Nikki Sahagin Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Overall I am doing well. I would say I am more angry than any other emotion. There are times I feel really hurt, overall I feel fine. But I suppose generally the mention/thought of him simply P-s me off. Its like I really dislike him now. But i'm definately not indifferent. I just LOATHE him. I know that in itself is unhealthy but after the way he treated me towards the end I think its healthy. If anything I just want to dress up, look great, be around friends and show off what he's missing (not that he'd probably give a ...) but thats my kind of mind frame. But in my anger, I'm constantly looking for oneupmanship and I found out he was in the same place as a load of my friends and I feel the urge to ask, what did he say? Who was he with? How did he seem? Etc. How do you resist doing that? Its like some kind of OCD....
Soul Bear Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 found out (s)he was in the same place as a load of my friends and I feel the urge to ask, what did (s)he say? Who was (s)he with? How did (s)he seem? Etc. How do you resist doing that? Its like some kind of OCD.... I know this one all to well. I resist the urge as I would rather not know, it might shock me, so instead I just pretend the worst things I can imagine have happened and hope for the best, that way its dealt with ...if that makes any sense?
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 Thanks soulbear. Up til now I haven't felt the urge to check up but its hit me hard.....I wish I didn't have so many questions. Its so irritating. Its like you are tormenting yourself. Why do we all have the part of us that heals....and the part of us that wants to pick the scab? Its taking all my self-control to tell that voice in my head to just shut up with the questions. What kind of things do you imagine? I suppose its true, if you think the worst, the reality can only be less harmful.
Soul Bear Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 What kind of things do you imagine? The worst things you can think of- her sleeping with people I know and dont know, I Imagine her kissing random guys at big parties, spooning in a bed with a friend who used to crush on her, I imagine her being relieved and not giving a sh*t about me, I imagine that she will never come back to me, I imagine moving far away from her and the pain I would feel, I imagine her finding a new partner. I also Imagine her not being able to find anyone else as great as me This is what I have been trying to tell people about faceing their fears. You gotta face the pain and confront your daemons. Then you get the answers your looking for. Just make sure that it doesnt effect your reality when/if you ever see them again. The emotions have to be dealt with, you cant avoid them, if you bury them you run a great risk of that effecting you not only in your next relationship but all through life too. I dont really know how to explain this one better.
LadyV Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 It's hard to NOT think if they are thinking about you...I know it helps me to think he doesn't give a crap about me and he is off screwing some other chick!!! BLAH! I am really good friends with XBF's roomate, and to be honest, I don't ask....I dont' care. I don't want to know. It is non of my business. Would I love to hear how miserable he is and how much he misses me? Sure! But that won't do anything...it won't change the fact that we are apart....There is a reason why we broke up in the first place...things just didn't fit!!! I like what you say Soul_Bear...I imagine him touching her, kissing her, running his fingers through her hair like he did mine...then I imagine him getting distant, moody, and avoiding her....poor girl...Not my problem anymore.... I like to think of the worst things possible...It helps me get through. I won't go by her Myspace so see what wonderful things she is writing about her lover.....and I can't see his FB unless I log in under a friend. Why bother? I just imagine the worst and feel better about why things with us are over....he was bound to hurt me in the long run..... Nikki, I am starting to LOATH my ex too. I am so friggen pissed off that he came to my house and dropped off a graduation card....In he me mentions that I gave him my best...(Okay, it still wasn't good enough for you!) How he would have loved to share my graduation day with me...(Yeah! FAT FRIGGEN CHANCE!) and how he hopes I'm well and I'm happy...(Sure, because you are laid up in someone else's bed screwing her and getting what YOU want out of it...SEX!) Whatever. I just want to tear up the card and mail it back to him.....BLAH! I'm pissed again. I need a smoke! LOL
incision Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 you can imagine the worst but i can tell you the reality is unbearable i know from experience. I thought i would be getting back with my ex and on the friday she wanted to slow things down but not stop them but when i went to hers on sunday i saw a used condom in the bin. My reality is i have 3 children with her and can`t go NC i was with her for 12 years and married for 7. By the way i`m not coping too well as you could imagine.
iBelieve In Symmetry Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Whatever you do -- don't do it. Please, for your own sanity. Do not check up on them. I was doing alright. Up until I decided to check her blog. She posted she wanted to talk to me and to call her tonight (which was last night). The whole day I battled back and forth whether I should or shouldn't... at one point I told myself, "NO! No matter what, DO NOT DO IT." I was weak... I did it. But in my head the whole time I pictured having a cold conversation, just like "What do you want?" and telling her I didn't want to be with her and to leave me alone and let me move on. As I dialed her number, I was shaking. I was so anxious, I didn't know what to do, what to expect. The post didn't seem very loving or welcoming so I didn't picture anything nice. But I felt I had so much anger inside of me, everything you feel right now, that I just needed to vent out on her. So I called. She asked me some stuff and I was heading down the road I was planning on heading... I told her I'm really focused on what I wanted. She asked me what I wanted and I kept quiet, trying to figure out how to word it. But she seemed itching to know and kept asking over and over until I said, "Not this." I could tell she was shocked. I don't blame her, I was always the weak one telling her I loved her and missed her, even after breaking up. So she asked me if I meant I didn't want her and I said yes. Then she said she wanted to get off the phone, this pissed me off. 'Cause after all this time, I finally convinced myself I never wanted to talk to her again. And I break my own rule and called her, just to tell her a couple of things and then have her sent me back down? I said I didn't want to get off the phone. It made me so mad. She wanted to talk. SHE was the one who wanted to talk. And I broke my own rule for her, to hear what she had to say and hopefully get some of my own realizations out. And she didn't tell me anything. I asked her what she wanted to tell me or talk about or what she was hoping for... ANYTHING. I was so mad she had barely said anything. Then she told me she was hoping I would ask her to be back together. Ugh. I don't know what I'm doing. But PLEASE, don't check up on him. For yourself.
Soul Bear Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 you can imagine the worst but i can tell you the reality is unbearable i know from experience. - My reality is i have 3 children with her and can`t go NC. when i went to hers on sunday i saw a used condom in the bin. Your right...that is pretty shi**y Its ok though, you are in the right place to help you cope. There are many many people on here that will give you bundles and bundles of advice
Soul Bear Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 I BELIEVE- Did you just pass up your second chance?! I guess if you were angry then it was not the right time anyway Well done you though, that must have taken a hell of a lot of courage...
notalone Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Nikki, I guess you know my story. Learn from it. You cannot handle what you find. After three months, it's been only a week that I have stopped xbf's FB...and I feel much better. No more cardiac arrests reading his status messages describing how he had a beautiful refreshing breakfast with 'her'. Breakfast my arse....he always was a morning sex person. Arrgghhh. LadyV, And now you are angry about the card. A week back we had you feeling nice about it. But yeah...these scumbags turn our lives upside down and then say a line of apology and expect all to be forgiven. Pretty unfair. Symmetry, Did you just reject her when she finally came back??? Whoa...I would be taking my hat off to you if I was wearing one. Soul, See...this is what I was talking about. You probably wouldn't care when she comes back. Wow, LS is turning into my virtual social circle!!!
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 You know its so nice to think you can come on here at anytime with the most 'trivial' problem and someone will always take you seriously and understand. I really appreciate all of you so much, though I know none of you personally, but I feel like I know you all because we all share our stories and you know people so much better when you share the bad, mad and sad times with them - even if its over the internet. Thanks guys so much I hope you are all feeling strong.
Soul Bear Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 You know its so nice to think you can come on here at anytime with the most 'trivial' problem and someone will always take you seriously and understand. I really appreciate all of you so much, though I know none of you personally, but I feel like I know you all because we all share our stories and you know people so much better when you share the bad, mad and sad times with them - even if its over the internet. Thanks guys so much I hope you are all feeling strong. I couldnt agree more
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