older sis wants my egg cells in xchange for a possible UK visa-prob is, Im a virgin

[yesha]

Good day.

 

Just like 2 weeks ago, I received a very strange but tough proposition or a dilemma.

 

My older sis (37,working as a carer in Wales) just emailed and called me and proposed that if we can help each other .

 

Here's the thing. I'm from the Phils. (I'm 28 by the way) and she (almost all people close to me knew that I have big dreams of settling legally abroad) badly needed to have a child with her hubby there. They tried invitro twice already but failed since she was told that her eggs are not matured to be impregnated. So she was advised by the doc to have an egg donor preferably, from anyone close to her, much desirable candidate, a younger female as she said.

 

I don't know about what's this process called. But they still have to check me yet if I'm "compatible" medically speaking.

 

The prob is, I'm still a virgin and this process, as they say, hurt and although it will only take like 10 minutes, of course, my hymen will be ruptured, right?

 

The thing is, if only I'm not a V anymore, I'd gladly do it to help her sans anything in return. But it's just that I am still. And I don't want to lose my virginity like that. I want to lose it the usual way.

 

I hope I'm not being selfish. But this is my body she wants to alter. Personally, I didn't wait all this time and at this age just to lose it like that! To science. It's like a sacrifice.

 

We're both desperate! Me---to go abroad, and her to be a mommy!

 

I hope she won't take this against me since she's us bringing gifts and packages during special occasions, brithdays, from UK. (She even gave me a laptop).

 

And it's not even sure. I mean she told me about sure thing getting a visit visa (no denials with most of these cases she told me). But what happens right after? After the process, I'm no longer "tight", What if I'll be ordered to go back here? All for nothing?

 

She even asked me (out of depseration I guess,) "Why, don't you have bf?" I told her none at the moment, and it's no as easy as that. Anyway, that's not the issue.

 

I only hope there's another way of helping her without "damaging" or "altering" me. I had an ultrasound before, and when the ob gyne knew I'm still untouched, we decided to go trans rectal and not transvaginal, in consideration to my body.

 

I didn't realize I would have to sacrifice this far just to have my dream of living abroad come true. I hope there are any options, any ideas, UK nationals here?

 

The sad thing it's not even guaranteed. the gateway there might be guaranteed, but I'm not even a nurse , caregiver or medical related grad. And I've no plans of working in those industries. I'm more of a creative type--writer stuff. I'll even sacrifice working in a hotel (I can work apprentice in hotels here) but not that.

 

Sorry for the long post. It's not even in its entirety. But I hope you got the gist. Actaully I kind of declined her already, i said "I'm sorry" to her, but I might reconsider I told her if she can guarantee to let me stay there and she finds me a non-medical related job.

 

Whew! What an ultimate sacrifice!

 

I'd love to hear your insights and I want to be enlightened with my situation. Our dreams and hopes are at stake.

 

Thanks guys!

[TaraMaiden]

Have you investigated how they remove eggs from your ovaries? it does not involve having to 'lose your virginity' in any way at all.

 

The only way you can lose your virginity is by having sex with another person.

Physical penetration from a man, strictly speaking, is loss of virginity.

 

Breaking the hymen is not loss of virginity.

I broke my hymen horse-riding.

 

Under anaesthesia, a fine probe is inserted through the wall of the vagina to the ovary and eggs are aspirated and removed that way. h

Healing is quite fast, because that part of your anatomy needs to heal quickly.

It only takes around 20 minutes or so.

So your virginity is not an issue here. It's only in your mind.

The objection is groundless, on this reasoning.

 

Your living abroad is a separate issue, and you would have to go through proper immigration channels to do this. it has nothing to do with this procedure.

[yesha]

Thanks Tara,

 

Actually, that's my main issue. If there's only another way to do it and not to "damage" me, I'll go with it. I also want to help my sis.

 

She said the process is similar to a pap smear. But it's easier access to UK in this manner, (however to present this, I don't know yet). But how to stay there is another issue.

[clv0116]

I'm wondering why she's in a hurry, if her eggs are shot and she's planning to use yours, you're pretty young so why not wait? I understand your desire to leave the Phils, it's a pretty common dream among people there it seems.

 

Have you considered how you might make YOUR dream come true? What foreign place(s) you would prefer?

[Enema]

Sex and virginity is overrated by virgins.

 

Once you're not a virgin you'll be like, "Is that what I was so protective about? I'm an idiot!"

 

As Tara said, you may not even have a hymen anymore and if you hell, if you get rid of it now, your first time sex will probably be more pleasurable!

[clv0116]

It's more important in some cultures, for instance a lot of filipinos will seriously think twice before considering marriage to a non-virgin girl.

[yesha]

I'm wondering why she's in a hurry, if her eggs are shot and she's planning to use yours, you're pretty young so why not wait? I understand your desire to leave the Phils, it's a pretty common dream among people there it seems.

 

Have you considered how you might make YOUR dream come true? What foreign place(s) you would prefer?

 

I prefer going to Wales, since she's already there. I also want US, (my other older sis is there) but due to financial crisis there, and I was denied twice already there, I'll try looking elsewhere.

 

The only way to go abroad is to try student visa first, but it's quite costly.

 

Anyway, my sis e-mailed me some scans regarding the process. It's called egg-sharing. Gotta read them first. and i need to think so hard about this. it's not everyday i got a dilemma like this.

 

Thanks for your insights.

[Queen of Hearts]

Have you investigated how they remove eggs from your ovaries? it does not involve having to 'lose your virginity' in any way at all.

 

The only way you can lose your virginity is by having sex with another person.

Physical penetration from a man, strictly speaking, is loss of virginity.

 

Breaking the hymen is not loss of virginity.

 

This is what I was going to say. No need in typing it all out again.

[Lucky_One]

It's more important in some cultures, for instance a lot of filipinos will seriously think twice before considering marriage to a non-virgin girl.

 

Marrying a virgin may be important in some cultures, but it doesn't look like the OP wants to marry someone from the Phillipines. Guys in the UK or the US don't put such a premium on virginity.

 

ESPECIALLY perceived virginity. Saying that the use of a speculum or vaginal ultrasound probe would cause loss of virginity or loss of "tightness" seems very naive, as it is patently untrue. Many active women have lost their hymen through sports, and that has absolutely nothing to do with the loss of virginity.

 

Personally, I would run for the closest airport and closest OB/GYN in order to donate my eggs to an infertile sister, especially if said sister is 37 and her time for successfully carrying an assisted pregnancy is getting shorter. But that's just me. I care far more for my sister and her happiness and her desire to be a mother than for worrying if an ultrasound would make a man not want to marry me.

[Chinook]

I'm not sure what your sister has told you about a visa here in the UK. But it is not that "easy" to stay here at all after your visitor visa has expired. I would look into it legally yourself before committing to anything with her because it seems to me that she's blinding you with science and offering something which isn't legally hers to provide. In some cases you may be asked for a "sponsor" when visiting - but if you over-stay that visa UK border control will actually come to find you and you will be deported. This happened to a colleague of mine - his work visa had expired. He was actually working in an operating theatre on a cardiac patient, they marched in and frog-marched him out of the place in cuffs and put him on a plane home. So if I were you, I'd not really want to end up as an illegal as once they catch up with you, they do take forcible action. Additionally, the visa controls (as with the USA and lots of other countries) have recently changed. You would be best checking with the UK Border Agency.

[Shygirl15]

I agree with Chinook. Visas have expiry dates, so what happens after your visa expires? What kind of visa is she expecting you to apply for? Visitors Visa is more common/easy but has the shortest period of them all, I think.

 

I understand she's your sister and everything, but you may want to think about this carefully. This is a BIG favor she's asking from you. You will be offering a lot more to her than she to you. Also, will she pay you anything on top of facilitating your 3-month visa? Egg donors can make up to $10,000, I hear.

[clv0116]

I prefer going to Wales, since she's already there. I also want US, (my other older sis is there) but due to financial crisis there, and I was denied twice already there, I'll try looking elsewhere.

 

What sort of VISA did you go for? Why was it denied?

[clv0116]

Marrying a virgin may be important in some cultures, but it doesn't look like the OP wants to marry someone from the Phillipines.

 

I'm just explaining. I've been over there and it's tough to shake something like that off even if you logically think it's silly. Also who knows, she wants a foreign guy but what if she meets Mr. Right there in the PI soon?

[Lucky_One]

I agree with Chinook. Visas have expiry dates, so what happens after your visa expires? What kind of visa is she expecting you to apply for? Visitors Visa is more common/easy but has the shortest period of them all, I think.

 

I understand she's your sister and everything, but you may want to think about this carefully. This is a BIG favor she's asking from you. You will be offering a lot more to her than she to you. Also, will she pay you anything on top of facilitating your 3-month visa? Egg donors can make up to $10,000, I hear.

 

OMG someone would expect to make money off their SISTER to help bring a niece or nephew into the world?? How in the heck do you CHARGE your sister for love and for helping to create a new human being??

 

I truly truly can't think of a greater honor than of providing this gift for somone I love deeply.

[Trialbyfire]

I'm trying to figure out what kind of sister would dangle a visa, in front of a sister she knows is dying to go abroad. Shouldn't she have done this in the first place?

 

Also, the egg/payment thing offends me, virginity or otherwise. While my sister and I aren't close, if she offered me payment of some form, for my eggs, I would tell her to piss off. If she asked nicely, I would do it for free.

[Lucky_One]

I am getting the idea that the OP doesn't really understand the entire visa process, and didn't understand what her sister was offering to do. I suspect she offered to pay her expenses to come to the UK and to pay for the visitors visa. After that, the OP needs to figure out how to get a job or a permanent visa on her own.

 

But if she was turned down for a visa twice for the US, then it sounds like there may be some sort of legit reason why she can't get any sort of TN or H1B or any sort of work permit.

[Shygirl15]

OMG someone would expect to make money off their SISTER to help bring a niece or nephew into the world?? How in the heck do you CHARGE your sister for love and for helping to create a new human being??

 

I truly truly can't think of a greater honor than of providing this gift for somone I love deeply.

OP's sister is obviously manipulating her, if you read carefully.

 

And, yes, I still think OP is doing her sister a big, EXPENSIVE, life long favor, and should get something in return. Her sister would have had to pay anyways if she went to a fertility clinic, so why not pay her own sister? OP may love her sister deeply, but I don't see that in return. You do not manipulate people you love deeply.

[yesha]

I'm not sure what your sister has told you about a visa here in the UK. But it is not that "easy" to stay here at all after your visitor visa has expired. I would look into it legally yourself before committing to anything with her because it seems to me that she's blinding you with science and offering something which isn't legally hers to provide. In some cases you may be asked for a "sponsor" when visiting - but if you over-stay that visa UK border control will actually come to find you and you will be deported. This happened to a colleague of mine - his work visa had expired. He was actually working in an operating theatre on a cardiac patient, they marched in and frog-marched him out of the place in cuffs and put him on a plane home. So if I were you, I'd not really want to end up as an illegal as once they catch up with you, they do take forcible action. Additionally, the visa controls (as with the USA and lots of other countries) have recently changed. You would be best checking with the UK Border Agency.

 

Thanks, Actually that's a main concern. What's gonna happen right after? Last email she told me to email my resume to her coz she's gonna go to a college and present my resume to them, since I think foreigners here, they use student visa as their gateway to go in countries like those.

 

Yep, I actually checked that site before (UKBA) thanks.

[yesha]

OP's sister is obviously manipulating her, if you read carefully.

 

And, yes, I still think OP is doing her sister a big, EXPENSIVE, life long favor, and should get something in return. Her sister would have had to pay anyways if she went to a fertility clinic, so why not pay her own sister? OP may love her sister deeply, but I don't see that in return. You do not manipulate people you love deeply.

 

Actually, elder sis is not the manipulative type, maybe the word is terribly desperate.

 

The gifts and packages I meant, I mean typical Filipinos are like that: if they work abroad, they normally give presents to their fams back home, coz they earn bigger. (natural filipino mentality)

 

Those packages, and the laptop, they were given even before she presented this strange proposition, so no manipulation there.

 

In fact, she even let my other older sis brought this up thru email also, since she's also too embarrassed or uneasy how to present this.

 

First, she texted me like this: "Are you home yet, coz i want to col long distance."

 

To which I was very intrigued. I told her what's up? she told me to check other sis's email, coz this maybe the time we can help each other out.

 

I was confused. Since she's already there, what help can i give her? Then after being emailed back and forth by 2 older sis from abroad, she just emailed and called me for infos, but hurriedly (expensive calls).

 

Anyway, I'll just keep you posted. I'm still gathering much data bout egg-sharing.

 

Thanks

[Jilly Bean]

Yesha - forget about the visa and virginity issues.

 

Are you going to be OK with your sister having what is, in essence, your child? Have you even considered this aspect of the arrangement?

 

It's one thing to donate your eggs anonymously, it's a whole other to have this child as your daughter/neice.

 

I couldn't do it.

[yesha]

What sort of VISA did you go for? Why was it denied?

 

I tried visit visas for US twice, twice denied. For reasons that there's not enough evidence to prove that i will go back here. That's why i want to try other countries coz US is too strict now, quite a traumatic experience at the embassy there like 3 years ago.

[clv0116]

I tried visit visas for US twice, twice denied. For reasons that there's not enough evidence to prove that i will go back here.

 

So basically you applied for a US visitors VISA and didn't meet the requirements regarding your assets, employment and so forth in the PI?

[yesha]

So basically you applied for a US visitors VISA and didn't meet the requirements regarding your assets, employment and so forth in the PI?

 

Yep, first one I'm interviewed with my father, so my father answered the consul's q, but due to language barrier, (pa can't really understand the heavy American twang, so answered quite differently, to which the consul happily rejected us).

 

2nd time, I was alone, (I even stayed with this elders sis n her hubby's house in Manila--[when they're still in Phils] just for the interview.). Woman consul intrigued about Affidavit of Support from parents but I stated in my form that i can travel on my own.

 

Anyway, that was eons ago . I've long tried to forgot about it and moved on with my life. But the dream still remains alive and kicking even if I report to my job here everyday (I have a good job here by the way).

 

Yep, someday...that time will come. It's just a matter of time.

[yesha]

Yesha - forget about the visa and virginity issues.

 

Are you going to be OK with your sister having what is, in essence, your child? Have you even considered this aspect of the arrangement?

 

It's one thing to donate your eggs anonymously, it's a whole other to have this child as your daughter/neice.

 

I couldn't do it.

 

Hi Jilly,

 

Yes, at first I mistakenly thought it's the same as being a surrogate mom and all, that it's gonna be my child--me getting preggy, but then sis assured me "silly girl, of course, I'll be the one to get preggy! you'll just share your eggs!

 

Okay, yes, it occurred to me partially I'll be biologically the "mom" and aunt at the same time, but I've realized, it's no biggie. As I've my own ulterior motives as well. And it's good to help. It's like being a Good Samaritan.

If I can be of help to others, why not my own fam? just like that.

 

Thanks.

[clv0116]

Yep, someday...that time will come. It's just a matter of time.

 

I don't know why we make it so hard. Good luck.