Midas Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 I'm interested to see if anyone here on LS has ever been in a relationship where there was a significant age difference. There have been many Hollywood movies, ie; The Big Sleep, Love in the Afternoon, The Graduate, etc., illustrating the May-December Romance. Any thoughts about this type of affair? I'm currently pursuing a relationship with a younger woman, and I would like some feedback from other members. I'm hoping my adventure will ultimately be "an affair to remember..."
amaysngrace Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 It's not for me because I don't like old guys and I wouldn't go after a young guy because I think it's a disadvantage for them to be with me seeing how I would totally know how to manipulate them. But go for it man.
Lizzie60 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I have lived both sides of the age gap.. My first ex was 11 years older (I'm almost 57 now) and he will be 68 next fall. My second ex was 12 years younger... and since my separation with my first ex.. I mostly dated much much younger men. I don't believe in a long-term relationship when the age gap is huge.. (12-15 +) for both gender. My 'new bf' is 13 years younger.. he just turned 44... I don't live for the future.. I live for the present time.. If I have fun and enjoying myself.. TODAY.. then why deny myself those pleasures..
Montclair0011 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Wow, Lizzie, I'm impressed!!!!!! I'm 51 and I can't seem to get any guy to go out with me (well there is one, but naturally I'm not into him. . .). I'm on Match.com and no one even winks or emails me. I send out tons of winks/emails myself, but almost never get a response. And I'm not hideous or fat either--and my profile is witty and upbeat. I blame it on men always going for younger women (like the guys who like 50 year olds are already dead). My complaint about May-December is that it is usually Dec=Male, May=Female. It's so refreshing to hear about it the other way. How do you meet these younger guys? Are you in good shape or do you feel that matters? I'm hoping for some helpful tips. I'd love to have a better attitude about this.
bean1 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 It's so refreshing to hear about it the other way. How do you meet these younger guys? Are you in good shape or do you feel that matters? I'm hoping for some helpful tips. I'd love to have a better attitude about this. Well, aren't most of Lizzie's boyfriend's married? If you want the same success rate with younger guys, you might have to get rid of the "must be single" criteria Not judging - just an observation.
clv0116 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I'm 51 and I can't seem to get any guy to go out with me ... I'm not hideous or fat either--and my profile is witty and upbeat. I blame it on men always going for younger women (like the guys who like 50 year olds are already dead). My complaint about May-December is that it is usually Dec=Male, May=Female. So you're OK with dating a younger man but guys who date younger women are something you complain about?
Lizzie60 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Wow, Lizzie, I'm impressed!!!!!! I'm 51 and I can't seem to get any guy to go out with me (well there is one, but naturally I'm not into him. . .). I'm on Match.com and no one even winks or emails me. I send out tons of winks/emails myself, but almost never get a response. And I'm not hideous or fat either--and my profile is witty and upbeat. I blame it on men always going for younger women (like the guys who like 50 year olds are already dead). My complaint about May-December is that it is usually Dec=Male, May=Female. It's so refreshing to hear about it the other way. How do you meet these younger guys? Are you in good shape or do you feel that matters? I'm hoping for some helpful tips. I'd love to have a better attitude about this. I meet these guys everywhere, on vacations, public transit, work, they're everywhere.. and you'd be surprised at how many younger men DO want older women... it's crazy. I'm surprised that you don't get hit by younger men.. on dating sites.. I mostly get messages from much much younger.. My last 'lover' (tonite) is 13 years younger. it's amazing the chemistry (passion) we have for each other.. There is no secret recipe... just be opened, confident... you can, in some cases, do the first moves... don't be scared.. I did a few times.. and always been successful... just do it... you'll see. It's much easier than you think.. Go girl!!!!
Lizzie60 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Well, aren't most of Lizzie's boyfriend's married? If you want the same success rate with younger guys, you might have to get rid of the "must be single" criteria Not judging - just an observation. Not really... I do see quite a few 'single' guys... (mostly for massages) My most recent lover is single..
Author Midas Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 I'm open to the prospect of dating older, more mature women. I've met a few since I started attending a particular support group in my area. We've gone out to lunch as a group and that was fun, so it helped me break the ice with some of them. I believe demographics and logistics may be a factor for meeting people in a specific age range. I know it's a factor where I live, near a huge university. **** changes constantly.
Montclair0011 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 So you're OK with dating a younger man but guys who date younger women are something you complain about? You misunderstand me. I'd be fine with all of this if both sexes also dated their own age group. Women seem to be flexible about this, but in my experience men only want to date younger women. It's been a problem for me because I prefer to date guys my own age. Lizzie - Come to think of it, I did have a 37 year old contact me a long while back but we never made it past the first date. I think he wanted to sleep with me and I was too uptight. I was just getting back into dating and not ready to be with anyone at that stage. But, since than nada interest from anyone. As for marital status, I don't go with married guys. I sort of got trapped into a bit of being the OW with my last boyfriend, who was separated from his wife and then went back to her. After about 10 minutes of being the OW I was done. I've let myself be so verbally abused by men, but so far I seem to be able to stay away from the OW issue. It's nice to have one thing going for ya, don't ya think? :-) You certainly sound a lOT more confident and sexually savvy than I am. So maybe I can try to work on that. Have you always been that way?
Glenn Quagmire Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 You misunderstand me. I'd be fine with all of this if both sexes also dated their own age group. Women seem to be flexible about this, but in my experience men only want to date younger women. It's been a problem for me because I prefer to date guys my own age. Lizzie - Come to think of it, I did have a 37 year old contact me a long while back but we never made it past the first date. I think he wanted to sleep with me and I was too uptight. I was just getting back into dating and not ready to be with anyone at that stage. But, since than nada interest from anyone. As for marital status, I don't go with married guys. I sort of got trapped into a bit of being the OW with my last boyfriend, who was separated from his wife and then went back to her. After about 10 minutes of being the OW I was done. I've let myself be so verbally abused by men, but so far I seem to be able to stay away from the OW issue. It's nice to have one thing going for ya, don't ya think? :-) You certainly sound a lOT more confident and sexually savvy than I am. So maybe I can try to work on that. Have you always been that way? I went as old as 32 when I was still technically a teenager. Actually, my wife now is 34 and we just had a kid which means I'm actually banging a 34 year old MILF. Weird. I never thought of it like that.
clv0116 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 You misunderstand me. I'd be fine with all of this if both sexes also dated their own age group. Women seem to be flexible about this, but in my experience men only want to date younger women. That's not true, but men see to prefer the settle down with women near their own age or younger, and the tendency to prefer younger women gets more pronounced with age. For sex, men will hit almost anything.
Author Midas Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 I would date women closer to my age group ( [-7, +7] years difference), but it just hasn't worked that way for me. It's not that I strictly prefer younger women. I appreciate mature women, but I just haven't dated any yet. Besides, my current girlfriend may not want me to explore that avenue. Hmmm. I take that back, I did date an older woman for a brief time. It didn't last very long since I was merely a f*ck buddy to her.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I was married to a man 15 years my elder. The age gap had no part in us divorcing. We got along great.
Jersey Shortie Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I would date women closer to my age group ( [-7, +7] years difference), but it just hasn't worked that way for me. It's not that I strictly prefer younger women. I appreciate mature women, but I just haven't dated any yet. Besides, my current girlfriend may not want me to explore that avenue. Hmmm. I take that back, I did date an older woman for a brief time. It didn't last very long since I was merely a f*ck buddy to her. I think this is an important and good outlook to have. That you aren't just dating her because she is younger. And as a younger woman, I am turned off by men that only date younger woman and am more likely to date a man if he can appreciate women his age, older or younger. As long as you aren't using this girl for her age or anything else, and are honestly interested in her and treat her respect, I say go for it. I have dated older men and they were fun relationships. Although, being older now, I realize that I do want to settle down with a man closer to my age because the age was a factor sometimes. I look rather young and sometimes they thought I was their daughter. :/ But if I fell inlove with someone older, I woudn't veto it. That's not true, but men see to prefer the settle down with women near their own age or younger, and the tendency to prefer younger women gets more pronounced with age. For sex, men will hit almost anything. That's very nice of you Clv to tell another poster that she is good for being used for sex but not good enough for a relationship. Maybe that's how *you* feel about women, but alot of men are fully able to have relationships with women no matter their age. There are quite a number of ladies here invovled in serious younger man/older women relationships. Byt the way, when I was younger, I dated alot of older guys not because I wanted to marry them or have anything serious but becuase they spent money on me. So maybe men will hit almost anything for sex, but alot..ALOT of younger women are turned on by the fact that an older man has money. And she might just want the experience of having fun with that. I did. I liked the guys I dated but I knew I would never be completely serious about them even while they tried to get me to be serious about them. I also will say in comment to you that his desperation also gets more pronouced with age. I've encountered enough older men to know that men age, ARE affected by it and aren't nearly as secure with it. You yourself have said that you aren't what you use to be in your earlier days.
Lucky_One Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 My godmother's daughter and I are very close. When she was 28, she married a 47 year old. She is now 40, and he just had a knee replacement and has high blood pressure (and we all know what the meds for that do to a man's erectile function). She is currently having an EMA with her tennis mixed doubles partner, after her H was unable to continue playing tennis and she needed a new partner to continue playing in their league. I think she still loves her H (she says she does anyway), but is chafing at the restrictions that his health is bringing, when she is still so healthy and in the physical prime of her life. They have a beach house, and he can't go there yet because he can't use the steps, and his kids are thrilled because they get full use of the beach house, and their joint kids are ticked because they never get to go. So I personally wouldn't go over a few years, but that's just me.
Jersey Shortie Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 That is a huge and realistic draw back for marrying or getting seriously invovled with someone older then yourself, more then a couple years. My mother is going through the same type of stuff. My father doesn't have the energy in his upper 60s that she does being 51. She takes care of him alot of the time and she misses out on having a partner who can keep up with her. She always tells me not to marry a man alot older then myself. As you get older, you age faster. I also had a good girlfriend that just got seperate from her husband. She is 28 and he is 51. She had the same issues concerning him being older and slower and wanting to do things a 51 year old would do, not a 28 year old. It was a point of contension for their marriage.
Montclair0011 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 This thread has just reminded me of one situation where you do see older women with much younger men--when American (not sure about other countries) women marry guys from other, poorer countries such as Egypt. I don't know how widespread this is (I've been told it is common), but I have two friends who have done this. One is seven years older than her husband (not too bad of a difference). She met him when she was visiting Egypt. He was her scuba instructor. They have had a very troubled marriage (10 years or so) but have managed to stay together. Not sure how much they like each other at this point. The other is 43 and her husband is 26! She met him on-line through IMing around. She IM'd him for a few months and then went over to Egypt to visit and married him. Since then she has been trying to get him to move here, but immigration is slow. She's gone back over to visit him a few times since the marriage. She's not sure it's going to work but she's hopeful. Most of her friends and family (including me) think she is nuts. I have been recommending LS to her, because I think she's going to need it.
Author Midas Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 The other is 43 and her husband is 26! She met him on-line through IMing around. She IM'd him for a few months and then went over to Egypt to visit and married him. Most of her friends and family (including me) think she is nuts. I have been recommending LS to her, because I think she's going to need it. wow. International LDR & May-December romance. What a combo! Great replies so far...this is fascinating!
clv0116 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 .... Byt the way, when I was younger, I dated alot of older guys not because I wanted to marry them or have anything serious but becuase they spent money on me. A lot of people have a specific word in their vocabulary for that behavior. I don't find it offensive though.
stepka Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I'm 50 and don't hear much from men my own age on those dating sites either and the ones I have gone out with didn't have much in common chemistry wise. So for awhile I was going out with 2 men--one 61 and one 29. The 61 yo turned out to be very much married (he told me separated--it was a lie), so now I'm just dating the 29 yo and like him very much and trying to guard my heart. I must say that I don't feel very confident at this point, though I know that no relationship is guaranteed, so I'm just going to ride this one out. He's not making me feel that way, it's just that it's all so new to me. Another thing--there seemed to be less of an age diff with the 61 yo b/c he didn't look his age and maybe b/c we never "did it" so I don't know how that would have been. The 29 yo man got carded on the way into a bar the other night though.
Author Midas Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 My grandparents had a May-December relationship. Papa was 20 years senior to grandma. The funny thing I remember about them when I was growing up--he always used to call her "mama" or "mother".
Touche Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 I'll probably get bashed for this but...oh well. Here goes nothing: I think there's something wrong with men OR women who go too much in one direction age-wise or the other. And trust me, I've been guilty of this. Not going younger in my case (never was attracted to younger men,) but I did go older a couple of times. My ex-husband was 43 when I met him. I was 24. We ended up getting married. HUGE mistake of course. And of course it wasn't only because of the age difference but it sure did play a part. I could go on and on about this. But my point is that it's usually a bad idea. No matter the sex and/or which way the age difference goes. There's no way in hell I'd ever make that mistake again, if God forbid I ever end up single again...no way.
Gold Pile Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 I'm 51 and I can't seem to get any guy to go out with me (well there is one, but naturally I'm not into him. . .). I'm on Match.com and no one even winks or emails me. I send out tons of winks/emails myself, but almost never get a response. And I'm not hideous or fat either--and my profile is witty and upbeat. I blame it on men always going for younger women ..... My kind of girl!, so where ya from?
mammax3 Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Using broad, sweeping generalizations: I like older men. Maybe not many many years older, but I like a man who has experienced life and is more mature and stable and patient. I suppose a man my age could be like this, but I have yet to meet one. Some men in their 30s are still a little too colt-ish for me. Men in their 20s? Rarer still. Interesting thread.
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