We started dating again and he JUST updated his MATCH.COM profile Bad sign ? Red flag

[Nagini]

I dont know if I should be upset or if Im overreacting.

Dated a guy last year but we live 2 hours apart and we're always busy with travel/work so we faded away over distance

Stayed awesome friends online/on the phone

for the last 6 months he asked me out again

But i had a new bf.

I broke up with my bf 1 month ago

I also found out I will be moving to his city for work in 5 weeks so we won't be long distance anymore.

He said he was so excited.

He asked me out again and we had a wonderful date on Memorial day

we ended up kissing and making out for 3 hours.

 

Now today I notice he is online on his match.com profile AND has updated his headline with a new cute 'slogan' and updated his interests.

 

We have talked several times since the date

he said it was good to see me and he was glad to show me around his city and did i enjoy the drinks we tried and did i like his puppy.

 

anyway im wondering if its bad he is active on match when we just had a great date (technically it is our 4th date together )

 

he is 35 and im 31 btw.

[Glenn Quagmire]

Ouch.

 

I'm sure some will claim he's just keeping his options open because the relationship is still new ... sort of like updating your resume on Monster even though you just got a new job. But let's consider the psychology behind this. That first date ... that first kiss ... that first 3 hour makeout session is exciting. It makes you go home, pour a Jack & Coke (maybe roll a blunt if you're into that sort of thing) put on some music and play XBox for a few hours with a massive smile plastered on your face. For the older fellas maybe you go home, put on Laverne & Shirley reruns and reflect on your newfound happiness. Either way, the last thing you should be thinking about is updating your match.com profile.

 

I can see doing that at maybe the 2 month mark when things settle down but you should be all he thinks about at this point.

[LoveLace]

Does he know you are on Match too? Because if you visited there, and obviously you did, he might not exactly think you have room to be concerned...but if you flat out say, I checked out your profile and noticed the updates since our date....what does this mean about how you feel for me?...I don't think there'd be anything wrong with that...But this would drive me crazy, there would be no possible way to ignore it.

[Nagini]

Does he know you are on Match too? Because if you visited there, and obviously you did, he might not exactly think you have room to be concerned...but if you flat out say, I checked out your profile and noticed the updates since our date....what does this mean about how you feel for me?...I don't think there'd be anything wrong with that...But this would drive me crazy, there would be no possible way to ignore it.

 

 

He knows Im NOT on match anymore.

I was actually checking profiles for another ex who is one of my best friends.

he wanted me to proof his profile and see if itll get him girls.

 

There is some kind of glitch on match right now that is making a lot of guys profiles say 5"5" instead of their real height.

i noticed my 6'5 ex profile said that and alerted him

and also noticed the guy i just went on date with profile also said that.

(he had already spotted the glitch and even changed his headline today to say he "i am 6,1 feet tall NOT only 5"5"!!!)

[AlektraClementine]

Well you did only JUST start dating. And from what you said, he had a lot of waiting around to do with you because you were with someone else.

 

It's okay for him to keep his profile up until you guys have become exclusive. That goes for you too.

[lora22]

that first 3 hour makeout session is exciting. It makes you go home, pour a Jack & Coke (maybe roll a blunt if you're into that sort of thing) put on some music and play XBox for a few hours with a massive smile plastered on your face. For the older fellas maybe you go home, put on Laverne & Shirley reruns and reflect on your newfound happiness. Either way, the last thing you should be thinking about is updating your match.com profile.

 

I can see doing that at maybe the 2 month mark when things settle down but you should be all he thinks about at this point.

I agree to a certain extent with this. However, as someone who has been in a very similar situation (with the distance and keeping in contact, etc.), even though I reeeaaalllly like this guy - in fact, probably because I really liked him - I continued to date other guys (lot of first dates, didn't so much as kiss any of them, because no one could compare to the other guy) so that I wouldn't get too wrapped up in someone that wasn't my boyfriend and wasn't ready to commit to me. Of course, neither of us were on any dating websites, so whatever he did was private, and whatever I did was private - the only way either of us would ever find out what the other was up to is if we asked and the other person was honest (and we did in fact have a couple of light conversations about it).

 

Might not be what's going on with him...but it is another perspective.

[Lucky555]

I would worry if its been a month of dating and talking and he would be doing this.

 

I think he may not be trying to get too attached to you since its the early stages.

 

I would however keep it in the back of my mind and continue with dating and see how it goes.

[Glenn Quagmire]

I agree to a certain extent with this. However, as someone who has been in a very similar situation (with the distance and keeping in contact, etc.), even though I reeeaaalllly like this guy - in fact, probably because I really liked him - I continued to date other guys (lot of first dates, didn't so much as kiss any of them, because no one could compare to the other guy) so that I wouldn't get too wrapped up in someone that wasn't my boyfriend and wasn't ready to commit to me. Of course, neither of us were on any dating websites, so whatever he did was private, and whatever I did was private - the only way either of us would ever find out what the other was up to is if we asked and the other person was honest (and we did in fact have a couple of light conversations about it).

 

Might not be what's going on with him...but it is another perspective.

 

Yeah, I suppose not every relationship starts off with fireworks. But remember I'm looking at this strictly from a guy's perspective. The early phase is when guys are most intrigued. Women can sort of tease a guy along, feign a bit of interest and eventually grow to like him more over time. With guys, its far less complicated. Our interest typically peaks during the first week (a.k.a. first sex) and then wanes a bit after that.

 

A man updating his match.com profile after the first night of passionate hookup seems unusual.

[OverThinker]

Ok here is the thing in my view. you were together you broke because of distance now you had one date that went farther than a first date should. Now I say this because you were apart and with another man and now you are dating again its a new relationship in my eyes. Did you guys talk about dating again, becoming exclusive, or was this just a reunion date. It maybe that he was jazed by your date and doesn't know where it is going but got online and updated his profile with a more possitive attitude than he had when he first did it.

 

That said unless you are exclusivly dateing I don't see it as a concern. And since a dating site is in question here, BEWARE of the online status on these sites. Through my own experience I have discovered that if you open email from the site it checks your cookies and changes your status to on-line within 24 hours. So don't use these sites to figure out whether he/she is still looking. No intent to TJ just thought it fit the topic.

[lora22]

A man updating his match.com profile after the first night of passionate hookup seems unusual.

well, when you put it that way....

[Nagini]

during the first week (a.k.a. first sex) and then wanes a bit after that.

 

A man updating his match.com profile after the first night of passionate hookup seems unusual.

 

 

it was mainly kissing,

we didn't have sex.... the farthest we got was me stroking him (he still had his boxers on) and he tried to grab my ass and breasts a bit.

[BCCA]

Yeah, I suppose not every relationship starts off with fireworks. But remember I'm looking at this strictly from a guy's perspective. The early phase is when guys are most intrigued. Women can sort of tease a guy along, feign a bit of interest and eventually grow to like him more over time. With guys, its far less complicated. Our interest typically peaks during the first week (a.k.a. first sex) and then wanes a bit after that.

 

A man updating his match.com profile after the first night of passionate hookup seems unusual.

 

 

Glenn makes a good point, guys are usually most interested initially, especially right before or after theyve had sex for the first time.

 

I will say, however, that as a guy dating RIGHT NOW, I keep my options open and take everything with a grain of salt unless the woman Im dating talks to me about being exclusive. I've wasted far too much time on girls who seem SO interested, then dissapear without a word, and I'm not going to set my sights on just one woman and hope everything works out anymore. Its really asking for trouble, and a good way to make yourself overly invested in someone you dont know.

[Nagini]

Ok here is the thing in my view. you were together you broke because of distance now you had one date that went farther than a first date should. Now I say this because you were apart and with another man and now you are dating again its a new relationship in my eyes. Did you guys talk about dating again, becoming exclusive, or was this just a reunion date. It maybe that he was jazed by your date and doesn't know where it is going but got online and updated his profile with a more possitive attitude than he had when he first did it.

 

That said unless you are exclusivly dateing I don't see it as a concern. And since a dating site is in question here, BEWARE of the online status on these sites. Through my own experience I have discovered that if you open email from the site it checks your cookies and changes your status to on-line within 24 hours. So don't use these sites to figure out whether he/she is still looking. No intent to TJ just thought it fit the topic.

 

my profile is hidden on match

and he talked very very seriously for months about dating me again exclusively.

saying we're meant to be and will end up married with kids he is sure.

(he was half serious half joking)

so this wasnt a casual date at all.

[Nagini]

and he isnt really being fair here.

i just said im going out for drinks with my girlfriends (most of whom are married)

he said

"be a good girl!"

 

huh ?

now he acts likes im his girl.

[xpaperxcutx]

Hmm... has he asked you out on another date? I'm a bit divided about it being a cause of concern ( since you guys are not exclusive), but then it can be a bit concerning knowing that he's still on Match.com looking for someone else. Had you not found out, you could just turn a blind eye on him.

 

 

 

I would gauge his interest level if I were you. Normally a guy who is infatuated with a girl would not "advertise" himself out there for someone else. So either he sees you as someone who he would date long term, or he's keeping you around until someone better come along.

 

It all comes down to whether he asks you out again.

[Nagini]

So don't use these sites to figure out whether he/she is still looking. No intent to TJ just thought it fit the topic.

it says he is online right now and match does alert you when your 'favorites' update their profiles.

[BCCA]

Hmm... has he asked you out on another date? I'm a bit divided about it being a cause of concern ( since you guys are not exclusive), but then it can be a bit concerning knowing that he's still on Match.com looking for someone else. Had you not found out, you could just turn a blind eye on him.

 

 

 

I would gauge his interest level if I were you. Normally a guy who is infatuated with a girl would not "advertise" himself out there for someone else. So either he sees you as someone who he would date long term, or he's keeping you around until someone better come along.

 

It all comes down to whether he asks you out again.

 

I tend to disagree.

 

I think that people should keep their options open until they are sure that they and another person are on the same page, and both want to be exclusive. I have been infatuated with girls, and still checked my Match site, went out and talked to girls at the bar, etc. Doesnt mean I wasnt interested, or keeping the girl as a backup, just meant I dont know what shes thinking, so best not to assume, and keep my options open.

 

You shouldnt completely stop dating other people because of one date, especially if exclusiveness was not discussed.

[Nagini]

Hmm... has he asked you out on another date? I'm a bit divided about it being a cause of concern ( since you guys are not exclusive), but then it can be a bit concerning knowing that he's still on Match.com looking for someone else. Had you not found out, you could just turn a blind eye on him.

 

 

 

I would gauge his interest level if I were you. Normally a guy who is infatuated with a girl would not "advertise" himself out there for someone else. So either he sees you as someone who he would date long term, or he's keeping you around until someone better come along.

 

It all comes down to whether he asks you out again.

 

well he already knows Im about to have minor surgery on friday and will be out of commission for the next 2-3 weeks.

so he'd be asking me out 3 weeks in advance.

[lora22]

saying we're meant to be and will end up married with kids he is sure.

(he was half serious half joking)

so this wasnt a casual date at all.

 

and he isnt really being fair here.

i just said im going out for drinks with my girlfriends (most of whom are married)

he said

"be a good girl!"

 

huh ?

now he acts likes im his girl.

WOW, I myself would be interested in how others read this, since I was recently in a very similar position myself (except we'd been dating longer and him saying things like that were constant, almost every day, for months).

 

From my experience I would interpret those comments as him flirting, and nothing more, although with the "be a good girl" comment, it's still just flirting, but there's probably an element of truth. Men have such terrible double standards, and they can be so possessive. (Yeah, I'm a little bitter on occasion.)

[lora22]

I don't want to jack this thread, but I really wanna know why a guy would choose to flirt in that way...should I start another thread about this? Not interested in what comments like that MEAN, because I don't read into them at all, it's just flirting, just wanna know WHY.

[Nagini]

I don't want to jack this thread, but I really wanna know why a guy would choose to flirt in that way...should I start another thread about this? Not interested in what comments like that MEAN, because I don't read into them at all, it's just flirting, just wanna know WHY.

 

 

well every guy is different.

he was raised catholic and although he is lapsed he says all the time he wants to marry a nice Catholic girl like his Mom.

So he knows I have a high libido that i keep firmly in check with my morals and willpower.

so i think that may have been a flirt from him, but also telling me not to go be wild with others.

 

men.

 

he had emailed me 14 times today (just short texts on fb)

i guess he still likes me a lot as a friend as least.

 

should i post photos for more input ?

[xpaperxcutx]

I don't want to jack this thread, but I really wanna know why a guy would choose to flirt in that way...should I start another thread about this? Not interested in what comments like that MEAN, because I don't read into them at all, it's just flirting, just wanna know WHY.

 

I take most comments like that with a grain of salt. I can flirt and not mean any of it.

[lora22]

 

men.

HA, that says it all!

 

 

should i post photos for more input ?

hahahahHWHAAAAHHhahahhhhAAAAAhaha

I overlooked those things from this guy because the sex was so incredibly amazing.

[paddington bear]

Picture this, guy feels a bit down on his luck with women. He finds a nice woman. Wow! Great, confidence is up due to the attention from the woman...then that sneaking thought...well, if this girl likes me, that means others might like me..I'll just go test that theory.

 

It's like by being with him you make him feel better about himself, this raises his previously low self-esteem, thus finally making him realise he's a catch, thus making him think that he shouldn't tie himself down just to you.

 

It's a theory anyway...think I read it in some dating book somewhere as an explanation as to why guys are all over you and then suddenly might cool off for a bit and want to date other people.

[Nagini]

Picture this, guy feels a bit down on his luck with women. He finds a nice woman. Wow! Great, confidence is up due to the attention from the woman...then that sneaking thought...well, if this girl likes me, that means others might like me..I'll just go test that theory.

 

It's like by being with him you make him feel better about himself, this raises his previously low self-esteem, thus finally making him realise he's a catch, thus making him think that he shouldn't tie himself down just to you.

 

It's a theory anyway...think I read it in some dating book somewhere as an explanation as to why guys are all over you and then suddenly might cool off for a bit and want to date other people.

 

 

Yes well Im lucky that Im so busy with minor surgery (getting pre cancerous skin removed and will have to recover in dark room for 2 weeks ) and also a huge work project so he might as well do whatever he needs to do .... and then when im not so busy ill put up my own new ad on match and also update my facebook photo gallery.

 

ill see how he reacts then.