lotsofpartys Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Hi, I'm 16 and recently got with my first girlfriend. The two of us have been the closest of friends for about 2 years and are each others' confidants in about everything. About a month ago this developed into a mutual attraction and I asked her out. However, right now things are feeling awkward for me. I don't know if it's just me, or it's something else, but I just don't feel fulfilled. From the beginning she said she wanted to "take it slow," but I feel that things have been going a little too slowly. Although I do spend a lot of time with her, when it comes down to the affectionate, caring part of the relationship she doesn't reciprocate my hugs or hand holding. However, she always mentions how happy she is about this relationship. She also told my friend that she really likes the relationship but is bad at "being girlfriendy." This often leaves me confused, and unfulfilled. I really want to be her guy, and I know her so well, but I don't feel the same feelings from her. I don't know, maybe I'm just paranoid. Confused and a little sad, lotsofpartys
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 You know, it's posts like this that are starting to make me realize what it is that turns nice guys like this into major playas when they get older. Chicks that can't make up their mind and treat their guy like dirt. It's sad. I'm not sure what to tell you, dude. I can't say I've ever been cold with a guy I was in relationship with. You can hang in there and just deal with what she's dishing out. Or you can try to talk to her about it, but she may think you're being needy. I'm not sure she knows exactly what she wants. But you obviously know what you want, and I don't think you're going to get it with this girl.
carhill Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 OP, she's just mind-f*cking you. No offense intended to her because she likely doesn't even know she's doing it. Still too immature and probably a result of her socialization. Here's a really good tip, often repeated on LS, which I'll apply to this girl: Watch her actions; they never lie. When she speaks, look for her actions to reflect her words. When she speaks negative words, believe her. So, when she says (and she should say this to you, not a friend) that she's "bad at being girlfriendly", believe her and decide if that's what you want. Personally, I love non-sexual physical affection and being connected that way to a partner and the dearth of that (proactively) from my wife was part of what distanced us over time. Physical intimacy (as opposed to sexual intimacy) is a big part of an intimate romantic relationship, IMO. You're learning how to decide your style right now. Your post is indicative of that. I wish you well
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