thatsjustme Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 How do you trust your partner again if they have cheated or *nearly* cheated on you? About 8 years into our marriage (incl kids) he starts flirting with a girl for a few months. One day he told her he loved her but regretted it and admitted the "affair" to me. It was just infatuation, not love and there was no kissing or sex. Also, she did not reciprocate and has a boyfriend. She just liked to flirt and get attention. He doesn't see her anymore and it was a wake-up call to him about how close he came to losing everything - me, the kids, the house, our life basically. I want to stay because of the kids and because I still love him but are scared that he will stray again. How do you regain the trust and stop constant paranoia and snooping?
Soul Bear Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 This is a very interesting post..... Im glad that nothing happened between them. Trust is a big part to play in any relationship. My dad had an affair many years ago, and although him and my mum are back together, she still does not trust him. Thats not to say you cant/wont trust him again, but there will obviously have to be some MAJOR changes in communication between you both. Basicly he has ALOT to prove to you, his kids and the rest of the family. Actions speak louder than words..... My ex fiance recently had an emotional affair that lead to our breakup. So on the whole trust thing, we are in the same boat... As for your main question ''how do you trust again'' only you know how to do that. If you can do it, you will. Im sorry your going through this, I DO KNOW how it must be effecting you.
2sure Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Throughout a marriage it is in part each partner's responsibility to make sure that their spouse is happy and secure within the relationship. Its easy for this responsibility to become lost in the shuffle of every day life. After a crisis like infidelity of any kind, its both partners job to take steps toward recovery. The one who strayed must show , through action, sincere regret and remorse. Your husband , by stopping the "affair" before it became more than words, and especially by coming to you with his admissions and wanting to eject this from himself and the marriage DID these things. The spouse who was betrayed, must make a decision to forgive or to leave the marriage. Its a road that can be long, but should be easier with time. During that time, after you have worked on the problems within the marriage, or the problems within your spouse - you have to decide to trust again. And it IS a decision. You have to come to a point where you say: OK, I cannot live not trusting. I cannot give what happened in the past, that I have forgiven, the power to drain me and continue to affect my marriage. You have to stop punishing your spouse. You have to NOT keep looking, make a conscious effort. After 8 years, it seems that most of this would come naturally. Has he continued to give you reason to not trust him?
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