We started dating again and he JUST updated his MATCH.COM profile Bad sign ? Red flag

[lora22]

Good for you - definitely!!

 

Good luck with the surgery, you'll be in my thoughts!

[LoveLace]

It's like by being with him you make him feel better about himself, this raises his previously low self-esteem, thus finally making him realise he's a catch, thus making him think that he shouldn't tie himself down just to you.

 

 

I know this from 1st hand experience...that's why a person with plenty confidence is best, they don't "need" someone to make them feel good...they just know how to appreciate it...because their self-esteem isn't too dented to begin with. And yet, I'm not quite as much like that as I'd like to be, myself.

[Nagini]

It's like by being with him you make him feel better about himself, this raises his previously low self-esteem, thus finally making him realise he's a catch, thus making him think that he shouldn't tie himself down just to you.

 

 

I know this from 1st hand experience...that's why a person with plenty confidence is best, they don't "need" someone to make them feel good...they just know how to appreciate it...because their self-esteem isn't too dented to begin with. And yet, I'm not quite as much like that as I'd like to be, myself.

 

Ahh I think this is true.

He alternates between been self deprecating and complaining he should be thinner and build bigger muscles, meanwhile he is tall , dark and handsome in reality. Really perfect but he doesnt 'believe' it

A couple times during our date he looked all gleeful and happy and I asked him what was up.

I guess I did give some kind of ego boost in retrospect.

What a crazy twisted gordian knot.

[Nagini]

Good for you - definitely!!

 

Good luck with the surgery, you'll be in my thoughts!

 

 

Hey you're cool. Thanks !

[xpaperxcutx]

Ahh I think this is true.

He alternates between been self deprecating and complaining he should be thinner and build bigger muscles, meanwhile he is tall , dark and handsome in reality. Really perfect but he doesnt 'believe' it

A couple times during our date he looked all gleeful and happy and I asked him what was up.

I guess I did give some kind of ego boost in retrospect.

What a crazy twisted gordian knot.

 

sounds more narcissistic than anything else.

 

I don't think you should be too bent up over him, if things work out in the end then you'll be on cloud 9. But right just enjoy the fact that you're going out.

 

Good luck on your surgery.

[Nagini]

now i got an update.

[lora22]

Absolutely lessen contact. If you can't be the person who cares the least, the next best thing to do is pretend that you're the person who cares less. He'll wonder what happened to you and why you're aren't texting him as much.

 

But aside from that, if it bothers you so much that he talks to other girls (dates other girls) then you should stop checking up on him (on match and social networking websites and whereever else), get immersed in your own life, and talk to him less.

[Nagini]

Absolutely lessen contact. If you can't be the person who cares the least, the next best thing to do is pretend that you're the person who cares less. He'll wonder what happened to you and why you're aren't texting him as much.

 

But aside from that, if it bothers you so much that he talks to other girls (dates other girls) then you should stop checking up on him (on match and social networking websites and whereever else), get immersed in your own life, and talk to him less.

 

 

Yes agreed. He called me at 12:30 am in the middle of my update tonight and I was right on target.

He went out to see Star Trek and have dinner with the girl he calls his 'winggirl'

he refused to say it was a date. But Im sure she thought it was.

She is this rather pretty super skinny kate hudson type exotic french spanish persian rich chick who is lawyer and travels a lot.

Im sure he has done stuff with her and Im a bit perturbed to think he was macking on her tonight.

He acted very very overly goofy happy and apologized for acting so silly happy on the phone. (i guess he was tipsy)

He kept asking me how i am, told me Im so sweet, wished me a good night and told me to not let the bed bugs bite.

 

Anyway this is all too confusing long distance. I am definitely curbing our contact and keeping it to a bare minimum until I move.

 

Thanks again for your fab advice !

Ill update everyone when Im closer to moving.

[Nagini]

I'm gonna go out on a limb and suggest you cut your losses and move on.

 

 

Uh you are merely a troll

youve added nothing to this thread except stupid insults and innuendo.

and I have plenty of perks of my own so I dont lack confidence

[Nagini]

Im thinking at this point I MUST friend zone him for my own sanity.

But I can't be friends right now.

He actually mentioned her again on aim when he texed me during his lunch break

he called her a 'force of nature' and said yeah she is cool and fun but she's totally different religion and his parents and hers wouldnt approve and besides she doesnt want to settle down right now.

what the heck

he obviously must be crazy about her and seeing me finally after a year cleared things up for what he must want

well he has been a good friend but i dont know WHY he tried to take our makeout session so far and also acted so romantic saying goodbye to me.

 

im just weary.

 

unfortunately he will know im hurt i guess when i stop responding for a while

 

sigh

[paddington bear]

Im thinking at this point I MUST friend zone him for my own sanity.

But I can't be friends right now.

He actually mentioned her again on aim when he texed me during his lunch break

he called her a 'force of nature' and said yeah she is cool and fun but she's totally different religion and his parents and hers wouldnt approve and besides she doesnt want to settle down right now.

what the heck

he obviously must be crazy about her and seeing me finally after a year cleared things up for what he must want

well he has been a good friend but i dont know WHY he tried to take our makeout session so far and also acted so romantic saying goodbye to me.

 

im just weary.

 

unfortunately he will know im hurt i guess when i stop responding for a while

 

sigh

 

Ok, so from this post I see some stuff. Firstly you say you're going to have to friendzone him...but (sorry about this..) you've already been friendzoned by him. You don't call a girl that you've got romantic feelings for and talk excitedly about another girl and say she's a 9 out of 10. He's treating you like a male buddy.

 

By talking about the religious differences means he's already considered if and how and could he have a relationship with this girl.

 

You say 'he has been' a good friend. HAS being the operative word. He's not being a good friend now, he's hurting you, he's making you feel worthless, unattractive and useless. My advice now is to start feeling rather upset and angry with him that he is so insensitve to rub your face in the fact that he's interested in someone else, and also that he doesn't want you. Damn him, he should want you! Get annoyed with him, you're worth more than this.

 

Don't friendzone him, you wanted a relationship with him, or to date him, not to hear about other girls and be made feel 'oh so, what am I? A 5 out of 10'. If you keep in touch with him he will destroy the remains of your self-esteem. So, don't friendzone him, just cut him out completely and let him hanker after some other girl and keep your eyes peeled for someone who isn't going to act so insensitively towards you - by the way, it takes 2 to do this, him to tell you about the other girl, and you to listen to it - I've done this myself, pretending to be fine about it, while feeling utterly crushed. It's perfectly fine to say 'I don't really want to hear about this', which is what I should have done in the past.

[Shygirl15]

Nagini, I honestly think you should dump him as well. Or, keep your options open too. Please don't call me a troll.

 

Maybe it's just the type of person I am, I just cannot stand such nonsense. Up until 2 weeks ago I was 150% committed to my BF, who is like a LDR in a way since he travels a lot. Then I observed that his status on Facebook changed from being "in a relationship" to "single" and "looking for "women to date/ltr".. How charming.

 

Well, my profile is now up and running on Match.com .. It's all about keeping options open, right??

[lora22]

Im thinking at this point I MUST friend zone him for my own sanity.

But I can't be friends right now.

He actually mentioned her again on aim when he texed me during his lunch break

he called her a 'force of nature' and said yeah she is cool and fun but she's totally different religion and his parents and hers wouldnt approve and besides she doesnt want to settle down right now.

what the heck

he obviously must be crazy about her and seeing me finally after a year cleared things up for what he must want

well he has been a good friend but i dont know WHY he tried to take our makeout session so far and also acted so romantic saying goodbye to me.

 

im just weary.

 

unfortunately he will know im hurt i guess when i stop responding for a while

 

sigh

What an ass! I'm wondering if maybe he really likes her, but to her, he's only a 5/10 (or whatever)...maybe he is to her what apparently you are to him. ....if that makes sense...which would be ironic.

 

He won't know you're hurt...he'll know that you have a fabulous and fulfilling life that has nothing to do with him, which is why you're too busy to talk to him.....

[LucreziaBorgia]

 

Now today I notice he is online on his match.com profile AND has updated his headline with a new cute 'slogan' and updated his interests.

 

 

Is this the same guy you have been posting about for a while now? If so...

 

... please be careful with your heart. From all of the posts you have written about him, I can honestly say I am not surprised to hear that he is doing this, nor am I surprised that he went on a date and tried to convince you that it wasn't one.

 

From what I've read in your posts, he is a textbook narcissist - one who will always need validation from more than one woman.

[Nagini]

Is this the same guy you have been posting about for a while now? If so...

 

... please be careful with your heart. From all of the posts you have written about him, I can honestly say I am not surprised to hear that he is doing this, nor am I surprised that he went on a date and tried to convince you that it wasn't one.

 

From what I've read in your posts, he is a textbook narcissist - one who will always need validation from more than one woman.

 

Nah totally different guy. (that other guy and I have decided to be friends. friends who rarely speak to each other. but at least it ended on a civil note which was great)

 

anyhoo i logged into match again because frankly now i AM looking to see what new profiles are up in the city Im moving to

it showed that yes again he updated his profile today !

added a super cute awwww-inducing photo of him holding his puppy and showing off his arms.

it was a photo he sent ME last week before our date that he said he took just for me.

so now Im frankly turned off that he seems compulsively to be updating his profile

If he really did have such a great date he wouldnt be up to tricks.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Ah, thank goodness you are not wrapped up with Mr. Toxic! As for this guy - if I were dating someone who maintained a dating profile and updated like this guy is doing, I wouldn't date him anymore. There wouldn't really be a point.

[Nagini]

Ah, thank goodness you are not wrapped up with Mr. Toxic! As for this guy - if I were dating someone who maintained a dating profile and updated like this guy is doing, I wouldn't date him anymore. There wouldn't really be a point.

 

 

Agreed.

At least Mr. Toxic served a good purpose.

I know what I will and won't tolerate.

Even Mr. Toxic was good the first two months about being totally into me and not looking for other chicks.

 

I've only had one other guy who still kept actively looking AFTER having a strong good date with me.

 

he did the same profile updating.

 

It didnt end well, in fact he is now about to get married to a girl he met on match.

 

[Nagini]

so i casually mentioned it to him

 

his reply

"I get bored at work. I need something to do."

 

"good luck" ? ;-)

 

>>>

 

 

[i had sarcastically said gl = good luck]

[Nagini]

oh crud

it gets worse

now he told me how he and his brother went to a very hot upscale lounge where a close mutual guy friend of our manages the place.

 

he just IM'd me the following

<<

My brother and I left before H---- got a chance to introduce us to his pretty friends. >>

 

 

what the hell ? is he trying to move on and let me know he isnt interested in me OR make me very jealous

 

[lora22]

oh crud

it gets worse

now he told me how he and his brother went to a very hot upscale lounge where a close mutual guy friend of our manages the place.

 

he just IM'd me the following

<<

My brother and I left before H---- got a chance to introduce us to his pretty friends. >>

 

 

what the hell ? is he trying to move on and let me know he isnt interested in me OR make me very jealous

 

He is not trying to make you jealous. He is being a jackass.

[Nagini]

He is not trying to make you jealous. He is being a jackass.

 

 

I think this is truly a perfect time to go no contact pronto.

[lora22]

I think this is truly a perfect time to go no contact pronto.

Agreed

[Nagini]

Well...Update

Problem with no contact is A. he keeps calling and emailing me first

B. I m so used to talking to him. C. Im stuck inside recovering from surgery and can't go outside so need human contact.

Anyway he said the girl he hangs out with told him she should help him find a nice girl.

Uh that means she really isnt interested

BUT he has updated his profile yet again.

He did mention to me that 'maybe after im healed in a few weeks we could go out again or something" he then complained again that me living 2-3 hours away is too far for him.

he just comes off wishy washy.

So i emailed him teasingly that he updates his profile more than any guy I know on match (we have a mutual friend who also updates his a lot)

and then I said guess I should put mine back up too.

Should I have told him that ?