Twinsoulzz Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Hi, I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 3 years, I love her and am devoted to making her happy and having a future with her. She has two children from a previous marraige before she came out as being a bisexual woman, they are 6 & 7 years old and we get along great! We have talked about moving in together for about a year, and b/c of my financial status and other circumstances it has been more or less my decision to hold off, she bought a house about a year and a half ago that she has decided to renovate and make more accomodating for the kids and for us. I live about 15 miles from her and we see each other every weekend and if I can get there during the week I do, I try and help whenever possible considering she is a single mom, works full time and has her hands full with after school activities. Over the weekend we came to a crossroads about the subject of moving in and she informed me after three years that she won't know if we are truly right for each other until we move in together. Personally all this time I thought we have been building a foundation for our future, we have taken family vacations and get along wonderfully. As of now I am feeling very sad that I have been living this test for the last 3 years, and now it comes down to whether or not we get along when we live together? I have stayed with her and the kids for a couple of weeks at a time and all was great, & when I come over on the weekends she asks me "when are you moving in". I am seeking advice about what to make of all of this, I thought we were both in the same place, wanting the same things. It's been hard work and I have had to adapt at being a part time parent something that comes easy to me even though I don't have children of my own, yet have 3 nephews and a niece I am very close to. She constantly stresses to me the help she needs and the responsibility she has every day all of which I am aware of. I am feeling tested, annoyed that she still after all these years doesn't quite know if we are compatible..... I apprecaite any imput and shared relative experiences. For the record I am her first relationship with a woman, not that it matters. ~~S~
carhill Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 So, really, what's stopping you from moving in with her? A couple will always face life challenges and tests to their interdependence. Nothing is perfect. If you could marry her (don't know whether that's possible where you live), would you? If you would, what's stopping you from moving in? Heck, I asked that already! She sounds like a mature and positive partner to me. Take a look within yourself for your answers.
AlektraClementine Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 I agree with Carhill. And as a single mom, I totally understand her thinking on this. No matter how solid your relationship, she will base the decision to fully commit (life-long) to it with her kids HEAVILY in mind. My boyfriend recently asked me why I hadn't disclosed to my children that we are together. We've been together for over a year and my children just know him as "our best grown up friend, ****". He had it in his head that not telling them was my out. He understood when I told him it was because I wanted to set the best example of love and marriage I could, even with a divorce under my belt. I want them to see mommy choosing wisely. They won't know about us until there is an engagement. I realize that this is not your situation exactly. Just want to give you an example of how parents think with their kids in mind. Have a talk with her and ask her to explain it better for you. I think that would help. You need for her to ease your mind about this.
Author Twinsoulzz Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 Thanks for your replies and thanks for the great advice! Allow me to explain why I haven't moved in is b/c of being laid off and being unable to contribute financially as I would like to do, plus I would have to continue paying some of the bills at the Condo I own where my twin sister currently lives as well. I understand that her kids will always be #1 and had to accept that fact when we first met, I just didn't agree with her when she said that "the only way we will know if we are compatible, is when we live together full time" I do not agree to this considering the amount of time we have been together and the fact that we have been under one roof for weeks at a time. Personally I have never lived with anyone but my twin sister and have had the opportunity to move in with other lovers I have had, and never did b/c it never felt right. My current relationship does, and after three years I want to move in for the reason of having my future with her and planning it as well. Why else would we have stayed together this long? and if she doesn't know me truly by now, then that also speaks volumes, don't you think? I understand her cautiousness and agree that protecting ones heart and soul are equally as important. We plan on discussing it this weekend & if interested I will keep you posted, thanks again for your advice!! ~S~
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