and LEFT!! ;-) Well done my man, you did the right thing by leaving.
Olylama Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Whats the latest? Is she on her knees? I love it, it must be a great feeling. Haha I wish all of us who have been cheated on get this predicament but sadly we wont. If we keep up with the No Contact maybe we can imagine they are pining for us as much as we are for them. Forget reality for a bit if it helps you to get through the tough times.
Author NopeNah Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 Whats the latest? Is she on her knees? I love it, it must be a great feeling. Haha I wish all of us who have been cheated on get this predicament but sadly we wont. If we keep up with the No Contact maybe we can imagine they are pining for us as much as we are for them. Forget reality for a bit if it helps you to get through the tough times. It's been CRAZY!! She came by 2 fridays ago. Her and the guy broke up. She stayed, wanted to have sex, so..we were fooling around a bit.. then I hit her with "I am out of condoms and we won't not be going any further, goodnight." Needless to say she didn't like that at all! So she tried to contact me for the better part of last week, I never answered. She seemed very much wanting to work things out with all the calls text, having mutual "friends" try to talk with me... until I told her "at this point in my life I don't have the time nor energy to try and make this work any longer... not right now atleast." That was yesterday. She's called 11 times today and sent numerous text, with no response from me. I know I had ALOT to do with the breakup, can't pretend I didn't. However I was in the process of fixing myself for her and "our family". When she left her response was "why now?" Meaning why am i fixing ME now..keep in mind, my fixing myself was before I new about the other guy. WTF?!?! anyways...If you read some of my post from the past month or so...you'll see that I know that this will never work between her and I. I wanted out and moved out from her when she wanted me to stay. We still dated exclusivly, to my knowledge for 6months. So, took a step back, if you will. I knew there was no way I could fix myself while she consumed 110% of my time, with her petty nonsense, day in/day out. Anyways, check out some of my past post.. mainly the "WOW" one..here's the link http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t194070/ gives a bit more background to where I am at this point with her. I'd honestly LOVE to make this work with her. There's one problem... I'm now the guy she fell in love with 5 years ago. She's now the controlling,selfish,drunk,issue ridden, BIT*H! She hid for the begining year+ or so..until we moved in together. That's when the "real her" came out and I don't like that person AT ALL! She's spent this breakup time out partying,dating,ect..not that I havent done those things but, I spent a couple months building myself back to who I was before her. I"M BACK! and she knows it!
Island Girl Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 She's now the controlling,selfish,drunk,issue ridden, BIT*H! She hid for the begining year+ or so..until we moved in together. That's when the "real her" came out and I don't like that person AT ALL! Exactly. She suckered you in with a facade - then showed her true colors while simultaneously ripping your self esteem to shreds - then dumped you and left you with a really good mind scramble. I spent a couple months building myself back to who I was before her. I"M BACK! and she knows it! And now that you are back to the strong confident man she was attracted to - you are calling to her like a beacon! Funny how they appear just when things are turning around and you are just to the point of being over her, isn't it? You are right in not getting back together with her. No matter what she says - or how she behaves - remember what lies beneath...do not get suckered in by the Succubus. And I say this as a reformed Succubus. Takes one to know one and BOY is she a doozey.
Author NopeNah Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 Exactly. She suckered you in with a facade - then showed her true colors while simultaneously ripping your self esteem to shreds - then dumped you and left you with a really good mind scramble. And now that you are back to the strong confident man she was attracted to - you are calling to her like a beacon! Funny how they appear just when things are turning around and you are just to the point of being over her, isn't it? You are right in not getting back together with her. No matter what she says - or how she behaves - remember what lies beneath...do not get suckered in by the Succubus. And I say this as a reformed Succubus. Takes one to know one and BOY is she a doozey. Takes one to know one is right! I too would label mysel as that in the past.. Before I was with her, I was "fresh" out of a divorce. I quoted fresh because that was my "line" to not get into serious relationships for about 2 years..haha. So, i too was doing some heartbreaking stuff during that time. Even when I met her it took around 5 months before I fully comitted to being with her alone..she stayed the whole time. What a wonderful girl I thought..haha...wrong! I had been played/fooled. Hell..maybe I deserved it! Anyways I know who the true her is now and would not wish her on my worst enemy! Don't get me wrong she's a solid 9 in alot of "surface" characteristics, BEAUTIFUL face,body, great career, EXCELLENT sex(in all aspects of the word!). But then the one thing that matters most....how she treats others! STRAIGHT SELFISH BITCH!! Makes me shiver to think about her at this point...almost a gross feeling!
Island Girl Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Well then. You are in NO DANGER of getting sucked in again. Why not have your fun and at the same time keep her at arms length. I mean you could even sleep with her and not commit to anything -- just make sure you kick her out because you have to get up early the next morning! And keep your contact LC -- while she burns up the phone lines. Be busy and unable to see her occasionally so it keeps her freaked. You'd kind of be doing humanity a service -- and keeping her away from the other vulnerable guys out there for a little while! Sorry about being so frank but if you are going to be a psycho Byatch then you should be able to hold your own when it comes to the reindeer games, right?
Author NopeNah Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 haha.. I most definately COULD be doing that. If it's a slow night at the pub like last friday, I do consider it. Hell, i got ridiculed up and down by my mates for letting her come over then. I noticed on that night that she is still the person I grew to hate is the problem. To be honest, it makes me almost sick to my stomach to see her in that state(stupid drunk) anymore. don't get me wrong, I can toss them back with the best but, I maintain who I am the whole evening..for the most part. She wanted to come by and stay on the night of the 4th also. Luckily I was out with a new group of friends and had other options if I chose for the night so, I declined. Ended up home alone but, I'm cool with that. Plus I'd just hooked up with her boss and co-worker the night before so sex wasn't a big deal at the time. I will say it's nice hear she know's she made a mistake in the leaving/cheating thing. Cool..whatever! It's also nice to be back in the state of mind I was in when I left her last year to straighten myself out for the better.. Had she only hung on and did some self work on her..things might be going a different direction than they are right now. For me that direction is onward and upward. While she's still the same person she always was..to bad for her!NEXT!!!
Island Girl Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Plus I'd just hooked up with her boss and co-worker the night before so sex wasn't a big deal at the time. Ahhh yes!!! I remember now!! Well, that is MUCH better anyway. Showing them attention and giving her NONE is even more of a gurn and even more frustrating for her. As you described her -- well, that was me Praying4Daylight and because I looked the way I did, had the personality and brain that I did, and am that good in bed (ahem) I never had a guy that didn't want me back desperately even years later. So when I tell you it is messing with her head that you aren't giving in and don't care about seeing her -- I am serious. And the attention shown to her coworkers will just drive her insane. Hope you got their numbers so you can call and set up a hang out session with them -- just so they can go back to work and flaunt it in front of her. Okay...see...I am evil sometimes aren't I. <devil horns>
Author NopeNah Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 Yes I do..and they have mine. They wanted to meet up also on the 4th but, I was "busy". I'm not new to the game. Was just setting it out for the past few years. Like I said though.. I'M BACK! The guy that she fell oh so hard for is back, single and doing whatever I want to do with no one to answer to again! Her "friends" have always said they like me better than her. Hell she has maybe 2 real friends(who I hate because they're not "real" people) that are now married with newborns. Her only friends are work friends..and that's the ones that "love me"...all of them! I'm a great friend to have, she's not! Real/non-selfish people see these sh*t in others. She'll figure it out someday..maybe. As for the good in bed part.. I will say she ranks up there with some of the best I've had and thats more than a few..For a one/few night stand(s) I'd put her about top 5..for relationship sex maybe 3rd...but, damn is it fun to try to top those! Also.. Once I've been hurt in a serious relationship and try to make it work again..I don't go back! I don't need or want to pursue anyone that could not see what they had infront of them at the time or the potential I've shown in the past, that is now the present again. I know there's alot of great looking,sexual, better fit(for me) chicks out there at that point. Haven't been wrong yet in my 34 years!
Island Girl Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I don't need or want to pursue anyone that could not see what they had infront of them at the time or the potential I've shown in the past, that is now the present again. Okay I had to laugh out loud at this. My husband is an ex pro rugby player who is Pacific Islander -- and for whatever reason I guess that gives him some exotic quality to women too -- so he was SUCH a "Player" when I met him. But I was the female version I guess too (and he hadn't met one like me ). So when we met he made what I saw as a mistake (he got my number and then proceeded to go dance with some other girl) - and when he came back over I read him a riot act of sorts (while asking for my phone number back) and actually said, "I am not about to explain to you who you just met - I see what you are about and I want no part of it", etc. Which I suppose reads really byatchy. But he loves to tell that story -- him sitting next to me asking me questions while I answer and then directly ask for my number back for 45 minutes. BUT IT IS SO TRUE!! A person should NEVER try to "prove" themselves as worthy or wait around while the other person is on the fence in any way. I don't care how in love you are. If someone is measuring you up then you need to have the strength to walk. Same thing with crappy treatment. It happens and it gets addressed. If it continues you have to walk.
Author NopeNah Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 I definately was and am(now again) a bit on the "cocky" side. I will admit that. Not in the wanting to start fights,being a complete di*k sorta way but, I know the true me and it's in a good way. If I see something I want.. I'll try and get it! Cars,clothes,jewelry,hot girl..hell, even LOVE! If I want something I will try my damn'est to acheive that goal. Been that way since a child. That's the part of me that she took away. Guess you say she domesticated me to point that I didn't know who I was anymore. It got to the point to where I didn't want to improve! I wasn't happy so whats the point? It's honestly INSANE how much sometimes we let others try to mold us to what they think they want at the time. Then when you conform to their "perfect" little piece of putty they're gone! Haha..comical!
Author NopeNah Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 and...that was NO mistake!haha.. He knew what he was doing! How long you guys been married for now?
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