Lost_love Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Sadly my best friend is someone who I ended falling in love with. She and I even live in the same house (separate floors). I saw her with her current BF for the first time tonight by accident and it tore my heart out. I finally told her that in order for me to be able to be the friend to her that she deserves I was going to need some space from her. A lot of space. It really freaking sucks, I usually talk to her everyday, many times a day. It just killed me so much seeing her with someone else. I am going to try and do as much NC as I can do with her. Whatever it takes to get past these feelings that are so painful to feel. I just hate not being able to talk to my best friend for a while. I think that hurts the most. But its something that has to happen for my own happiness and well being.
kizik Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Wow. So are you male or female? In any case, you're going to need to get your own apartment. It's not gonna work, this jealousy and resentment.
WTRanger Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Yea, unless in this house is set up to be two separate units, upstairs and downstairs, it will be really hard to avoid seeing this person. Sounds like a bad situation though, I feel for ya.
Author Lost_love Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 The problem is she lives in my house. Well my family rents the house to us. Its a strange situation. It always has been, this was the first time I actually saw her with someone else. She has done a good job of keeping me separate from that side of her life for a long time. It hurts a lot. Even today i couldn't go without talking to her. Its become part of a routine, each morning we talk on the phone or text. Today was a lot of texting about last night and how each of us was feeling. She feels that I try to make her feel bad for wanting to date people. The truth is to me she feels guilt for me feeling bad and blames me for it. Its a tough spot to be in because she also has a 5 year daughter that lives in the house and she means the world to me as well. Having her move out, to me is not even an option because then i would never get to see the little girl who I treat as if she were my own. I just dont know what to do anymore.
kizik Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Just so I understand: 1) You are female, and you are "in love" with your best friend, who is female, meaning that you are gay or bisexual. 2) She just got a new boyfriend, which makes you feel incredibly jealous and possessive, which also means that she is definitely straight. 3) The two of you live next door to your (Lost Love's) parents. Sound about right? Because, if so, it seems like you should just move back in with the parents.
Author Lost_love Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 Not quite, I am male, she and I have been best friends for about 4 years. We have been living together for about 3 1/2 years. Currently the house we live in is my parents house that they rent to us. My parents live in another state. Its been a long complicated situation that she and I put ourselves in. Our lives at this point are so intertwined that its hard for us to really keep things separate. Which in itself makes things harder on me. The illusion of being together without the together part. I couldnt even follow through with what I wanted with not talking to her. Its so hard not being able to talk to someone that I have pretty much talked to everyday for the past 4 years. Its all so confusing.
lifereversal Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Your not jealous. Been in your situation long time ago, your feeling lots of hurt. Your in the friend zone. It will get to the point where you won't feel anything for her. 3+ Years is a long time; you could have gone to the gym, got fit. If a woman doesn't see you dating other woman, she knows your not a potential sex partner; unless your good looking and start flirting, put up a challenge. Male and females CAN'T be friends. For me I was the puppet on the side, she dated her first guy, didn't see her for weeks on end, then she dumped him and then she would come around all the time; I noticed right away, said something about. She stopped. After she dumped the second guy cause all he wanted was sex. I was completely uninterested because she wasn't a friend; only came around for her needs of attention and when she needed something. Timed past and I changed a lot and got to the point where we flirted crazy one night and she finally wanted more after I was completely uninterested; I didn't go on with it, I turned her down, I didn't feel anything. I'm not one to use people for sex even though they used me. You need to get to the gym or get a p90x pull up bar, do push ups, chin ups, raise your testosterone; there is so much estrogen in our foods that lowers our testosterone. To me, you need to feel like a man, get rid of things that make you insecure, materials. We need to go to the gym to build muscle because we are not hunting our own food like humans did thousands of years ago. Stop thinking about her, worry about yourself, trust me, after you feel like how your suppose to feel; you won't think twice about if you should take this risk or that risk; everything will happen natural.
lifereversal Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Just so I understand: 1) You are female, and you are "in love" with your best friend, who is female, meaning that you are gay or bisexual. 2) She just got a new boyfriend, which makes you feel incredibly jealous and possessive, which also means that she is definitely straight. 3) The two of you live next door to your (Lost Love's) parents. Sound about right? Because, if so, it seems like you should just move back in with the parents. For someone who speaks english, you can fully tell a male wrote that, not everyone feels jealous. Why feel jealous of someone you don't even know? I would be hurt if I had my heart into it; like he does.
Author Lost_love Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 I agree to some extent that males and females can't be friends. I think its always going to be hard being around her. I have been very important to her for a long time and she has been that for me as well. I know the best thing I can do is try and be disinterested and date other people. It just hurts, even when I see other people, all I think about is her. When she leaves at night to go spend time with the new guy, it kills me. I do my best to hide it but some days I do a better job then others. Its not easy being in love with someone who is not emotionally available. All I tell myself is to hang in there, if its not her then someone else will come along. Its just with her there was such a connection that it scared me and not in a bad way. Its the one thing we can always agree on is that we have always had a crazy good emotional connection with each other.
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