Leveller Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 My ex of three and a bit months has been someone else since February. Basically we have continued to spend time intermittantly together from get go and slept together eight times. She will not let her new man stay at her house, and says he never will, she goes down to his with drink. She really likes him but can say why. His home is a shrine to his late wife. He displays controlling behaviour and jealousy. Believes a woman's place is in the home (she works and is independent) and has already cheated on him with me repeatedly. They have also had at least three disagreements which have led to NC for a week and didn't see him. He is always the one to 'break the ice'. She says she wants to give it a 'real go' with him though. Any thoughts people as I have repeatedly asked to give us another go?
hopesndreams Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Let her have a "real go" with him. Why do you disrespect yourself for this fool of a woman? She is playing both of you, you know this, and if she loved you half as much as you love her, she wouldn't be torturing you in this way. Time to turn off the "love" you have for her and see her for what she truly is. Get the blinders off, look within yourself, you do not need this toxicity in your life. There is someone out there for you right now but she is being passed by because you are consumed with someone that cheats, lies and doesn't respect you and doing real emotional damage to yourself in the process.
Author Leveller Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 What I am asking is for a prognosis of their relationship though, not my part in it.
hopesndreams Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Their relationship? Does he know what she gets up to with her and you? Or is he in the dark? She shouldn't be with either of you at this time. She is not honest or trustworthy. When she tires of him, she has you to fall back on. Prognosis is dismal for all involved.
Author Leveller Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 He is in the dark and to quote her 'has fallen for me, hook, line and sinker'.
VeronicaVry Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 I am sorry man but she is stringing you along and she will keep on using you until you put a stop to it. You know what, I actually dont think she has feelings for any of you. If you go NC w her its a possibility that she will come back, do not take her back! From her actions described here she seems emotionally immature just seeking self validation in men, trust me I have 'been there done that' Good luck, be strong! VV
Author Leveller Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 I have gone NC (again) since our last episode - look in the second chances forum 'Afraid to love' for the saga - and plan on staying this way. She has been the one to break NC not me and will probably do so again. Don't plan on seeing her anytime soon but I'd love to know what she was/is thinking.
robinincarolina Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 We always want to know what the other is thinking when we break up. Unfortunately, we never really get the truth. You are in the stage where you are playing it over and over in your mind. Force yourself to stop because it will not change anything. Let her go. Count your blessings. I went through something very similar years and years ago. Thought I was going to die. I drove myself crazy analyzing their relationship. Why would he want her over me. Moral of the story, he married her, cheated on her for 17 years and finally tore her heart out of her chest. I am thankful it was not me. You will love again, I promise. I did, again and again and you learn more of who you are each and every time.
Author Leveller Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 The advice I have been given here is what nearly everyone has told me to my face including her family and trusted friends. However, we had a good year together and it was circumstances that drove us apart. How she is acting now is the exactly the sort of behaviour pattern I expect as I have known her for a long time. She is not a bad person, not at all, but some answers for my own peace of mind would be welcome. I would dearly like some answers to what appears from my point of view to be a thoroughly bizzare situation. How can she give this a 'real go' when she has been tangled up with me. It feels like a smokescreen and like she's hiding from herself. How can you say/demonstrate you miss someone (me), feels like I am her best friend and can tell me anything, love me to bits as a person, has strong sexual attraction for me and talked about marrying me only three weeks ago. Very hard to step back but these sound like you love someone to me. EVERYONE thought we were back on a few weeks ago and she was talking with her friends about this and making future plans with me only to do a volte face. NC and LS bring a little clarity but I find this behaviour baffling - we have tried to be just good friends but end up in bed on a regular basis. She has strung me along and her best friend says I am ten thousand times better than anyone else she has been with. Beats the life out of me and NC is hard sometimes. I am neither concerned about being on my own or about meeting someone else in time but I feel this is not over by a long chalk.
hopesndreams Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 but I feel this is not over by a long chalk. Put yourself out of your misery of your own making. Only you can do that. Your choice of hoping things will improve and one day she sees the light and falls into your arms and all is happy with the world, isn't going to happen. This isn't the movies, this is real life. It isn't going to happen like that, she's damaged.
hopesndreams Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 What she is doing is beyond cruel to you. She's emotionally stilted and has no regard for your feelings. You are allowing this cruelty to happen to you, why? No one is worth putting yourself through this pain for. She is going from you to him, then back to you and then him. Wake up.
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